


Unintended

by Spicaa



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-01-03 01:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 107,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21171233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spicaa/pseuds/Spicaa
Summary: Donna and Harvey try to move on after a night with deep consequences. Set after Intent.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea a while ago and it's taken some time to get my thoughts together for this but here's my new multichapter. I'm thinking this will be a little longer than my previous one, maybe around 15 chapters. We'll see! Really hope you'll enjoy this one!

She feels his breath on her neck, his lips on her shoulder. There's nothing but sweat between them, bodies moving together in a way that could be described as familiar but it's not frequent at all — it's only their second time, and the first time happened over a decade ago. She moans his name, because he's moving within her in just the right way, and she runs her fingers through his hair, then his shoulders, settling her hands low on his back, wanting to feel all of him, close. Closer.

Harvey pushes back from her neck, and they share a look full of dark eyes and emotion and lust and he grins at her, that awful grin she loves. She lets out a laugh and pulls him close, lips moving and tongues touching amid heavy breaths. He thrusts a little harder then, and she interrupts the kiss to let out a moan. He isn't grinning anymore — he supports himself in one hand while the other hand brushes over her body, almost in silent worship: first her breasts, then her nipples, her bellybutton, and then lower, lower, close to where they're joined.

His eyes are darker than she's ever seen before, and there's a look in them, a look of complete trust and surrender and she never wants to let him go. He touches her just where she wants him to, his hips relentless in their thrusting, and she feels overwhelmed and overstimulated, physically and emotionally. Before she can let go, however, he speaks.

"I should go."

She frowns, panting, not understanding the situation until it changes completely and it's not dark anymore, it's early morning. He's not inside her, he's getting dressed and she's looking at him from her spot in her bed, hair tousled and holding a sheet to her chest.

"Why?" She utters the words, not understanding how they went from one moment to this.

He hasn't buttoned all of his shirt and the vest isn't buttoned at all and it's strange to see him like this, with regret in his eyes and a shadow on his face. Regret for _her_. For what they've done.

It's like a wave washes over her, and she no longer feels the sexual stimulation from moments earlier. She feels a sadness overwhelm her entire being, as if a hope that had been consuming her is taken from her in an instant. She supposes this is what this moment is.

It changes again, vividly so, and they're at the firm and he's sitting there, trying to explain himself to her. It was a mistake, what they did. He doesn't pity her, he loves her because she's an amazing woman and—

"Love me _how_?"

He doesn't have an answer, obviously. She already knew that. And so the dialogue gets hazy, and then she's telling him she's leaving.

"This isn't working for me anymore."

It hurts to say the words, because she's not admitting something to him alone, she's admitting something to herself. She wants more. He isn't ready. She fears he'll never be.

"I love you, Harvey."

They're back in her bedroom. He's preparing to leave, the door is already open. His eyes are haunted and she knows what he'll say before he says the words. It doesn't stop them from cutting deep into her heart and her soul.

"You know I love you, Donna."

Donna's eyes open, and she realizes she's crying. Sobbing, more like. She feels a tightness in her chest as she takes in her surroundings. She isn't naked — she's wearing a blue silky pajama top and a dark pair of pants. Her breathing is fast and she wipes the tears from her face. A look on the bedside table clock tells her it's five in the morning.

It was just a dream. A dream filled with memories she wishes she could forget.

She sits up slowly, trying to control her breathing, letting out a loud sigh. It's too early for any proper daylight to shine into her bedroom, especially considering the blinds were covering the windows. They hadn't bothered with that that night.

"_You know I love you, Donna."_

The words keep echoing in her head as she leans against the headboard, a sudden feeling of queasiness unsettling her. It wouldn't be her first time experiencing physical symptoms along with the emotional anxiety that has been taking over her actions for the past weeks, but this is definitely a first. Without thinking, she slips from the bed, walking into her closet and then her bathroom, only to throw up as soon as she reaches the toilet.

She stays there for a while, and she can't tell if it's because she's been sick or just recurring memories from her dream, but the tears keep spilling. After a few minutes she sits down, back against the wall, taking long, deep, breaths. It's just her luck to have caught something when she's still dealing with being new to Louis' desk and not knowing how to deal with Harvey.

She sniffs as she thinks of him. She supposes part of her regrets that night — rather, she regrets how she read the situation. She was wrong, he hadn't been ready. But for a few hours she got to see how it could be if he was.

And that fueled and killed her hopes all at the same time.

She feels better after washing her face and brushing her teeth. By the time she reaches her kitchen, with an hour to spare before going to work and avoiding sleep in order to not dream of him anymore, she feels hungry and her coffee tastes absolutely divine. She makes herself some toast and scrambled eggs and decides it was simply a physical reaction to that dream. It's been six weeks since all of this happened. She's still adjusting.

They both are, she thinks.

She puts on a lavender, Gucci dress, a new one she bought last week (not with Harvey's credit card, thank you very much) and decides she'll use it as an armor today.

Even if it does feel a little too snug around her breasts.

* * *

Things have been tentative at best between them. Norma's death gave her a distraction, and Louis' need for a new secretary simply made sense. In working for him, she has the time to herself, and space from Harvey that she never really had since starting to work for him. It's weird, though — she misses him, and he doesn't understand that she just needs some time.

The other time, they both knew it was just for fun. It's not as if he ever gave her reason to expect anything serious. Sure, she had gotten her hopes up, but she overcame them quickly. She watched as Harvey conquered women back and forth and she actually managed to get a boyfriend that lasted more than two months during that time. Their lines, however, kept getting blurred. What was friendship, what was attraction? Not acting on it made things bearable. Not touching, not hugging. Flirting was okay as long as it didn't get serious.

That night, there were no lines between them. It wasn't just for fun. She felt something — she still feels it. She's felt it for a long time and now, at last, she understands it and can admit so to herself.

So, she misses him, an awful lot, and she can finally understand what this means for her.

She can never go back.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to her when he comes to her new desk and asks for her help after telling her he won't need her anymore.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to swallow my pride and come over here?"

He says the words in anger, and she knows how Harvey has this ability of not seeing someone he cares for like a real person. That might be useful in cases, but she feels as if he's been treating her like a stranger, and it breaks her heart. It breaks her heart so suddenly that the actress in her has no time to swallow the tears and she doesn't even care if he sees them in her eyes.

"Do you know how hard it is for me to say no to you?"

They stare at each other. She has nothing else to say to him, and he doesn't know what to say to her — nothing new there.

She's the first one to break the eye contact, rolling her chair slightly and focusing on the tasks at hand rather than him. She feels more than she hears him walk away, and it takes a few seconds for her to look up again and see him walking away from her in hurried steps, as if he couldn't be far enough from her. Donna lets out a shallow breath, quickly wiping the tears from her face before anyone sees them.

She will not cry for Harvey Specter.

Well, not in public anyway.

"Donna?"

She raises her head to meet Rachel's concerned eyes. Donna loves her friend, she really does, but she's not in the mood for this right now. She just… wants this all over and done with.

"Rachel, hi," she says, faking a smile that won't fool her friend, but she tries anyway. "What can I do for you?"

Rachel looks down the corridor, but Donna doesn't need to look to know Harvey isn't there anymore. Probably in his office, wallowing in anger or frustration. She doesn't care.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asks tentatively.

Part of her wants to tell Rachel everything — right from the night she spent with Harvey to their argument when she decided to leave him. For some reason, she doesn't. Maybe she's ashamed — not of what she's done, not really, but for how she gave into the vain hope that this could be it for them, and it wasn't. She read all the signs wrong, and she doesn't think she's ready to admit that out loud. She's… Donna. She's never wrong.

Except when Harvey is concerned, that is.

"Yes, Rachel," Donna says quickly. "I just have a lot of work, really."

"You wanna have a girls' night later, maybe?" Rachel asks, tilting her head. "It's been a while."

Donna purses her lips. Fakes another smile. Today is going to be difficult, and it's not even noon yet. "Maybe tomorrow."

Rachel leaves with a soft smile and Donna knows she has to try and get things right with her friend, but she can't deal with this today. It's been weeks and it feels as raw as it did the following day, and she isn't ready yet. She simply isn't.

Deciding to focus on work instead, she opens a drawer to get a paper only to see the can opener in there. Their can opener, their ritual. Before she knows it, the same nausea that had taken over her this morning settles in; she takes a deep breath and closes the drawer with unnecessary force before standing up and marching her way to the restrooms, certain that it won't hurt to wash her hands and have a few minutes to herself.

By the time she reaches the women's restrooms the nausea is clawing at her throat and she's trying to force down the bile; luckily for her there's no one around when she makes her way to the toilet, closing the door a little shakily behind her, and she barely has time before she's coughing and her stomach is contracting violently. By the time she's done, or feel like she's done anyway, she's lost her breakfast and the coffee she drank about half an hour ago. She heaves once more, tears staining her face — this time it's not due to emotion. She stands up shakily and flushes down the toilet.

A panic attack, maybe? Plain anxiety? She's never had one of those as badly as this anyway. She feels a little dizzy as she leans against the toilet partition, and spends a few seconds just like that — wiping the tears and around her mouth and taking deep breaths. Unlike this morning, she still feels nauseous; perhaps a quick stop by the pharmacy during lunch would be useful. Or perhaps she should just start looking for a therapist.

Perhaps she should have started therapy when she started working for Harvey. She thinks many things wouldn't have been as difficult as they were, and still are.

It takes her a few minutes to get back to her usual self, but she's an actress and it's hardly her first time being sick at work (that hangover after that one gala a couple years ago was epic) so she has all the necessary items to give her cheeks some color and retouch her makeup. Although, in this case, she thinks the toothbrush and toothpaste end up being the most important.

She's fine. She's gonna be just fine.

It's probably just a flu anyway.

* * *

Harvey passes by her desk — her new desk — at around seven and is surprised to find it empty, considering Louis is still at the firm. She almost always kept working while he was still working.

It's in the past now.

The first thing he does when he gets to his office is pour himself a drink. He's pretty sure he's not supposed to mix alcohol with the anxiety meds he's been taking, but there's only one pill left anyway. Plus, he's sure as hell not coming back to see Dr. Agard. He isn't too fond of her aggressive therapy. It's just not helping.

Of course, the first step is to admit things out loud. To him, that's simply not happening anytime soon.

He wonders where Donna is. Probably at home. Maybe at a date. She wore a beautiful dress today, new dress. He's definitely never seen it before. It hugged her figure just right while still being flowy. She just… she just moves so flawlessly. She always have, but he's never allowed himself to think of her that way. Since the night in her apartment, however, it's all he can think about. He can't lose her — he can't risk losing her. He still has faith she'll come back. Surely this whole Louis thing is just something to put him in his place.

"_This isn't how two adults who care about each other move on."_

"_As far as I'm concerned, two adults who care about each other don't move on at all."_

"_No. They just pretend whatever happened between them never happened at all, right?"_

Her voice still echoes in his brain. He's never been good at relationships, she's always known that. He was never willing to risk losing her over something as trivial as sex, but apparently it's what's happening. It's more than that — he lost himself that night, to her. He lost himself in giving in to what they've both felt for over a decade because he almost lost her, he almost couldn't save her, and he can't even blame it on the bottle of wine they shared because he's sure they were both just barely tipsy at best.

That's what haunts him the most, the memories. The way she felt around him, the way she smelled. The way her skin got rosy after just a few kisses because she's that sensitive. The way he counted the freckles on her back after they were done, the way she initiated a second round that night because they couldn't break apart. They just couldn't.

And the way he just gave in to her — the way he couldn't focus or think of anything or anyone else but her, to get lost in her red curls and her hazel eyes, to nuzzle the valley between her breasts and bury himself in her once more. It's bigger than himself, it's bigger than them — it scared him to death. It still does.

He still remembers how it was after the other time, the way he left her bedroom in the early hours of morning while she was still asleep, the way he eyed the empty can of whipped cream in the corner with a grin on his lips. It had nothing to do with how he felt a couple weeks ago; it had nothing to do with her waking to see him getting dressed while the sun was rising. Now that he thinks about it, he's pretty sure that was the beginning of his panic attack. He felt crowded, his chest felt tight, his heartbeat rang in his ears. He couldn't risk her. He couldn't risk _them_.

"_I should go_," he had said, because he needs to get out before he does something crazy like make love to her again or tell her it was a mistake.

"_Why?_" she had asked, and he doesn't know if he's ever heard her sound so vulnerable in all of their years together.

So he looked at her, and he wanted her to be happy, he didn't want to hurt, and he just…

"_You know I love you, Donna._"

He didn't stay long enough to get a reaction from her, but he thought he heard a sniff when he closed the door of her apartment. He walked home that morning, despite her apartment being more than just a few blocks from his, but the morning air did him well. By the time he got home, his chest didn't feel as tight and his head wasn't as fuzzy. It was only when he showered and he realized he couldn't smell her perfume on him anymore that he felt dizzy again, that his heart beat faster than usual and that he realized he didn't know how they'd deal with this.

It just wasn't like the other time.

"I was just about to offer you one of those," Jessica's voice shakes him out of reverie.

Harvey sighs. "Jessica, if you're here to yell at me again—"

"I'm not here to yell at you," she says quietly. "I'm here to apologize to you."

"Then you can have a drink," Harvey says. There's little fight left in him today. Donna has left him, refused to help him on a case, he's had a panic attack within the walls of the firm, and he's pretty sure he needs to find a new therapist.

"The truth is, there's a time for yelling and there is a time for understanding, and a good partner knows the difference," Jessica says as she pours herself a drink.

On a different day, Donna would be with him. Sharing scotch from his own tumbler, maybe.

They always worked better between those blurred lines.

"You mean a good managing partner," he speaks.

"No, I mean a good partner," Jessica replies. "The night you found out Donna was in trouble, the first thing you did was take the time to have a drink with me about Jeff. So the least I could do is take the time and understand your situation."

"You mean the fact that I don't have a secretary," the words taste bitter in his mouth. He'll never get used to it.

"I mean that after twelve years, the woman you wouldn't come work here without is now working for someone else."

"And you want to know why," he concludes.

"I don't need to know why. I need to know if you want me to undo it."

He looks up at her. "What?"

Jessica frowns slightly. "I know you and Donna aren't me and Jeff, but you are as close as two people can be without being that," she says. "Shit, Harvey, Scottie leaving didn't throw you off your game this much."

Harvey takes a sip of his drink.

"We were that. Briefly."

Jessica narrows her eyes. "What happened?"

He shakes his head; he can't say it. The day has taken more of himself than he's willing to admit.

"I appreciate the offer, Jessica," he says quietly. "But as long as Donna wants to work for Louis, I am not gonna force her to work for me."

"Okay," Jessica nods, then stands up. She puts the glass on the table and walks towards the door. "Harvey, have you thought about what's going to happen if she doesn't come back?"

"She will," he says, and he doesn't need to look at her to know that she's concerned about him.

All he knows is that everything can be better if Donna comes back to him and they can be the same they've always been.

He's just afraid that what they've done has changed them forever.

* * *

He doesn't know what it is about psychologists' offices that are decorated to seem like a home. Dr. Agard's had been the same. This one is less minimalist and more homey, he thinks. He likes the leather brown couch, anyway. It's Brooklyn, and he wouldn't normally have come so far, but being far from Manhattan makes it better somehow. He needs the distance.

The woman before him is older, he imagines she's pushing fifty, and she's American. He has the feeling she's been watching him closely since he got him. It bothers him a little. Perhaps therapy just isn't for him.

"So, Harvey," Dr. Reisman starts. They've covered the basics. He's a lawyer, born and raised in Riverside, New York. He's partner of a big law firm. Blah, blah, blah. "Is there an specific reason why you're here today?"

Harvey laces his fingers together, then unlaces them, makes a fist with one hand. Donna has the habit of moving her fingers like this when she's nervous. He holds his hands together to keep the thought at bay.

He could do what he did with the first therapist. Make up a story about not being able to sleep and get the pills. He does see this whole situation as temporary, but he needs the meds to keep working. He can't afford panic attacks like the ones he's had — work is all he has, and he won't give it away. He figures it's better to be more honest this time around, without the aggressivity of the last sessions he had. Donna would tell him honesty is the best choice in this case.

This isn't why he's doing it, though. It's simply for the medicine. He needs it, and he figures it's best to come clean than pretend it's something else. Who knows how long it'll take for this one to figure out he's lying? He won't risk that again. He's approaching this as if he was a client and she was his lawyer; she better know all the facts before working on something. It just so happens that what he needs is anti-anxiety medicine.

"I have panic attacks," he tells her. It's the first time he admits so easily. Anything is easier than the previous therapy session when he had been sort of forced to do so. "I've been having them for a while."

"How long?" the doctor asks in a quiet voice.

"Six weeks," he blinks. "Since my… Since Donna left me."

Dr. Reisman narrows her eyes. "And who's Donna?"

"She was my secretary. We were together for twelve years," he sits back on the couch, tries to relax. "She told me she'd work for Louis instead. He's a partner at the firm."

"Did that decision surprise you?"

"Louis has wanted her as his secretary for years, so no," Harvey rolls his eyes.

"No, I mean the decision that Donna left you," Dr. Reisman continues. "It seems to me like she was more than just a secretary."

He arches his eyebrows. "If she was here she'd tell you the correct term for it is executive legal assistant," he puts his elbows on his knees, leans forward and laces his fingers together. "She's more than just a secretary. She's… _Donna_," he shrugs. "She knows me better than anyone else."

"Did anything happen for her to decide not to work for you anymore?" Dr. Reisman asks.

Harvey lets out a sigh. "She tried to help me on a case, it put her in a bad position and they wanted to prosecute her for intent to commit fraud," he summarized it. It feels like it happened so long ago. "It was tricky, but I got her out of it."

"That's why she decided to leave?" the doctor frowns.

Harvey purses his lips. "No, we— I— I told her I loved her," he reveals. It hurts to even say it, to remember his words. "Then I left her. She wanted to know how, and I just… couldn't say it."

He doesn't even know why he chose this to explain the situation to the doctor; surely he could have used a better choice of words (though clearly that isn't his strongest trait) or maybe even made up something else. It's the truth, though. He keeps that in mind. Lying earlier didn't do him any good. It got him an aggressive therapist and an unwillingness to see what was right in front of him. He knows what he has. He knows what the trigger is, or better yet, who the trigger is. He just needs proper treatment.

"Why did you tell her you loved her?"

The doctor's voice is gentle. Harvey wonders what she's thinking judging from that statement about him loving Donna. It's not as simple as that. It's _never _as simple as that. There isn't simple love between them, or at least there isn't just love between them. It's something bigger than that. He can't even word it, really.

Bigger than love — even if saying the words really put a strain in their relationship. Not just that, of course, but he knows it didn't help, judging by her reaction afterwards.

"Because— I thought it wouldn't hurt as much," he confesses, running a hand through his hair. "It hurts more. I realize this now. She wants more, but she means too much for me."

"So you don't want more?" Dr. Reisman asks softly.

Harvey bristles. "That's not the point, I can't… I can't risk it. She's… _Donna_. We've known each other almost since we were kids. She _knows _me. I can't risk losing her."

"But you've lost her," Dr. Reisman states. "Sometimes doing nothing is enough of a decision in its own. You wanted the status quo and she didn't. Why won't you risk it, Harvey?"

"She's the one person who's never left," he closes his eyes, wipes the lone tear that has escaped his eye. "She'll come back. I know she will. Me risking it is beside the point."

"Are the panic attacks triggered by her?" she asks, making some notes on a notebook.

Harvey nods. "Mostly. Every time I see her empty desk, I feel like my chest will explode," he reveals. "When I try to talk to her, I— it goes out of control quickly. Yesterday I tried to ask for her help, and when she denied it, I just… I felt like I was having a heart attack."

The doctor nods.

"My dad died of a heart attack," Harvey says, trying to sound light. "I guess I should have a check-up done or something."

Dr. Reisman smiles. "Well, it won't hurt to check. You have a stressful job," she closes the notebook and purses her lips. "The panic attacks won't stop until you control the triggers."

"They'll stop when Donna comes back," Harvey tells her.

"That's beyond your control," Dr. Reisman says. "You must understand and accept that."

He closes his eyes and makes a fist in both hands. He knows all of them. He _knows _it. He just can't accept it. The doctor asks how they met — more like, she makes her way around questions and soon he's telling her how they met. He only realizes so in the middle of the story, of how Donna knew him and didn't want sex when he first propositioned it to her. That's when he realizes this doctor is sneaky — quiet questions that are barely curious soon make him open up about things he hasn't thought about in a while.

He guesses he hasn't let himself think about their history in a while.

"Have you tried looking for a new secretary?" Dr. Reisman suggests after he mentions how he got Jessica to agree with hiring him and Donna together.

Harvey opens his eyes and shakes his head. "She's irreplaceable."

"It can be temporary. You must get your life back to normal," the doctor says. "I'm guessing your relationship with Donna hasn't been the best lately."

He shakes his head again. "We barely talk."

"Try and find a replacement. Extend an olive branch towards Donna, maybe," the doctor suggests. "It's a start. I won't give you a prescription just yet. The first step is acceptance. Then we'll talk about you taking some medicine."

Fuck. How hard is it to find a doctor that will prescribe you medicine? At least he had been able to fool Dr. Agard for a while.

"I need the pills," he tells her firmly. "I need to work. I've only been able to work because of those pills."

"You don't _need _them, Harvey," Dr. Reisman says, leaning forward slightly. "You've taken the first step. You came here and you admitted the problem to yourself. We'll work on this and then, if necessary, you'll get your prescription. In the meantime, we'll keep the sessions regular."

"Look, I just want to control it for a while," Harvey starts. "When Donna comes back—"

"She may not come back, Harvey," Dr. Reisman interrupts him. "She may never come back. She might keep working for Louis, or she might go on another job altogether. You must accept that she may never come back to you."

The tightness in his chest comes back. It's difficult to swallow all of a sudden. He controls his breathing.

"I never thought she'd leave," he admits after a moment. The doctor is looking at him very closely. "She was… She was always there."

"You could see it that way, but maybe it's simpler than that and she just needs some space," Dr. Reisman says. "She's still working near you. She's just not working directly for you anymore."

"The thought of working with someone else just kills me," he admits. "That's what she's doing. She's replaced me, and I… I don't know how to be me without her."

"She hasn't replaced you," Dr. Reisman says. "You say she's irreplaceable. I think she must feel the same towards you. The fact that she's still around but not working for you makes it clear she's trying something new, not replacing you in her life."

"We've always had work in common. I don't know how to keep her in my life without work," Harvey says, breathing a little more easily.

"Work through that. She must want to make things right between the two of you," the doctor gives him a smile. "Perhaps this separation will do you both some good, then."

Harvey swallows drily. "That's what Donna said. That she needed to do this for herself."

"She sounds like a remarkable woman," Dr. Reisman notes. "You share something with her, Harvey, but perhaps it hasn't been healthy for either of you. You'll be amazed at what some time and space can do to a relationship."

He lets out a breath, trying to understand it all.

"You say you've been together for twelve years," Dr. Reisman continues. "You say you can't be you without her. It's time you found out, maybe this is your chance to prove you can do right by her."

"She's always been my compass," Harvey says. "I'm not sure I want to know what I'll do without her there."

The doctor smiles. "Twelve years is a lifetime, Harvey. For you and for her."

He nods — he's never thought of it that way. It was always a number. A number that adds up every year. He barely remembers the lawyer he was without her — he doesn't know who she was without him. They've been entangled together since the moment they met, through high and low moments. He realizes they've both been there for each other through so much — breakups, deaths, trials and regular firm drama. She's been there for him, through it all.

He can't let her go like this. And he must respect that she wants this now even if he doesn't agree with it.

"Our time is up, but I'd like to see you next week," Dr. Reisman states. "Same time?"

He nods a little mechanically. "Yeah. Sure."

* * *

She wanted to move on. That's what she wanted, right from the get go. Right from the moment she realized he didn't want this. Right from the moment he said he did love her but couldn't explain how.

Why does it hurt so much to know he's interviewing people for her position, then?

The coffee she's bought for her feels bitter and she throws it out after taking two sips; the smell of Louis' coffee nauseates her (the perfect coffee-cream ratio, he says; she thinks it smells too strongly) and she has to take a moment for herself in the restroom when she notices the line of women outside Harvey's office. Near her old cubicle.

She isn't sick, though; the nausea persists but she doesn't feel like she'll lose the contents of her stomach, anyway. Instead, she washes her hands, fixes her hair, and tries hard not to cry.

That's how Rachel finds her.

"Oh, Donna," she says at once.

Of course she gets it. They haven't had their girls' night yet, but they've talked things through. And Donna is so happy about her friend's engagement, and she didn't want to spoil Rachel's joy by telling her all the drama with Harvey. It's been six weeks. She's supposed to have moved on already.

"I'm fine," she says shakily. "He's just… He's interviewing people today."

It feels even worse when she says it out loud.

"I know," Rachel says softly.

"He's moving on. That's what I wanted," Donna says. "I don't understand why it still hurts."

"It hurts because you have something special," her friend tells her. "It's not going away that easily. You know that."

Donna turns to the sink and takes a paper towel to fix her eye makeup. "I do know that. I don't know why I keep crying."

Rachel smiles. "Maybe you're just in one of those days. I know I am," her friend widens her eyes comically, then brushes her palm against her arm in a soothing manner. "You're gonna be okay, Donna. You're the strongest woman I know."

Donna sighs, then gives her friend an honest smile. "Thanks, Rach," she takes a deep breath. "Better get back to work."

"I'm here if you need me," Rachel adds.

They share one last smile before Donna walks away. It's only when she reaches her cubicle — and she's thankful that Louis has arrived and taken his coffee from her desk — that she realizes she isn't in one of those days and she hasn't been in a while.

She checks her calendar, the old one, the one that was attached to Harvey's. Ignoring his commitments and his own schedule, she quickly reaches the date she's been looking for, only to realize she didn't get her period then, and hasn't gotten it in almost two months. She looks ahead and sees Harvey's silhouette ushering another woman into his office, and she feels light-headed all of a sudden. She barely has time to reach the trashcan in the corner before she heaves and bile reaches her throat.

It's quick and painful; she's pretty sure she's managed to keep anyone from seeing her, until she raises her head and looks straight into Louis' eyes.

"You're going home," he states.

It's not a surprise to her. He's always concerned about her well-being. But this isn't what she wants, she's… she's sure it's nothing. Her period is just late, she's almost sure of it. It's been late before. Sure, that was years ago, but it happened, on occasion. Maybe once or twice, really. She usually takes good care of herself in that sense.

"Louis, I can stay," she protests.

"Nope. You're going home. Or to a hospital. I don't care as long as you're fully healthy tomorrow," Louis says forcefully. "Nathan is downstairs, he'll drive you. Your health is very important to me, Donna."

She knows better than to argue, even if work is the best distraction there is to her. Before she knows he's accompanying her out himself; in all her years with Harvey, she's never taken a day off like this.

Donna doesn't want to think about Harvey now.

She accepts the ride from Louis' driver — unlike Ray, Nathan keeps to himself; she suspects that's how Louis wants him. Today, she doesn't complain. She'd rather not talk to anyone, not really.

She asks him to pull over a block from her apartment, where the nearest CVS is. Her hands are trembling and she's sweating a little as she picks up what she needs. At the line, a man smiles at her — executive type, probably Wall Street judging by the attire. She's seen him around before, and she doesn't think she's wrong in assuming he's wanted to talk to her for some time.

She catches him eyeing the pregnancy test in her hand and he doesn't say a word.

Harvey would be happy about that, she thinks as she pays for the test. He was never very good at hearing news of her being involved with anyone before, anyway.

She declines a plastic bag and puts the box with the pregnancy test in her bag.

It never felt so heavy before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the responde in the first chapter! Hope this one won't disappoint... let me know your thoughts!

**CHAPTER TWO**

There's banging on the door, the kind that she knows very well. Too well.

Donna braces herself as she reaches the door. She vaguely runs a hand through her hair and presses her palms to her pants before reaching for the handle. Just like she predicted, it's Harvey on the other side. Straight from work, judging by his looks — the same three-piece dark blue suit she saw him in this morning. He looks a little out of breath.

"Harvey, you don't get to come to me at all hours of the night anymore," she says in greeting.

It's all she can do, really. Build up her armour, ready for the fight. It's not even that late — it's not even eight in the evening yet. The last time he showed up she had invited him in and he had accepted it — stayed for dinner, stayed the night. It's all too raw and she's not sure if she wants to relive it, today of all days. She just wants a quiet night at home, to go with the quiet day at home she's had. Ignoring that box from CVS sitting on the counter of her bathroom.

"You weren't at the firm today," he states, simple and to the point.

It disarms her, catches her in surprise. Was he worried about her? Did he think it was weird that she wasn't around? Did he notice she wasn't around?

"I wasn't feeling well," Donna says, leaning against the doorway. It prevents him from coming in, anyway. It's a physical, needless barrier, but she needs it anyway. "Louis gave me the day off."

"So you're okay?" Harvey asks.

There are bags under his eyes. He hasn't been sleeping.

Probably busy healing his broken heart over her leaving with other women, she thinks bitterly. The thought makes her sick to her core, and she pushes it away.

His tie is a little crooked. His hair isn't at its best, either. She's always been good at reading people, but it's different with Harvey. It's simply easier with him. Like a feeling she has every time she looks at him and these details catch her attention without her even meaning to. No, he's distracted. He's not in his game today. It's not women. It's work. Possibly herself. Well, probably just work and a little bit of her leaving him. He's never been good at departures, so it's not like it's something exclusive to her.

She'd rather not go down this line of thought.

"Yeah. Probably just something I ate," she shrugs. That's what she wants to believe in, anyway.

"So you'll be back tomorrow?" Harvey asks. His voice trembles slightly.

"Yeah," Donna frowns slightly, "of course I will."

"Good," he states, pursing his lips.

He could have called her for this. Did he think she wouldn't pick up his call? Well, maybe she wouldn't today. Just because… today has been a lot.

"Harvey, are you okay?" she finds herself asking, against her better judgement.

He puts his hands on his waist and lets out a breath. "Yeah, I just… I thought maybe you had decided to leave the firm. I don't know, I just… It kind of freaked me out."

Her eyes soften. It's so easy for her to melt like this for him — her defenses are down before she even notices it. He has this power over her, a power she doesn't even think he knows the depth of. It shakes her and confuses her and she knows he doesn't deserve it, but it's there anyway.

So she purses her lips and nods. They worked together for twelve years. Of course he's missing her as his secretary, in his life. Harvey could never do a lot of things on his own. She facilitated more of his life than he ever realized it, and they both know he hates changes. Absolutely hates it.

"I wouldn't do that," she tells him instead. "We both know that place is only standing because of me."

She tries to joke, and there's a ghost of a smile on his face, but they're not there yet. They're not at a place where they can joke and go on. She wonders if they'll ever be there again — she wonders if she even wants that again. The distance, the pretending. She's so sick of it all.

"I shouldn't have shown up like this," Harvey says after a moment.

It's his way of apologizing without ever uttering the words needed for an apology, and she sees it for what it is.

"No, you shouldn't," she agrees.

There's a moment where their eyes meet, and she remembers his dark eyes so close to her, with desperation and lust and something else in them. Today they just look hollow, a little lost. Perhaps she's the cause of it — she wouldn't know and right now she doesn't particularly care. He's not the only one going through something. So he nods and turns, and she does the same, letting out a breath before stepping out and reaching for the door.

"Donna?"

She looks up at him again, surprised at his voice. He's in the middle of the corridor, half turned towards the corner, and she can't help but pause in expectation for what he'll say.

"Yes?"

There's another pause. At least five or six steps between them. He feels even further away from her now.

"Just… Thank you."

Donna frowns and shakes her head a little. "For what?"

"For twelve years," Harvey replies.

Her breath catches on her throat and she tries to nod; his eyes don't leave her until he turns away. She only closes the door when he turns left on the corridor, locking it behind her as she presses her back against it. She blinks once, twice, then realizes a few tears have fallen. She doesn't know what's been going on with him, and that itself hurts — she has no idea what brought this up but it's so unlike him and she just… she's not sure what to make of this.

A sort of apology and gratitude from Harvey, unexpected and all at once. It's more than she can handle on most days. It's much more than she can handle today.

Donna looks down and shakes her head, trying to break out of this weird emotional vortex she's been in for a few days. It's all good, really. Harvey is grateful for their years together. It shows some growth on his part. Perhaps they'll never be more than colleagues, and that stings — it stings more than she's willing to admit — but he's moving on, and she's moving on. Exactly what they should be doing. In the end, she's thankful too.

She pushes against the door with a sigh, turning towards her bedroom — she had been in her living room pointedly trying to read a book when he knocked. It's time for the truth, and she braces herself a little as she passes through her bedroom and then her closet. When she turns on the lights in her bathroom the stick is so poignant to her, right by the sink on the counter. It's been ten minutes or so. Probably more, even. She took the test and ran off.

She takes a first step into the bathroom. It's really probably nothing. If she's honest with herself, she's even feeling some light cramping today. Indication of her period arriving soon. It's totally gonna be negative.

Second step. She hates that this is even a possibility. She takes birth control religiously — and, okay, there was a missing pill the week it happened because she had trial and completely forgot. That's only the second time in ten years she forgot a pill. She's Donna. She doesn't make mistakes like this.

Third step. She could reach for the stick from here, really. Her hands are trembling. It's gonna be fine. Really, what are the odds? Well, not zero, she knows that. And it only takes once, she knows that too. They had sex twice, but that hardly means so much more, right? Well, whatever the odds, her chances doubled with that second round, and she only has herself to blame because she's the one who initiated it. But then Harvey never thought of pulling out, so clearly it's on both of them.

Fuck. She feels sick now. It's totally just nerves. Better get this done with.

She reaches for the stick, turns it around.

"Shit."

The whisper leaves her lips before she can even think of it. There are two lines there. Two very strong lines. Two lines mean pregnancy.

Donna reaches for the box and checks the instructions once more. Two lines do mean pregnancy.

"I'm pregnant," she whispers to herself.

She catches her reflection on the wide mirror in front of her sink and leans against the counter to ground herself. Her trembling hands let go of the box and the pregnancy test and she exhales slowly.

She's pregnant.

With Harvey's child.

The realization downs on her so suddenly that she's barely able to take the two steps towards the toilet before she gets sick all over again.

* * *

"Hey, Donna," Rachel says as she leans against Donna's cubicle.

Donna smiles at her as she walks around her desk to sit on her chair. Today has been a full day considering Louis has freaked out four times in her presence and she's avoiding Harvey like the plague because she's simply not in the mood to see him right now. After a long night, a new trip to the pharmacy early in the morning and three new pregnancy tests, she's grateful work is keeping her distracted. She _needs_ it. Desperately.

"Hey, Rachel," she replies in the same tone.

"You doing the mom thing again?"

She pauses. Surely Rachel can't know. She doesn't even know about her night with Harvey, and she knows she hasn't been involved with anyone in a while. She's _definitely_ not showing yet, which is why she specifically chose a rather tight dress to wear today. It's not about enjoying her figure while it lasts — it's a full denial of what's happening.

While already cutting off caffeine and alcohol and approaching better, healthier food. She's conscious. She scheduled a doctor appointment not an hour ago and she researched about all symptoms and stopped when she got to the part of what size the being her body is growing is. She's not ready for it yet. She needs time.

"What?" Her voice is guarded as she asks Rachel. She can't know yet. No one should know yet.

"It's the second time I see you scolding Louis like he's a little child," Rachel laughs. "Rough day?"

A wave of relief washes over her. "Busy day."

"You up for some happy hour with Michelle Ross?" Rachel asks hopefully.

She hasn't been in the right mind for it in a long time, but she needs the distraction and having fun with her friend might just do the trick.

"That's too much for me right now. Can I interest you with dinner at Harriet's instead?" Donna retorts.

Rachel smiles. "I'm definitely interested."

"Meet you in the lobby when you're done with work?" Donna asks her.

"It's a date!" Rachel says as she walks away.

Donna exhales. She just needs an excuse for not drinking wine tonight, and it'll be great. Before she can think any further on the issue, she sees Harvey talking to his secretary at the end of the corridor, then they part ways — the secretary to do whatever secretarial work he's asked, and Harvey likely to Jessica's office since she knows the managing partner needed to see him earlier today.

She decides it's time to make sure Louis hasn't exploded with anyone on the phone just yet. Not because she wants to avoid Harvey at all, but also because she can't face him. Not today. Not while her head isn't yet wrapped up in this.

Checking on Louis it is.

* * *

Harvey isn't having the best of days.

It started with Jack Soloff and trouble with Mike and Robert and now Louis wants him to be his sister's lawyer. He understands, of course, she's family and Louis wants the best for his sister, but the guy is a mess and tried to meddle with the whole case three times in the spur of just a few hours. To make matters worse, he had to see Donna doing her usual pep talk to him twice as he passed by Louis' office, and not see her at her desk at all during the day.

It's almost as if she's avoiding him. He tried extending an olive branch by coming to her apartment two days ago, but now he feels as if she's downright hiding from him. Maybe going to her place wasn't the best approach after all. He's working late, and he's pretty sure Louis is gone so that guarantees him a more or less stress-free work environment, so…

"Hey."

Harvey looks up to see Donna on the doorway, her knuckles against the glass door. She probably knocked and he didn't hear it over the mess that Esther's case is.

"Do you have a minute?" she asks, a little hesitantly.

She's probably here on Louis' behalf.

"The last time I asked you that, you told me the answer was no," Harvey says a little dejectedly, turning his stare towards the laptop screen.

"And I still gave you the minute."

He looks at her again. She's wearing a black belted dress that clings to her skin just right — exactly the kind of dress he's always loved on her and admired from afar. He nods softly, prompting her to step into his office slowly.

"I wanted to talk to you," Donna starts. fidgeting her fingers a little as she stand behind the visiting chairs in front of his desk. "About, uh, Louis's sister's case."

Just as he expected. Harvey sits back on his chair and doesn't bother hiding the pout on his lips that he knows she'll read as him being annoyed — because that's exactly what he is. He went to her place, apologized, thanked her, and then she avoids him completely for almost two days. It's more than he's willing to handle. If she's moved on to the point where Louis is more important than him, well… what the hell are they now?

"Louis promised to stay out of this," Harvey tells her simply.

"And he is, he didn't ask me to be here. I just care about him, and I—"

It's too much. There's a buzzing in his ears. The beginning of a bad headache, he can tell. To hear her talk about Louis like that, worried about his feelings, making sure he's doing well— shit. She's not supposed to be doing this for Louis. If she worked for him, she'd have figured out he's suffering from anxiety in less than five minutes. He realizes this whole change affected their judgments about each other as well, and it downs on him that Donna doesn't know everything about his life anymore, and she doesn't seem interested at all.

It leaves him wanting to punch Louis, and himself.

"That's not my problem," he interrupts her.

There's a pause, and they stare at each other. He tries to control his breathing like his therapist instructed him. It's so much harder when Donna is right here in front of him.

"He's just worried. This is his sister we're talking about," Donna continues. "Louis is your partner and your friend and right now he needs a little reassurance."

Harvey lets out a laugh. "I told you before I'm not the guy who gives you a hug when you're scared."

"No, you're the guy that will fuck me and then leave," Donna blurts out.

He closes his mouth, unprepared for this outburst — it's the most they've mentioned of that night since the day afterwards, and it's definitely the first time she's mentioned it like this. There are tears in the corners of her eyes and he sees them when she looks down and he knows — he knows — he's at fault here. He knows she doesn't deserve this.

"Donna…" he starts, though he's unsure of what to say.

"You know what, Harvey?" She's the one who interrupts him now, eyes filled with tears and a rage he doesn't often see in her. "Louis was afraid to let you take this case, and I told him not to be because I trusted that you'd remember that we're family. But maybe I was wrong."

"Donna, I—"

"I spent twelve years putting you first and the day I finally decided to do something for myself you stopped treating me like family and started treating me like a stranger," Donna continues. He hears a slight sniff. "I thought you coming to me a few nights ago meant we were both moving on and we could be us again. But you're still treating me like a stranger at the first mention of me living outside this bubble that is the two of us. And that is a thousand times worse than if you treated me like your enemy."

She walks away after that, and he's frozen to the spot, unsure of what to do — after a moment, all he can think about is that he screwed this up, and he stands up in a hurry, not caring that his breathing is shallow and that his heart feels like it's beating out of his chest. Whether it's anxiety or the beginning of a panic attack he really should consider looking for a cardiologist, he thinks.

He steps out of his office and doesn't see Donna in the corridor anymore.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Gretchen's voice makes him turn his head. Of course his new secretary is still around. Unlike with Donna, he doesn't have a habit of checking her desk throughout the days anymore.

"Why not?" Harvey frowns.

"You should give her some time," Gretchen simply says, a little too knowingly. "Work on this case and win it, then maybe go talk to her. You've done enough today."

He notices the disapproving tone in her voice and feels a little as if he's just been scolded. Perhaps that's exactly what has just happened.

"Did you listen to what we talked about in there?" Harvey can't help but ask.

"Not on purpose," Gretchen says pointedly. "Just give it time, trust me."

"Time," Harvey mutters as he walks away. "Space. That's doing the trick for sure."

Maybe he needs an early therapy session.

* * *

She needs to tell him — she knows she does. It's his right to know and despite how shaky things have been between them, she needs to share it. Harvey is more than her boss (now ex-boss). He's her friend, they're partners, or at least they used to be.

But why does it feel like they can't move forward?

Ideally they could wait it out and give themselves some time, but now… time wasn't on their side. They didn't have the luxury to give it time. Not when in a few months they'd have someone else to worry about.

She hopes that telling him will make this more real. Aside from all these symptoms she hasn't felt like — she doesn't feel any different. She doesn't feel a connection yet, she doesn't feel like her body is growing a human being. It's not that she never thought of having children, she just imagined it would be different. Especially now that she's not exactly that young anymore — an unplanned pregnancy is not something she thought she would have to deal with past the age of thirty-five, anyway. And yet…

Here she is. Here they are.

She sits on the cab on the way home wondering if she should have reacted like that at all. His new secretary just outside the door, her outburst so sudden… Donna doesn't know how long she'll be able to hide this. And she doesn't even mean to, at least not from him, and not for long.

Time. They really don't have it.

She'll wait one more day. Hopefully they won't find themselves in an argument before that.

* * *

He sympathizes with Esther. More than that, even — he knows she's a beautiful woman who looks and acts nothing like her brother and he knows she's interested from the way she talked and accepted his drink offer. Maybe, in different circumstances, he would have made a move.

Tonight he doesn't.

Not out of respect for Louis, and not really because of his promise to him, though those are important. He lets Esther go on her own because his mind is simply elsewhere — or rather, where it's been for a while. He thought he and Donna had gotten somewhere three days ago. He knows she's hurt and he understands it, but that was an olive branch and she had taken it, or so he thought. He feels at a loss; he left the firm, already empty from the late hour, and went straight home after his last meeting with Esther.

He pours another drink when he gets home, and stands to admire the skyline. There's no reflection of Donna on the glass anymore, not in his office and definitely not here; there hasn't been in a while. He needs to fix this, he's aware of that. Despite what everyone says giving her time and space isn't helping. He's tried that for weeks. It feels like they go forward and then take two steps back again.

Well, not them. _Him_. He's fully aware he's the problem.

He thought about going over to Donna's apartment when he left the firm tonight. To try and talk to her again. It went fine three days ago but then she did tell him twice he shouldn't have come. So… that's a no. He needs to approach her differently.

Their anniversary is coming up. It sets an entirely different pain within him. They have nothing to celebrate now — not meeting each other, not her working for him. He supposes she must wonder where they'd be now if they had never met. It's not a scenario he likes to think of.

Drinking the remaining content of his tumbler at once, he decides to eat something before going to bed. He had a quick dinner about two hours ago — it consisted of a sandwich Gretchen got him before she left, but it's better than nothing — and he thinks maybe there are some leftover pizza from yesterday. It's gonna be forty percent worse than the day before, but again, better than nothing.

He even misses the Thai food from the shitty place Donna loves. He realizes he doesn't remember when was the last time they shared dinner.

Aside from that night in her apartment, anyway.

He eats the cold pizza and tries to formulate a plan for talking things over with Donna. He did take her advice to heart, however bad the delivery was. He spoke to Louis and even tried to be patient with his outburst. He had to hear his partner talk about Donna and how she helped him even though she continued to avoid him today as well. It was getting a bit too much, and he wonders if perhaps he shouldn't seek therapy twice a week instead of waiting another four days for his next appointment.

He's beat by the time he showers and goes to bed. The scotch settled in enough that he just needs sleep, badly. It shouldn't be a surprise that the last thought in his mind is of her.

He wakes up a little groggily the next morning, feeling the effects of having one drink too many the night before. He's a little late already, but considering it's Saturday and he doesn't have many pressing matters to attend to, he decides to have some coffee and go for a run, to at least ease his mind a little. He tries to distract himself by checking his phone; Louis has replied to his text last night and he's about to turn the tv to check the news when someone knocks on his door. Thinking it's probably the doorman with today's paper, he gives it no extra thought — he opens the door in his jogging pants and a t-shirt, half ready to go, but it's not his doorman Pete.

"Donna," he breathes out, a thousand questions in his head.

"I'm sorry to show up like this," she says quickly. "Can I come in?"

She never asked before, so he simply steps away from the door and she makes her way inside his condo. She's wearing some sort of asymmetric blue dress and flat shoes. He doesn't often see her in casual wear, and the truth is that he likes it. A lot.

The last time she was here, months ago, was to scold at him and give him the cactus that sits on his coffee table, still very much alive. It seems like a lifetime ago; so much has changed since then. She stops by the kitchen counter, her hair looking a little wavier than usual and he wonders if it gets like this when she's freshly showered. He follows her, bewildered, because he can't imagine what she's doing here.

"You, uh, want some coffee?" He awkwardly asks, pointing to the French press. "There's vanilla in it."

To his surprise, Donna makes a face. It only lasts a second, really, but he knows her — almost as well as she knows him. She masks this soon, of course, being the actress that she is, and politely declines.

"I just needed to talk to you, and it… well, it can't wait."

He almost snickers when he hears the words but he refrains from doing so. It sure didn't look that way from how she kept avoiding him today, anyway.

"If this is about Louis's sister's case, I fixed it," Harvey says softly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I texted him last night. We're good."

Donna smiled faintly. "That's good, Harvey. But that's not why I'm here."

He frowns, not understanding what she could want to talk about that had to be now, here, and not at the office. He really has no idea what could be going on.

"What is it?"

Donna's gaze falters.

"I think you should sit down for this," she tells him.

His frown gets deeper. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Harvey," Donna says, closing her eyes for a moment. "Just sit down, please."

It's the please that gets him. She isn't used to her pleading him to do something, and he's instantly worried — he vaguely remembers that she was sick just a few days ago, he wonders if something could have happened with someone he cares about — Marcus, or Jessica maybe? He walks over to the other side of the counter and sits down on the bar stool, right opposite to her, and waits. She seems to be bracing herself, and he can't imagine what is it that she must tell him now.

He has no idea it'll change his life forever.

* * *

"I'm pregnant."

It's the first time she says the words to someone that isn't herself, and it's loud. It's _so loud_.

Donna has been avoiding this, of course. Avoiding him, very vividly and very effectively so. She knows she was just postponing the inevitable, and she knows she has to share this before she just… explodes. She's still mentally exhausted, emotionally compromised, to handle this on her own. She knows it's a stretch to want anything from him, but she's not here for that.

She just… needs to make this real. To start making this real. Because it _is _real, and the longer she waits the harder it'll get.

She doesn't take her eyes off of him — she watches as he frowns when he hears the words and the understanding in his face when he gets what she means. She's trying hard to keep standing, to be strong in this moment, because it's hard on her — it's so hard on her. It doesn't yet feel real. And she knows it can't be easy on him. Hell, she knows he's never heard these words being spoken so pointedly at him. She knows he'll get it, and yet… she feels the need to clarify.

"I took four tests," she continues, her voice as soft as possible. "It's yours."

Her voice breaks at the last word and she looks down, unsure of what to say next. She's practiced this — she's been practicing this for two days. Ever since she went to his office to try and ask if they could talk outside of work, and it all went to hell. It's been hard to control herself these days — her emotions are everywhere, she feels nauseous the entire day, she has trouble sleeping but when she does sleep she's dead for the world. It's exhausting and draining and she knows she's starting to get it because she can't wait for her doctor appointment to confirm that this is normal and she's doing fine.

They're both doing fine, that is.

"I got that," Harvey says after a moment. His eyes are wide, and he presses his palm to his lips, trying to make sense of it. His eyes are far away now. "Shit."

It's a whisper she's not meant to hear, but she does anyway. She can't fault him for it — that was literally her reaction as well. It stings, though. She hates how much it stings, even if she knows it's a shock, but there's a sudden tightness in her chest — she feels protective. It's the first time she's felt this way since finding out.

"I don't expect… I just wanted you to know," she blurts out.

Harvey nods. He's pale, taking in the news. She supposes her reaction wasn't that much different.

"I _thought_ you should know," she continues. Harvey is still processing, she knows him — she knows he'll need time, to figure out what he wants to do, and how he wants to do it. She knows it's been a blunt move, that she caught him unprepared, but she's sure there's no preparing for news this big — and unplanned.

So she does what she's always done. She gives him time.

She nods and turns to leave, and she's not surprised he doesn't make a move to stop her, or ask something, or ask her to stay and comfort him. They don't do this — they've only done this once before and it's led them to exactly where they are now.

She enters the elevator and leans against the wall as it goes down. It doesn't hurt any less though. She wishes it was different, that maybe… in another world, they'd have been together through this. Waiting together to see the test result, sharing in the fear and hope of what changes this would bring them. Perhaps they'd have planned, or talked about it beforehand. It's all so confusing and weird to her — this isn't what she expected. Right now, she's alone in this and she knows it. But she also knows him enough to know how important family is to him. He needs some time, and she'll give it to him.

She knows he'll worry. They hardly had the most ideal childhoods, the two of them. But there was love in both their families — she can only hope he'll recognize this in his someday. This is bigger than them, bigger than their relationship. It's huge and it's their responsibility now.

Still, Donna feels as if a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. He knows, and she doesn't need to hide it from him. However they do this, whether he'll be a part of this — that's for him to figure out. They'll deal with the consequences when they came. With the firm, with their families — she even avoided her regular calls with her mom this week so she could avoid this. It's not ideal, but they're two adults. They did this.

He deserved to know before anyone else and she gives him this consideration. It's the least she can do. Even through all their issues, even through all the bumps in the road, she _sees_ him. She's been hurt and she's been miserable but he's still Harvey. And Harvey has always been her weakness, and her strength. Lately one more than the other.

The elevator reaches the ground floor and she nods and smiles at Pete before leaving. She takes in the morning air and decides to go home. She could use the freedom of her own walls today. She needs to crumble on her own too.

She did the right thing. She knows that.

Still, she can't help but wonder if this will be the last straw in this turmoil that has been their relationship.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed or reached out to me in any way about this fic! I appreciate each and every message. I'm really very excited about this entire plot - there's still some angst coming but I promise fluff is coming soon too. Just a little... slowly. ;) Hope you guys like this one! Let me know your thoughts!

**CHAPTER THREE**

His finger twitches. There's a blank expression on his face. The words echo in his head; His breath catches at his throat, there's sweat running down the side of his face. He doesn't know how long he's been sitting there; he's just… taking it all in.

"_I took four tests. It's yours."_

Donna is pregnant. With his child. Their child.

Shit. He and Donna are gonna be parents.

He's gonna be a father.

As the shock slowly fades away, the first thing he feels is fear — profound fear. He's never wanted a kid and that's the ultimate truth. He's never thought of it anyway; he was never good at long term relationships and the few serious girlfriends he had simply weren't—he simply never saw himself having a kid with them. It's right in front of him now, whether he wants it or not. In a few months, he's going to be a dad.

Harvey stands up. His hands are still shaking, and he takes slow steps towards the sink, filling a glass with water. He focuses on his breathing, in and out. His throat feels as if it's closed. He's on the verge of an attack and he knows it, he's had them enough to know this is just the beginning.

_He's gonna be a father_.

The thought shakes him to his bones. He knows absolutely nothing about kids, let alone babies. His brother had his second not quite a year ago and he hasn't even met his nephew yet. He loved his dad, but his dad was hardly around enough to set an example of how to be a father. In truth, he has no idea what it's like to have a proper functional family, and what are they bringing this child into? He and Donna, they're barely speaking. They take one step forward and two steps back. They had one night, one night that he had called a mistake to her face, and he's been paying for it ever since. To know that they conceived a baby that night, the same night that made them too close and too distant at the same time…

It's surreal. It's unbelievable. It's_ too much_.

He's just taken care of a divorce case. He hates divorce cases with children involved, families involved. To him, as a lawyer and in his experience in life, kids are meant to have healthy family lives — a mother and a father who care for them no matter what feelings are or aren't between them. It's not the world he knows; he doesn't really believe in marriage, he doesn't think he's husband material and he definitely never saw himself as father material.

He fills the glass with water again and drinks it. He needs clarity… he needs more than what Donna's told him.

He needs to talk to her.

* * *

The elevator is taking forever. His breathing is fast, either from the run or because he's nervous, he can't really tell. He's just glad he managed to avoid a panic attack, although the tightness in his chest remains there. The run did nothing to his thoughts, in all honesty. It's all so hazy and weird and surreal that he simply doesn't know what to think and he needs… answers.

The elevator comes to a halt and he steps out. He runs a hand through his hair and for once doesn't care if it looks perfect or not. His steps take him to number 206 and he knocks three times. When he doesn't hear steps right away, he knocks again, three times.

Donna opens the door with a frown, looking a little in disarray. Her hair doesn't look as perfect as it did earlier, and she's wearing a cardigan over the dress. She's barefoot too and the sight of her feet makes this so vulnerable all of a sudden. The only times he's seen those toes were on the two nights they shared.

Which is exactly why he's here, and why he looks back up to her face.

"Can we talk?" Harvey manages to say. It comes out a little roughly, the same way he's been feeling.

Donna nods. Unlike the last time he was here, she opens the door wider and steps aside for him to come in. He walks ahead of her with a confidence he shouldn't have in her apartment, because he doesn't feel confident and because he simply shouldn't — not here, anyway. His steps lead him to her living room and when he turns around Donna is standing a little awkwardly behind him. Their eyes meet for the briefest of moments but she tores her gaze away and walks around him to her dining table. She doesn't offer him a seat or a drink, she simply sits down and her arms hug her frame.

She doesn't look pregnant. That's his first thought. There's color to her cheeks and her frame is the same and maybe her hair looks a little glossier but that means nothing since she always takes good care of her appearance.

"You're not working today?" Harvey asks a little dumbly. It's kind of obvious since they're both here this morning.

Donna shakes her head. "Louis is at his mud club."

He nods. "You, uh, didn't want to join him?"

He means to break the ice, but it sounds bitter because they both know he's still jealous of her working for Louis. Nothing changed that. He still wants her with him at work — nothing could possibly change that.

"No," Donna says simply. "I mean, even if I wanted to, which I don't, I wouldn't want to go into mud this early into… you know."

He knows.

Harvey grounds himself by resting his palms against the chair right across from Donna.

"I thought we were covered. That night, I mean," he starts, unsure of how to start this.

Donna bristles. "You didn't _think _that night, Harvey. We both know that," she takes a deep breath. "These things aren't foolproof, so… yeah."

Harvey nods. "So… What do you wanna do?"

She leans against the back of her chair and shrugs. "I have an appointment on Monday to confirm it."

He nods.

"If it's all well, I'm… I decided I'm going to keep it, if that's what you're asking," Donna says slowly. "I know it's a surprise for both of us. I don't expect anything of you, you can be as involved as you want to be, but I'm keeping it."

"Okay," Harvey says, letting out a deep breath. "Alright. Fuck. Sorry, this is just…"

He's at a loss for words. His mind is working too fast too hard; he needs to focus or he will pass out. He grips the chair harder.

"Overwhelming. I know," Donna finishes for him.

"I didn't… I didn't want to have kids," he says lamely. It's the last thing she wants to hear but he needs to say it to put his thoughts in order. "It just wasn't something I ever thought of."

Donna looks down. "Yeah, well, I didn't plan this either."

"I didn't mean it that way. It's just," the words evade him again, "I guess we should have been more careful."

There's a pause. She looks up at him.

"Careful, yes. I definitely should have been more careful," she agrees. Her tone is distant, it's worrisome. "Like a couple years ago more careful."

"That's not what I meant," Harvey says.

"It's what I meant," she shakes her head. "Why are you here, Harvey? There's not much to lament or regret. What's done is done."

It is done, she's right. They had unprotected sex. She got pregnant.

She got _pregnant_.

His mind is still on overdrive.

"You said you took four tests."

"Yes," Donna replies simply.

"And they're all valid, there's no chance there could be a false positive?"

She lets out a deep breath. "No, Harvey. Different tests, different brands. Unless there's something seriously wrong with me, none of them are false positives."

"Maybe we could… try one more?"

He doesn't know what he's doing, in all honesty. He's just... trying to get his head around this. Denial is the easiest route, it's the easiest path he knows, at least until he knows for sure, but the moment finishes the sentence he knows he's fucked up. Donna's face changes from the quiet patience she's been displaying to a look of pure disbelief.

"We?" Donna repeats. "_We_?"

Harvey purses his lips. "I didn't mean—"

"No, Harvey, you never _mean _anything," she interrupts him. "There's no us. You've made sure of that, and I'm keeping it that way. I'm sure it's gonna be complicated for you to pretend we didn't have sex when I end up having a baby in less than eight months."

"Donna—"

"Don't, Harvey. Just… _don't_," she closes her eyes. It pains him to see a single tear falling down her cheek. "I told you and you can do what you want with that information. But don't mention that _we_ should take yet another pregnancy test because _we _don't exist. Not at work, and not outside of it."

Her words hit him immediately. This changes nothing between them — she won't go back to him and they certainly haven't mended their personal relationship, whatever that is. Sweat runs down his neck as he takes in what she's said. She's not wrong; quite the contrary. She has every right to react like this. But he's… he's not good with changes and he's clinging to what he can to keep things as they are.

It feels so hot in here, all of a sudden.

"You're right," he says, doing his best to remain calm.

"I have an appointment on Monday," she says again. "If anything changes, I'll let you know."

Harvey nods. She raises her eyes to meet his, and he's suddenly so aware of how vulnerable she looks, in her casual clothes, arms hugging her body, sitting on that chair. Things haven't been easy for the both of them, and it kills him that he's fucked this up so badly they can't even have a decent conversation without arguing.

"I think you should go now," Donna says, trying to hide a sniff.

He nods again, manages to stand without the support of the chair. She's throwing him out — a polite way of doing so, anyway. He never thought they'd get to this point, and it hurts like a bitch.

It hurts too much.

He's panting by the time he reaches the ground floor. He leaves her apartment building behind with the feeling that she's still watching him, from way up there, in front of those living room windows. There's the usual Saturday traffic and it's too late in the morning to go to the firm but he needs—needs the distraction. It's hard to breathe, thinking of their conversation and whatever else the future might entail. Two months ago, he never thought they'd be into this. Now… everything is different.

Harvey starts running towards his own apartment building, more than just a few blocks away. He focuses on the exercise and work and tries to forget about this because maybe, just maybe, this won't be a problem between them.

Denial has always been his strongest trait.

* * *

Donna spends the weekend in a haze.

She declines an old friend's invitation for dinner and a play and stays in instead; she buys some groceries, ignores the baby stores she passes by — also ignores the many heavily pregnant women she sees on the way; what is wrong with her? — and watches reruns of _Friends _because she can't really focus on the book she's been reading and anything a little more dramatic or complex is too much for her.

She decides life is weird without the occasional glass of wine.

Monday comes after a weekend of silence from Harvey, and it shouldn't come as a surprise to her. In truth, she's grateful for the silence. She can't even bear to think of their last few conversations. To insinuate this could all be false, or that this might all be for nothing, it just…

Part of her already wants this. Already loves this… baby. It's not really a baby yet, but she's had a few days to get used to the idea and she just… she understands it now, and she's trying to embrace it.

Sure, the whole situation is a little abstract to her. She never really gave much thought to kids; the concept felt too distant, too foreign. She kept postponing it — she still had time, after all. She's not so young anymore but there was still time. She always took good care of herself; she certainly was never giving some mediocre man she's just having some fun with the privilege of having a kid with her. But with Harvey…

She accused him of not thinking that night, but she didn't either. She just — she was so blind when it came to him. She still is, in a way. She hates the distance between them, hates the strain of their relationship in the past weeks; she has no trouble admitting he's a part of her but it just hurts so much. His words, his actions. Bringing up a child in the middle of this might just be… irresponsible.

Even though she wants this. She's gonna have to learn a lot about babies, and she's gonna have to worry about being a mom and providing for her child — because no matter what she won't count on Harvey, especially at this very shaky stage of their relationship. She's only had a few days of knowledge of this, but she knows enough to know that she wants to keep doing this, if it is indeed true.

It's weird though, when she gets to the doctor's office on Monday morning and she sees pregnant women around. Two with their partners, clearly. There's even a baby in the waiting room. It's a cute baby, young baby. She knows nothing about babies, in truth. Most of her friends are childless and the ones with kids are in Connecticut; it's not like she sees them often.

It makes her feel uneasy.

She grabs a magazine and flips through it. Honestly, she's been going to this doctor for a few years, and she's never noticed pregnant women before. Not this many, anyway. The baby has to be a first.

When she looks up, the baby is looking at her from across the room. He's giving her a toothy smile.

She automatically smiles back.

The mother gives her a smile as well and Donna wonders if that will be her, a year from now.

It's a weird notion.

Thankfully, she doesn't have to stay long as her name is soon called and she walks to the doctor's office.

It's funny, really. She was in this very room just a few months ago and everything was fine and normal and okay. Now it's all so very different. Dr. Lewis smiles at her from his desk and laces his fingers together, a small frown on his face as they both get ready to begin the appointment. She's a little nervous and he's probably noticed it.

"So, Donna," he says once they've exchanged pleasantries. "You were here less than six months ago. Everything turned out fine, it was just routine, of course. I hope everything's alright."

"It is. Mostly," she adds. "I'm here for a confirmation actually. Of my pregnancy."

Her speech is a little disconnected. She hasn't said the words out loud often, and it's gonna take some getting used to, that's for sure. To his part, the doctor doesn't look surprised; he merely nods.

"We didn't talk about family planning last time," he says jovially, giving her a pointed look.

Donna laughs. "Not planned. I've given it some thought in the last few days. It's unexpected, but it's not unwanted."

"Very well, then," Dr. Lewis says with a charming smile. "Let's start with that. We'll take a urine sample for a test, not unlike the pregnancy test you took at home, I'm assuming. Just to be sure. Then we'll do an exam and maybe a sonogram. How does that work for you?"

Donna exhales. "I'm game."

It's not like she has much of a choice, really.

So she does what she's required to — it starts with another pregnancy test, which the doctor reads as positive. It goes on to a regular exam, which once again gets a positive diagnosis from the doctor. At this, her heart beats a little faster. It's a physical confirmation. The doctor tells her she'll need to do a blood test to check for other things, such as vitamins, hormone levels and the like, just to make sure her body is adjusting and healthy to maintain a healthy pregnancy. It's the first time she hears terms like fetus and baby as in — _her _baby.

It's disconcerting and thrilling at the same time.

Nothing, however, feels as real as the ultrasound. She's done a few before, routine tests in her life. She's always taken good care of her health and she's certainly not stopping anytime soon. Her parents are healthy and there are no family diseases she should be worried about, but still — you never know.

It's weird, though, the ultrasound. The gel spread on her lower belly, the way Dr. Lewis makes small talk (the practice is very well-know, as well as a client of the firm, so they have a few acquaintances in common), until he finally goes back to doctor mode and lets her know what he's seeing on the screen.

"Things look good. Gestational sac is in place. This is definitely a viable pregnancy," he flashes her a smile before turning his attention to the screen. "And… here's your baby."

He turns the screen towards her. She doesn't see much, just a lot of — black and white. She thinks she'd like one of those 3D ultrasound pictures in the future, more towards the end of the pregnancy. He points at an specific being — kind of shaped like a bean. It doesn't… really look like a baby yet. It looks like nothing yet. But it's there.

It's right there.

"Let's check out the heartbeat, shall we?" Dr. Lewis says. A few clicks later, a rather loud noise fills the examination room.

It's a weird sound, and Donna frowns slightly, focusing on it. It sounds more like a swoosh, a constant sound, it's there, and it's strong, and it's…

It's just _right there._

She's not really alone, and the realization hits her so suddenly as the sound keeps echoing in the room. It's as if all the confirmations from before were nothing, really —she feels as if this is the real thing. There's another heart beating inside of her. There's another person growing and it just — it makes it so real. _So_ real. She's having a baby.

She's really having a baby.

The doctor smiles and Donna blinks, trying to hold back tears.

"It's strong," the doctor comments, his blue eyes twinkling slightly. "Too early to know the gender yet, but we can make some proper estimations of your due date and take some measurements. You alright there, Donna?"

He gives her a gentle smile and reaches for a box of Kleenex under the table, offering it to her.

"Yeah," Donna says a little shakily. "It's a little overwhelming."

It's an understatement, really. She knew she wanted this before, but it still felt distant. She couldn't say there was a connection, that she felt any different. It's not a switch either, she knows that, and she'll worry about this later, but it makes it so real, to see the baby and hear the heartbeat and just know that this is really happening. Before coming here, it was difficult for her to even think of the whole situation as a baby. And now…

Her baby is right there. For her to see and hear and feel, soon. It's overwhelming, yes. But it also makes her happy, to know that she's not alone. This is real and it's happening and there's a _baby_.

"It is," the doctor says softly. "I mean, I do this every day but still cried like a baby when I heard my son's heartbeat for the first time."

They share a laugh. It makes Donna think of Harvey; would he want to be here? Would he want to hear that heartbeat and see the sonogram and just see what they've made together, even accidentally, grow into a human being?

She couldn't say. Not even now, hearing the heartbeat and seeing the sonogram of what looks like a bean or a peanut but is actually a baby. She knows Harvey, and she knows he's most likely in shock. She knows all that, and she understands it. But she's also aware that, like her, he's gonna have to wake up soon. He's gonna have to face it, one way or the other, soon. He won't be able to pretend this never happened, because it has happened and she knows that no matter what the future holds this will stay with her forever.

"Let's take a picture of the baby," Dr. Lewis continues. "You mentioned you thought you were of about eight weeks and that seems accurate. It's too early to know the gender but we can schedule another ultrasound soon."

The appointment takes another while. They talk things through, little things and big things. If she wants to keep the baby, if she knows her options. The things she can do for morning sickness, the signs she must be aware of in case anything goes wrong. They're on week eight and not yet done with the first trimester, so it's best to keep a certain caution. Donna has some blood work done afterwards, to check certain things, and leaves the practice with a smile on her face and lightness in her steps.

She will have to tell Louis soon too, and Jessica. She knows that. All of that will have to be put on hold until Harvey talks to her in some way. She has no idea what to expect, in truth. She's not sure she'll want him around if his reaction doesn't change.

The thing is, she _knows_ Harvey. And no one has more faith in him than herself.

It's only a few minutes after reaching the street, when she's in a cab on her way back to the firm, that she realizes one of her hands has been resting on her belly since she left the place. She doesn't take it out immediately; rather, she catches herself and remembers the sound of the heartbeat and can't help but smile at the recent memory.

She's not alone anymore.

* * *

Donna is in the kitchen, talking to Rachel during their break when she sees him, walking hurriedly talking with Mike as they passed by the glass window. She tries not to give him much thought, focusing on Rachel for the time being, but it doesn't help when she looks over and he meets her eyes. She turns to Rachel once more; her friend is currently complaining about her dad's reaction to her engagement with Mike, and Donna doesn't have to watch to know Harvey manages to send Mike away and make his way to the kitchen.

He never goes to the kitchen. The partners' kitchen, sure. Not this kitchen. Even when he needs something he usually asks for her — nowadays, Gretchen — to get it for him. It's just the way he's always been.

So it's kind of obvious when he shows up at the doorway that he's there to talk to either her or Rachel.

"Rachel, did you finish that Corday paperwork?" Harvey asks, a little suddenly.

Rachel, who was in the process of standing up, gives him a surprised look.

"Yeah, it's been on your desk since Saturday," she arches her eyebrows.

Donna shares a look with her. Her friend might not know what happened between her and Harvey but Rachel is smart enough not to say anything and know it must be a little deeper than she initially thought. So she purses her lips and gives them a tight lipped smile.

"You know what, I'll just review it," she shrugs. "I'll catch up with you later, Donna."

"See you later, Rach," Donna says, watching as her friend slips past Harvey, who seems a little too focused on his feet.

Donna sighs. She has no idea where they're at with… whatever the hell this is. What she does know is that she's been having a good day, and she's just not in the mood to ruin it with whatever Harvey is going through at the moment.

She takes a chance and looks at him. Their eyes meet, and there's a pause. Like often, she feels as if time stops when they look at each other like this, each one of them waiting for something. She's not sure what she's waiting for nowadays. She's just sure that she won't be the one to risk stepping forward, figuratively and literally.

When he says nothing, she stands up, takes her now empty mug to the sink to wash it. It's only like this, when her back is to him, that he speaks.

"So, uh… how was it?"

His voice is tentative and his tone is low. They're exposed here, and she hates it. Hates that he probably forgot about this until his eyes met hers across the window. Hates that he couldn't wait until they could speak privately and freely about this. She wonders if he's still hoping for a false alarm in some way, if… she can't even think it through. It was surreal before. It's real now. It's _different_ now.

"It was fine," she says tightly.

"We're still… on, then?" He asks.

She more or less drops the mug in the sink. "_On_? That's how we're talking about this now?"

"Donna, we're at the office," he says in a pained voice.

"I'm well aware of where we are, Harvey," Donna says, reaching for the mug again. "I told you I'd tell you if anything changed. Nothing's changed."

_Everything's_ changed. She knows that but she's not willing to share. Not here. Not with him, like this.

She rinses the mug and half turns to dry it, noticing he's still by the doorway. He's never been good with words, not with her.

_You know I love you, Donna._

It still echoes in her head. She buries it away.

"Donna…"

She closes her eyes. It's too much, really. The doctor's appointment, the confirmation, his denial, her acceptance. It's too much and she doesn't want to let it get to her, not here.

"This isn't the place for this," she finds herself saying, interrupting, unwilling to listen to whatever he has to say. "We have nothing to talk about in the office anymore, Harvey."

"Alright then, where do you want to talk?" Harvey asks, approaching her slowly.

She turns. "I don't know, Harvey! As long as we have an adult conversation, I don't care! But if you can't deal with this, then maybe… maybe you just _shouldn't_. Maybe it would be better for… everyone involved."

She turns around because she can't look at him. She's giving him a way out, because she's always looked out for him and now she has someone else to look out for too. Only this time she doesn't want to make a mistake. She doesn't want to mess this up and maybe… giving him an out will make him see he wants this too, or can at least accept it. Or simply… simply leaving her be. Leaving _them_ be.

It's terrifying.

She closes her eyes and tries not to let her breathing betray her, trying to remain in control. Harvey is quiet behind her, unmoving, and she thinks she hears him open his mouth, prepare to say something…

He's saved by the bell when Louis struts in.

"Oh, hey, Donna. I didn't know you were in yet," Louis says good naturedly. "How did your doctor appointment go? All well, I hope."

Donna turns to look at him, probably looking for one of his prunies in the fridge.

"Very well, Louis. Thank you for asking," she gives him a smile as she puts the mug back in its place.

"You're looking a little pale, Harvey. I hope you guys didn't catch a bug or something," Louis notes.

Donna arches her eyebrows, thinking she caught something alright. Harvey's reply is tense, though.

"I'm fine, Louis," he says in a strained voice, and she frowns and turns around, but he's already walking away.

It disappoints her, even when she isn't expecting much. With a sigh, she exchanges a few work related words with Louis and goes back to her desk, taking the long way, without passing by Harvey's office.

He must be avoiding her too, because they don't cross paths for the rest of the day.

* * *

He shows up early the next day. Earlier than intended. He made small talk with Ray and the distraction wasn't enough but it was still better than nothing himself, and he's trying to control his breathing as the therapist opens the door to him. He came straight from work, from an entire day of watching Donna from afar and trying not to have a panic attack every time it dawned on him that she's pregnant. That she's having his baby.

_His_ _baby_.

Any attempt of conversation has resulted in chaos for him. The day before, in the kitchen — the mere thought of her not wanting him around sent him straight to the restroom to empty his stomach. He knows the signs. Knows what to expect. Feels the tightness in his throat and the sweat on his temple. The world closing in on him.

He's felt that way every time he thought of the subject or of her, and he thinks of her often. Distracting himself with work was all he could do on Monday, but another day and a half and two panic attacks and another attempt at talking things through only made him weak. It only made him lose it.

He's gonna be a father and he can't even control himself around the subject.

"I need the pills," he says as soon as he sits down on the couch.

Dr. Reisman is still adjusting her own seat, frowning as she looks at him. He knows what she sees — he's tired, he hasn't been sleeping well or enough. His breathing feels short constantly, almost the entire day. His heartbeat is too fast. It's been a week since their last session and everything has changed and he hasn't gotten any better.

"Did you have another panic attack?" Dr. Reisman asks softly.

Harvey nods.

"How many?" The doctor asks.

He lets out a long, deep breath, and inhales quickly afterwards.

"Three," he reveals.

"When did they occur?"

"One last Saturday," Harvey says. "Another yesterday. This morning again."

"Any of these moments had anything in common?"

Harvey rolls his eyes. He saw this coming. He knew this would happen. And yet…

"Donna. I know," he runs a hand through his hair. "I know. She's…"

Dr. Reisman says nothing, merely waits. He's trying to find the right words. Any words. Anything.

To say it loud will make it real.

"Let's start with Saturday," Dr. Reisman suggests. "What happened?"

"She came by my place on Saturday," he begins instead. "She's…"

He can't say it. He exhales instead. The room spins around a little. This leather couch feels too warm. He loosens his tie slightly.

"Deep breaths," the doctor coaches in a gentle voice. "Focus on what you need to say. She's what, Harvey?"

Harvey looks down, closes his eyes.

"We slept together before she stopped working as my secretary," he reveals. "On Saturday she told me she's pregnant."

He doesn't look up so he can't say if the doctor is surprised. He supposes she must see more fucked up situations than theirs, but there's little comfort in this for him. It's the situation they're in, the situation they've created and he more or less fucked up on his own and he knows it. It's hard enough to acknowledge it; it's even harder to deal with it.

"She's going to keep it. It's her choice," he shrugs as he looks up. "She said I don't have to do anything about it. That I just should know. That's it."

"Do you want to do anything about it?" Dr. Reisman asks.

Harvey shrugs. "I have no idea what it's like to have a family. I have no idea what it's like to be a dad."

"I think most parents don't," Dr. Reisman says softly. "Did the attack happen when she told you?"

He shakes his head. "Later. She gave me some time, I went to her place. She hadn't had a doctor confirmation yet. I couldn't sleep that night. That's when it happened."

"And yesterday?"

"I saw her at work," he explains. "I wanted to know how the appointment had gone."

"She confirmed it, then," the doctor concludes.

He nods. "We argued. She said maybe I shouldn't deal with this if I can't deal with this."

It pains him to say it; his voice breaks as he reaches the end of the sentence. He thinks of his dad, of how good his dad had been for him and his brother. He thinks of Donna and what a good mother she will be.

"That's when it happened," Dr. Reisman says. He nods. "This morning?"

"I tried to talk to her. She told me she was busy," Harvey says. "She's right. It's better for everyone involved that I'm just not in the picture."

The doctor narrows her eyes. "Is that what Donna said?"

"She said I have to accept it before I do anything," he leans against the back of the couch, dejectedly. "She's giving me an out. I know her. She's always put people's needs before hers."

Dr. Reisman rests her head against her hand, fingers touching her chin as she watches him. Normally the act would annoy him. Today he simply doesn't care.

"She's putting your needs before hers, then," she concludes.

"And the baby's," Harvey says. It's the first time he utters the words like that. Like they're real. "I'm not father material."

Dr. Reisman frowns. "Why not?"

"My dad wasn't really there much. He was a musician," he explains. "Always touring. He was a good father, don't get me wrong, but he wasn't always around. I don't know how to be a parent, I don't… it's not something I have any clue about."

"What about your mother?"

He blinks once, twice. "My mother cheated on my dad repeatedly and asked me to keep it a secret," his tone is dry and detached. "I'd rather not talk about it."

The doctor nods. He knows the deal. He knows she's filing that information away to bring it up when he least expects it. That's when he'll likely flee and he knows it.

He just needs the pills first.

"What do you think Donna needs?" Dr. Reisman asks instead. Harvey looks up, frowning. "She's single, having a baby. She gave you an out, as you put it yourself. What do you think she needs?"

He gives it some thought. She wanted more, weeks ago. Everything changed since then.

"She's Donna," he says after a moment. "She can handle just about anything. She's… she's gonna make a great mom."

His voice breaks again, although this time his breathing is controlled. Talking is helping, he thinks. It feels different when he says it out loud.

"She's human, Harvey," Dr. Reisman says. "She sounds like a very strong human, but she's only human. What do you think she wants?"

"She wants the baby. She said so," he breathes out slowly. "She had it rough with her family, when she was a kid. Her dad lost all their money. I'd say she probably wants stability."

"You're not giving it to her by denying this," the doctor says softly. "Or by not making a decision. We talked about this last time. Not making a decision is sometimes a decision on its own."

"Shit," he whispers. "I just keep fucking this up."

"She wants a decision, Harvey," Dr. Reisman says slowly. "Have you thought about what _you_ want?"

"I don't want to make the mistakes my parents did," he replies. "That kid deserves better than that. I work too many hours, I'm married to my work. And Donna isn't at work anymore. Not for me."

"You've never really labeled Donna," the doctor notes. "She's not just a secretary, she's Donna. She's more than just a friend. She knows you better than anyone."

Harvey nods. "That's right."

"She's the mother of your child, Harvey," Dr. Reisman says softly. "That's who she is right now, on top of everything else."

"Yeah," he agrees, reaching a hand to rub his eye; he realizes a few tears have fallen. "Yeah."

"Last week you said you wanted Donna back on your desk," Dr. Reisman notes.

"I don't think that will happen anytime soon," Harvey comments.

It's funny that now even this seems simple enough.

The doctor gives him a tight smile. "What do you want now, Harvey?"

The question comes again. He's once again at a loss.

"I just want to talk to her," he confesses. "I want her to know she's not alone in this. I don't know how to be a dad," he repeats. "I'm not sure how we can be a family. But I want her to know she's not alone in this."

"A family can be many things," Dr. Reisman notes. "The fact that you already worry about this tells a lot about yourself. Have you tried telling Donna all this?"

Harvey shakes his head. "I don't think I knew the words before."

"You simply needs to talk, Harvey. Communication between you has been difficult, I know," she says, "but you've said it yourself that you love her, and you want her in your life."

"I'm not so sure she wants me in her life."

"You need to communicate," the doctor says. "That's all you need, to begin with. Try telling her what you told me today. Preferably out of work. Try and make time for her out of work."

Harvey nods. His mind feels less trapped. He senses some hope swelling in his chest. He won't let it grow too much too fast. Not this soon.

"Congratulations, by the way," Dr. Reisman says with a smile.

It surprises him, the well wishes. He supposes that's what all parents get. It's weird to him, but a little less terrifying. He manages a smile though.

"Thanks."

He's gonna be a father.

And he needs to let Donna know.

* * *

He asks Ray to go straight to Donna's place, but the realization that maybe she's just leaving work hits him and he goes home instead. He takes a shower, puts on a pair of jeans and a sweater and gets in the car and this time it's late enough that he hopes she'll be home.

The drive is long. He thinks about the session — he thinks about what little progress he's made. He got his prescription after all. A brand new set of pills he's supposed to take daily for a couple of weeks. But he's agreed to keep the sessions.

He's come to admit that they're helping. At least so far. He's realizing things, albeit slowly. Without Donna in his life, he realizes he needs the outlet. He's always dropped his problems on her and she always balanced him out and told him what he should or should not do.

That was never her job. It's just who she is, and it's not who he wants her to be for him. Not anymore, anyway.

They reach Donna's building and Harvey tells Ray not to wait, in case the talk went for too long. The driver, however, says he'll be here for an hour just in case. Harvey's thankful.

Today, he takes the elevator slowly. His breathing is calm — he's not exactly in control, but he's come to realize none of them are. He just — he knows what to do now. He knows what to say. And he wants to make sure she'll listen.

The elevator beeps as it reaches its destination and he walks resolutely, wide steps until number 206. He knocks three times. He's barely finished when the door opens.

Donna opens and their eyes meet. He takes her in for a second — the black pants and red turtleneck and sneakers (has he ever seen her wearing sneakers?) — and the surprise in her eyes and he just knows he has to say it and he can't wait.

"I'm not here to be as involved as I want to be," Harvey quotes her. "I want to be this baby's father. I want… to be there for the baby. And for you."

She gapes at him, eyes wide.

"I wanna be there for the doctor appointments," he continues. "I wanna choose nursery decorations even though we both know you'll hate my opinion and end up making better decisions. I'll probably suck at this in general, really. I don't know how to be a father, Donna, but I'm willing to try to learn."

Her eyes fill with tears. His too, probably. It's the most open he's been to her since that night. He's not one for vulnerability but he doesn't care right now. He needs his message sent. Right here, right now.

"I wanna support you. And I don't mean just financially," he says very seriously. "I know I fucked things up. I know I have a lot to make up for. I couldn't find the words to say it before, but this is what I want. If that's okay with you."

Donna blinks a few times. He holds his breath.

"It's more than okay, Harvey," she says, and there's a soft smile on her lips.

He smiles back too. He thinks it's his first real smile in weeks. There's something light on his chest, as if a weight has been lifted. In front of her door, telling her this, it's a small step but he's sure it's a step in the right direction.

A moment later, her smile turns into a grimace.

"Are you okay?" He asks, a little alarmed.

He notices she has a bag in her hand, along with a set of keys. She must have been on her way out.

"I've been having cramps since this afternoon," she reveals. "The doctor said it's normal. I'm… there's some spotting right now. I was going to a hospital, just to, you know, check."

"Ray is downstairs," Harvey says immediately. "I'll go with you."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Donna says, but her voice is shaky. "You don't need to come, really. I can text you—"

The thought of her going on her own kills him. It's not a matter of discussion for him. Now that his mind is set, everything seems so clear.

"I'll come," he assures her. "Come on, let's go."

He grabs the keys from her, feeling the need to do something. He locks her door and takes her bag too, just in case. They don't touch — his hand hovers over the small of her back as he guides her and he can tell she's nervous and he tries not to be.

Could it be, that they're about to lose this when they're finally moving forward?

Ray frowns as Harvey gives him the directions of the nearest clinic, but knows better than to ask anything. Donna fidgets with her fingers across the seat, a somewhat anxious and painful expression on her face, and he covers her hands with his on a whim. It's the first time they've touched since that night. Her hands are cold and his are warm and he thinks that this can't be their end. It simply won't be their end.

They share a look. She's terrified. He knows her and he knows her looks and the worry behind her eyes. He's told her time and time again he's not the comforting kind, but he caresses the back of her hands with his thumb and tries to convey with his eyes that they're in this together.

And hopefully they'll all be fine, all three of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be brief because I know most people just really want to get on after that cliffhanger but I'd like to thank again for all the support and messages coming my way - each of them means so much to me! I planned to update this a couple days but I was on vacation and I guess my brain shut off writing as well. We're back on regular schedule now, and I don't think next chapter will take so long to be finished. Hope you'll enjoy this one - let me know your thoughts!

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Donna doesn't like emergency rooms. She supposes most people hate them, and most people hate hospitals, but she's been lucky enough not to need them often and this is just very annoying and makes her so anxious.

It's probably nothing, she's aware of them. Considering she just had a doctor appointment thirty-six hours ago, chances are everything is okay, but the risks are there and she keeps them fresh in her mind. It's her first pregnancy, she's over thirty-five, she's still in her first trimester. Anything can happen and she knows that and she's trying to prepare herself in case… in case something bad has happened, or is happening.

She isn't sure if Harvey's presence makes it better, in all honesty. She's still working her way around his declaration and his decision; she definitely thought she'd be alone for this tonight and his insistence at coming along surprised her. He took her to Mount Sinai, probably because he knows the Chief Medical Officer, she has no doubt of it, and she's pretty sure he'd love to mention the doctor's name if they take too long to see her.

She won't complain, though; she still has cramps and she feels hot in a way that she wonders if she has a fever — not a good sign — or she's simply nervous. She's been feeling off since before finding out she was pregnant and this hasn't changed. She's thankful when he's the one who talks to the receptionist, and he's the one who insists on filing the paperwork, guiding her to a chair in the back of the room. It's not that late and the place is crowded. It only makes her more nervous.

He asks her a few informations he couldn't possibly have known, like her social security number, but she's glad he's remembered her middle name correctly. She takes a deep, long breath and he looks up at her with alarmed eyes.

She knows him. She really does. But she's never seen him in this situation before and she realizes this is new and unexpected and unpredictable to the two of them.

"Any better?" Harvey asks.

She shakes her head. "I'm just nervous, I guess."

It's weird because they haven't really talked yet. They need to, especially after what he's said, but this is a much more pressing matter and she doesn't want to admit to him, or even to herself, that she's _terrified_.

She's terrified.

"It'll be fine," he tells her, and she knows it takes something out of him to say the words. He's not the comforting kind. They know it. She knows it, she's felt it. But he's here and he's trying and it makes her so damn glad she's not alone.

She purses her lips and tries to smile; looking down, she notices the paper in his hand. He's listed himself as her emergency contact.

"I'm hoping you haven't changed that yet," he attempts to joke when she notices what she's looking at.

She shakes her head. "I haven't."

"You're still mine, too," he says softly, going back to filling the blanks.

He doesn't mention what he wrote next, in the _relation to the patient_ box.

_Father of the baby_.

It's not much, really, and maybe to anyone else it won't mean much but it's just… so much more poignant than boss or friend or co-worker. They've always been bad at labels and this is just a fact and probably not something the hospital sees that often — or maybe they do? Times have changed after all — and it's not something they need to discuss. It just _is_.

He's the father of the baby she's carrying and the fact that he's written it down and that he's sitting next to her in this packed emergency room on a random Tuesday evening weighs down on her.

He hands in the papers and sits back next to her. It occurs to Donna that this is so unusual for them — they don't spend time together out of work, never, and being in an ER together is definitely a first. Without her designer dresses and heels and his Tom Ford suits, they're just… Harvey and Donna. It feels foreign to her, but the notion distracts her a little. Perhaps they're just in a process to become just this, anyway. Without work looming over them, without the boss/secretary dynamic.

Harvey's anxious, she can tell, right from the way he's tapping his foot on the floor to his intertwined, tense fingers. She thinks he's this close to calling the chief himself when her name is finally called.

She's at her feet before Harvey can even help her up because it seems like he's really into helping her out today. She's not used to it at all.

They follow the nurse and she answers all the questions; they take her pressure and temperature and wait for a doctor to see her. There's not much to be done, she knows, and she feels Harvey's anxiousness as they wait. It's not that different from the previous waiting room, in reality, and he remains standing while she sits. The cramps have subsided and she wonders if there's still any bleeding, because she can't feel anything different right now. When her name is called once more, they're taken directly to an examination room, and Donna sees an ultrasound machine not very different from the one she had seen the day before.

The doctor gives them a smile but makes no small talk. The information seems weird to Donna — just a repeat of what has been said to Harvey, then at the reception, then to the nurse. She sees the sympathetic glance from the doctor, the same look she's seen before, and she realizes that this is it. This might be the end of it all.

She's ushered to the examination table and she does everything rather mechanically; lifting her sweater up, pushing her jeans down a little. She barely glances at Harvey, who's rather quiet, standing behind her head.

It's definitely a first for them both.

"Okay, let's check this out," the doctor says quietly, turning her attention to the screen. "You said you had an appointment yesterday and everything was alright, right?"

Donna nods. "Yeah, everything seemed normal."

"Spotting is rather common," the doctor says lightly. "Let's see… here's your baby."

And there it is. The same as the day before, in Donna's opinion. A lot of white and black and gray. She sees nothing different but then she's hardly an expert.

The doctor is quiet, moving the object a little.

Donna realizes she's holding a breath.

"Everything looks normal," the doctor says at last, flashing both her and Harvey a smile. "Here's the heartbeat. All within normal ranges."

The same swoosh sound she heard yesterday fills the room once more. A relieved sigh escapes her, and she closes her eyes. It's strong, just like the day before, and most importantly, it's right there. _Right_ _there_.

She forgets all about Harvey until he speaks and she opens her eyes again.

"That's the baby?" He asks, approaching the examination table.

The doctor smiles, then points at a spot. "Yeah, right there. Spotting is common, like I said," she continues. "It's probably nothing; stress is most likely the cause. Most times it's just a case of getting some well needed rest."

Donna listens, but her attention is on Harvey — on the way he stares in disbelief at the screen, and how he seems to be in shock or awe or maybe a mix of both. She sympathizes; it didn't feel real until she had seen it the first time either.

He lifts his eyes from the screen and their gazes meet. She gives him a small, reassuring, tentative smile.

He smiles back, and it's the best she can get at this very moment. Along with the news that the baby is fine, of course.

They have a lot to understand about each other, but they're fine. All three of them.

That's as good a starting point as any.

* * *

Harvey feels weird.

It's as if there's this thrill within him. It reminds him of a big win after a seemingly impossible case, only this time instead of the jury's verdict the sound of the heartbeat is what echoes in his head. He's still getting used to this idea, to this new development in his life, but as soon as he really put his mind into it, he knew it was a done deal.

It feels less like a worry and a little more like a joy. It's all a matter of perspective, and he still worries and they still have so much to figure out, but he realizes he's glad Donna's okay — he's glad the baby is okay.

And this just makes things a little easier at the moment.

They leave the hospital side by side, not quite touching, not quite meeting each other's eyes after the examination. The doctor asked Donna a bunch of questions about her prenatal care but he barely registered any of it. It's still so very new and strange and he's getting used to it. He's about to try and hail a cab when the black Lexus pulls up next to them. He recognizes the car immediately, and he shouldn't be surprised Ray decided to wait them out even when Harvey told him not to.

"Ray, you really didn't have to wait," Donna's voice shakes him out of his reverie when Ray gets out of the car to open the door for them.

"I wanted to," the driver tells them with a rather strained smile.

It's only when they're sitting, each on one side of the backseat, and Ray's starting to drive away that he speaks again.

"Everything okay?" Ray asks.

Harvey and Donna share a look — the first since they left the hospital.

He has no idea if she's told anyone about this, but he sure as hell hasn't. He wonders if Rachel knows, or maybe even her parents, but if Harvey's honest he isn't even sure who he'd tell first. Probably Jessica. It dawns on him then that everyone will know eventually. It's not the baby he worries about, though. Everyone will know about _them_.

All those years denying everyone and himself for nothing, apparently.

"Yeah, everything under control," Donna says without giving much away. "Much ado about nothing, thankfully."

"That's good," Ray says jovially. "We had to go to the hospital last week because of Maya too. The doctor thought it might have been appendicitis."

Harvey frowns then, as it's the first he's heard of this. Then again, he and Ray haven't been able to talk much — in between long work days, several meetings and sharing rides with Mike to clients and court, he realizes he hasn't talked to his driver in a while. Ray never asked about Donna not being the one to contact him anymore too — Harvey figures he had already figured out something wasn't right.

"Oh, that's awful to hear. Is she okay?" Donna beats him to the question.

Ray nods. "Oh yeah, turned out it was just gas," he laughs. Harvey and Donna both snicker. "Where to?"

Harvey looks at Donna — they're closer to his place than hers, but he doesn't think their much needed talk should happen at his place, for some reason. They either need a neutral location or a place she should be comfortable at. Either way, he's not about to invite himself over to her place. The moment lasts about a second — he can tell she's torn about this herself — and he's about to tell Ray they should drop her off at her place when she speaks first.

"Have you had dinner?" Donna asks, and it's the last thing he thought she'd say. He simply shakes his head. "Do you think we could get a pizza or something?"

In the past, she'd have just told Ray where to go. Hell, two months ago that's what would have happened. Back when she was still his secretary, and they were still just friends, they'd simply grab pizza and beer or maybe Thai food on the way home. It was rare that they ate together unless they were at the office or at their work anniversary, but they still shared the same food often enough. The fact that she has to ask kind of throws him off a little. He's not used to hesitation on Donna's part.

He's not the only one in a tough place, he knows it. It's just… these last weeks, and the distance between them, it made him forget about her side of it all. He got blindsided by himself and his own feelings and the damn panic attacks; he didn't think of her. And if he had trouble adjusting to the idea of a baby, well, he can't imagine it was much easier for her.

"Yeah, sure. Gianno's?" he asks.

Donna ponders the question. "There's a new place a block from my apartment. It's good."

"Okay," Harvey accepts, and Donna tells Ray the specific directions.

They spend the ride to the pizza place in silence; the only sound being that of jazz softly playing in the car's speakers and the occasional horn from regular New York traffic. When they arrive, he decides to tell Ray to go home — it's already later than usual for his driver — and he'll take a cab afterwards. He doesn't want to presume anything, but he's happy when Donna tells Ray to go because they'll walk to her apartment and have dinner there.

The place is new and like anything new and good in New York it's crowded and probably considered hip. He and Donna take the line together. There's a heavily pregnant woman ordering at the counter and he averts his eyes.

Donna will be _that _pregnant in a few months.

The thought makes him sweat a little.

"Are you okay?" Donna asks quietly.

"I should be asking you that question," he counters.

She rolls her eyes. "I'm fine. Just hungry."

"You want your usual? With yellow tomatoes?" Harvey asks, deciding distraction is the best policy. Why she always opted for yellow tomatoes is beyond his comprehension.

She nods. "And olives."

Harvey frowns. "I thought you didn't like olives on pizza. You always put them on my side."

"I like them now," Donna shrugs. Harvey shakes his head a little. "What? Taste buds change every seven years, you know."

He laughs, not because of the information, but because of course she'd know this. He's missed these moments between them, where they can be themselves, talk about mundane things and share information or trivia or whatever is going on. He realizes it's been a while since they did something like this — a _long _while. Longer than just two or three months.

She was never just a secretary, and they were never just friends.

Nothing was ever that simple between them.

"Your age isn't a multiple of seven," he notes after a second or two, not wanting to let the moment end so soon.

"When did you get so good at math?" She asks him, a smile playing on her lips.

"Who says I never was?"

She narrows her eyes. "You only know that because you're a year older than me."

"Eleven months," he corrects. "We're the same age right now."

"Exactly why you could make that math so quickly," she points out. The line moves and they'll be next; the couple in front of them orders beer. "I could use a beer."

They've been known to drinking beer on occasion. He mostly does it on his own, watching a game on tv, maybe even when he actually goes to a game in Madison square garden. Donna has professed it to be her favorite pizza topping, but then they never had beer at the office — just scotch.

"You could have a Coke," he suggests. "I know you don't drink it, but you just said your taste buds change every seven years."

She gives him an exasperated look, just it's a good natured one, and sighs.

"Coke is hardly much better," she rolls her eyes. "I just miss a little alcohol, that's all."

He'd miss it too. Nine months without scotch. Damn.

"I won't get a beer either," he decides, shrugging. "It's better for my body frame anyway."

Donna shakes her head. "Are you saying you're gonna get off alcohol for as long as I will?"

"Now, I never said that," Harvey says instantly. Donna lets out a laugh. "I mean, I will if it'll make you feel better."

Their eyes meet, his a little smiling, hers a little suspicious. It's a Tuesday night and they're getting pizza together in casual clothes instead of work ones, and she's pregnant with their child and they're both fine and he heard that heartbeat half an hour ago in a hospital room. They've had all kinds of banters and jokes and events together, but they've never been as simple and raw as tonight.

"No, you won't," she says after a moment.

Harvey laughs. "I can not drink when you're around, if it helps."

"It's fine," she laughs. "Thanks for offering, though."

They share a smile. Maybe it's because she's standing here in this new pizza place that he hopes lives up to the hype and she's wearing jeans and a turtleneck and her hair is wavy and she looks so different from their day to day life; he just knows that she looks beautiful and for once he won't feel guilty in thinking it.

She is beautiful, and she looks beautiful like this. Complaining about not drinking alcohol and smiling at him while getting pizza.

The sight gives him a warm feeling in his chest.

She averts his eyes after a moment though — tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and looking around the place as if it's suddenly very interesting. The smile is still on her lips, though — that's enough for him to consider this a good development.

It's their turn to order and he gets everything right, from the yellow tomatoes and olives to the Coke he'll drink instead of a beer, even if she says it's not good for him.

They were never just friends, but maybe they're getting there again.

* * *

"So?" Donna arches her eyebrows, looking at him with interest.

Harvey puts the napkin on the table and looks pretty satisfied. The box of pizza is empty in front of them, the can of Coke as well. She opted for water, because if she can't have wine or beer she'll at least try to be healthy with pizza.

"It's good," Harvey tells her after swallowing the last of his pizza.

"But?"

"It's not Gianno's," he admits.

Donna laughs. "I _knew _you'd say that."

He's a creature of habit, after all. She sighs, thankful for the easy dinner; sure, it was quick and didn't involve a lot of conversation, but she's missed them like this, sharing dinner and bantering a little. It's a good change, even if she's deliberately avoiding inviting him into the living room; it is where this all started, anyway.

She catches Harvey looking into it, coincidentally — or perhaps he's just looking at the city lights through her windows. Either way, she doubts he'd be thinking about that night. Even with its proof and consequence right in front of him, denial has always been his escape. She won't fault him for that. She just isn't as good as pretending nothing happened as he is.

They're different from that night, anyway. Whatever happens from now on she's sure they'll never be the same people they were then. Too much has happened for that.

She tries not to think of how at home he looks tonight, sitting by her table having pizza wearing casual pants and a sweater. She's taken her shoes off upon arriving, but he hasn't. She likes it like this, a small difference between them. This isn't his home and this isn't just a simple dinner. It never was, and it never will be.

She takes a gulp of water and tries to get her mind off of it.

"Shit," he mumbles after a moment, bringing her attention back to him.

"What?"

Harvey shakes his head. "I was gonna ask for a recording of the heartbeat," he sighs. "I forgot all about it."

It's not what she expected to hear, so she simply arches her eyebrows, not meeting his eye. "_Oh_."

It's his turn to frown.

"What?" he asks this time around.

Donna raises her eyes tentatively to meet his. "I didn't think you'd be this interested, that's all," she confesses.

"I'm interested, Donna," Harvey assures her. "I meant what I said a couple hours ago. I have no idea how to do this, but I'm here."

"I don't know how to do this either, Harvey," she admits. "I think most people don't, anyway."

"Yeah, I guess so," he shrugs, eyes distant.

Donna purses her lips. "I have a recording from yesterday. I'll send you a copy later," she offers.

"Thanks. Can't believe I forgot about it."

"It's fine. I was very overwhelmed," she admits. "If the doctor hadn't mentioned it I'd have forgotten too," she snickers. "I have an extra picture too. If you want it."

"Yeah. Yeah, of course," Harvey says as an afterthought.

Donna stands up and takes her purse from the counter, quickly finding her wallet and the tiny picture inside. She had asked for two the day before, in hopes that… well, she never voiced it, not even in her head. She figured that if nothing worked out she could always give it to her parents.

"Here," she says after taking a quick look at it. "That's from yesterday, today is pretty much the same."

She hands the picture over and sits back on her chair watching as Harvey frowns over the picture. She knew just about as much as he did — a simple arrow indicated where the baby was, and she wouldn't have found it otherwise.

"Looks like a peanut," Harvey notes after a moment. Donna snickers. "Thanks for this."

"No problem. I figured a copy was important," Donna says softly. "I've already taken a picture of it anyway. My mom will want to see it."

"Have you told her?" Harvey asks.

"Not yet. I think I will, tomorrow," she sighs. "She'll be excited. You know my dad has grandkids through my sister but this will be my mom's first."

"She'll spoil them rotten," Harvey smiles. He's met her mom on a few occasions, and they've always had a good friendly relationship.

"That's what grandparents do," Donna arches her eyebrows. He's not wrong at all, but she refrains from commenting any further because she is a hundred percent sure his mom won't hear about this anytime soon.

He doesn't take it that way, though, because his next words surprise her.

"My dad would have laughed so hard if he was alive for this," he notes, shaking his head. His tone is wistful. It's not often that he talks about his father. "He joked about wanting redhead grandchildren the day he met you, you know."

Donna gapes at him. "He didn't."

"He did," Harvey assures her. "He loved you. He'd have been happy, I think."

She smiles. "I hope so. It's been such a shock, I don't think it's sunk in yet."

"Yeah. Damn, your dad will want to kill me," he adds.

"You mean like he didn't before this? Please, Harvey," she rolls her eyes. "Let's take this one step at a time, okay?"

"That's a good plan," he agrees, leaning against his chair. "We're gonna have to tell Jessica."

Donna nods. "Yeah. I'd rather wait a little longer. Just past the first trimester, if that's okay."

"Good luck to us if we're keeping this a secret," Harvey jokes. "It's fine. Gives me more time to prepare."

She rolls her eyes. "Jessica isn't your mom. She'll hardly scold you."

"She'll scold me," Harvey assures her. "I'm gonna need to be ready to take it. You know the problem isn't the baby."

Donna nods. Their eyes meet. It's not the baby — it's what resulted in the baby. It's everyone knowing one of the firm's partners is having a baby with a secretary, his former secretary. It's the two of them not being together together for this. Donna knows Jessica and knows what to expect; she knows that the woman will be happy for them, maybe a little worried too, but that's beside the point. What was a rumor will be a fact. They both need to adjust to that, and soon.

His eyes roam over the living room once more. She knows what he's thinking about. She remembers his hot kisses on her collarbones and his hands on her hips as she straddled him. She remembers his taste and the whispered _okay_ after she suggested they moved this to her bedroom. She remembers feeling his lips on her neck as she guided him out of the living room and she remembers how he felt against her back, hard and solid and _him_.

"I should go."

It's an announcement that shakes her back to reality and she thinks that if he had said this that night they wouldn't be in this situation.

But where would they be, anyway? As early as the evening was, something was shared that night, and it was deeper than either of them expected or wanted in the first place.

He seems anxious, almost nervous to leave. She doesn't push it; it's the first time they've spent time together since she left his desk and she wants to end it on a good note. So she simply nods, because it's late and she's tired and she's desperate for her bed. He stands up with some difficulty, and perhaps at a different occasion she'd make a joke about his age but she refrains from doing so because it looks more emotional than physical. They've gone through something tonight, something neither of them had planned, and she's glad he was there for it all, no matter how it turned out. Thankfully they were alright.

That's all that mattered.

She walks him to the door and he gives her a tentative smile.

"Give me a call if anything feels weird, okay?" He asks.

"It's fine. You heard the doctor, I'm all good," she shrugs it off.

"This is still a shock for me," Harvey says, scratching the back of his neck. "I just want you to know that… even if this was never planned, I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else."

Donna leans against the doorframe, her hand hidden behind the wall, trembling slightly.

"Thanks, Harvey."

"I'll see you at work," he nods and turns away.

Donna lets out a deep breath and closes the door as soon as he's turned around the corner. She leans against the door and rests a hand on her lower belly, even if she can't feel anything or notice anything just yet. It's there, they've both seen and heard it and she feels that today was a step forward for all three of them, together or not.

"Yeah, your dad has a great way with words when he wants to," she mumbles, even if the baby can't hear her. It's too soon for that, or so the brochures she got at her doctor say.

She walks down the hallway, quickly deciding the kitchen will have to wait until morning to be cleaned. Baby needs sleep, and so does she.

* * *

Whoever called it morning sickness was just wrong, or trying to screw with pregnant women. And no one should screw with pregnant women, Donna thinks. She already thought it before she got pregnant, and now she's simply certain of it.

She was fine this morning. She felt invigorated, even. She no longer had any cramps or spotting and she took it easy by having a light lunch at the office and actually taking some time for herself. She still misses coffee but her decaf doesn't taste so bad right now. It all started when Louis had a crisis related to his sister and an apparent new boyfriend and he passed by her desk with a brand new prunie.

It was more than she could handle.

She barely had time to reach the restrooms, and barely had time to reach the toilet. She certainly did not have time to close the stall door before coming in and emptying her stomach. So much for a healthy lunch. She won't get a Caesar salad anytime soon after this.

It takes her a few minutes of retching to believe it's over. She remembers the doctor telling her this should get better once the first trimester is over, and she still has a couple more weeks before this (hopefully) stops. Until then, she might have to make up a lie about prunie being bad for Louis. She won't be able to handle that smell again anytime soon, she's sure of it. Every website she looks tells her to drink ginger tea and eat crackers but those are simply not working.

Most likely none of those people ever smelled a prunie as raw and as closely as she has.

She flushes the toilet and takes a deep breath. The restroom is silent behind her and for that she's thankful. She doesn't feel great, but the nausea has subsided a little now that it's all out. Her mother's always said the body has a way of sending the bad stuff out. It had been a good salad, though.

She turns away and leaves the stall, but pauses when she sees she's not as alone as she thought she was.

"Gretchen," Donna says before making her way to the sink. "Sorry you had to hear that."

Harvey's secretary is simply standing there, with a rather calculating look on her face. They didn't start off on the best of terms, Donna knows, but she respects the woman and hopes the feeling is mutual. Still, she's not done assessing her yet — that comes with weeks of working together and a lot of gossip from the grapevine. Gretchen knows her way around, that's for sure. Donna's certain everything she knows Gretchen has approved her of knowing.

"You alright, Red?" Gretchen asks, arching her eyebrows. "I thought I'd stay and check when you ran in and didn't even notice me here."

Donna washes her hands and shrugs. "It's fine. I guess lunch wasn't as good as I thought it was."

The lie slips easily from her lips. She's an actress, after all, and she may be the worst liar when it came to Harvey but she's okay with pretty much anyone else. She doesn't have a tell, she's sure of it.

But Gretchen's scrutiny unnerves her a little.

"It happens. I'd try cold stuff. Ice chips help," she offers. "Cold fruits like watermelon help. And popsicles. Can't tell you how many I had when I was pregnant with my youngest."

Donna pauses in the midst of drying her hands. "I'm not…"

"I ain't saying you are," Gretchen interrupts her. "I ain't saying you are not either. So let's skip the part where you deny it or ask me not to tell about it. It won't do us any good, and it's not like I'd tell anyone about it."

Donna lets out a breath. "Thanks, Gretchen. I'll try a popsicle later, just in case."

"You could always ask Harvey to get one for you," Gretchen notes, turning around to leave. "God knows men have done enough and any help is welcome."

Donna doesn't bother that with a reply, and just shakes her head as she watches the older secretary walk away. Gretchen is more than alright, even if she's figured this out without anyone telling her. She has good instincts, and Donna can't fault her for being the same way. But realizing she's pregnant is one thing — thinking Harvey is the father is another.

Someone besides the two of them knows, and it feels huge. _Too huge_.

She leaves the restroom and gets some ice chips, taking the longer route back to her desk to pass by Harvey's office. She munches on the ice with some tension in her jaw, and she isn't sure why she feels this way but at least the nausea isn't as present as before. She hasn't done this in ages, and she's pleased Gretchen isn't at her desk and very pleased that Harvey's in, and alone. She pushes the door open and closes it without so much as knocking.

"Everything alr—" Harvey starts as he raises his head to look at her, but she doesn't even let him finish.

"Gretchen knows," she states.

Harvey stares at her, hands still holding the papers on his desk. By instinct, he looks at his secretary's desk, and now both of them know it's empty.

"Okay…"

"I didn't tell her," Donna says.

Harvey frowns. "Do you think_ I _told her?"

"She's your secretary," Donna notes.

"She watches people and knows things before I do," Harvey says. "Does that remind you of anyone?"

Donna opens her mouth to reply but nothing comes out. She purses her lips. Harvey lets go of the papers and leans back on his chair.

"I've rendered you speechless again, haven't I?" he says, a little too smugly.

It annoys her immediately.

"Well, I— you— I don't like your tone," Donna says a little lamely. She sighs and walks around one of the chairs in front of his desk to sit down, the plastic cup filled with ice still in her hands. "I know you didn't tell her, I'm sorry."

Maybe it's because she feels so dejected about the whole thing, but his eyes soften as he takes her in. She's sure she's a sight — her skin is too pale and not even makeup could make it look better after the afternoon she's had. She's brushed her teeth and she's had two mints but she doesn't think her breath is that pleasant right now and she could really, _really _use a nap.

"She won't tell anyone," Harvey offers in a soft voice.

"Everyone will know eventually," Donna retorts, and that's the whole point. Everyone will know about the baby and about them. It's just a matter of time.

"And we'll work on that when the time comes," he says. "It's still early, you said it yourself last night."

She nods. "I know."

"We can tell the people that matter together if you want," he suggests. "Jessica and Louis, for example."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," she gives him a soft smile. "I'm calling my mom soon. I feel like she should know before the entire world does."

He doesn't need to approve of this, but she feels like he should know — at least before her parents decide to visit and the inevitable meeting of her father and her baby's father happens again. She won't give it much thought now — it's not the time for it.

"Okay," Harvey agrees. "Just let me know if I should worry about Jim coming to get me anytime soon."

She rolls her eyes. "Don't be such a caveman. I'm pretty sure we got into this mess together."

"It was definitely more you the first time around," Harvey retorts.

She gives him a look. "What about the second time?"

He cringes. "Guilty as charged."

They share a laugh a moment later, and it feels like a giant leap that they went from not talking at all to making a joke about the night they spent together. It still stings, but she's never denied it or accepted it, and she's relieved he's not doing that himself. It's a step in the right direction.

"Listen, I'm gonna leave in like an hour for a meeting," he starts. "Your place is on the way. You want a ride home?"

"I have a lot of work to do," Donna sighs.

"Is it pressing?" Harvey asks. "Come on, leave on time for once in your life."

"You never said that while I worked for you," she teases him.

"That's because I liked having you around," he shrugs.

There's a pause. Their eyes meet and her breath is caught at her throat. She blinks and looks down.

"Yeah, okay," Donna relents. "I'll see you downstairs in an hour."

She stands and walks away then, not daring to look over her shoulder.

They can joke and have a conversation, but some things aren't as easily mended, and she needs to give her heart some time to heal before going anywhere else, that's for sure.

* * *

She's having a strawberry popsicle, googling homemade popsicle recipes against the counter of her kitchen when her phone rings. The called ID shows her that it's her mom, and a slight shiver runs over her body as she looks at the screen. It's now or never, she guesses. Or... now or sometime over the next seven months.

No, it's definitely now.

"Hey Mom," Donna greets, taking a bite from the popsicle. She's gonna have to thank Gretchen for the tip. "I was just thinking about you."

"And I was just thinking about you, so I called," her mother jokes. "How are you, honey?"

"I'm good, Mom," Donna smiles. "Seems like the fishing trip was a success."

Her mom is a ferocious Facebook user and even if they don't talk to each other every day there's at least one interaction online — be it either from Donna or, most likely, her mother. The latest development was a fishing trip her dad took over the weekend. There was a brand new album on her mother's profile just for it.

"Your father loved it, but I got to say I can spend a few weeks without seeing a fish," her mom says. "How's work treating you? I hope everything is better."

Of course her mother would remember her complaints about leaving Harvey's desk to go to Louis's. If Donna is right, her mom might even have a better clue than most about what really happened to get her there. Most people bought that she needed time away from Harvey simply because she needs it; Rachel knows there's something more but she has no idea how big this is.

"It is better, yeah," Donna says truthfully. "There's something else I'd like to tell you, though."

She finishes the last of her popsicle and waits for a reply.

"Well, I'm all ears."

"Are you sitting down?" Donna asks.

Her mom huffs. "_Yes_. What is it, honey?"

Donna smiles at the eager tone in her mother's voice, loves that she doesn't sound worried because she already knows it's not something bad. While Donna has always been more intuitive, they've always had a strong bond, and her mother knew her better than almost everyone, even with them living in different states for the better part of almost twenty years.

So she takes a deep breath and tells her.

"I'm pregnant."

There's silence on the other side of the line for what feels like a second too long, before her mother's louder than usual voice reaches her ears once more.

"Oh my God, Donna!" Her mom says. "This is such a surprise! Are you alright? Did you plan this?"

Donna smiles at the outburst.

"It's not planned. It was as much a surprise for you as it was for me," she admits.

"I didn't even know you were seeing someone," her mother comments. "I'm so happy, darling."

"Me too, Mom," Donna confesses, closing her eyes. "But I'm not seeing anyone. It was… a one time thing."

"Oh," her mother says, a little surprised, but it takes her no longer than a second to recover. "No matter, of course. Things happen when they're supposed to. What matters is that you're happy, and if you're happy, then I am too. And so is your father, of course."

"Thanks, Mom. It's nice to hear that," Donna says.

"Are you in touch with the father, though?"

She had seen it coming, of course. She's absolutely sure her parents would support her no matter what she chose to do, but this is different because… it's not just some guy. It's not just a simple one night stand. It's _Harvey _— it's someone they know and, even if her dad may have some issues with him, they trust him. They trust Harvey because Donna does and they trust her and understand her. It's as simple as that — her mother particularly always liked the stability Harvey gave her. The prospects she had in New York hadn't been great until she met him, and they're all thankful for it.

More than that, more than her father imagines, even, her mother knows how she feels about him. She's never told her about the other time or whatever feelings there are between them, but Donna knows her mother knows. She doesn't need to say it.

"Yeah," she chooses to answer slowly. "I've told him, he's… participating," she cringes a little at the choice of words but it's as hard as it gets to put this in the open. "It's Harvey, Mom."

A pause.

"Harvey," Clara Paulsen repeats. Another pause. She's processing, and Donna lets her. "Well, we'll have a beautiful grandchild even if they take after their father, then."

Donna laughs, and tears pick at her eyes because that's the last thing she thought she'd hear and yet it's exactly what she needs. Her mother laughs too, and Donna wishes they were face to face for this because she could really use a hug from her mother. She asks more questions — how far along she is, how she's been feeling, how they're going on about this at work.

For the first time, Donna shares these simple informations and feels a warm and fuzzy feeling in her chest; things are a little complicated, but they're simple too. She's having a baby and her parents will be grandparents and that's all that matters right now.

As simple as that.

* * *

It's late by the time Harvey gets home; the city lights twinkle through the windows of his apartment as he pours himself a drink and looks out, loosening his tie in the process. Maybe it's the medication or the fact that things seem a little less complicated today, but he hasn't felt anxious or at the verge of a panic attack the entire day. He takes a sip of the scotch and turns towards his living room. He knows what he needs to do tonight; understands that Donna needs to share this with her family and it's only more poignant to him that he doesn't have much of a family to share things with. His mom is out of question, his dad is dead. He still got a brother, though.

So he takes off his suit jacket and sits on the couch, his phone feeling suddenly heavy in his hand. He quickly finds Marcus' contact number and presses call before he can change his mind.

"My big brother calling me out of nowhere," Marcus' voice answers and Harvey instantly grins. "I hope this is a good call."

"It is, kinda," he allows himself to say. "Everything alright up there?"

"Yeah, all good. You gotta come visit and meet Joshua," Marcus says. "He doesn't even know he's got an uncle, I think."

"He's less than half a year old," Harvey rolls his eyes. "I'll visit soon, but right now… you got a minute to talk?"

"Yeah, we just put the kids to bed," Marcus replies. "Shoot."

Harvey lets out a deep breath and leans forward in his seat, preparing to say words he's never muttered out loud before. It's funny how easy it slips off his tongue when he says them, as if he's more and more used to the idea, as if he's almost getting excited about it, with all its unknown secrets and future developments. It's all a mystery to him, and he doesn't know how it'll turn out but he's open to it now, and he wants to embrace it. He's gonna expand what little family he's got — if any — and it feels right to share this with family first.

"I'm gonna be a father."

He doesn't fight the weird, tentative smile on his face as he says the words, and smiles further at his brother's jovial reply.

He's gonna be a father, and he'll finally let himself be happy about it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little late in the making, but I'll try at least one more update before the year ends! Just blame the lateness in any Christmassy fics I may post in the near future. Hope everyone likes this one. We see more of other characters, but Harvey and Donna still have a lot to figure out. Anyone has a guess on what's coming - Jessica's reaction, the baby's gender? Let me know your thoughts on this one, and thank you for all the comments and reviews so far!

**CHAPTER FIVE**

He sits on the now familiar couch and the familiar room and looks across to his therapist as she waits for him to speak. He knows the drill. She wants him to come clean with it instead of asking. A part of him wants her to ask. He's just never been good at talking about his personal life. Or rather, any life he might have out of work and his one night stands and anything else.

They've covered most general subjects already. The lack of new panic attacks, the job, his new secretary (he truly has no complaints about Gretchen, but… she's not Donna) and he knows she's waiting for him to speak about the really important stuff.

So he takes a deep breath and speaks.

"Donna has a doctor appointment this week," Harvey says casually. "I'm coming with her this time around."

Dr. Reisman smiles softly. "That's good. It's gonna be your first time after the ER episode, right?"

He nods. "Yeah. She hit the end of the first trimester yesterday, so this is a milestone, or so I've read."

"Have you been reading much about pregnancy?"

"Just a bit. Online, mostly," he admits. "Donna seems great, though. Morning sickness isn't as bad. She told me yesterday she wants to find out the sex of the baby."

"Did you agree?" Dr. Reisman asks.

"To be completely honest I haven't given it much thought," he says honestly. "It doesn't really matter."

The doctor frowns. "Why not?"

Harvey shrugs. "It's a baby."

She arched her eyebrows. "Would you rather have a son or a daughter?"

"I've never really… Well," he starts, looking for the right words. "I never thought about it. I never thought about having my own family. Louis has always talked about having a wife and kids. Those weren't goals of mine. At least not yet."

"What about when you were younger?" Dr. Reisman asks.

Harvey frowns. "What about it?"

"As a child, did you think of having your own family?" She elaborates. "As a teenager, did you see yourself having a family in the future?"

He tenses, but nods all the same. He's been trying to keep therapy as honest as possible, even if he feels he doesn't need it anymore. The panic attacks have stopped, at least for the last couple of weeks. And yet he keeps coming, because he thinks he still needs those prescriptions he's been taking, and also because he thinks communicating here has helped him communicate with Donna. A little bit, at least. It's very slow progress. He's used to things happening quicker.

"I did think I'd have a family, but maybe that's just social construction," he shrugs. "After a while I just didn't think of it. My dad would ask sometimes. My brother stopped asking years ago."

Until that last call, of course. His brother took well to the news of becoming an uncle, a far better response than his own. He didn't even appear that surprised when Harvey told him this was Donna, his former secretary, actually Donna. Donna as the mother of a Specter child. And if he was surprised when Harvey told him they're not together, he didn't let on. Still, he knew he was bound to hear of it when they saw each other next time.

"Ask what, specifically?" Dr. Reisman asks, fingers rubbing her chin interestedly.

Harvey knows what's the point of this. It's what has been the point of the last few sessions, albeit with no progression.

"Dad would joke about it," he answers, nonetheless. "Just about having grandkids. Then sometimes he'd be serious and ask me if I was seeing anyone. He never actually met any of my girlfriends."

"Neither did your mother, then," Dr. Reisman concludes.

He shakes his head. "No. Dad met Donna, though."

There's a soft smile on the doctor's face. "Really?"

"Yeah. He loved her," Harvey rolls his eyes, but a smile plays on his lips. "He'd call my office twice a week when she came to work for me. Before, he only called every two weeks. Even if I couldn't answer he'd still talk to her. I have no idea what they talked about. I think it's best that I don't know."

"Donna must have felt his loss as well," she notes.

Harvey is quiet. So deep in his grief as he had been, he never thought about what she felt when she heard. "She liked my dad. I guess she considered him a friend," he concludes. "She's the one who delivered the news to me. I didn't even… I was so consumed with work I didn't even think to ask her to come to the funeral. I went and she stayed. We rarely talk about it."

"You and Donna rarely talk about a lot of things, Harvey," Dr. Reisman notes with some humor behind her tone. "How are you two really doing?"

He laces his fingers together and leans his elbows against his knees, pondering the question.

"We're telling people soon," he tells her. "Everyone will know. So… there's that."

"It'll be an adjustment to deal with everyone knowing," she comments. "Who are you telling first?"

"Mike and Rachel. Donna says we should tell them first because news will travel fast once it's out there," Harvey explains. "Jessica is next, obviously. I think we'll wait another week for that."

He says this and a part of him still finds it hard to believe this is happening. That Donna is really growing their child. That everyone will know about their night together. About _them_.

His palms feel sweaty.

"Will you tell your mother, Harvey?" Dr. Reisman asks.

He shakes his head immediately. "It's none of her business."

"It's her grandchild."

"We don't have a relationship of any kind," Harvey says resolutely. "Besides, I'm sure Marcus has already told her."

"Do you think she's happy for you?"

He takes a deep breath. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Do you think she's proud of what you are, of what you have become?" Dr. Reisman asks.

He sighs. It's not something he's ever thought of, something he's ever let himself think about.

"It doesn't matter," he says instead.

"Is that what you believe or what you tell yourself repeatedly until you believe it?" The doctor asks, leaning forward to watch him even more closely. He hates this part of sessions. "Harvey, do you ever think about how your history with your mother has changed your life?"

He rolls his eyes. "I don't need to be a psychiatrist to know that it has changed my life and how I live it. But I don't see what my mother has to do with any of this."

"Don't you?"

The doctor asks in such an inquisitive tone that he looks at her and meets her eyes. Their gaze is unwavering and he feels his throat tighten a little. It's uncomfortable; he feels a sudden sting in his eyes and looks down at his hands on his lap. He focuses on breathing instead. In, out, in, out.

"Our session is ending in a bit," Dr. Reisman notes. "We'll go back to this soon, Harvey. Your mother shouldn't be uncharted territory here. On the contrary."

"My mother…" he starts, but she interrupts him.

"Your mother is one of the reasons why you're here," the doctor says softly. "It's time you face her again, Harvey. At least in this room, if not literally."

He swallows but nods. It's been weeks of dancing around the subject. Reisman brings it up and he walks around it and ignores it. Subjects change when he doesn't want to talk about something and she's let him do it but now it seems there will be no more escaping. He can't fool himself. He still needs the prescriptions. He doesn't need to talk about his mother.

It seems like he'll be given no choice in the matter soon.

* * *

Donna is seething.

As in, she's trying really hard not to let on that she's about to have a nervous collapse. Over probably nothing. It's just what it is. She takes a deep breath, sitting behind her desk. She can admit her brain is going on full crazy mode. She can see Louis in his office saying something to his dictaphone, so he's not gonna bother her now. Deep breaths. She's already gotten sick upon getting back to the firm so it's not as if she has anything left to throw up.

It's just that… Harvey not showing for her doctor appointment hit her harder than she anticipated.

She gets it when it's the job. They lead stressful lives. She thought maybe he had forgotten about it, even. She made sure to tell Gretchen yesterday to let him know their appointment had been rescheduled. And yet she was alone when the time came, and he didn't even reply to her text until she was back in the firm.

That's when she decided to check his schedule. She still had the password — she still has _all _his passwords — so it's not like it was difficult. She told herself she was checking his schedule just to make sure he's alright, since he wasn't at the firm and Gretchen was nowhere to be found when Donna arrived.

There's an undisclosed appointment for this morning. It's just crossed, unable to be edited. One hour. At nine in the morning. Every Tuesday morning in the near future is booked and she's…

The possibilities aren't that difficult for her to guess. She's covered enough of Harvey's _busy _mornings to get this. He's either back to his old ways or he's found himself a new woman.

It's as simple as that, really. It shouldn't even surprise her. Did she think he'd remain celibate while she carried his child? Did she think their night together affected him enough that other women didn't attract him for a while?

She certainly had no will to see any other guy after sleeping with him, and that was even before she was pregnant. It's out of the question now. Not because she doesn't miss sex — honestly, she misses sex, a lot, especially lately — but because her situation is complicated enough without adding another person to the mix. How do you make yourself see anyone when you're carrying your former boss' child and are still in love with him?

The world love echoes in her brain and makes her nauseous.

Her dress feels uncomfortable too. Her little peanut is slowly making itself known.

Donna sighs, relaxing slightly on her chair. This is beyond her control. She doesn't want to deal with Harvey's womanizing ways. She had to, back when she was still his secretary and still pretending she didn't feel a thing for him.

She's not his secretary anymore and she's carrying a baby they conceived together and yes, it bothers her that he already seems to be over that night. Even if he's gonna be a father. Even if things between them are getting better. She doesn't want to deal with this and she won't deal with this, so she closes his schedule and corrects her posture even if she thinks she should open the zipper on the side of her dress a little.

That is, until Harvey comes into her line of vision.

It all comes back to her. All the weird, confused, hurt feelings. He looks tired and it makes her angrier because she's sure he didn't simply oversleep. It doesn't help that he goes straight to her desk.

"What's going on?" He asks at once. "You didn't reply to my text."

Donna scoffs. "There was nothing to reply."

"You asked if I was coming, I told you I was running late and asked what you needed me for," Harvey says. "Is everything okay?"

He asks the last question in a low, soft voice. It cracks her resolve, just a little.

"My appointment went well. Everything's okay," she answers him.

Harvey frowns, though. "Wasn't your appointment on Thursday?"

So he either forgot or didn't get her message.

"I got rescheduled because my doctor will be away at a conference," Donna replies. "It was this morning. I asked Gretchen to let you know it changed."

"Shit. I thought she meant the GE meeting," he mumbles. "I'm sorry, Donna."

"It's okay. I'm sure you had more important things to do," she can't help but say, turning her attention towards the computer screen.

He sighs. "Donna…"

"It's fine, Harvey. It happens," Donna shrugs, but she can't fake it well, not with him. His hooded eyes are full of regret and there's a pang in her chest, a sudden need to make sure he feels better, even if she feels hurt herself. She takes a deep breath and lowers her voice. "I'm all good. We're all good. I'll get you an updated picture."

Harvey nods. "I wanted to be there."

She blinks, unable to meet his eyes. "Next month, then."

"Yeah," he takes a deep breath. "We still on for tonight?"

"Unless Mike and Rachel cancel, yes," Donna says. She looks up at him, pursing her lips. "Let's just do it quickly. Rip it like a band aid."

"Sounds like a plan," he mutters.

"You got a better idea?" She narrows her eyes.

"Donna, I really didn't mean to skip this appointment," he says, lowering his voice even more as an associate walks by them. "Is there any way—"

"No, Harvey. This was routine. I have some blood tests to do tomorrow morning, but that's it," Donna interrupts him. "This is happening whether you're there or not. I get that you didn't mean to miss it, but that's done now and there's always next month, until there isn't anymore."

She lets out a sigh, then reaches for some papers.

"You should go. Louis is watching us."

She doesn't have to look at him to know he's checking Louis' office and she sees, out of the corner of her eye, him nodding at her and then walking away to finally begin his work day. She lets out a deep breath and counts to ten. The nausea is still there. She decides to get up and have a lime popsicle she's stored in the fridge yesterday, and takes the files with her. She might as well have work to occupy her mind.

Anything to take Harvey from it.

* * *

"So, not that I don't like having pizza and a beer instead of the usual scotch," Mike says a little bewildered. "Is there a reason for this?"

Harvey arches his eyebrows. "Do we need a reason to have pizza and beer?"

"Not unless we're celebrating something," the kid jokes. "Are you finally retiring? Giving me all your balls?"

"Mike."

"You're right, Donna would never let me touch them," Mike continues.

Harvey fakes an impatient sigh. They're in his condo, in the kitchen, Mike sitting on one of the bar stools and Harvey on the other side of the counter. He rolls his eyes and turns around. He'll need another beer for this.

It's not that he isn't happy — he thinks he's finally getting there. But the process of letting people find out, it's… a lot. He's already bracing himself for Jessica, who will definitely give unsolicited advice he will probably not follow, and Louis, who will likely give into a completely new existential crisis. He knows Donna is worried about other people's reactions, and he knows it won't be easy, but this… _thing _between them was always a rumor. It always circled around them whenever they were together.

In truth, he thinks it'll be pretty simple to deal with. He, on the other hand, is more worried about how the people close to them will react. He has yet to deal with her parents, but he knows that time will come sooner or later; he'll have to deal with their friends, which could bring potential trouble in the form of Louis, mainly; and they both know their enemies (his enemies) will find out when the time comes, so there is that as well.

All in all, it's not their reputations that are on the line. It's more like their dynamic as a group, as people, as friends, will likely change. And Harvey, as a general rule, isn't fond of changes.

"Actually, this is about Donna," he starts, opening the beer bottle and taking a sip. Mike arches his eyebrows, waiting. "Well, partly."

"Is she coming back to your desk?" Mike asks slowly.

Harvey shakes his head. "No, it's not that. Donna is pregnant."

"Well, shit."

Harvey's expression turns into a blank. "Excuse me?"

The kid shakes his head. "No, I just mean… if she's pregnant and you're telling me you're either planning to go after the baby's father and need my help or…"

Harvey waits.

"Or you're the father," Mike completes. "_Holy shit_. You're the father, right?"

He nods. "Yeah."

"Damn. How did that happen?" Mike asks, perplexed.

Harvey gives him a look. "You want me to give you the birds and bees talk?"

"I was expecting more of something like 'when a man loves a woman so much', if you know what I mean."

"Drop it."

"Okay, fine," Mike nods, his eyes wide as they meet Harvey's. "So… you're telling me now and Donna's telling Rachel too."

Harvey shrugs. "Her idea."

"What are you guys doing about this?" Mike asks. "This is big."

"Tell me about it. We're… adjusting," Harvey tells him. "But, you know, we're in this together."

"But not actually together?"

Harvey bristles. "It's more complicated than that. It was… a one time thing."

"You mean you fucked up," Mike interrupts him. "I mean, I knew you had when she went to work for Louis, but this is a whole new level… you really fucked up, didn't you?"

He nods, leaning against the counter and taking a swig of the bottle. "Yep. I really did. And I keep doing it."

"What do you mean?"

"She had an appointment this morning, I thought it was supposed to be on Thursday," Harvey runs a hand through his hair. "I meant to come, I want to show her this isn't just me doing the right thing. I'm doing this because she's… Donna, you know. It's not just because that's my child, it's because of her."

"Have you tried telling her that?" Mike asks.

"As a matter of fact, _yes_," Harvey tells him. "She was just… disappointed. And a little angry, I guess."

"Try not to miss any other appointments," Mike points out the obvious. Harvey rolls his eyes. "Hey, it's gonna be fine. If you're past the initial shock I'm sure you can handle anything. You're still Harvey and Donna, right?"

Harvey chuckles. "Yeah, I guess."

They each take a sip of their beers. There's silence. Mike must be processing it all and thinking about all the information he'll trade with Rachel. Harvey's thinking that he'd love to be privy to what Donna's telling Rachel too — but maybe it's for the best that he doesn't know.

She was pretty pissed at him today, after all.

"How was it, by the way? When she told you?" Mike asks suddenly. "Did you pass out?"

Harvey purses his lips. "Almost. I had a panic attack."

"Damn, Harvey. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, it's… Donna doesn't know about them," he tells him. "I'm seeing someone, about them. So it's getting better."

"I'm glad you're getting help, Harvey," Mike says truthfully. They share a smile. "Even more important now with a kid on the way. Congratulations, old man."

The kid moves to give him a hug, which Harvey accepts. As they let go and Harvey turns his attention back to his beer, Mike doesn't seem to be done yet.

"You better not fuck this up anymore, by the way," he adds. "I never want to cross Donna in any way, but I can't imagine how she'll be when she's like… _really _pregnant. Plus you know she's always right."

"_Always_. She doesn't give me a break," Harvey mumbles. "She always seems to know things about me before I do."

"That's Donna for you," Mike jokes. "Hey, I'm serious, though. Take care of her, Harvey. Don't fuck this up. For both of you."

"I'll do my best," Harvey says truthfully. "Now that this thing is really settling, it feels good for it to be out there, you know?"

Mike smiles. "You're happy about it."

"Yeah," Harvey admits quietly. "It's weird. I'll fuck up as a parent, but knowing Donna's there with me doesn't make it as terrifying as it should be. Maybe."

"You're gonna be fine," Mike says. "Donna won't let you ruin parenthood."

"We did raise you and you're only a fake lawyer, so," Harvey jokes, earning a dirty glance from Mike, who decides to ignore it and finish his beer instead.

Yeah, people will finally know and that's a concept he's still getting used to, but he sure as hell feels relieved.

For now.

* * *

"Oh my God, Donna!"

"You've already said that," Donna notes, looking slyly at Rachel from her seat on the couch. Her friend is still processing the news, judging by the puzzled expression on her face and the repeated exclamation. Donna had expected something like this anyway.

It is what it is, honestly. And by it she means her baby. That very present thing inside her uterus. She's still getting used to it — him, her. She has a feeling, but she's not sure. Next month, maybe — perhaps she'll find out more about her little peanut. This entire pregnancy thing seems to be making sure each day that passes makes it more real, which works fine for Donna, because she knows she'll have a little baby in her arms for this. She needs all the reality checks she can get.

"I'm sorry," Rachel says, frowning. "Just… wow. This is huge."

"I know," Donna agrees.

"So when you stopped working for Harvey…"

"Yep."

"And now you're pregnant," Rachel concludes. "I knew whatever happened between you had to be big, but this is… _huge_."

"You've just said that," Donna notes again.

Rachel laughs. "I'm sorry, I'm just… shocked. How are you?"

Not actually the first question she thought her friend would ask; it takes Donna by surprise a little. This isn't just one of their regular girl talks, this is… more than that. This is about adding a new person into their lives, and Donna suddenly feels a pang of affection for Rachel and her thoughtfulness.

"I'm okay," Donna answers. "Just… morning sickness is a bitch. No one tells you it lasts all day long. But it's better now."

Rachel lets out a watery laugh. "That's good."

"And I'm not gonna lie, I miss sex," Donna admits, letting out a long breath. "I've had longer periods of abstinence than this, but I guess the hormones are just… you know."

"Right," Rachel bites her lip, and Donna knows she's trying not to laugh.

"And my boobs are just… the worst, you know?" Donna complains. "I can't even wear some of my dresses anymore, and it's not because I'm showing. It's because my breasts are just out there."

Rachel lets out a loud laugh. "I'm sorry, Donna. Just… this is surreal," she shakes her head a little. "How has Harvey been about this?"

"It was… complicated, at first," Donna says. "Just… to take it all in, you know. But he's been sweet, actually. He wants to make sure I'm feeling okay most of the time. He's been making Ray drive me around," she rolls her eyes at that. The poor driver has no idea what's going on yet. "It hasn't been easy, especially with how things happened between us."

Rachel nods. "I bet."

"He hasn't tried anything. This is Harvey we're talking about," she says, and it's more a complaint than a statement. "He saw me as his secretary, maybe his friend, and now I'm the mother of his child. The progression of things."

She shakes her head as she says it. It's not as if she wants more — she doesn't even know what _more _is nowadays. She just… doesn't know how to handle this relationship they have. It's more than just about love on her part. She knows that in a way he loves her too, but maybe… it's simply not the right way. And this whole pregnancy thing has suddenly put things into a different perspective. It's a matter of self-preservation now.

"He sees you as much more than that," Rachel says. "You didn't see him after you left, Donna. You were too busy handling your own troubles, and that was the right thing to do," she adds, "but he was lost without you. He was completely lost. You're everything to him, Donna."

Donna swallows dryly, willing herself not to let all the tears flow. She's been more emotional than usual — maybe it's hormones, maybe it's just the state of things. Either way, she's better than this. She won't cry over conjectures, even if she thinks they're most likely facts and not just possibilities.

"He has a weird way of showing it sometimes," Donna says softly. "I know comfort is not his thing, but he's been getting better at it. Just…"

Rachel frowns. "What?"

"I had an appointment this morning," she shakes her head softly. "He didn't show. That's fine, it was just routine, but I still have access to his schedule since he never changed his password."

"And?"

"He wasn't out on work. He has his Tuesdays free in the morning," Donna sighs. "I've been his secretary for too long to not know what free mornings mean."

"Oh, Donna…"

She shrugs. "It's fine. We all have lives to live, right?" Donna sniffs softly. "I guess I thought that when we got together that night things were going to be better. I thought he was finally ready."

Rachel tilts her head. "If he doesn't know the life he should be living then he's a fool, Donna. And he doesn't deserve you."

Donna looks up and meets her friend's eyes. She smiles slowly, softly, suddenly grateful for her presence here. It's good to have someone besides herself to talk about her feelings. She's been bottling things up for way too long.

"Well," Donna starts, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "I'm glad we both know that."

She laughs, and Rachel smiles kindly at her. The spell is broken, and they both sense a change of subject is the best path to take right now.

"Do you know what you're having yet?" Rachel asks, suddenly giddy with excitement.

"Not yet," Donna makes a face. "Harvey hasn't said much but I definitely want to find out as soon as possible."

"Well, what do you think you're having?" Rachel asks interestedly, and it feels so good to just talk mindlessly about this. With her mom, the conversations end up being a little more technical, and her mom keeps trying to take notes from her about Harvey. It's just simple with Rachel. She hasn't realized how much she was needing this girl talk.

"I have a feeling," Donna confesses. "But I'm not telling yet. I'm not sure."

"Fine. I'll be happy with a nephew or niece anyway," Rachel says with a chuckle. "I have to say I may be partial to our very own Harriet Specter, but I won't mind a Henry either."

Donna laughs. "Well, we'll see about those names, but you never know. We'll take them shopping with us anyway."

"I can already see our brunches being much more child-friendly, and I won't mind any of it," Rachel says with a smile. "Oh, I can even make a list of the best restaurants for kids. It's never too early to develop a good taste, you know. And knowing you two, this kid is gonna have the best taste in town."

"Let's hope they take after me and not Harvey," Donna notes. Rachel frowns. "He's too minimalistic. You've never been to his place, have you?"

"Not beyond the kitchen, to be honest."

"Good for you. It's like no one lives there. Those statues are probably not child friendly. Might give the kid nightmares," she makes a face. "God, this is really happening, isn't it? I'm having a baby with Harvey."

Rachel gives her a soft smile. "Yeah, you are. You're gonna be the best mom, Donna."

"Thanks, Rach," Donna smiles too.

"Come here," Rachel says, and they hug.

Donna feels as if her baby already has a new friend of their own in Rachel. And maybe… well, maybe they'll have their own little Harriet in the end, who will surely get spoiled rotten by her aunt Rachel.

Time will tell.

* * *

It's late by the time Mike and Rachel get home, with Mike picking up Rachel from Donna's, and they spend the entire cab ride conspiring about how their friends got together, what went wrong, and how they're gonna handle raising a child together without being actually together. Mike thinks they're gonna get there eventually, but he doesn't like how reticent Rachel seems to be about it. He knows better than to ask his fiancée about what she shares with Donna, but he has the feeling things aren't as simple as Harvey made them to be.

He supposes nothing is simple when it comes to Harvey and Donna.

Still, they joke about being named godparents and they make fun of Harvey because they all know he's gonna be taken by the baby the minute he holds him or her. Rachel hopes it's a girl; Mike hopes it'll take after Donna in most ways.

It's when they're getting ready for bed that Rachel says something that catches his attention.

"Let's just hope Harvey doesn't get anyone else pregnant in the meantime," she says, mostly as a joke.

Mike frowns. "As if he's been able to get Donna out of his system yet."

Rachel brushes her hair and widens her eyes a little. "Or maybe he's trying to take her out of his system by sleeping with other women. It's not unlike him, I guess."

He sits on the bed behind her, folding his arms as he did so. Sure, this whole thing was going to take some adjustment, and he's sad his friends haven't been able to get their shit together but he thinks this could bring them closer in just the right way. He's a romantic at heart, maybe. Or maybe he just wants them both to see what everyone else sees.

"What makes you say that?"

"Just… Donna said he missed her appointment today. He promised he'd go and he didn't show," Rachel turns to look at him.

Mike nods; he knows that as well. He also knows Harvey's life was turned upside down since Donna left his desk, and he's pretty sure his friend was far too worried about her and his own mental state to go back to being his regular womanizer self.

"So?"

"So, Donna still has his password. She checked his schedule and he was off work this morning, doing God knows what," Rachel rolls her eyes. "Or whom, I suppose. Anyway, you remember how he was last year. Donna knows that more than we do. Plus he's booked all Tuesday mornings, apparently."

Shit. It was probably his therapy session, Mike thinks right away. But Rachel doesn't know that, and neither does Donna.

"He's probably with a woman," Rachel concludes. "Donna was heartbroken. And angry. You can hardly fault her. She's not looking to be with anyone right now, and probably not for a while, with the baby. Women just have it differently."

She sighs and stands up to go to her side of the bed.

"Harvey isn't seeing anyone," Mike assures her, turning around slowly.

"How can you know that?" She asks skeptically.

"Because he doesn't want to make things worse with Donna," he tells her. "He's happy with the baby, Rachel. And he wants things to get better between them."

Rachel still doesn't believe him, he can tell. "Maybe it's just a casual thing. Maybe it's Scottie again."

He shakes his head, walking to his side of the bed. "That ship sailed long ago."

"Well, either way he's gonna have to show her he's in this with her," Rachel continues. "He better show for her next appointment, or I'll volunteer to go with her."

He joins her and smirks in her direction. "You're excited about this."

"My best friend is having a baby. Of course I'm excited," Rachel admits. "I'm going out this week and getting this baby a present."

Mike groans. "Rachel, she's only like four months pregnant."

"And the baby needs things. Donna hasn't bought much yet. I think she's just relieved to have finished the first trimester," Rachel notes. "I'm gonna give the baby their first real present."

He knows better than to argue with his fiancée.

He just needs to remember to talk to Harvey about this tomorrow morning.

* * *

Harvey knocks on Donna's door, a sudden nervousness making his stomach churn a little. They haven't had a good day; they didn't see each other until mid-afternoon as he suspected she was avoiding him and when they did speak she was short and a little cold, and _damn_, he realized Mike was right.

He thought she was angry just because of the missed appointment, but her shortness made much more sense. Even when he protested at Mike's suggestion, his next question made him see things differently.

_How would you feel if Donna was seeing someone right now?_

It's absurd to him. He hates the feeling, hates that he hates it. All her last relationships have bothered him, but now… he can't think of her with someone else. His mind spiralled to the point where he imagined her dating a guy and introducing him to their child and…

It's a good thing he's still on medication, or he's pretty sure he'd have had a panic attack then and there, because even on medication he felt as if he couldn't breathe properly for a full minute.

So he checks the bag in his hand and waits for her to open her door.

She's a true sight when the door opens. It's a little late and he was worried that maybe she was taking a shower or even out, but she's home and judging by her attire she's just gotten back from yoga or pilates or whatever she's into these days. He's not sure what, but she's wearing tights and a sleeveless shirt and her feet are clad in socks and Harvey thinks she looks adorable like this, with her hair a little wavy, as if it's just been pulled from a ponytail.

"Hi," Harvey says sheepishly. "I hope it's not a bad time."

"No, I just got back from class," Donna says, clearly trying to mask her surprise.

"Pilates?" He asks conversationally.

Donna nods. "Yeah."

"Can I come in?" Harvey asks. "I got something for you."

She frowns but steps aside. "It's not my birthday and you never get me anything unless I buy it myself or I'm shopping with you."

"Fine, it's not for you," he confesses. "It's for the baby."

She uncrosses her arms, frowning a little in surprise, then eyes the bag he's been holding with interest. Standing in her hallway, he has no choice but to give it to her, hoping this will maybe guarantee him an invitation to come inside the living room or maybe even dinner. They've done a few of those in the past few weeks and they've been the highlight of his days.

It doesn't hurt so much to admit that.

So he watches as Donna takes the bag from him and takes the plush toy from it first. He bought it last week and he was planning to give it to her once they exited the doctor's office. He missed that chance, but watching her stare at the little sheep toy makes his heart burst a little. She traces the material with her fingers — he knows how soft it is and that's why he chose it.

"It's not appropriate for newborns," he notes. "At least that's what I've read. But when they're two or three months old, it's all good. And I thought this was cute, I don't know."

He's suddenly second guessing himself. Maybe a little sheep is too simple? Maybe he should have gone for the unicorn instead. All kids love unicorn, right?

But Donna gives him a watery smile and he thinks maybe this is okay.

"It's perfect, Harvey," she tells him. "It's really cute. They'll love it."

"You think so?" He asks, trying to imagine their baby cuddling the toy to sleep or just playing with it, discovering new things every day.

"I know so," Donna says. "Thank you."

"There's one more thing in there," Harvey adds sheepishly.

Donna frowns and reaches inside the bag once more, not letting go of the toy just yet. She takes the article of clothing and a snort escapes her as she laughs; he laughs at the noise but knows better than to comment.

"Attorney work product?" She reads the front of the onesie. "This is the worst. I love it."

"I'm sure everyone at the firm will love it," Harvey comments.

"Let's keep it between the three of us, then," she jokes, and he notices something, from the way she's balancing the bag and holding the presents.

She's showing.

It's not much, and definitely not noticeable enough that people would ask her about it, but in her workout clothes, in this position… he can see what wasn't there before. A small swell on her lower belly. As if sensing his stare, or maybe merely by growing habit, she rests her hand there, just for a second, and then their eyes meet.

He doesn't think she's ever been this beautiful.

"Where did you get these?" She asks, still looking at the toy and the onesie.

"A baby store," he answers obviously. "I just realized we don't have much yet. You bought that pair of shoes last week, but that was it. And a kid needs toys."

"They'll like it even more in the future, knowing their daddy chose this for them," she notes. "I mean it. We really need to start buying more stuff," she adds. "Let's go inside. Maybe we can order something to eat?"

"Actually, I came here to apologize for missing the appointment," he starts, sensing he owes her a better explanation. "It won't happen again, I promise."

"Harvey, it's okay. You were busy, I get it," she says, too fast, already turning around to go into the living room.

"No, I… I wasn't busy with work, and I think you should know," Harvey tells her. It's not something he advertises, it's not something he ever wanted her to know, but she should know. He can't let this stay between them, not anymore. "I'm seeing someone."

Donna stops walking, but doesn't turn to look at him.

"Harvey…"

He hears the crack in her voice, knows she's gonna try and make it seem like it's nothing, and damn, he chose his words very, very badly, so he might as well just come out with it.

"I'm seeing a psychiatrist."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I’d try to update before Christmas and here we are. Hope everyone likes this one! There’s gonna be an interesting visitor next chapter... any guesses? Let me know your thoughts!

“I’m seeing someone.”

Her steps falter. This is exactly the sort of thing she wanted to avoid. She doesn’t want to know, she doesn’t think she has the right to, she’s sure she shouldn’t have to, but if he’s telling her it’s because it’s not nothing, and she’s eventually gonna give birth to a baby that will belong to the two of them.

She’s tired. And upset. And definitely not ready for this.

“Harvey…”

Donna wills her voice to remain strong — why is he telling her this? Why make her go through this? She’s exhausted of this thing between them, hates how weird things have been, but she’s let it go on because she feels the natural way of things can’t be helped and she has faith they’ll get to where they’re supposed to be when the time is right. Wherever that place is or when it’ll happen, she can’t control it; until then, she just wants things to be more or less the same between them. For the sake of the baby, if nothing else.

Still, she’s upset, and she already feels the tears at her eyes, and this is so… pitiful. She hates it.

Before she can say anything else or even turn around, however, Harvey speaks again.

“I’m seeing a psychiatrist.”

Donna’s eyes widen for a moment, and then she turns around, not masking her surprise.

“You’re  _ what _ ?”

Harvey looks a little nervous, and that’s just not a mood you see often in him. Not about personal matters, anyway, and Donna knows right away just how personal this is. It’s… as personal as it can get, she knows. She’s worked for him and known him for too long to not understand how big this is. It’s a huge step, to say the least. One she was never convinced he’d fully take.

Leave it to Harvey to surprise her. Sometimes the surprises can be good, apparently.

“I’m going to therapy,” Harvey says, almost sheepishly. As if he’s a little boy hoping for a praise. 

“That’s why you missed the appointment,” Donna repeats, trying to make sense of the situation. He nods. “That’s… That’s great, Harvey.”

“I hope so,” he rubs his palm against the back of his neck, a little embarrassed maybe. Donna can only feel a certain pride at the news, pride and relief — but she’s going to stick to pride for now. “I really didn’t mean to skip the appointment. I meant it when I said I want to be there for you. For both of you.”

She clutches the stuffed lamb he has just given her — no, not her, their baby — a little tighter and nods.

“It’s alright, Harvey. I understand,” Donna says. “So… no more Tuesday morning appointments for us.”

“Or I’ll just reschedule mine. It’s not a big deal,” Harvey is quick to say, but Donna shakes her head.

“I wouldn’t want you to miss any of your appointments either. We can work around this, it’s fine,” Donna assures him. “So… dinner?”

A slow smile crosses his lips as he nods. She knows better than to ask him much about therapy, and she has a feeling that telling her about it has already been more than he wanted to tell. She’ll give him time, like she’s always done, and she knows he’s relieved that she’s not asking a hundred questions and, well, maybe he’s happy they’ve made peace with each other and he had been hoping for dinner too.

And if she’s relieved that he’s actually not seeing someone romantically, well…

She’ll keep that thought to herself.

She’s glad they’ll have dinner too, because if she’s honest with herself these dinner dates that aren’t actual dates have been the highlight of her weeks. Sometimes he’ll bring food over, or sometimes they’ll pick something up on their way to her apartment because they’ve been doing that more often lately. Sure, work has been allowing it, so it helps, but she can’t help but remember that they rarely left work together before.

Before. What is before, anyway? Things have been so weird and different that it seems like so long ago that they… It seems like so long ago that they spent that night together. In reality, just a little over three months. So much is changing between them, with them, around them. With her, too — specifically with her. The relief in knowing that he’s not seeing or sleeping with someone is too much for her to think of right now.

This evening she suggests a salad because she doesn’t feel like ordering anything and Harvey is almost nervous as he suggests he’ll cook for them.

Donna doesn’t bother hiding her surprise.

“You want… to cook for us,” she says. Not really a question.

“I can cook,” Harvey shrugs. “You remember how I helped during your dinner party.”

She tries not to cringe at the thought of that god awful dinner party and she tries not to think that the last time they mentioned it they ended up in bed. Together.

“That was an emergency. The shrimp I had bought almost gave me food poisoning just from touching them,” Donna reminds him.

“And I saved you by bringing fresh shrimp and helping you cook them,” Harvey replies. “I promise I won’t give you food poison.”

She ends up agreeing, just because she’s longing for a shower after pilates and he’s been eyeing her differently in these clothes (but he thinks she hasn’t noticed it). So she accepts and shows him around her kitchen — she’s renovated it since the dinner party so he can’t possibly remember — and announces she’ll take a quick shower as Harvey’s taking off his suit jacket and draping it over the couch.

Donna’s pretty sure she held her breath from that until the moment she closed her bedroom door. It’s too intimate. Too personal.

She breathes slowly, trying to calm down. In and out. They’re having a baby together. That’s personal too. As personal as it gets, apparently. There’s gonna be way worse things they’ll be dealing with in the future. She cringes when she thinks of birth classes and breastfeeding and the birth itself. Harvey’s probably gonna be present for those.

He’s gonna be present for the birth. Shit. Why did she never think of that before?

So really, him cooking her dinner shouldn’t be such a big deal. But the fact remains that they’ve never done that. The dinner party had been a one time thing that was never repeated or suggested by either of them, simply because it had been… fun and intimate and nice. Too nice. So nice that she had thought about breaking her stupid rule about not sleeping with people she works with for him — much like she did when she got pregnant.

She’s pretty sure he thought of it then, too. This is uncharted territory for both of them.

But she takes her shower and it quietens her mind a little. She selects a pair of comfortable pants and a loose shirt before walking back to the living room, her hair now loose and freshly dried instead of the previous ponytail. She feels more like herself, a little more in touch with reality. Harvey, having therapy sessions. Harvey, cooking for her.

The world is a strange place.

Even stranger when she gets to her kitchen and sees him, hard at work, sleeves rolled up and a dish cloth draped over his shoulder. Strange because he looks too much at ease there. Almost at home.

She feels a pang in her chest and lets it go. 

He looks up at her and smiles. She smiles too.

“So… did you find enough food for us?” Donna asks, leaning against the counter.

“The menu is steak and fries,” Harvey says sheepishly. Donna laughs because that sounds exactly like something he’d know how to cook. She won’t complain. “No salad yet, though.”

“I can handle a salad. Leave that to me,” Donna says, making her way into the kitchen.

She feels his eyes on her as she moves, and wonders why he’s so observant, why he’s so interest.

She doesn’t duel on that too much.

“I’ll make us the best salad you’ve ever had,” she announces, taking a place next to him on the counter while he checks on the steaks.

It’s quick work after that, since Harvey is almost done and, well, she doesn’t take too long preparing a salad because it’s a really simple one.

He sets the table and turns down her offer of wine, but accepts when she mentions she still has wine left and she won’t be able to have any anytime soon. By the time they are seated they clink their glasses together — it’s always been a tradition of theirs, of sorts, only now instead of scotch she’s drinking water and he’s drinking wine.

They start eating and she tries not to be very surprised that he’s good at this — she’s pretty sure this is the best steak she’s had in months.

“So?” Harvey asks, a little hopefully, like a little boy who wants her approval.

They might have a boy, she reminds herself. If they have a boy and he looks at her like Harvey’s looking at her now, she’ll be done for.

She swallows and nods, turning her attention to the food. She feels the same flutters in her lower belly that she’s been feeling for a few days now. The doctor told her it’s normal — movements from the baby, however faint they might be. Some women take longer to feel them. Some women feel them sooner. She, well, at first she thought it was gas.

It’s weird. Not unwelcome.

“I’m convinced nothing as good as this has been cooked in that kitchen before,” she admits. Harvey chuckles. “I’m serious! I mean, this is really good. I should keep you.”

“You’re keeping me,” Harvey replies. They share a glance— it’s too much. Donna looks away. “I can’t let my kid survive on take out, can I?”

It’s a joke and she lets out a laugh with a shake of her head. 

“For your information,” Donna says as she recovers, “that’s not going to happen for a while. She’s gonna want me and only me.”

“Yeah, well, you have stuff that I don’t,” Harvey shakes his head. A moment later, he frowns. “ _ She _ ?”

Donna swallows and moves the food around her plate a little, feeling a little embarrassed to be caught out like this. She chances a look at him and sees only curiosity in his eyes. It’s silly, really, but he’s the only one she feels she can share this with. So she smiles a little, bites her lip, and then speaks.

“I think it’s a girl,” she says quickly and simply, then shrugs. “It’s just a feeling I have. Maybe I’m totally wrong.”

Harvey tilts his head. “You’re usually not wrong. Ever.”

It’s a jibe at her, but a good natured one. She smacks his shoulder softly and he grins, turning back to the food.

“Would you like it if it’s a girl?” She finds herself asking.

Harvey swallows and nods. “Yeah. I think so. You?”

“I’m honestly happy with whoever we get. Gender isn’t that important,” Donna says dismissively. “I can’t shake this feeling, though.”

She turns her attention back to dinner and lets her mind wander. Maybe it’s a boy, yes, but maybe it’s a girl, and she can suddenly see herself a year from now sitting right here with the baby in her arms. Even a few years down the line, with a little girl running across the apartment. Maybe she’ll like dancing and movies or maybe she’ll like baseball or maybe she’ll like all of it. It doesn’t matter.

She chances a look back to Harvey, and he’s deep in thought as well.

“Hey,” Donna calls. He looks at her instantly, a little bewildered. “Where did you go?”

He shakes his head. “Just here. I imagined a little girl with your hair sitting right there,” he points to the chair next to her. “I just realized the baby might have red hair.”

He says it with such awe and simplicity that Donna feels herself melt a little at the softness in this tone. She clears her throat and her voice is a little reluctant as she speaks next.

“Would that be so bad?”

She makes it as a joke, really, but there’s more to the question than anything else. He’s told her more than once he’s never thought of doing this, of having kids, and that despite everything he’s happy to be doing this with her, and she believes him. She believes him because she  _ knows  _ him, knows how important family is to him. But it’s different to talk so openly about it.

A soft smile spreads across Harvey’s face.

“No,” he says at last. “That wouldn’t be bad at all. On the contrary.”

Donna smiles back.

Conversation flows into different topics afterwards; she doesn’t ask about therapy, even if she wants to, but is glad to catch a few details now and then. She knows the therapist’s name, at least, so that’s always something. She wants to ask why he’s gone in the first place. What made him reach out. What made him realize he needed help.

Harvey has always been too proud and too used to rely on himself to be brave enough to admit that. It takes guts to do that, Donna knows, and it only makes her admire him even more. Despite the issues and their own problems as friends, or colleagues, or even… whatever it is they are, she’s always wanted this for him. To heal from past wounds, no matter how.

She hopes he’ll open up to her about all of this soon. But they’re not there yet, she knows.

Later, when she’s full and dinner is over, she’s the first to stand and gather the dishes and Harvey follows suit, despite protests that he can do it himself. This is still her apartment, though, and she’s not invalid, or so she tells him. He insists on drying the dishes and she accepts the help, for his own peace of mind more than anything. 

Still, she senses his eyes on her, and normally she wouldn’t mention it, but it’s… notorious.

“What is it?” Donna asks, closing the tap on the sink and turning her body towards his. She has yet to rinse the dishes, so he’s really not been doing anything yet.

Harvey looks way too innocently at her. “What?”

“You keep… staring,” Donna mumbles, looking down her outfit, second guessing her choice. Surely black and dark blue aren’t bad. She’s at home, and she’s comfortable, and he’s… Harvey. She can’t very well put on a designer dress just because he’s over. Or put on her pajamas or a nightgown. Those are too intimate. “Is there anything wrong with the clothes? Do you think I’ve put on weight or something?”

“No! No, no,” Harvey is quick to say. Then she sees it — a faint blush on his neck. He’s embarrassed? She can’t even begin to imagine why. “It’s, uh… when you were wearing the leggings earlier,” he starts, “I thought you were showing. I was just, I don’t know, trying to see if it was really a thing.”

“Oh.”

She shouldn’t be surprised, she thinks, because he’s really in it. After the therapy thing, there’s not a doubt in her mind that he’s in this for good. And she knows Harvey, she knows how protective he can be, she knows how he  _ loves _ . Even if he doesn’t know, she does. 

This is not ideal. It’s not the two of them preparing as a couple for a baby. It’s the two of them trying to make sense of a baby they’ll have together, but that they wouldn’t want to have with anyone else. It’s what they got, and it’s who they are right now, and it’s not ideal but it’s not so bad either.

“I don’t mean that you’ve gained weight or anything,” Harvey continues, clearly uncomfortable. “It’s just that I noticed…”

“I’ve been wearing loose dresses at work,” Donna interrupts them. “It’s fine. You wouldn’t have noticed. It’s not big, it’s barely there, I don’t think most people would have noticed.”

Their eyes meet. Most people wouldn’t have noticed, she’s right. But  _ he _ has noticed.

That tells her more than he’s willing to admit.

So she reaches for the dish cloth to dry her hands and reaches for her blouse afterwards — she lifts it, just a little, then lowers the hem of her pants as well. Donna herself needs some tactile help before she reaches for his hand. She guides it to her navel, below her belly button, and spreads his fingers on her skin. It’s intimate, the way they are standing close together and his warm palm against her skin. She holds his wrist in place, then looks up at him, his face closer than she deems safe.

He’s looking down at her tiny bump, still a bump nonetheless, and her breath hitches because she’s wondering if the baby can feel that warmth. Their father’s palm so close to them. So close to her.

After a moment, Harvey smiles. Donna smiles back, a little shakily.

“Can you feel anything?” He asks.

Butterflies in her stomach, she wants to say. But she won’t.

“Flutters, every now and then,” Donna tells him. “Like… bubbles. It’s weird. I guess that you’ll be able to feel them in a few weeks, maybe.”

“I hope so,” Harvey admits. He moves his hand a little, caressing her skin. Donna’s eyes flutter and she moves her gaze away. She can feel his cologne from here and the tips of his fingers too close to the hem of her panties. He’s breathing changes too. It’s subtle, but she’s too close not to notice. He takes his hand away slowly, adjusting her clothes in the meantime. “Thanks for this.”

Donna frowns rather dramatically. “You’re welcome. Though I’ve been told that when the bump is bigger everyone will want to do that. Enjoy your privilege.”

She turns to the sink once more and catches his smirk as he answers. “I most certainly will.”

It’s not ideal, no, and they have a lot to handle, but they’re getting there. She thinks they are, anyway.

So she throws a smile his way and lets herself be glad for what they have now. It’s better than yesterday already.

* * *

Harvey arrives at his usual time at the firm the next Monday. He deems today a good day. He’s had a good week with Donna, closed a millionaire deal on Saturday, he managed to go to the gym this morning and he’s had a good weekend, even going out the day before with Donna for baby clothes. He figures that if he’s taken Donna shopping more than just a few times, he should be able to do the same for his child.

So he gets into the elevator, happy that it’s empty. His hands are in his pocket, his back against the wall. It remains empty for the next forty five floors. When the doors open again, this time on the forty-sixth floor, he looks up and sees a familiar face.

She walks into the elevator alone, holding a file in her hands, and he likes the soft smile on her face even more than the lavender dress she’s wearing.

And he likes the dress _a_ _lot_.

“Harvey.”

“Donna.”

The doors close and she doesn’t press any buttons because they both know she’s going to the fiftieth.

“Ray said you’ve been getting here at eight instead of seven,” he says conversationally.

Donna nods. “Yeah. The extra hour of sleep is worth it,” she tells him. “Also helps that Ray is already there when I leave my building and I don’t have to hail a cab. I hope you’ve been paying him some extra.”

“I have. He’s earned it,” Harvey shrugs.

“I’m not sure if you know this, but some people think we’re dating,” Donna says this, not looking at him. “They’ve noticed the car rides.”

“Let them think whatever they want,” he rolls his eyes. This is not exactly new. They’ve been dealing with this since they started at the firm. “It’s always been like this.”

“Not exactly like this, no,” Donna breathes, finally looking at him.

Does he care if people think they’re seeing each other? In a way, people always thought they had something more. And soon they’ll know she’s pregnant and… thoughts will wander. He doesn’t care about people.

He cares about her, though.

“Does it bother you?” He frowns.

Donna sighs. “A little. People just assume. They’re usually wrong,” she states. “I just wanted to make sure you’re aware, though.”

“I’m aware. We know the truth and our friends know the truth,” he says as the elevator dings its arrival to their destination. “If you’re okay, then I’m okay.”

She gives him a smile. “Then we’re okay.”

He lets her exit before he does, following her out but almost running into her when she stops abruptly. Without thinking, he holds her waist for a moment, just to steady himself, then steps around her to see Gretchen right in front of them.

“Louis is in your office,” Gretchen states. “For the meeting.”

Harvey frowns. “I’m on my way. Thanks, Gretchen.”

“Jessica is on her way too. They’ll want you there soon,” she eyes him and Donna critically. “ _ Both _ of you.”

Harvey’s eyes widen. “That’s today? The meeting is today?”

“Mm-hm. So you better move your skinny little butts soon,” Gretchen adds before walking away.

Shit. He totally forgot about this. This is it. This is when they tell Jessica and Louis and prepare for at least one inevitable drama. He looks at Donna, a little worried.

“Did you remember this?” He asks, and he doesn’t like that his voice sounds a little squeaky.

“Yes, I just didn’t know it was now. I must have lost track of time,” she shakes her head, moving in the direction of Louis’ office, not his. “Okay, let me just leave this at my desk and I’ll meet you there.”

“Oh, no. We go in there  _ together _ ,” Harvey says, following her. “We’ll take the long way.”

He doesn’t need to look at her to know she’s rolling her eyes.

They arrive at his office far too soon, in Harvey’s opinion. Louis is sitting in front of his desk and Jessica is standing near his discs. Donna walks in first and Harvey closes the door behind them as he follows. He doesn’t like the way Gretchen is pointedly not looking inside. He’s sure she’s listening to whatever is being said in here.

“Donna, I was gonna stop by your desk when this ended,” Louis says, obviously curious as to why Donna is here.

“It’s fine, Louis, Donna is part of the meeting,” Harvey says before Donna can say a thing. 

Instead of sitting behind his desk, however, he chooses one of the chairs near his basketballs. Donna follows his lead and sits next to him. Jessica looks curious too, merely sitting across from Harvey. He doesn’t need to look at Louis to know his mind is already on overdrive from this development alone.

He looks at Donna instead. She’s looking particularly pretty today. The color of her dress really brings out the best of her. He knows she’s relieved morning sickness is mostly gone.

“So,” Jessica starts, folding her hands together. “Is there a reason why we’re here at all?”

“Well,” Harvey starts, clearing his throat. “Donna—”

“She’s gonna come back to work for you, isn’t she?” Louis interrupts, standing up. “I knew this would happen.”

Donna shakes her head. “Louis…”

“You’ve been close lately,” he continues. “I’ve seen the two of you leaving the building together. Back to being friends, so I’m not—”

“ _ Louis _ ,” Donna says, her tone bossy enough that it effectively shuts Louis up. “I’m not coming back to Harvey’s desk. Please sit down.”

Louis crosses his arms instead, choosing not to sit down. He’s on edge, Harvey can sense that. Never good for Louis. But then, there’s hardly a perfect time for this.

“Very well,” Donna says pointedly, looking from Louis to Jessica. “I want to keep working for Louis. But we called you here because some things will inevitably change in the near future.”

This makes Jessica arch her eyebrows and Louis frown. They look from Donna to Harvey, waiting. 

“I’m pregnant,” Donna says.

Harvey takes a deep breath. “I’m the baby’s father.”

Jessica’s mouth opens a little. Enough that he knows she’s gobsmacked, but she closes her mouth a second later. Louis, on the other hand, has the ghost of a smile on his face. He obviously thinks it’s a joke.

“Come again?” He asks, looking from Harvey to Donna.

“Harvey and I are having a baby, Louis,” Donna repeats.

Her hands are fidgety as she says so. He wishes he could hold them somehow, but there’s too much of a distance between them. Literally and figuratively. It’s been worse, but it can be better.

He folds his own hands and looks sheepishly at Jessica.

“Donna’s due in October,” he volunteers the information.

Jessica takes one calculating look between them then smiles.

“I guess congratulations are in order, then,” she says after a moment. “I assume you’ve known for a while.”

Donna nods. “Thank you. I’ll let HR know today.”

“Today will settle a lot of bets,” Jessica jokes.

He and Donna share a laugh. 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute,” Louis says. “You’re… pregnant.”

Donna nods.

“Harvey is the father.”

“Harvey nods.

“I need a day,” Louis announces rather loudly from his observation point.

They all look at him as he nods, eyes hovering between Donna and Harvey, then leaves without another word. Harvey can see in Donna’s face that she’s worried about him. To be honest, Harvey doesn’t care. Louis will just need time to adjust to this. Like they all did.

This isn’t just telling their friends, after all. This is about work and consequences. It’s about Louis finding a new secretary for a while and Harvey taking a few weeks off, probably. It’s about a name partner having a baby with his former secretary and the fact that rumors will rise not only within the firm but outside of it too. He doesn’t care — he doubts Jessica does either. But there might be some control management in the future. This isn’t a piece of cake for any of them.

“I’ll go talk to him,” Donna says after a moment. “He’s gonna want an emergency therapy session, probably.”

Taking herself out of the game — Harvey isn’t surprised. Jessica will want to have a word with  _ him _ and not Donna. The two women always respected each other and he can’t see that changing anytime soon. So he nods at Donna, watches as Jessica gives her a smile, but it’s only when Donna is by the door that she turns to him and mouths a word.

_ “Behave.” _

Harvey scoffs. She gives him one pointed look before turning away and saying something to Gretchen, and then she’s off in the direction of her new desk. He watches her walk away and takes a deep breath before facing Jessica again.

“You want a drink?” He offers, even though it’s only ten in the morning. That’s never stopped them before.

Jessica shakes her head. “No, thank you,” their eyes meet. “So… when Donna decided to move to Louis’ desk.”

“ _ That _ happened,” Harvey nods. 

“How have you been?” Jessica asks.

It’s the first time someone other than his therapist asks the question like this. Now wanting to know about how he feels about the baby, or how happy he is, or how he’s been with Donna. Jessica wants to know how he actually is, and this is more than he had hoped for in this conversation.

“It was a shock,” he admits. “I’m good now.”

“I hope this won’t be an issue here,” Jessica replies, back to her position of managing partner.

Harvey shakes his head. “We’re good.”

She stands up. “I’ll try to stop by your office tonight so we can have a drink and celebrate properly.”

He smiles honestly. “Yeah, we should do that.”

“Don’t screw this up,” she warns him seriously, but then her face breaks into a smile. “Oh, and congratulations, Harvey.”

“Thanks, Jessica,” he smiles, letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding as Jessica walks out. 

The worst is done, he thinks as he stands up and buttons his jacket once more, ready to start his work day. A quick glance at Gretchen tells him she heard the whole thing and she looks almost proud of him. It makes him feel even more confident. Time to close some clients.

It wasn’t so bad after all. But then again, he’s not the one dealing with Louis now.

* * *

Donna finds Louis in his office speaking into his dictaphone, predictably.

“Find out why Harvey is having a kid before I am,” he says, and Donna wishes she hadn’t overheard because, honestly, it’s not like Harvey  _ wanted _ to have a kid now.

“Louis?” She calls, and he turns around from his spot by the window to look at her, nearly dropping his dictaphone in the process. “Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Of course I’m okay. So, do you think Lipschitz can see me today?” Louis asks, way too quickly.

Donna steps fully into the office and closes the door behind her. “I’m sure he can if we give him a call, but I just wanted to talk to you privately for a bit.”

Louis arches his eyebrows. “This is private.”

Donna widens her eyes and purses her lips. He’s not making this easy for her. Okay. “Yes, it is. Louis, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this before.”

Louis pauses. “It’s fine, Donna. You didn’t have to tell me before. I’m just your boss.”

“No, Louis, you’re not just my boss,” Donna says, stepping closer. “You’re my friend. The only reason I didn’t share this before is because it’s been hard to process it all.”

His eyes soften. “Thanks, Donna,” he says, and she can tell he’s a little calmer already. “So. I assume this is why you guys had a falling out.”

She nods. “Yeah.”

“You’re not together.”

“No, we’re not. But we’re raising this child together,” she adds. “That’s something.”

Louis shakes his head, though. “He still can’t see it, can he?”

Donna a frowns. “What, Louis?”

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to him,” he says softly. She melts at this thought. Despite all the issues Louis may have had with them in the past, she knows how honest he is, and how admires both her and Harvey. “I hope he sees it soon.”

“That’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said,” Donna admits, sniffing slightly. The emotions go through her so quickly, before she can even handle them. She’s always been emotional, she thinks, but not this much. Still, she won’t forget this moment anytime soon. 

“It’s the truth,” Louis says with a smile. “Oh, can I buy the baby some presents?”

She laughs. “Yes, of course.”

“I’ll buy them a pony.”

“Louis, no.”

“Okay, fine, a tricycle. The Aston Martin of tricycles.”

“Louis…”

“So you think babies can join the mud club?”

“Louis,  _ no _ ,” Donna says resolutely, overwhelmed at the suggestions. “Thank you. One thing at a time, though. The baby won’t be walking anytime soon.”

“Hm. You’re right,” Louis nods. “Do you know what you’re having?”

“Not yet. We’ll find out in a couple of weeks.”

“You’ll tell me right away, right?”

She smiles. “Yes. You’ll be among the first to know.”

“Good. That’s good,” he says again, this time smiling too. “Congratulations, Donna. I know you’ll be the best mother New York has ever seen.”

He catches her in a hug, and Donna already know Louis will be one of the best uncles. He’ll probably complain and let the baby do whatever he or she pleases. 

“Thanks, Louis,” she says as she pulls away. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears and she laughs. “We should go back to work.”

“Yeah. Let me treat you to lunch today,” he offers, and she promptly agrees as she’s walking out. “Oh, and Donna?”

“I’m calling Dr. Lipschitz’s office right away,” she replies before he can say anything else.

The last thing she hears as she’s closing the door is her boss on his dictaphone once more.

“Ask Harvey if I can be the baby’s godfather.”

Donna shakes her head. She’d like to see  _ that _ happening.

* * *

Harvey finds her in the file room and, for once, he sees her before she sees him. She’s engrossed in looking for some files, and he’s alarmed that she’s taking boxes in and out of shelves, but she seems to be doing that so effortlessly that he refrains himself from commenting. As far as he knows, Louis seems to be taking the news better than expected, even if he’s nowhere to be found right now, in the middle of the afternoon. Harvey is willing to bet he’s in therapy.

He won’t judge his partner for that.

Instead, he watches Donna as she moves, the lavender dress flowing as she walks, and he can’t see the swell of her baby bump but he’s seen it and he’s felt it under his palm.

It makes him feel things he doesn’t think he’s ever felt. He can’t even name them. Not really. It’s bigger than… anything.

He hides behind a file in the hopes she’ll take it out, and he’s able to surprise her when she does so.

“Donna.”

She gives him a look. “Harvey.”

“Should you be doing all this?”

“This is hardly heavy lifting. Plus I’ve got the cart with me,” she says, and he knows better than to argue.

“You look busy,” he notes as she puts the box back on the shelf, effectively ending their visual contact.

“I look busy because I am busy,” she moves to the next shelf.

He follows. She’s exasperated to find him across her as she takes out yet another box, but it’s a good exasperated, he thinks. They are in a good place.

“Too busy to join me at Del Posto on Wednesday night?”

Her eyes soften. “Harvey, we don't need to do that anymore.”

She puts the box in the cart and he decides to go to her. Leaning against the shelf, he watches as she fixes the box even if it doesn’t need to be fixed.

“Then why did you leave our anniversary permanently blocked off on my calendar?”

“Because I did that a long time ago and when I left your desk I forgot to undo it,” Donna says quickly, her back to him.

“Then why don't we pretend that you forgot to undo it on purpose?”

She turns to him, biting her lip. “I don't work for you anymore. What would we be celebrating?”

He shrugs. “Instead of celebrating the day you came to my desk, how about we celebrate ten days of being on decent terms?”

Donna gives him a look. “It's only been seven days.”

“Come on, Donna,” he complains. “We have stuff to celebrate. If anything… there’s the little peanut.”

She laughs, looking down, as if she’s overwhelmed. “That’s really nice, Harvey.”

“Can I make the reservations?” He asks, not caring if he sounds too eager. This is tradition. This is…  _ them _ . 

She nods. “Yeah.”

She turns around to push the cart but he gets to it first.

“I can do this for you,” he says, and he doesn’t have to look to know she’s making a face. “Don’t make that face. I can see that.” 

“I thought I was the only one who could do that,” Donna complains.

He looks at her over his shoulder. “Guess you’re rubbing off on me.”

She shakes her head and laughs.

He’s looking forward to Wednesday night already.

* * *

He’s on his third glass of scotch and so is Jessica. Even Louis stopped by earlier and shared the first drink with them — not before asking Harvey if he can be the baby’s godfather, something Harvey thoroughly and pointedly ignored — and Harvey thinks this has been a good day. Ray is probably driving Donna home right now and crisis has been averted at Pearson Specter Litt, at least for now.

He doesn’t know why his eyes keep focusing on his mother’s painting, though.

He remembers himself, as a child, watching her in awe as she painted. Will his child feel the same when she walks down these halls and enters these offices?

“I gotta say,” Jessica starts after a moment of silence passes between them. The scotch makes them reflexive after a while. He doesn’t mind it, not lately. “I’ve always feared you’d end up getting some random woman pregnant.”

Harvey laughs at that. “Believe it or not, I’ve always taken care of that.”

Jessica shakes her head. “I’m just glad it’s Donna.”

“Yeah,” he shakes his head. “If it had to be someone…”

He finishes his glass and feels Jessica’s eyes on him.

“She’s different,” he says at last. 

“I’m glad you’re working through this, Harvey.”

“Me too,” he admits. “At some point I didn’t think we could. But she’s… she means too much. The baby too. It’s crazy how someone isn’t even born yet but already on my mind so much.”

Jessica smiles wistfully. “You’ll be a good father, Harvey.”

He looks up as she stands and gives her a tight-lipped smile. “Thanks, Jessica. I’ll try.”

“Don’t try. Do what Harvey Specter does best,” she says, mostly joking. “Make it happen.”

“Yeah, right," he shakes his head.

Jessica means it, though. Before she leaves, however, she hesitates. "I fully expect to be godmother, by the way."

He chuckles and agrees, and she bids him goodnight; he returns the sentiment. Tonight was the first night he’s let himself truly celebrate the fact that he’ll be a father. He feels it, the tingles in his body as the thought echoes in his brain. He’s gonna be a father. He and Donna will have a baby in a few months. He lets himself wonder if they’ll have red hair or be blonde or even have darker hair. If they’ll grin like him and know everything like Donna. If their eyes will be hazel or brown or maybe even blue like Marcus’s. Like his mother’s.

He leans back on his seat and looks to the painting once more.

Marcus has told their mother, Harvey’s sure of it. He can’t help but wonder if she’s happy about it. If she’s sad they aren’t close. If she even cares, honestly.

A pang settles in his chest.

He thinks about Donna, about how their child will have a set of grandparents who will love and spoil them, and feels sad that his dad isn’t here to see this. His dad would have been over the moon, his dad would be making music to his grandchild already. 

His mom is alive, Harvey finds himself thinking. The baby  _ has _ a grandmother. Who might be happy about them. Who might want to spoil them rotten as well. Maybe paint them something, even.

Can he be a good father if he doesn’t make amends with his mother? Can he have a proper family if he doesn’t face his own?

He’s not sure.

He thinks he’s going to have to make a decision soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! And we start with a new chapter. Thanks for everyone who has been keeping up with this story and commenting, it really means the world to me! We have a few visitors, some news and more stuff coming up! Next chapter will see some life changes for both Donna and Harvey... Any guesses?

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Conversation dies momentarily as the waiter brings in their dessert, and even though Donna doesn't always indulge, she loves the panna cotta from Del Posto; this is a special occasion, after all. She and Harvey, celebrating being on good terms instead of working together. Having a baby together instead of her being his secretary.

If she could have wine she would have taken a big sip at this very thought.

Harvey arches his eyebrows at her as the waiter leaves them and she promptly digs in, savoring the taste of the dessert in her mouth. She may have let out a little moan too.

Harvey laughs.

"This is _so_ good," Donna comments after her second spoonful. She eyes his chocolate tortino and decides it looks pretty good as well. "How's yours?"

"Same as always. Pretty good," he answers. "You want some?"

She shakes her head. It's what he always gets, anyway. She's tried a few things over the years but Harvey's always stuck with his dessert of choice. She offers him her panna cotta and he declines too, focusing on his dessert instead. It's been a good dinner. They've talked about work, made fun of Louis, talked about Mike and Rachel being engaged. It almost feels like the old times.

"We should talk baby names," Donna starts, as if it's a negotiation.

Harvey frowns. "Isn't it too soon?"

"It's _never_ too soon. Especially if we end up arguing about it for the next five months," she reasons. The last thing she wants is to have an ongoing argument about her child's name, but if Harvey ends up liking those made up, weird names, she's gonna give him a fight. "What kind of names do you like?"

Harvey even lets go on the fork, contemplating the question. It's obvious he's never given it any thought whatsoever.

"Uh… okay. Claire is cute?" He suggests a little uncertainly. "And, uh, Charlotte."

Donna lets out a relieved sigh. Traditional names. She likes those too. "Okay. Claire is a no, because my mother's name is Clara… Charlotte is a no too."

"What's wrong with Charlotte?" Harvey asks, more from curiosity than anything else, she can tell.

"You dated a Charlotte once. I'm not surprised you don't remember," she says. "My turn. I like Isabella for a girl and… Lucas for a boy."

Harvey makes a face. "No, I don't like Lucas much. Maybe just Luca?"

Donna shrugs. "Yeah. That's cute too."

"Isabella seems too long. I don't know," he shakes his head.

She chuckles. "You're gonna have to elaborate."

"Harvey has two syllables. So does Donna," he continues. "Isabella has four. Seems a bit much."

She laughs. "You're such a nerd. I forget that sometimes," her dessert is nearly over and she's wondering if she should order another. "Fine, then. How about Emma?"

Harvey ponders her question. "Emma is okay. Emma Specter."

She rolls her eyes as he tries it out, and then realizes something.

"Emma _Paulsen-Specter_," she corrects. "You're right. We need a short name, otherwise it's gonna be a mouthful."

Harvey grins at her, as if this is exactly what he expected. "Of course I'm right."

"We've got Luca and Emma so far, then," Donna states, finishing her panna cotta with a happy sigh. "It's a start."

"We should make lists," Harvey suggests, taking a piece of his tortino and bringing to his mouth. He's barely tasted his dessert and she has already finished hers. She wishes she could blame it on the pregnancy, but this isn't a new occurrence. He gives her a look. "You sure you don't want to try it?"

"I've tried it many times before," Donna shrugs, looking away.

"_All_ the times before," he corrects. "Come on, I won't finish it on my own."

"Well, since you're insisting," she says dramatically, reaching her spoon over. She lets the chocolate melt in her mouth and lets out a happy sigh. "This is really so good. I could eat all the desserts on the menu, honestly."

"I've noticed," Harvey laughs, taking one more piece with his fork before giving her the rest, as per usual. "Why don't you order this one?"

"Because you always do," Donna replies. "Why do _you_ order it if you can't handle it?"

She's teasing, and she likes the mood they've set for their dinner. It's light and comfortable and it makes her forget all the trouble at work and makes her feel like this baby is really bringing them closer and… she simply has no regrets, not tonight. Things aren't easy, but this is who they are right now and she's glad the baby will have parents who will love them more than anything.

Even if they aren't really together. But they're a team. They're always been a team, and they are still a team. Soon with a new little person joining in.

"I order it because you like it," Harvey shrugs, pointedly looking around the restaurant and not at her. "The first time we came here, this happened. And it happened again the second time. It's not our anniversary if I don't let you steal my dessert."

He looks at her then, that sheepish look on his face, and Donna's heart skips a beat because damn, he always has her when he does the puppy eyes. She's always known he did this on purpose, same as she did, but it's something else altogether to admit it. They are opening up and this is a new level that she's not yet used to.

She lets out a laugh, moving the tortino a little, and looks sheepishly at him. "Tonight is totally on the baby, though."

Harvey laughs out loud. "Don't pull this on me now."

"Baby clearly likes chocolate," she continues. He's still laughing. "I'm serious!"

He shakes his head. "You've been pulling this for twelve years and now it's the baby's fault. You know, if she takes after you she will love chocolate, so what can I do?"

Donna chuckles, turning her attention towards finishing the tortino. It's really good. She could start ordering this one, but then she'd miss the panna cotta and Harvey would miss sharing this with her.

She wonders if they'll be able to come here again next year. They'll have a six-month-old then.

It's still abstract to her, in a way. They'll have a baby in a year. It's _crazy_. And also not the time for this thought.

"I've been reading stuff," Harvey comments. "You know the baby is like the size of a lemon now, right?"

A slow smile spreads across her face as she nods. "What else have you been reading?"

Harvey shrugs. "She has facial expressions now. I'm sure she's already training the pouty lips. She's gonna have me wrapped around her finger."

Donna agrees. "Yeah. We really need to stop saying she, though. It might be a boy. Nothing wrong with that."

"Nothing wrong at all, but I have a feeling, since you told me you think it's a girl," Harvey says softly. "I think it's a girl too."

She smiles at him. "Well, we'll know soon enough. And until then, we better think of a lot of baby names."

"I thought we agreed on Emma?" Harvey frowns.

"_No_, that's just the start of the list. We're not naming a teddy bear, Harvey," she rolls her eyes.

He laughs at her, and she doesn't even mind it because she's eating the chocolate tortino meant for him and he's talking about the baby's size and discussing names. It's a weird place for them to be, but it's a new normal, and she's slowly getting used to it and savoring it.

He makes it easy when he smiles like that at her from across the table.

* * *

The weeks go by fast but also slowly, and soon it's the week of their new ultrasound. Overtime, it seems as if her baby bump has finally grown enough to be noticed by anyone. Donna is already missing many of her dresses, but is still making do with some looser ones. And maybe she's bought two or three new ones that can be adjusted when she's not pregnant anymore.

Either way, she's really into sundresses when she's not working, and it's ridiculous how her hands keep resting on the bump, even when she's not noticing. She can't control it, it just happens.

That's how her parents find her when she meets them in Central Station; both hug her in joyful embraces and then her mom puts her hand on the bump, as if to introduce herself already. Donna feels content about it all, even if she's still unsure how her dad will handle Harvey, but the fact that both her parents are so excited about their grandchild means the world to her.

They come bearing gifts and Donna's glad that Harvey gave her Ray for the day because she would have had to go home to leave all of the bags before they go to lunch. There are teddy bears and books and a few gender neutral outfits that are just the cutest — little woolen sweaters (since it'll get cold soon when the baby is born) and cute pairs of pants that are really tiny and just amazing.

Everything still amazes her.

She doesn't miss the pointed look on her mother's face as she looks over her father when Donna tells them Ray is actually Harvey's driver. She knows what she's getting into. She knows what her mom thinks of the whole thing, and she knows her dad is probably more than a little reticent about it all.

She's grateful, however, that they wait until they're seated at a table at The Modern, and after they've ordered to _finally _bring the subject up.

"Does Harvey have a preference for a boy or a girl?" Her mom asks once she's mentioned she thinks it's a girl.

Donna takes a sip of her water then shakes her head. "Not really. I don't think he even thought about it before I mentioned that," she chuckles. "We've been talking baby names, though. It's gonna be Henry if it's a boy. But we're not set on a girl name yet."

"That's a lovely name," her mother comments, looking at her father pointedly.

"Yes, it's a beautiful name," her father says, and Donna tries very hard not to roll her eyes. "I'm surprised Harvey took the time to think this through. He's always very busy."

"Dad," she says softly, reaching across the table for his hand. "I know you don't like Harvey, but you don't know him like I do. He's excited about this."

"So are we, honey," her mother adds. "I know this baby will be taken care of well. And it's good that they'll likely never have to worry about money," she points out, earning a chuckle from Donna. "Your father feels the same way."

But her dad only nods, silently. It's as much as she can expect right now, and it doesn't surprise her.

"Since you brought Harvey up," she starts. "I wanted to know if you'd like to have dinner with us tonight."

"Do you want to know or does _he_ want to know?" Her father asks before her mother has a chance to reply.

"It was his idea," Donna says, and it's the truth. Harvey insisted, and Donna wonders if it's a good idea at all. Maybe they could wait until the birth. Everyone will be happy and gushing over the baby then. No drama.

"Well, then," Jim says, pursing his lips. "I was planning on paying him a visit anyway."

This time she rolls her eyes. _Men. _It's the twenty-first century, she's almost forty, and her dad feels the need to have a chat with Harvey about… her honor, or whatever. Still, her dad has always been protective of her, and she won't fault him for wanting to make sure she's got the best. Despite everything, he has her best interests in mind.

"I'm sure he'll choose a nice restaurant to impress us," her dad continues, with just a little bit of bite, but it's more than Donna can take.

"Actually, he's going to cook for us," she says quickly. "At his condo."

"Oh, this is very nice of him," her mom says. "Isn't it, Jim?"

Even her dad seems taken aback at the information.

"That it is," her dad says. "We'll be there."

Donna smiles and feels very much happy with the end of the subject, especially when her mother talks about nursery themes and her dad asks about work. It's gone and dealt with, for now.

* * *

"Dinner at my place?" Harvey repeats, frowning as Donna talks to him over the phone. Mike is sitting across from him at his office. It may be Saturday but they have a tough case and he's not sleeping on it. "I thought you said you got reservations at Carbone."

"_Yes, well, I did, but then I thought it would be better if we had a more intimate setting," _Donnareplies_. "A restaurant was too impersonal for my dad."_

"Okay," Harvey says, leaning back on his chair. Mike gives him a look. "We can order something from a good restaurant. I'll have Ray pick it up."

There's a pause on the other side of the line.

"_I may have said you'd cook for us."_

"You _may_ have said that?" Harvey frowns.

"_I actually did say it."_

He takes a deep breath. He trusts Donna — he trusts that she did this for a reason. He doesn't trust his culinary skills though — not enough that he won't fuck it up and ruin everything with his child's grandparents. He does not know his kid to hear their grandfather complaining about their dad all the time. He doesn't regret standing up to Jim, he'd do it again in a heartbeat, but it really hasn't been great for them. He never felt the consequences of his poor relationship with Donna's father, but now they'd be fixed in each other's lives in a way. Much more than they had ever been.

He likes Clara, though. He's pretty sure she loves him.

"Alright. I'll cook for us," he relents, immediately hearing a small celebration from Donna. "It's gonna be simple, though. I don't want to ruin this."

"_You'll do great. I can come over earlier and help you if you want."_

"I just said I don't want to ruin this, Donna."

"_Ha ha. You think you're funny, that's cute," _she replies. _"Okay, my mom's coming back. I'll see you later?"_

"Yeah, you will," he sighs. "Make sure to bring them over in a good mood."

"_Of course," _she snickers. _"Bye, Harvey. And thanks for this."_

He lets himself smile a little. "Anything for peanut. And you."

He hears a laugh from her as she hangs up, and he puts his phone down. Now he's gotta figure out what to cook for Donna and her parents. On top of figuring out how to handle talking to Jim and making sure he doesn't hold a grudge against him anymore. If only the man was in town on business, maybe he could help with something — but no, they actually came just for a weekend with Donna. Which is what parents do, he supposed.

He's gonna have to charm them, and he's not sure Jim Paulsen can be charmed.

Mike is still looking at him as he sighs.

"If you have something to say, just say it," Harvey says, really not in the mood for Mike's teasing.

"You're gonna play chef for Donna and her parents," Mike says, widening his eyes. "The parents of the woman you accidentally knocked up. _And_ you're not together. On top of that, you don't have good history with the guy. I have nothing to say except to wish you good luck."

Harvey shakes his head and lets out a long breath.

"Thanks."

He's gonna need it.

* * *

Dinner wasn't bad. Even with Jim's comments, Harvey really thought it would be worse. He didn't mess with the food (but then he doesn't think you can go wrong with spaghetti bolognese) and everyone seems to have enjoyed it. Luckily for him, Donna got them an apple pie for dessert from the diner near her home. He wouldn't really think this was the way to impress people, but he thinks he did alright so far. Even if he did hear a lot about his condo not being very child friendly.

He smiles as Donna eats the apple pie and gives him a smile as well.

"What?" She asks, conversation dying down on the table.

"Nothing. I'm sure you'll say the baby likes apple pie," Harvey teases her.

"Of course they do," Donna retorts, look at her parents across the table from them. "I've been craving dessert more than anything lately."

"More than usual, she means," Harvey says, arm resting on the back of Donna's chair.

"She's always loved her chocolate fix," Clara says with a smile. "Maybe the baby will take after her. Donna mentioned you've been looking at furniture already."

"Never too early to start, I think," Harvey says. "We want stuff to be gender neutral anyway."

"I'm assuming we'll lose our guest room at your apartment, honey," Clara comments with a laugh.

"Yeah," Donna replies. Harvey knows for a fact she won't be sorry that her parents won't be able to stay with her anymore. "I'm sorry about that."

"You'll always have a room here," Harvey feels the need to say. His guest room is never used anyway.

At this, however, Jim frowns. "Surely you'll have a room for the baby here too."

Harvey and Donna share a look.

"Actually, the baby will be with me at the beginning," Donna says, looking back at her parents. "Harvey and I haven't really talked it over yet, but I'll do my best to breastfeed and… well, I'll be with the baby all the time. Maybe when they're older, we can… work something out."

"You're gonna need time off. Parenting isn't only for one parent," Jim replies. "I sure hope Harvey will wake during the night as well, not only you."

It's hard for Harvey not to say anything, but before he can lose his temper Donna speaks.

"We'll work it out, Dad," Donna says, appeasing them all with a smile. "It's gonna be fine. It's still early to handle these logistics."

The subject of the matter is forgotten for now, but it nags Harvey — he doesn't know what kind of father Jim and Clara think he's going to be, but he's pretty sure they're wrong in their assumptions. So much so that he offers Jim scotch when dinner is over and Donna insists she'll clean up since he's made dinner. Suspecting both mother and daughter had been thinking Jim and Harvey should have a moment alone, they bicker about the dishes and Harvey goes to the balcony, hoping Jim would follow him there.

It's a warm night in June, the city is still bustling with activity, and on any other Saturday night he might have been found in a bar, or maybe, months ago, with a woman. Nowadays, well, if Donna wasn't here with her parents maybe they'd have had dinner somewhere. Or maybe even had a night with Mike and Rachel. Harvey thinks they're almost more anxious about the baby than he and Donna.

He looks over his shoulder and sees Donna watching him and her father closely.

"Quite a view you have here, Harvey," Jim comments, not unkindly.

Harvey smirks at Donna. "It's definitely something."

He turns around and offers Jim a seat on one of the lounge chairs he keeps out here, but he refuses, leaning against the wall and watching the New York skyline from here. Harvey joins him, some distance between them. He knows he's gonna be the one to extend that olive branch. He just needs to make sure he says it the right way.

"Look, Jim," he starts, a little nervously at first, "I know this isn't ideal. I understand why you might be worried about my role as your grandchild's father. And words might not mean much, but I love this baby. And I love Donna. Those are two things we have in common."

"Yes," Jim agrees. "We do have that in common."

"We haven't worked out logistics but we've been going through things together," Harvey explains. "I hope we keep doing that when the baby is here."

Jim nods, a little thoughtful.

"I see you with Clara, and Donna," Harvey continues. "I want that, Jim. No accomplishment in my professional life can top that. Donna is giving me much more than I imagined. I don't have a father and I don't know how to be one, but Donna has you and, well, she seems to have it all figured out."

Jim chuckles. "She's always been like that."

Harvey laughs too. This isn't about winning the guy over. This is about assuring the best for his child, his family. However small it is, Jim is in it now. Even if he and Donna aren't together, they're… family. They've always been family. Now things are just more intertwined than before.

"I guess what I want to say is that I'm glad my child will have you as their grandfather," he continues with a shrug.

It's the truth. He and Jim might not have seen eye to eye in the past, but Donna loves her father and has been present in her parents' life even while living in New York. It's more than Harvey can say or dream about his family life.

At last, Jim nods. Harvey takes a sip of the scotch and waits.

"I don't think anyone will ever be good enough for Donna," Jim confesses.

Harvey lets out a humorless laugh. "We can agree on that too."

"She deserves the world, Harvey," Jim says, looking him right in the eye. "She seems to think you're the right guy for the job."

Harvey shakes his head, a little surprised at the comment. "I'm working on that, Jim. And I'm trying. I really am. She means everything to me."

Jim nods again, apparently satisfied with his answer, and raises his tumbler as if on a toast. Harvey does the same. They drink to that.

When their glasses are empty they go back inside and find Donna and Clara on the couch, listening to one of his dad's records. It instantly brings a smile to Harvey's face — it's one of Donna's favorites, he knows, but not one he keeps at the office. Jim sits next to Clara and he hears them talk but doesn't really pay attention; he makes his way to Donna and notices the way she's resting a hand on the baby bump. She's wearing a sleeveless yellow dress and he thinks it compliments her wonderfully, even if it's stretching around her belly.

She smiles up at him and takes his breath away because… she looks beautiful.

"Everything okay?"

He nods, resting a hand on the back of the couch, near her shoulder. "Yeah, great. You want anything to drink?"

"I'm good," Donna says, her palm reaching over to rest upon his.

He feels her thumb cares the back of his hand in reassurance, lets himself get lost in the hazel of her eyes, and decides that this dinner thing wasn't so bad after all. He's brought back from his reverie, however, when he hears Clara's voice again.

"I did tell Donna," she starts, "that it's a good thing the you're handsome, Harvey. Sometimes the baby can take after the father and, well, at least this way we're sure our grandchild will have good looks."

"Mom, come on," Donna groans.

"It's a good thing Donna took after Clara," Jim comments.

It's enough to make Clara slap Jim's shoulder playfully and for Harvey and Donna to laugh a little harder than they should.

It's a good start, anyway.

* * *

Two days later, it's time for Donna's appointment, and this time Harvey goes along. She feels a little edgy, or so she tells him, but maybe it's because he's edgy as well. He hasn't seen their baby since the ER episode, and even Dr. Reisman told him he should go and she'll be expecting a full account of it on their next session.

The practice is a very modern one on the Upper West Side, and Donna tells him everything gets done today — very exclusive, apparently. The doctor is nice enough as he explains things and asks how Donna's been feeling. He smiles as they are introduced, but Harvey thinks he's almost _too nice._

How can a doctor be that handsome, anyway? Blonde, blue eyes, clearly works out, way too much gel in his hair (in Harvey's opinion) and has a nice smile on top of it all. Plus the guy is a doctor. Harvey thinks that's enough of a reason for him to worry. He might have a ring on his left hand but he's way too nice.

Still, Harvey tries; the guy is a professional and a client of Jessica's, even if he and Donna disappear to the next room for her exam, and he has to hear the guy ask questions about her sex life and how has she been feeling — sexually speaking.

The room feels hotter all of a sudden.

But soon they're back and being ushered into a different room altogether, where a new doctor (a woman this time around) takes the stand and tells them it's time for the ultrasound. Donna is already a pro, it seems — lifting her blouse and lowering her pants a little. Harvey is offered a seat next to her as the doctor explains what they'll be doing and reads over Donna's file.

"This might be an exciting day for you two," the doctor says with a smile. "Let's see if this little one is willing to share some news."

Donna looks at him, a little anxiously, and he sets his hand above hers, squeezing softly. Soon the gel is spread over her bump, which is becoming more pronounced each day, Harvey thinks, and they hear as the doctor starts speaking.

"Here's the head," the doctor starts, pointing at the screen. The baby looks less like a peanut now, Harvey thinks. But still a little bit. He won't mention it to Donna. "And here are the arms. Everything looks good. Now let's see these little legs."

She moves the equipment over Donna's bump, pressing a little, and Harvey almost asks her to slow down but sees no sign of discomfort in Donna's face — only rapid curiosity. He turns his attention back to the screen.

"There you go," the doctor says, giving them a smile. "No doubt about it. Looks like you're having a little girl."

His heart drops in the best way possible. For a moment, he isn't sure what to do or what to say, he's just transfixed by the news. They're having a girl. He's shocked, not more than he was when he was first told the news of the baby, of course, but he's shocked because this is really it. This little person who will most definitely have him wrapped around her little finger is letting herself be known more and more every day.

Donna squeezes his hand and he looks at her; she's also looking at the screen, and there are unshed tears in her eyes. He presses his lips against the back of her hand and she looks at him and they both let out a laugh.

The doctor chuckles as well. "Here's the heartbeat. All well," she adds, and that swooshing sound he's getting used to fill their ears. "She's looking good. I'll take the measurements and then you're all set."

Donna nods, and all Harvey can think of is that this is really happening. And it's better than any dream he's ever had.

* * *

Donna laughs as they exit the practice and Harvey lets out a wistful sigh, a huge smile on his face, and offers her his arm. It's hot today in New York, and she feels even warmer than usual — the doctor said that's normal; _hormones_ — but she takes his arm anyway.

"I like the ultrasound doctor more than Dr. Lewis," Harvey comments, because of course he has to.

Donna snickers.

"Of course you would. You were so threatened by him," she rolls her eyes. "Yes, I'm the baby's father. As the baby's father, I think…"

She laughs at her own imitation. Harvey gives her an annoyed but good natured look.

"I'm sure he got it that we had sex, Harvey," she says, patting his bicep softly. "No need to get jealous."

"I wasn't."

But the protest is weak and they both know it. Thankfully, Ray managed to park nearby and they don't take long to find the black Lexus.

"How did it go?" The driver asks as soon as they're seated.

Donna's eyes meet Harvey's, and they both smile.

"We're having a girl," Harvey announces, and the pride that fills his voice is enough to make Donna let out a little laugh, unable to contain herself.

"I knew it!" Ray said with a lot of enthusiasm. Then he looks at them through the reaffirm mirror. "Mike owes me fifty."

Donna shakes her head, not even minding that there was betting going on.

"Back to the firm?" Ray asks.

Donna is nodding, but Harvey merely takes his phone out of his pocket and beats her to it. "Fifth Avenue, Ray," he tells the driver, putting his phone on his ear. Only then he looks at her. "I'm calling Louis to let him know you'll be late. We're doing some shopping."

Normally she would have protested, but…

She feels a kick on his side and rubs a palm there over her blouse, a soft smile on her face.

Today she won't mind skipping work at all.

* * *

Today is the first morning Harvey sits on this very couch and feels his heart lighter somehow. They've had a good week. He's managed to survive dinner with Donna's parents. The whole firm knows and seems to be okay with it. They found out they're having a girl… it's all making sense now. Everything is becoming clearer.

That's what he tells Dr. Reisman upon arriving.

"Clearer how?" She asks.

"Just… makes sense," he shrugs. "I know I made a mistake with Donna that night. I don't think we're ready to revisit that yet. But I can't wait to see our daughter. I'll never regret her."

Dr. Reisman smiles softly. "You don't think you're both ready or you don't think you are ready?"

Harvey ponders the question. He knows the answer on his part, but he can't answer for Donna.

"For all I know, she won't want me," he admits, and there's a pang in his heart as she says so. "She deserves better. That's the ultimate truth. And I need to be better for her. I need to be the best for her."

The doctor closes her little notebook and frowns a little as she watches him.

"You really agree with her father, then," Dr. Reisman comments, back to the previous conversation about Donna's parents. "You're happy your child will have grandparents close."

Harvey nods. "Yeah. My dad would have been close, but… well."

"Don't you think your mother should know?" The doctor asks. He's not surprised by the question. "Don't transfer your affection towards Donna's parents, Harvey. They deserve their own."

He lets out a deep breath.

They keep coming back to this. Every session, every week. He's running out of excuses.

"You want the best for Donna," she continues. "This is the best for you. It's a step forward. It doesn't have to be a big one. Just give her a call, Harvey. You're ready to face it."

"She might not want me around," he shrugs, looking down.

"That's her decision to make, not yours," Dr. Reisman says solemnly.

He nods. "I'll think about it."

The doctor smiles. "That's progress in itself."

The session continues as normal; he talks about work and a case that has been particularly annoying. The thought of his mother dies down as his mind occupied with other stuff, even more so when Reisman tells him he's ready to get off the pills he's been taking. He worries about it, of course he does, but this time he accepts it. Progress, however small it is.

He goes back to the office and buries himself in work because he took the afternoon off with Donna yesterday and he needs to step up his game. In fact, he barely sees her — he assumes she's very busy as well — until it's late and there's a knock on his glass door. He's got tons of paper in front of him and both Rachel and Mike are working their asses off in this case. Still, his eyes light up when they meet hers. She's wearing a beautiful dark red dress that most people would say that wouldn't work on a redhead. It works on Donna. She looks gorgeous. She _is _gorgeous.

"Hey, you," Donna says softly. "This has a long night written all over it."

Harvey chuckles. "Yeah. You leaving?"

She nods. "My personal driver is downstairs waiting for me. You want a ride?"

His smile widens. "No, thanks."

She lets out a laugh. "I actually came here to give you something," she says, stepping inside. "It's not much, but I still have a key to your place and I figured… with the baby, if there's an emergency, you should have mine as well."

She's stumbling in her own words, and this is so unlike Donna that he has to smile at how adorable she looks flustered like this. She extends her hand and he reaches over — a key slips onto his palm. There's a cactus keychain attached to it. He gives her a pointed look.

"What? Would you prefer if it was a strawberry keychain?" She jokes.

"With whipped cream, more like," he retorts, and her eyes glistens as she laughs. "Thanks, Donna."

She shrugs. "We're family. More like, we're forming a family," she rolls her eyes, her free hand that's not holding her bag resting on her bump. "However unconventional it is."

"If it's with you, I'm good," he says truthfully. She meets his eyes and smiles. "How's she doing today?"

"She's either awake all day long or a really jumpy sleeper," Donna jokes. "I'm not sure you can feel it, but…

Before he knows what's happening, she's reaching for his hand and putting it on a spot on the side of where he knows is her belly button. His eyes are wide, taking it all in, hoping to feel anything beneath his fingertips. But there's nothing.

"Right there. Can you feel it?" Donna asks hopefully. Harvey shakes his head. "Well. Maybe soon. I can't wait for you to feel her. Just so you know I'm not crazy."

"I can't wait either," he says softly.

She looks down at him — hands still pressed together on her baby bump, their baby girl apparently moving underneath her skin, this gorgeous red dress on her.

Harvey forgets to breathe for a moment.

"I should get going," Donna says, breaking the spell. "I'll see you tomorrow, Harvey."

"Or tonight, if I decide to use this key and sleep on your couch," he jokes as she walks away.

"You're an idiot," she shakes her head. "Goodnight, Harvey."

He smiles softly at her retreating form. "Goodnight, Donna."

He watches as she walks away, observes her figure changing every day with the baby she's growing. A sigh escapes him. His eyes, for a reason beyond himself, settle on the pairing across his office, high on the wall.

They're family.

The two of them have always been family. Amid blurred lines and all of that. But she's welcoming him further into hers. Even without being together, she's opening up a part of herself he used to be privy too.

He wants to do the same.

His hand closes around the keychain as his other hand reaches for his phone. It doesn't take long for him to type the phone number — he doesn't have it in his contact list, and yet he knows it by heart. His finger trembles a little, not quite pressing the call button. There's a pause. And then… in the spur of a moment, he presses it.

He watches as it starts calling. He can either continue this, or end the call.

His finger still hovers over the end button.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're off with a new chapter and there are some things worth saying this time around. This story will have 15 chapters plus an epilogue, so this means we're finally halfway there :) In this chapter we also tune in to some drama from season 5. This chapter is set in episodes 509, 510 and 511. I won't go into many details because they're not important to the story, and the outcome of those plots won't change since we're already divergent from canon since 415. But if you want to be reminded of what exactly happened, I suggest rewatching those ;) Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! I love reading your thoughts, so please don't hesitate on telling me your opinion on this chapter!

Harvey hasn't heard her voice in years, and it takes a simple hello for him to nearly lose his courage and hang up. He doesn't, though — even if his breath catches and his voice sounds weak to his own ears. He needs to do this. He should do this. If not for himself, then…

"Hey, Mom," he says, as softly as he can.

There's a pause. He can hear the surprise in the silence on the other side of the line. To her credit, it takes his mom only two seconds to reply.

"_Harvey,_" she says. It's an affirmation. She's not questioning him or herself.

He deems it a good thing.

"I'm sorry for the late hour," he starts, because he really doesn't know what to say. He's not sure if he should be apologizing or demanding an apology. He's not even sure why he's calling in the first place. For his peace of mind? He doubts it. He hasn't called his mom since he was in college.

"_It's fine, Harvey. It's not that late,_" his mom answers, and he hears some shuffling around, as if she's leaving a place to go elsewhere. "_I'm glad you're calling._"

He bites his lower lip, unsure of what to say, and closes his eyes. He doesn't like how they're stinging with unshed tears.

"Yeah. I'm not sure why I'm calling," he says honestly, shaking his head. "I'm sure Marcus has told you that I, well, I'm gonna be a father."

"_Yes, he did tell me. Congratulations, Harvey._"

"Thanks," his lips form into a small smile. "I just thought you should hear it. From me."

There's another pause. "_Thank you._"

"It's a girl," Harvey continues. "Marcus doesn't know that yet, so you can give him the news."

He chuckles, and his mother does the same.

"_A little girl? That's wonderful_," Lily says, and Harvey can hear the smile in her voice as she says the words. "_You know we wanted Marcus to be a girl._"

Harvey laughs. "Yeah. I remember."

"_And now both of you have daughters_," his mother continues. "_Your father would have been so happy._"

"He really would have," he agrees, sniffing slightly.

"_Do you have a name yet?_"

"Not yet," he sits back against the couch. "Donna and I have been going back and forth on this. There are a few we like, but it seems wrong choosing without even seeing her. I think we'll wait until the birth to be sure."

"_That seems like a wise choice_," Lily comments. There's a pause. "_You could visit us sometime. You know the invitation has always been there._"

He shakes his head. "I'm not sure… I don't think I'm there yet."

His honesty surprises even himself. He doesn't want an argument. He doesn't want to lunge himself into something he's not sure of yet. His mother is silent on the other end of the line. She's probably confused as hell, but then so is he. But he remembers his therapist's words, and they remain in his mind. It's not something he'll forget.

Small steps.

"I was wondering," he says after a moment. "Maybe I could… call every now and then."

"_That would be wonderful, Harvey_," his mother says, audibly relieved. "_If you don't minding me asking… what brought this on?_"

Harvey smiles. "Donna. And the baby," he confesses. "And some therapy. But especially Donna."

"_She sounds like a very special person_," his mother says, and he can hear the smile in her voice.

"She's more than that, Mom," he admits. "Maybe… Maybe you guys can meet in the future."

"_I hope we will_," Lily says.

The conversation doesn't continue for long — what's been said has been said and he doesn't want to take it back. It's a small step, not fully forgiveness yet, but it's there, and it had to start somewhere. He ends the phone call with a lighter heart and looks over to the painting on the wall fondly before sighing and returning to his file. He's only interrupted half an hour later, when a ding on his phone signals a text from Donna.

_Just read that the baby is the size of a turnip. I may or may not want to eat a turnip now._

He chuckles and replies just as he's standing up and getting his jacket.

_I'll be there in thirty minutes with something._

It's with that soft smile that he leaves the firm that evening, as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, and not even a pressing case will take that from him.

* * *

When Daniel Hardman shows up at the firm, Donna is concerned that shit's about to hit the fan in some way. When he comes straight to her desk asking about Harvey, Donna is sure shit's gonna hit the fan in some way. She still despises the guy and, pregnant or not, she's pretty sure she can smack his face enough times that it leaves a bruise before he can move out of her way.

"How long has it been since Harvey dumped you onto Louis's desk?" Daniel asks.

Donna narrows her eyes. "How long has it been since I slapped you in the face? Because that is all I can think about right now."

"Promises, promises."

Luckily for Daniel, Harvey and Louis get there before any of her threats become real — which would have happened, because she really isn't in the mood for his usual sarcastic self. She watches as they talk — it's the first time she's seeing Harvey today, and damn him for wearing one of her favorite suits today of all days. The three-piece gray suit just works so well with him, and she's…

Well, she's been in a sex abstinence for over four months. She's hardly at fault for thinking such things.

"I see you finally got the better of him on something," Daniel says to Louis, about Donna.

Donna meets Harvey's eyes and remains quiet, hoping Louis won't go overboard with Hardman.

"I didn't get the better of him on anything. There's no daylight between us."

Hardman looks at Donna once more — and perhaps it's her instance this time, the way she's standing, but a look of clarity goes through his face, and she knows what he's about to say before he even says it.

"I see. Harvey knocked you up and you're working for Louis. It's the _professional _thing to do, right?" Daniel says, looking from her to Harvey and Louis. "Enjoy it while it lasts, because she'll go back to Harvey sooner than later."

Harvey steps forward. "Get the hell out of here."

"And do it quick before I have to call security to tell them I'm beating the shit out of you," Donna adds.

"No need. Since you're not interested in what I have to say, I'll go see Jessica," he starts walking away, only to look at them one more time over his shoulder. "And just between us chickens, there's a chasm of daylight between you two."

They watch as he walks away; Harvey is the first to say anything.

"You okay?"

In the past he would have asked what had Daniel told her, she thinks. It's different now.

"Yeah, fine," she shrugs. "He's up to something and it's not good."

"It never is," Louis replies. "We'll hear from Jessica soon."

Donna nods, not really wasting time to think what Hardman must be up to. Things have been calm at the firm, almost too calm. A shame, because she was getting used to it. When she looks back at Harvey, however, he's got a smirk on his face.

"What?" She asks.

"I'm just sorry you didn't get to smack his face this time. I'd have been able to see it," he says.

Louis's eyes widen. "Wait a minute, you smacked Hardman's face?"

She nods, and Harvey answers for her.

"Twice."

"_Twice?_" Louis repeats.

The pride in Harvey's voice makes her laugh. She shakes her head, deciding it's time to get back to work.

"Louis, you have that conference call in five minutes," she reminds him, and Louis quickly sets off to his office. She's sure he'll want details on the Hardman smack later. Harvey, instead of making his way back to his office, or even Jessica's, approaches her desk instead, resting his elbow on it. He's close enough that she can smell his cologne.

She's heard of pregnant women complaining about other people's scents and perfumes, and that happened to her, twice on the elevator with other people and once with Louis (who promptly changed his flowery cologne to a more neutral one), but that's clearly not a problem with Harvey.

In fact, she's pretty sure she's never liked his cologne more.

"Don't you have work to do?" Donna arches her eyebrow, sharing a look with him.

"Can't a man tell the mother of his child they both look good today?" Harvey retorts, low enough that no one else will hear it.

A slight blush reaches her cheeks and she rolls her eyes. "You can't see the baby."

"I don't have to see her to know she looks good," he jokes. "Same goes to you, but I mean it. That's all."

Her eyes soften, and she smiles, lowering her gaze. "Well, you look nice too."

"This is one of your favorite suits," he states. She doesn't hide her surprise. "What? I know some stuff about you."

She narrows her eyes. "Did you wear that on purpose?"

"Maybe I did," Harvey says, walking away. She lets out a chuckle. "I'll see you later?"

"Seeing as crisis is approaching, you know you will," Donna says. Harvey frowns. "Hardman. Not me. We're fine, I've told you."

"Take care," he says anyway, before walking away.

She may or may not be checking him out until he's out of her line of vision — and just in time to catch his smirk over his shoulder. Cheeky little bastard. His protectiveness might be annoying — and not only during pregnancy, she's suffered through it most of her adult life, after all — but it is also endearing sometimes. Like today. When he's looking particularly good in that suit.

Donna sits back down, using a sheet of paper to fan herself a little. It's kind of hot in here.

Everything to do with the pregnancy and nothing to do with Harvey.

That's what she tries to tell herself, anyway.

* * *

Donna doesn't get nervous often. She really doesn't. And yet, she's nervous today. As the cab approaches its destination, she feels as if she's intruding in something she shouldn't be a part of — that it's her place to be outside of it. It's raining and the firm is in chaos and there's gonna be a vote soon and Jessica needs Harvey there but he isn't there.

He isn't there, and Gretchen couldn't find him, but Donna hopes she can.

The car stops in front of a house in Brooklyn; Donna pays for the ride and exits, walking quick steps to avoid the rain until she reaches the black door. She doesn't bother knocking, simply making her way inside.

It's a simple hall — a door to the left and another to the right. The walls are white and there are a few chairs. It feels homely in a way. Next to the left door, however, there's a plaque with all the information she needs.

_Amanda Reisman MD._

She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. She hears muffled voices inside, and they stop once she knocks. Donna runs her hand over her belly a few times — the baby has been kicking like crazy today, as if she feels the excitement of what's going on around her. Donna tries to soothe her by rubbing the same spot she felt the kick a few times.

After what feels like an eternity, the door opens. It reveals a woman, probably in her early fifties, brown hair around her shoulders and an arch on her eyebrows. Definitely the therapist, judging by the way she's watching Donna. Well, Donna is watching her right back.

"I'm looking for Harvey Specter," Donna says at once. "It's urgent."

"Donna?" Harvey's voice calls for her, and the therapist steps away; Donna sees him at once, standing up from his place on a couch and walking towards the doorway. "What's wrong?"

"There's gonna be a voting," she tells him quickly. "Jessica will lose if you're not there."

"So you're okay?" Harvey frowns. When Donna nods, he looks relieved; then, as if understanding the gravity of the situation, his jaw sets. "Is Ray outside?"

"I gave him the day off," Donna answers as Harvey is already out of the door. She doesn't miss the way his eyes roll. "What? The man has been at my beck and call for months, he needed a break from me. It's healthy for everyone involved, you should try it."

"Our session was nearly over anyway," he nods towards the therapist. "Stay here while I get us a cab."

He's outside the next second. Donna lets out a sigh and then smiles sheepishly at the therapist.

"Sorry about that," she says.

"No matter. It's nice to put a face to the name," Dr. Reisman says jokingly, leaning against the doorway and folding her arms. "I have to say, you did not disappoint."

Donna chuckles. "I never do," that earns a chuckle from the doctor herself. "Thank you, by the way. For helping Harvey."

"You're welcome, but the feeling is mutual. I don't think I'd be able to help at all if you didn't help on the other end of his life," the doctor admits.

"You're welcome," Donna tilts her head. "You probably know more about what's happening than I do. I was just sent for him, and I got worried. I'm glad he was here."

The doctor only nods, giving nothing away. As a therapist would, really.

"Thank you. For what you're thinking," Donna continues.

Dr. Reisman frowns. "What is that?"

"Two things, actually," she says. "You're thinking that it's because of me Harvey came to you. He never said it but I figured it had to do with my leaving him," she continues. "And you're thinking I'd make an incredible therapist."

Dr. Reisman smiles. "You really can do that."

"I really can," Donna says, looking at the front door, expecting Harvey to show up at any moment now.

"You've got one thing wrong, though," the doctor says. "I think you're exactly where you should be, professionally speaking."

Donna smiles. It's an easy, honest smile. She can see why Harvey is getting on with this woman. She's good. And knowing that makes Donna relieved in a way — she's seen the evolution in Harvey, but with all that's happening at the firm, with the baby, their own relationship, she wonders if perhaps this is just life making Harvey finally get it. The fact that this woman seems to know what she's doing… that changes everything.

And Donna usually doesn't like people reading her so openly. That's her thing. She finds that with Reisman, however, she doesn't mind.

"Congratulations, by the way," the doctor says. "Harvey told me it's a girl. He's excited."

"Thanks," Donna beams, a palm running over her bump. "Is he… what he came here for today. Is he doing the right thing?"

Dr. Reisman purses her lips. "He will do what he thinks is best. For everyone involved."

Donna nods, and understands right away. "But not for himself."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

Dr. Reisman smiles. "He's better at therapy than you are."

The sentence alone is enough for Donna to chuckle, no matter how worried she is about Harvey and whatever is going on. She doesn't know enough, but she knows it's not good. And not working for Harvey, not being in the loop of things, it's just not what she's used to. She wants to know things, she wants to be able to advise him in what to do.

At the same time, she knows that's not her place anymore. This is what she wanted, after all. It's just what it is — even if they are closer in their personal lives, bound together by the baby, professionally the wall has been there since she put it. Today is the first time she wishes things were more blurred.

"Cab is here," Harvey's voice shakes her out of her reverie. "Thanks for seeing me today, Dr. Reisman."

The doctor nods to the both of them and Donna can only follow Harvey out — feeling the way his hand rests on the small of her back as he leads her to the car, and how he actually says the address to her apartment building instead of the firm. This Harvey that puts other people first is a little different — not because he never did that before, he always did, but he also tried to get the better end of it for himself. Now, he's got more things to be worried about, and she…

Well, she worries about him. Because the thought of going to the firm without him there kills her, even if he's not her direct boss anymore.

Still, that's not her job anymore, and she'll let him do whatever he thinks is best, because she trusts him and she's proud of what he's been doing about himself and because she… loves him.

She loves him, and it's as simple as that sometimes. Even if it hurts, even if it's not ideal. Their eyes meet on the back of the cab and she can't help but reach for his hand because even if she's not really in the loop, she thinks he can use the support.

Their fingers lace together and his eyes are bare to her in a way she hasn't seen many times before. He squeezes her fingers softly and doesn't let go until they've reached her building and she has to leave while he has to go back to the firm.

She misses his skin on hers instantly, and she wonders if he feels the same.

The cab drives away as soon as she's inside the lobby but Harvey's gaze is focused on the road ahead.

Some things never do change, after all.

* * *

It's done.

In exchange for keeping Jessica and leaving Hardman out, Harvey Specter will no longer work at Pearson Specter Litt.

At least for the time being anyway.

He really sees this as temporary, though he has no idea how long it'll last. But it's done, and it was the right thing to do — himself in exchange for the firm. Jessica understands it and Louis will get it. With Mike leaving to move on from the risk of being caught without an actual diploma, that only leaves out Donna.

Which is exactly why he tells her address to the cab driver once he leaves the firm.

It's late enough that traffic is not bad and they get there quickly. He makes his way in, greets the doorman, and takes the elevator to the twentieth floor. It's a little past eleven when he gets to Donna's door, and he's anxious to just let her know of his decision how it'll affect her. Not that it will, not really, not much. She's not his secretary anymore, but… still. She should know.

He knocks three times, and when nothing happens he knocks again. Maybe she's asleep, or maybe she's gone out. Despite everything, he doesn't know what Donna gets up to when he's not there. He'd think she was with Rachel, maybe, but he knew for a fact that Rachel was still at the firm with Mike, so clearly that's not the case. It seems too early for Donna to be asleep already, and his mind wanders — maybe she's had an accident. Maybe… maybe there's something wrong with the baby. She seemed fine when he left her here, but he's not sure anymore, so preoccupied as he had been before.

He tries her phone, but it keeps ringing. In the silence of the hall, he thinks he hears her phone from the doorway — that's enough for him to realize something must be wrong if her phone is inside and she's not answering. Donna is never too far from her phone.

Making a quick decision, he takes the key Donna gave him a couple weeks ago out of his suit pocket, using it for the first time. The cactus keychain jingles as he unlocks the door and makes his way inside.

"Donna?" He calls, but there's only silence in her apartment.

His blood runs cold. He'll try the living area first, and then he'll have to look into her bedroom. Hell, he'll look in the laundry room if he has to. Though that's the one room he'd never been in, he supposes. His mind is reeling with possibilities, none of them good ones, so he walks down the corridor and turns right to the living room and…

He lets out a relieved breath.

He can only see the back of her head but she seems fine, at least.

"Donna?" He calls again, walking slowly into the living room.

Donna turns her head right then, enough that he's finally in her line of vision, and she doesn't bother hiding her surprise.

"Harvey?" She asks, and he realizes she's got her earphones on and that's probably why she didn't hear him.

He feels like an idiot.

"Sorry, I knocked and you didn't answer, and then I called," he starts, making his way to the living room. "I just wanted to talk to you about…"

His voice dies as he notices just what she had been listening to. Her phone is nowhere to be seen, but she's half lying on the couch, clad in what is clearly a pajama set, only her shirt is pulled up and her baby bump is truly out to be seen. There's some sort of device in her hand, connecting to the earphones, and he's curious and also his mouth is dry because that amount of freckled skin does something to him.

"About what?" Donna frowns.

"I… what's that?" Harvey finds himself asking, his mind far from the office now.

"It's a fetal monitor," she shrugs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "To hear the baby's heartbeat. Kind of like an ultrasound."

"Oh," Harvey says, bewildered.

"Would you like to hear it?" Donna asks.

Dumbly, he nods, sitting on the edge of the coffee table and taking one of the earphone Donna had been wearing. He watches in awe as she moves the device over her bump, and notices how much it has grown since their last time at the doctor. They're almost halfway through the pregnancy, but it feels like the first three months were just adjusting and now their baby girl is ready to let everyone know she's here.

Suddenly, he hears — a quick sound echoes in his ear, again and again. He grins at Donna.

"That's her, not me," Donna jokes.

His hand hovers between them, unsure of what to do — they're close enough that he can smell the flowery scent of her hair and seeing her so close, noticing how beautiful she is… it's almost too much. Making the decision for themselves, Donna reaches for his hand, and his palm meets the skin of her belly. He settles it next to her belly button, and notices how the hairs on her arm stand up.

"Your hand is a little cold," Donna explains. "It's fine."

He spreads his fingers a little, the warmth of her skin seeping through his hand, the echoes of their baby's heartbeat in one of his ears, and Donna's soft breathing in the other. His eyes meet hers.

"I'm stepping away from the firm," he tells her softly. Donna nods. "You knew."

"I had a hunch," she confesses. "Hardman?"

"Forstman," he answers. "It's for the best."

"It's temporary, right?" Donna asks anxiously. "You'll get back eventually."

He lets out a long breath. Her free hand that's not holding the fetal monitor device rests on top of his.

Harvey shakes his head.

"I don't know, Donna," he says honestly. "Either way, I… I don't wanna be like my dad. He was barely around. I don't wanna get home late and see my kid when she's already asleep, you know? This will give me a lot to think about."

Donna nods. She gets it, of course she does — he's sure this has crossed her mind too. They'll have to have conversations about the future soon — about nannies or daycare or whatever. Things are changing. They are changing. And they have to adapt to these changes.

"When did you buy this?" He asks after a moment. He feels better that she knows about his resignation. He can start focusing on other things.

"Last week," she answers. "I just thought it would be nice to hear her, in a way. To remind myself that I'm not alone."

She says it as a joke, but he sees it for what it is. Even Donna is scared. Hell, he's still terrified. But she gives him the strength he needs for this.

He turns his palm up and he laces their fingers together much like they did when they shared that cab a couple hours ago.

"You're not alone," Harvey tells her.

Their eyes meet. Something holds him there, hands together, sharing in the sound of their daughter's heartbeat. The firm might have been on the edge of collapse, but they stand together. They always have, and they always will. His eyes caress her face and he remembers all too vividly what it felt like to kiss her all those months ago. He still remembers what it felt like to kiss her eleven years ago. Donna kisses like she acts and like she just is, temptation and pleasure all at once. It's more than he ever could handle.

It's not a surprise that he wants to try it again. It's a surprise that he can admit so to himself.

He leans in. Senses the way she's holding her breath.

His phone starts ringing loudly in his jacket pocket and he sighs. She blinks; her hand lets his go and he takes off the earphone before bringing his phone to his ear. It's Jessica, and she wants him back at the firm for some emergency. The tone in her voice is enough for him to not ask further questions. Something serious has happened.

"I gotta go," he tells Donna.

She's sitting up on the couch, shirt now back in place, and she smiles weakly at him. "Yeah, of course. I'll go to bed too."

"Sorry for surprising you here," he says, already walking towards the hallway.

"At least we know the key is working," she jokes. "Go save Gotham City, Batman."

He grins back at her. "Not the same without Wonder Woman."

"She's busy with a bun in the oven, maybe next time," Donna retorts, and they both laugh.

He's shaking his head and smiling as he exits her apartment.

He has no idea that when he gets to the firm he'll find out Mike has been arrested and their entire world is at risk.

* * *

There are knocks on her door an hour later, just as Donna is about to go to bed, and she frowns — part of her wants to simply not answer to see if Harvey will get in with his own key, and no, she wouldn't even mind if he found her in bed because, well, maybe she wants him in her bed again.

Actually, does she? Has she healed enough or is she simply horny? She's at a stage in pregnancy where a lot of websites and books tell her to plan a babymoon and she'd absolutely do that if she had a partner — but then maybe if she did have one she wouldn't be feeling like _this._

Frustrated is the word.

Still, the knocks go on, and there's something different about them, something more urgent, something…

It chills her to the bone, for some reason. So she quickly gets out of bed, and doesn't even bother reaching for a robe — when she opens the door, it's not Harvey on the other side of it.

"Louis," she states. One look at her friend is enough to let her know something is not right. "What's going on?"

"Donna, I need to come in," Louis says, and she steps away so he can walk in.

She lets the door close on its own and follows Louis closely into her living room.

"What happened?" She asks again, anxiousness taking over her.

"Donna, I need you to sit down."

"Louis—"

"I said you need to sit down."

He's not harsh — he's concerned for her own safety, she can tell, but she can only think of tragedy and it makes her feel weak and helpless and…

"What happened to Harvey?" Donna asks, her voice trembling in the process. "Please tell me that he's okay."

She can only think of him leaving, not so long ago, with that silly grin on his face, and the way their hands were held together on top of her baby bump as they listened to their daughter's heartbeat. She thinks of accidents or maybe some enraged client, and she thinks that this is not how they're supposed to be over…

But Louis's eyes soften.

"Mike's been arrested."

Donna sits down then, though it's less from the shock and more from relief over knowing this doesn't have to do with Harvey.

_Yet._

"Oh, my God," she whispers as the revelation settles within her. "We have to go see him."

"No, no, no," Louis replies. "We can't go anywhere near him."

Donna frowns. "What?"

"You can't go down there."

She closes her eyes.

"Louis, so help me God, if you turn your back on Mike and you claim that this has nothing to do with you—"

"Just listen to me," Louis pleads. "You're gonna want to do everything you can to get to Mike and express your support, but I am telling you, that is a bad idea."

"Then I need to talk to Harvey."

"No, you don't," Louis says. "You need to stay the hell away from him, too, and count your blessings that you don't work for him anymore, 'cause if all of a sudden you start showing up on his doorstep, you are gonna find yourself next up on the prosecutor's list. It's bad enough that Harvey can't escape it, but you can and we'll keep it that way."

"Louis, this is Mike and Harvey we're talking about. They're family."

"I am not saying they're not," he tells her. "I'm saying the more contact you have with them, the worse it is for all of us. And for the baby. Harvey would want his baby to be safe."

Donna nods. She gets it, she does — they've always known this was a risk, they've been living with this risk for years. Now it's finally here to bite them.

"Okay, I won't go down there. For now," Donna relents. "But they won't stop me from talking to the father of my child if I need to, and I am going to see Rachel. And if you think you're gonna stop me, you are out of your mind."

Louis nods, and she turns around, ready to go to her friend and already preparing herself for the days of crisis that will come.

She feels a sharp pain on her left side and just as she puts her hand over the sore spot the pain is over, but there's something there — in front of her mirror, midway through putting on a sweater, she realizes this could be a knee or an elbow or maybe even a little foot. She rubs it softly and curses the entire situation because Harvey should be here to feel it.

A lot of this situation has never been ideal after all.

* * *

If there's one place Harvey never imagined he'd find himself in on a Sunday afternoon, that would be Pottery Barn.

Apparently he does this sort of thing now. Visit stores on weekends. Looking at baby stuff. With Donna.

And not complaining at all in the process.

He actually likes shopping with her, mainly because Donna always knows what she wants and won't mind receiving gifts from him. He actually finds it amusing and has fun most of the time. Baby stuff isn't boring with her, not at all, but today is different.

It's different because the firm is under attack, and so is he, and so is Mike. She's been doing stuff for them under the radar, without Louis knowing, and even though they have a very good excuse about being seen together, it also raises a few red flags in his mind. He doesn't want to put her at risk.

But when she called saying she was supposed to shop with Rachel today and Rachel understandably had to cancel, he didn't mind stepping in. In fact, it's a break from a goddamn stressful week, where he and Donna barely even talked outside of work. He's still not back at the firm, Mike is still being investigated, Rachel is still freaking out and Harvey is pretty sure Robert has lost all the respect he had for them over this situation.

Still, as he inspects the car seats, he thinks this is exactly what he should be doing.

"This doesn't seem safe," he decides.

Donna throws him a look. "It's five hundred dollars, Harvey."

"Sometimes things that are expensive are worse," he counters.

She shakes her head and keeps walking.

"These things are so big, though," he continues. "It'll take a lot of backseat space."

"A baby will do that to life, I suppose," Donna retorts, giving him another look. He can tell he should watch his mouth.

He's not even sure what they're looking for, really. Donna has mentioned wanting to start on the nursery and for that she needs to see the actual items. So far they've bought a mirror at a store down in Greenwich and now they're looking at the practical, day-to-day stuff they'll need. He's not sure what a baby needs a mirror for, but Donna wanted it, so he won't argue.

"We should get one of those," he says, pointing at the baby carriers in front of them.

"We have one of those. Rachel gave me one," Donna answers. "Don't worry, it's the best one they have. I checked."

He wasn't going to say anything.

Okay, maybe he was going to ask about the safety of the baby carrier. He feels as if it's his job as a parent to question these things, anyway.

"You know, the baby has hair now," he starts, following her closely. They quickly reach the cribs section. There are so many options he feels a little dizzy. "She may have red hair, even."

Donna lets out a laugh. "You're an idiot."

"It's a possibility," Harvey says. "Brown eyes, red hair. My grin. She's gonna be a little hurricane."

Donna shakes her head, laughing as she examines a white crib more closely.

"My eyes are hazel," she replies. He gives her a look. "Of course you knew that. Well, my parents have brown eyes, so I guess it'll either be brown or hazel."

"Or blue," Harvey counters. "My mom has blue eyes."

Donna falters just slightly. "Oh, right. Marcus has blue eyes too, doesn't it?"

He nods. "It's a nice color."

"As long as her eyes are healthy," Donna says, "the color will hardly matter."

With that he agrees. They check a few more cribs too — many shapes and sizes and colors. Donna wants the nursery to be neutral and he agrees with her; lighter colors are her things as well. She's always complained about his minimalistic taste in decor but she seems to be taking his suggestions at heart. A small victory.

"I spoke to my mom," Harvey comments casually. "Called her two weeks ago."

That makes Donna stop walking rather suddenly.

"_What_?"

"You heard me."

He grins as he says so, and it relaxes her.

"I told her we're having a girl," he continues. "She was happy."

"I'm glad you told her, Harvey," Donna says, a smile forming in her lips.

"Me too," he says softly. "She, uh, talked about visiting. And maybe meeting you."

"That's nice," she says, and Harvey can feel the anxiousness in her voice as she waits to hear more from that. "I'd love to meet her one day."

He smiles. "Yeah. Not now, but you know… soon, maybe."

Her eyes soften. She understands.

They are interrupted by a very excited saleswoman — a young woman, who seems to be a chatterbox as Donna tells her what she's looking for. The woman asks them to follow her, and throws a not so discreet look over them both.

"Is this your first baby?" She asks conversationally.

"Yeah, our very first," Donna answers, sharing a look with Harvey as he settles his hand on the small of her back.

"That's exciting! Do you know what you're having?"

As they answer the questions obviously thrown to try and gauge their profile, they both are a little disarmed when the woman asks them if they've been together for a long time.

Donna hesitates, so he answers.

"Twelve years."

"I figured it had to be that. You guys communicate on looks alone," the girl says, obviously finding it very interesting. "Relationship goals, if you get what I mean."

She turns her attention to the crib in question, and he's met with Donna widening her eyes and mouthing the words _twelve years _at him before going back to the conversation with the young woman.

He shrugs. It's the truth — in a way.

* * *

She's sitting on the couch next to the fireplace when she hears the door opening. She hasn't been here long — there's a glass of water in her hands and her dress is a little too tight around her middle — yet another dress that will have to be retired.

Oh, well. She runs a hand over the bump and thinks fondly that she won't mind retiring all her dresses, after all.

Harvey frowns as he sees her, clearly surprised. She's been helping as best as she can given the situation, but Anita Gibbs is restless and things aren't looking so good right now. She's thought long about this, and with Louis's support she's made her decision, and not even Harvey will change her mind.

"It's still alive," she points to the cactus on the coffee place.

"Did you think I would let it die?" Harvey asks, standing by the kitchen counter.

"No, but I thought you might give it away."

"Well, I'm more sentimental than you think," he retorts.

"It wasn't here when you made dinner for me and my parents."

"It's shy," he shrugs. Donna chuckles; she gets it. Some things are meant for just the two of them. "How'd you get in here?"

"With my key," she arches her eyebrows. "And my name is apparently cleared downstairs. I can come and go as I please. That's new."

"We're having a child together," he points out. "It makes sense. But why are you here?"

Their eyes meet.

"I'm here because you need me," Donna tells him. "Because as good as Gretchen is, she can't be a part of this, and you know it."

"Donna, it's too risky. We're talking about prison here."

"It won't come to that. Not to me," she shakes her head. "I trust you, I have faith in you. I need to be there for you and Mike and you know it."

Harvey grasps the back of one of the chairs and looks at her. She doesn't look away. His voice is soft when he speaks.

"You're saying you're coming back to me?"

She's not prepared for the watery look in his eyes.

She's not prepared for the way her eyes sting as well.

"Yes. I am."

A slow smile spreads over Harvey's lips. "Good."

She mimics him. "Good."

"Then I guess I'll see you back in the office tomorrow," Harvey says a little sheepishly as he takes a seat on the couch next to her.

Donna frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm coming back."

Her smile grows bigger. "How did you swing that?

"Hasn't happened yet, but I got a little secret weapon called Mike Ross," he says, more than a little proud.

"Well, maybe things will finally work out then," Donna says hopefully.

"Yeah," he lets out a deep breath. "How did Louis take it?"

"Believe it or not, it was his idea," she says softly. "_Ow_."

Harvey frowns. "What is it?"

Donna shakes her head. "Nothing, it's just… her kicks are stronger, and she keeps surprising me, that's all," she shrugs, rubbing a palm over bump. "Here."

His hand joins hers, and there's a glint in his eyes as she puts it where he might feel something. A moment passes, then two, then three — but they don't move away, and their eyes don't leave each other's. And then, suddenly…

"I felt it!" Harvey says, a grin on his face. "There she is again!"

Donna moves her hand away, letting him have a moment with their daughter. Harvey, for his part, looks absolutely in awe at it all, feeling a little more comfortable as every second passes. Donna simply leans back, a chuckle escaping her every time Harvey exclaims something.

"Is it painful?" He asks, finally looking back at her.

She shakes her head. "No, it's just different. I'm not used to it yet."

He smiles then, a true smile. "Thank you, Donna."

Donna frowns a little. "What for?"

"For this. For having faith in me," he continues. "For coming back to me."

Her hand reaches for his. Her voice breaks as she speaks. "We can't really stay apart, can we?"

Harvey chuckles, but his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. "Apparently not."

Her fingertips touch the back of his fingers softly, slowly. She feels his gaze on her lips and she can't help it but do the same. Still, she doesn't move — they have other things to think of right now. This isn't the time for them. Not now. Not yet.

"Is it okay if we hug?" She asks after a moment, making it look like a joke.

Harvey sees it for what it is, but doesn't call her out on it. Instead, he reaches for her — hands around her waist and hers over his shoulders. She places her chin on the crook of his neck and clings to him just as much as he clings to her. It feels a little different with the baby bump between them, but it also feels so right. So, so right.

She feels Harvey press a kiss against her hair and thinks that maybe, just maybe, they're _almost _where they're supposed to be.

"She's still kicking, right?" He says against her ear.

Donna laughs. "Yeah."

"Our very first group hug," he jokes.

She laughs harder, and thinks he must be the only person that is able to get her to laugh like this even when the world around them is falling apart. For so many years they've barely touched, and now…

She's looking forward to all the many group hugs in their future.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set in episodes 514 and 515. I'm sure you will recognize some lines here. I'm very excited to hear your comments on this one, so don't hesitate on letting me know!

Harvey finds her sitting on a bench right outside the courtroom — that's where she went after her testimony was over. Her hands won't stay quiet, she's clearly distraught, and he just had to take a break for two minutes to make sure she's fine.

So he stands in front of her, crouching down as her eyes rise to meet his, and he hates seeing her this vulnerable, this worried, but there's nothing he can do about it. Not really thinking it over, he reaches for her hands, stalling them, his thumbs caressing her soft skin.

"It's okay," it's the first thing he says.

He doesn't do comfort in these situations, they both know it, The last time, they ended up making a baby, she left him, he had panic attacks, his entire world as he knew it crumbled down, all because of her. But she was safe, she wasn't in danger of going to prison for anything she did because of him. And despite how terrible things look for Mike, he just wants to make sure she'll be safe from this, too.

It was bad enough that Gibbs went for her dad at the beginning of the investigations. It is bad enough that they've been having disagreements now that she's back on his desk. It's disheartening how people see right through them, right through her pregnancy, and assume things and they are right, because they did conceive this child together. If anyone wanted to get to him in the past, they'd go for Donna first. That's always what has been done.

Now he's gonna have another person to worry about — another person who might suffer consequences from what he did. And he's hating every second of it.

"It's not okay, Harvey," Donna says, sniffing softly. "I might as well have said I knew."

Her words are low, but he hears them anyway, and he shakes his head.

"Saying you knew makes Mike guilty, and it makes you guilty," Harvey replies. "I won't have you be punished for this. Ever. Do you hear me?"

She nods.

"You did the right thing. Mike gets it," he assures her. "Will you be okay?"

She nods again, albeit weakly so. He can't do much about it; he has to go back inside, and soon.

"Ray is outside, have him drive you back to the firm," Harvey tells her. "Don't worry about this. You have faith in me, don't you?"

Her eyes soften. "You know I do."

"Then we're good," he squeezes her hands. "I have to get back."

Donna nods; her hands leaves his as she stands up. There's a moment where she's putting her mask back on, hardened eyes and all, and not even the baby bump in this deep navy dress would make her look any less powerful — maybe even more so, even. But when their eyes meet, he sees her for who she is, and he knows she's terrified.

"I'll see you at the firm," she says, a little detached, and walks away.

He watches her for a moment, and then goes back inside — he can't leave this all to Mike. His head has got to be in the right place for this.

He doesn't do this comfort thing well, anyway.

* * *

It's all too much.

Sure, they knew it was a risk to hire Mike, but Harvey did it anyway and Donna didn't try to stop him — she's pretty sure she'd have been the only to succeed in doing that. Then Jessica came onboard, Rachel knew, Louis used it to get a promotion…

In the end they're all interwoven in this together, and Donna fears as if this might really break them all apart. Jessica has the firm in her best interest, Louis is too worried about himself, and Donna doesn't even want to _think _about what Harvey will do if this all takes a turn for the worse.

Which might as well already have, since she was called to the stand and had to plead the fifth because, in the end… she has to look out for herself too. Facing any charges from Anita Gibbs, be it on loose grounds of perjury, is not something she can handle. She doubts it's something Harvey can handle either, considering everything.

That's how she finds herself in Mike and Rachel's living room, sharing a drink with Rachel — well, orange juice for her and wine for Rachel. Donna won't judge. She would have been drinking wine herself if it wasn't for the little human she's currently growing.

"I'm gonna make us lose," she says after she's had half a glass of the juice.

"Donna…"

"Jessica told me before I went up there," Donna continues, "that if I lied no one would know. She's right, no one would know. But I couldn't do it. I'm an actress," she rolls her eyes. "Why couldn't I do it?"

Rachel smiles softly at her. "You couldn't do it because you'd have felt as if you had left Mike and Harvey alone. And at the same time you can't bring yourself to commit perjury because you're not thinking of just yourself," she reminds her. "There's a little someone who's going to need you in a few months and preferably you won't be worrying about trials then."

Donna lets out a watery laugh. "I'll try that while being Harvey's secretary. For a closer he hasn't been doing a lot of closing," she rolls her eyes.

Rachel laughs. "We haven't even talked about that yet. How has it been? Being his secretary again."

Donna ponders the question. "It's as if nothing's changed," she starts, "and everything's changed at the same time. I don't know. We've been disagreeing a lot lately. The Scottie thing a couple days ago…"

She closes her eyes for a moment; it's not that she doesn't like Scottie, but she doesn't like who she is to Harvey, she can admit that. She feels as if part of him did love her, or at least tried to love her, and perhaps it hurt because that's more than he ever did to Donna. And even the satisfaction of Scottie finding out she's carrying Harvey's child wasn't enough for Donna to feel better; in a way, Scottie had had Harvey in a way that Donna never did. He was open to Scottie, once upon a time, though not enough. Donna never understood Scottie's need to change him. Scottie never quite understood Donna in Harvey's life.

Still, there's no dislike between them. A mutual respect, maybe. It's not that after Mike went to Scottie Donna thought Harvey would go back to her, no — it's more about the fact that she's aware of the baby, what the baby represents, and perhaps she thinks she was right about something in the past.

Donna remembers the other lawyer asking her if she loved Harvey, years ago in the file room, and the memory comes with a shudder.

"Let's just say this hasn't been a piece of cake," she continues. "I hope that once things get better for Mike, and all of us, then Harvey and I will be back on track."

Rachel purses her lips. "So Harvey thinks they can still turn this."

Donna smiles softly. "He does, despite me ruining half of it. And if he thinks he can win this, I have faith that he can."

Rachel nods. "You didn't ruin anything. You did what was right, Donna," she takes a deep breath. "I just wish I had as much faith in them as you do."

Donna reaches out to her friend, squeezing her hand softly. Things aren't looking so good, but faith is all they can have and luckily for them, even with their disagreements, Donna has never wavered in her faith on Harvey.

She only hopes he won't let any of them down.

* * *

Things haven't been exactly easy. With the mock trial, Harvey contemplating if they're approaching this right way, Donna being his secretary again. Amid the chaos, she managed to fit in another doctor appointment, but Harvey couldn't make it. She understood, she really did — he's working on something that might save Mike, himself, and all of them in the process. But they don't need a whole lot to argue when they're on the edge of the ending — while not knowing if it'll be a happy or sad one.

So she's surprised when he shows up on her door late that night. They're all just waiting on the jury, and if she's surprised he looks for her and not his therapist for this specific reason, well… she shouldn't be. Of course he'd come to her if he's planning on turning himself in. And maybe, just maybe, if things were any different she'd try and talk him out of it more rationally, but things are different, and she needs to cling to him as much as she possibly can.

"Don't do it," Donna pleads. "Don't fall on your sword again."

They're in her dining room, he's sitting across from her, and even though he's here, he wants her opinion, her approval even, she feels as if the distance between them is much worse than just her dining table. Once more they avoid the couch, after that night, and this time this isn't a celebration, or just the two of them spending time together because they're having a baby and their lives are changing.

_This _is truly life changing. She thinks about her daughter growing up without Harvey and she feels like that alone is enough to make her feel sick. They're looking at five years in prison, possibly more if Gibbs looks into more stuff. Donna can't afford that.

She _can't. _

Suddenly she understands all of the anguish and that feeling of helplessness Rachel has been feeling for weeks. She was afraid this would happen from the beginning, she thought she was prepared for this, but now that's standing right in front of her, she realizes she's not prepared. At all.

"I have to—" Harvey starts, but Donna shakes her head.

"No, you don't," she interrupts him. "You don't have to do this! They can't prove that you knew."

"But Mike will take the blame on himself, and you know as well as I do that he didn't do it alone!"

"If you want to think about anyone, think about your child!"

"I am thinking about her!" Harvey retorts, standing up nervously. "Donna, I can't… I can't live with this guilt. How good a father am I if I can't be responsible for my own actions?"

Donna takes a deep breath, planting both her hands on the table. She needs the grounding.

"You might win," she offers at last.

Harvey meets her eyes immediately. "We might not win."

Frustration wins her over, and she stands up as well. "Harvey, you don't always have to be the hero!"

He shakes his head. "I'm not doing it to be the hero!"

"Then why the hell are you doing it?"

"Because it's my goddamn fault!"

There's silence — his voice breaks as he says the words, and she feels the tears stinging around her eyes, but she won't cry, not now, not when he needs her to be composed because he's almost losing it and it's… just killing her. His hand trembles as he runs it over his hair and Donna steps closer slowly. When he raises his gaze to meet hers his eyes are glassy and she can't help it but raise a hand and cup his cheek. He's hurting, and so is she. She could hate him for it, but she doesn't — that's who Harvey is, and she's always known it. He leans into her touch; she blinks, a tear escaping her eye, but she pays no attention to it.

"No, Harvey, it's not," she says softly. "It's Mike's fault just as much as it is yours."

His eyes plead to hers. "Then why should I be the one to throw him under the bus?"

"Don't you get it? I am not asking you to throw him under the bus," Donna continues. His hand rests on top of hers. "I am asking you to believe that the two of you are worthy of being found innocent."

"And what if I can't do that?" Harvey asks.

"Then you march yourself down to Gibb's office in the morning and turn yourself in," it takes everything in her to say these words to him. "But I don't want you to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I think you're worthy. And I don't wanna lose you."

His hand grips hers. "I don't wanna lose you, either."

Her breath catches as he says the words; she sniffs when he presses his lips against her palm, and for a moment she's sure he'll leave in a minute and maybe the next time she'll see him he'll have admitted the entire scheme and let himself on the tracks for Mike. The tears begin falling more easily, and then he's the one cupping her cheek.

"You won't lose me," she says after a moment.

"Even if I turn myself in?" Harvey asks as if it pains him to voice the question.

Donna nods. "If that happens, we'll be waiting for you."

Brown meets hazel. They're close, but not enough; gazes unwavering, and she's waiting to see the familiar flicker of doubt in his mind, she's waiting for herself to decide this isn't what they should be doing, but none of that comes. Their eyes meet and they don't let go, and it's Harvey who's tugging her close, but it's her who's lacing their fingers tightly together.

"_Donna_."

He says her name in a whisper, and it almost feels like a prayer. They're close enough that their breaths are mingling, close enough that they can't pretend this is just nothing, and she waits for the fear that he's gonna hurt her again to consume her once more, but when she looks into his eyes, she sees no doubt, no questioning, and her own doubts are cleared too, almost immediately.

So she nods, and whispers, "I know," and she won't let go of his hand, she won't let him go, but she can't take that first step, not anymore.

Before she can fully comprehend her own thoughts, however, he's kissing her.

His lips meet hers almost forcefully, and she feels as if they're standing in slow-motion all of a sudden. Her eyes close on their own accord but she's too stunned to open her mouth, just as he is too, testing everything first. And then he pulls away and their eyes meet and she sees the rawness in them, the desire and maybe something else too.

Whatever it is in his eyes, it's the first time she's seeing it so openly. Suddenly, she understands. This is it.

She pulls him closer and kisses him.

It's as if the last wall between them crumbles down for good then.

He kisses her like she's the very air he breathes, pulling her closer and closer until just standing isn't enough. It's urgent, so unlike their first time, and yet she goes through it as if time has slowed just for them, so unlike the last time.

She lets him guide her to the back of the sofa and gasps as his hands run over her sweater before pulling at it. She helps him over, and she knows there's no turning back from this, just like there was no turning back from last time. His jacket joins her sweater on the floor and he's standing between her legs and she just wants him to get closer, she just wants to feel him.

His hands cup her breasts through the silk blouse she's wearing and his lips move lower and lower. A moan escapes her, and she feels as if she's on fire, from the sensitivity of her skin and his scent so close to her. Through labored breaths and heated kisses, his hips thrusting against hers, the hardness so very hard to ignore when it's so close to her core, she can't help but let go, right then and there, and she clutches onto him as he embraces her through it.

It's blinding but brief, and all she can think about is him, him around her, him so close to her, him not close enough yet.

When she comes down from her high he's still kissing her neck, hands all over her back, and she's clutching him so tightly she's surprised she's not off the couch yet.

"I've got you," he whispers against her ear.

A shiver escapes her as he does so.

Last time they started this on top of this same couch. She wants to do things differently this time. She wants to be sure, she wants it to be more than just fun like the other time, and it needs to be more than the urgent, alcohol induced comfort it was the last time.

As if on cue, his kisses slow down; she feels his palms on her back and then her waist, his little finger brushing the little skin that she's showing. She grabs his hands, intertwining their fingers, and he pulls away just enough to look at her.

She's sure then.

They reach her bedroom almost in a haze, holding hands and bodies close but not touching. As soon as Donna closes the door, it changes.

Harvey undresses her like he's worshipping her. Each layer that comes out is replaced by his hands. If she had any issues with how her body is changing with pregnancy, he doesn't even let it consume her, not from the way he's touching her, the way his palm caresses her bump and how he breathes her in when she's finally able to take off his dress shirt.

She shouldn't be surprised he takes advantage of the proximity to take off her bra. Smooth as always.

They manage to find their way to bed but only with some nudging on her part, because Harvey seems too transfixed to do anything. She won't blame him because she's already got some relief from this situation.

Later she won't be able to help it and she will compare how different this is from their night together weeks ago. How she pushes him into bed and how he smiles at her when she takes off his boxer briefs. Last time, it was urgent and quick and she hadn't had any time to think.

They don't rush into it now. He grunts when she teases him with her hands, sitting up to bring her closer and take off her own underwear. She straddles his lap and looks down at him as she sinks into him, and a sound escapes her that's a mix of a gasp and a moan. Her hair curtains around their faces, his hands on her waist bringing her even closer.

They move together as if they've been doing this for years — they just fit together, and if that fact surprised her on their first time, she's just in awe that it's still like that. Their kisses mingle together and it's all too much — his arms around her, his lips on her, him inside her. She pulls away and pushes at his chest a little so that he lies down on the bed. Leaning her body into him, supporting her hands on his torso, her movements are quicker.

"Fuck, you're so hot," Harvey mumbles, grabbing her hips and moving with her..

Donna lets out a moan in response because there's a change in the angle and he hits her in just the right spot.

It doesn't take long for her to come again and she collapses on top of him. He cradles her close and keeps thrusting, and it's electrical and it feels like it lasts forever. It's intense and it's over all too soon at the same time.

Afterwards, they lay together, not willing to move, still connected. They're still catching their breaths and she presses her lips against his ear in the ghost of a kiss, then nuzzles his neck with her nose. One of Harvey's hands are on her back and the other is running through her hair. She knows she should get off of him soon, but he hasn't complained yet.

"You okay?" He asks, kissing the freckles on her shoulder.

Donna nods. "You?"

"I've never been better," he announces, and it's enough to make them both laugh.

Even with the world falling apart around them, they've got each other.

* * *

Harvey slips beside Donna on the bed, carefully trying not to make any noise as he leaves the ensuite bathroom. She stirs at the movement, however, and relaxes once she feels his body wrapping around her from behind. He breathes her in, the scent of her hair and her natural scent mixing with his and sex. It's the middle of the night and he managed to nap for an hour, maybe, but he's got too much in his mind to sleep right now.

Donna turns a little, resting on back, and he admires her like this — eyes closed, red hair forming a halo around both their heads after he's spent so much time running his hands through it. It's as soft as he remembered and imagined. Last time was a haze in his mind. Tonight is different.

He counts the freckles on her collarbone and traces her lips with his eyes; he moves his hand to cradle the swell of her belly under the sheets and can't resist pressing a kiss on her shoulder. She's beautiful, she's always been so beautiful. But she was always out of reach for him, something that was out of question. She represented more than just a relationship for him. She represented what his life could be if he let it happen.

She still represents all that, but he can reach her now. He can let it happen now.

He needs to give her what she deserves, and do his best to make her happy. If she lets him… hell, he's ready to commit to her already. Body and soul. This is it for him, and it's scary and amazing at the same time.

"You're still here," Donna's voice interrupts his thoughts.

She opens her eyes and he settles closer to her.

"Just went to the bathroom," he explains. "I'm not leaving. Unless you want me to, of course."

She smiles sleepily. "I want you to stay."

He smiles too. Maybe it's her sleepiness that's making her so honest. Or this new development between them. "Then I'll stay."

"You need to sleep, Harvey," Donna tells him softly. "Big day tomorrow."

"I know," he agrees. "It's hard to sleep when you look like this next to me, though."

She laughs then. It's a beautiful sound.

Turning to face him, noses close together, he gets close in the hazel of her eyes.

"Donna," Harvey starts, though he's a little unsure of what to say. "You must know…"

"I know, Harvey," she tells him, pressing her lips softly against him. "We'll talk about this. But not now. Not while I can still sleep a few more hours."

He smiles, understanding.

"I wore you out, huh?" he jokes.

"Yes, you did," Donna laughs. "And your baby is quiet, so I'm gonna enjoy this before she decides to wake up and move around like my uterus is an amusement park."

She slips her arms around him and snuggles closer. He does the same, not minding the baby bump between them at all.

It's surrounded by her that he's finally able to sleep.

* * *

He stays.

His arms are wrapped around her when she wakes up at some point, hours later, and what stirs her from sleep are his kisses on the back of her neck. Donna lets out something resembling a whine, because she's still tired and she still needs sleep and just knows it's still early. So she hides her face on her pillow, not even caring when she hears his chuckle against her ear. She runs a hand over his forearm and stops at his hand, resting on her stomach. Their fingers intertwine automatically.

He still chuckles and she feels him relax around her, breathing her in and giving in to the laziness of an early morning after a late night. She half expects him to let go and say he needs to go because she still doesn't know what he'll do, but either way… it's early. Too early. Early enough that she falls back asleep and she's pretty sure he does too.

So, he stays.

That's enough to tell her it's different this time around.

Still, when she wakes up again, for real, hours later, she's alone. It takes her a few seconds to truly get it; she's disoriented enough as it is. But her bladder is under pressure and there's a tiny baby that's very active at this time of the morning, so she doesn't have much time to think over anything as she leaves the already empty bed to go to the bathroom.

Either way, Donna smirks when she sees Harvey's crumpled dress shirt on the floor, along with other items of clothing. He didn't leave, after all, but she has no idea where he is.

She takes advantage of being alone in the bathroom to freshen up a little; as she leaves and walks into her closet, however, she puts on some fresh underwear and goes for the dress shirt instead. It fits, almost perfectly so, even with her baby bump. When she's finished and truly takes a look at her bedroom, she realizes what a mess it looks — her comforter is on the floor, his pants are on a corner, his shoes on another. Even her clothes are all around the place. She bites her lip and shakes her head. Months ago, the very sight of her bedroom once Harvey left made her want to cry.

Now, she's just… so anxious. She hears some movement around her apartment and knows he's out there somewhere and sure, last night was different than the last time, and the other time. But last time she had been so sure, and the other time she had been so hopeful. It's just different this time around.

She shakes her head and decides she might as well face it sooner rather than later.

She opens the bedroom door.

The first thing she's immediately hit with is the smell of coffee — and boy, does she need coffee. Even if it's decaf. Her bare feet make no noise against the floor as she walks down the hallway, and it's clear there's someone in the kitchen because she can hear plates and pans…

The dress shirt sleeves fall a little over her hand and she's entering the living room tentatively, peering into the kitchen until she sees him, and she can't help it if her breath catches because, well, Harvey Specter cooking in her kitchen has been a sight to behold in recent weeks, but Harvey cooking in her kitchen wearing only his undershirt and possibly just his boxers is a far better sight.

He doesn't see her right away, because he's too focused on the task at hand — he seems to be mixing something up, and she's not sure if those are eggs or some kind of dough but she's pretty sure they don't have enough time to properly enjoy pancakes this morning. Still, her heart skips a beat as she thinks of them sharing breakfast, because, well, they've shared many breakfasts over the years, but nothing was even remotely like _this_.

Harvey looks up as she walks closer, and she sees as his eyes take in her — first her legs, then the dress shirt, then finally her face. There's something different in him today, she can already tell, but she can't quite pinpoint it.

He's smiling at her, a hopeful glint in his eyes, and then his face falls.

"I was supposed to bring you breakfast in bed," he says jokingly, following her with his eyes as she rounds the breakfast bar to properly enter the kitchen.

"No one sent me that memo," Donna retorts.

He lets go of the pan he's been mixing — eggs, she can tell now — and turns around. She was right about the boxers too, and she fights the smirk that's threatening to erupt in her lips. Harvey reaches out for her, and her hand meets his like it's something they've been doing for a decade. Suddenly, what little doubts she had are completely gone, and she lets herself smile at him; his other arm holds her waist and brings her close and soon their lips are meeting in a slow, tentative kiss.

It doesn't slip her mind that this is the first time they've kissed in bright daylight.

"Good morning," Donna whispers, her nose touching his.

Harvey smiles, lips moving to her cheek and then her neck. He embraces her fully then, and she truly feels like nothing can shake them right now, not even the trial, not even the firm.

"Very good morning," he says after a moment. A chuckle escapes her and she rests her head on his shoulder, breathing him in.

"What are you making?" She asks, because she really can't pretend she's not hungry.

"I was torn between scrambled eggs or an omelette," Harvey says softly, arms leaving her as he goes back to his task, "but I'm here to serve."

"Scrambled eggs are fine. Just making sure you don't hurt yourself trying something so elaborate," she jokes, noticing the two cups on the counter, still empty. "You sure you're gonna want that decaf today?"

Harvey smirks over his shoulder. "I'm sure, seeing you don't have any actual coffee in this kitchen."

"Ah, so you did look," she teases, going straight to the full coffee pot. "I had to get rid of temptations."

"Is vanilla one of those temptations?" he asks.

Donna opens the cabinet right next to him and pointedly glances his way. "Nope."

It's alarming how well they work, even in the limited space of her kitchen. He makes them toasts and the scrambled eggs and soon enough they're sitting in the dining table much like they've been doing for last weeks only this time they're not across from each other; they sit side by side and she laughs at his slight grimace as he tastes the decaf coffee.

"It's her fault," Donna says, pointing at her baby bump as she eats.

Who knew Harvey would make such a good cook? Well, his brother does own a restaurant. She should definitely keep him around.

He laughs and she's surprised when she feels his hand on top of the dress shirt, right on the swell of her belly.

"I'm not complaining, I just made a face. It was just a reflex," he defends himself.

She pets the back of his hand softly and tries to control her breathing.

This is exactly what she thought parents to be would share, or at least parents to be that are together. Sure, she and Harvey have been more free about the touches lately, because she never wanted to privy him of any connection with his child, but it's different like this. It's different after he's kissed her and made love to her — it's softer, it's simple. It just feels right. It feels like this is truly where they should be.

But they have yet to properly talk about it.

"I'm sorry about the failed breakfast in bed, though," Harvey says as a joke, but she can tell he really wanted to make it happen. "I should have gotten up earlier for it."

"You do know I'd have been at the firm already if it wasn't for our late night," Donna chuckles, shaking her head. "It's fine. Food and bed don't mix, anyway."

She should know he'd smirk and turn her statement around though.

"Oh, _don't_," she says, grinning into her cup as she takes a sip. "That other time was a _mess_."

Harvey keeps grinning, though. "I'm sure it was. Whipped cream is sticky."

"The strawberries didn't make it better," Donna widens her eyes. "You weren't here the next morning to see it in daylight."

"Yeah," his grin dies. "I was an idiot."

"I think it takes two most of the time," Donna replies.

"Not last time," Harvey says. "Donna…"

The shrill noise of a phone interrupts them — they both know it's more likely to be Harvey's. He curses and stands up, looking for his jacket that's still on the floor next to the couch. She keeps eating as she listens in to the conversation; it's a quick one, after all. She didn't shower him with questions about his decision when she got up and she won't do it now, but the anxiety is prickling at her skin.

What if he does turn himself in? What happens then?

"That was Louis," Harvey offers as he strolls back to the dining room. "No word from the jury yet."

"But it'll be back soon," she assumes.

He nods, saying nothing yet. Donna nods too, turning her attention back towards her meal. She does what she does best, really — she gives him time. She won't beg and plead and have him act only on her interests, even if it kills her to be so quiet. They just spent a wonderful night together, and she's worried the next time they see each other he won't be free for long. But if it's for his peace of mind, even if she doesn't agree with it, she'll understand.

She'll try to, anyway.

So she takes a deep breath and finishes her breakfast.

She's just taken the last sip of her coffee when she feels his hand on her belly again, and she doesn't hide her concern as she meets his eyes. He has this determined look on his face, the one she's so proud of, the one she worries about when he'll do something crazy that might save them all.

"Breakfast in bed next time, okay?" He says softly, turning in his seat to properly face her. She nods wordlessly. "And more time, too. Seeing you like this is doing things to me."

Donna laughs, sniffing slightly. "What, the dress shirt?"

Harvey nods. "You wearing something with my initials on it."

She reaches out for him, cupping his cheek, feeling the light stubble on his jaw. "The jury isn't back yet."

"No."

"You could endure a walk of shame and go straight there," she offers.

Harvey tilts his head, a glint in his eye. "I could."

"But you're gonna need your shirt."

He fakes a sad face. "You're gonna have to take that off for me."

She sighs. "It seems that I must."

Donna gets up then, standing between his legs as she slowly unbuttons the shirt. Harvey leans back on the chair, appreciating the view, and she wishes she could play this a little slower but they're running against time as it is. Still, that doesn't mean she can't tease him a little — unbuttoning but not really letting him see anything beside the valley between her breasts and her stomach. She's nearly at the end when he pulls her close, and she's laughing as she straddles him, feeling his hardness against her underwear and her toes touching the floor only slightly.

Her hair falls around them like a curtain and she kisses him, his hands around her waist and bringing her even closer.

"Leave the shirt on," he says as he finishes the last two buttons and reveals her breasts to him.

"It's gonna wrinkle," she weakly protests, his hands cupping her breasts.

"Ray's bringing me a change of clothes in twenty minutes," Harvey says, grinning up at her before kissing his way down her neck.

She grins too, running a hand through his hair and loving the way he lips feel against her skin.

They don't talk until much later, when he's wearing that navy three-piece suit she loves so much and she's still in her bathrobe as she walks him to the door. She's late as it is and her boss is not at the firm anyway — she might as well take some time to go to work. He opens the door and turns around, looking at her a little expectantly.

She won't bring up their argument last night, as much as it pains her. She just wants him to feel reassured.

"Let me know when the jury's back?" She asks, stepping closer to straighten his tie.

Harvey nods. "Donna…"

She shakes her head. "Let's not discuss anything right now," she pleads, looking up at him with teary eyes. "I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I'll support you. You know that."

He nods.

"But I hope you'll sit with Mike until that verdict comes in, and show him that you have faith in him," she continues, patting his chest softly. "Like I have faith in you."

His hand sneaks around her waist and the other pulls a strand of hair behind her ear. Their lips meet then — it's a parting if she's ever seen one. But she's hopeful, and she lets that hope fills her heart even as he pulls away and smiles softly at her.

"See you later," he says.

"You know you will," she retorts.

Depending on the outcome, her heart may be torn apart, but she has faith in him, she trusts him with her life and her child's life too. And even if the worst happens, they'll still be together one way or the other.

She watches his retreating form, smiling as he winks at her over his shoulder before turning the corner.

That's the over the top, confident Harvey she knows.

That's the Harvey she loves, too.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set in between episodes 516 and 604, so time's finally running here! Hope everyone enjoys it. Much thanks for everyone who left me a comment last chapter. Hope you like this one too!

It's all a big, huge mess.

It was a mess before, but Mike had to cut a deal with Gibbs and make things even worse. The confidence Harvey felt when he left Donna's apartment this morning is gone; he had to go and argue with her about the jury and he can't even begin to process what might happen to the firm once the word is out about Mike's deal.

It might be the end of them all.

It's late and there are files all over his office — on the table, his desk, the coffee table. Mike is spending his last free night with Rachel and Donna has gone home at around seven, at his insistence. They haven't really talked about anything yet, at the office they didn't even acknowledge what happened between them, but he needs to tell her, he needs to let her know last night wasn't just a one-time thing for him. He may have made his intentions clear this morning with breakfast, but this is Donna.

She's different from other women. He just never knows with her.

And maybe not even his honest apology before she left home was enough to convey that. Sure, she supported him and even advised him on what to do next, but then she left without even a touch of a hand, and he's worried she might think last night was over already.

Or worse, he worries she might not want this at all.

Deciding he might as well call it a night since it's past midnight and his eyes can't seem to stay properly open anymore, he takes his jacket and leaves.

He rubs his eyes as he enters the elevator, wariness crushing his bones. He didn't sleep much last night and he can feel it. The journey to the ground floor takes forever; he checks his phone and isn't surprised to see no new notifications. Jessica and Louis are probably still plotting their next move, Mike and Rachel are together, and Donna…

Donna is probably at home, asleep. As she should be.

When Harvey reaches the street and hails a cab, her address is the first thing that comes out of his mouth.

Yes, they did argue, but when she left they were on good terms. She probably didn't text him because she didn't want to interrupt his work, and she also had a late-night yesterday — no doubt she'd be tired today. A quick check on his jacket's pocket finds the key Donna has given him, and it's enough that he doesn't question his decision too much.

Maybe it's too late for that talk, but he needs to see her, and he needs her to know he's there for her, no matter what, no matter how guilty he feels about this Mike situation. He didn't turn himself in and Mike's deal is enough to keep him out of jail, and even if Harvey feels the guilt, he feels the relief as well. He's gonna be around when his daughter is born, and he will be there for her when she has all those milestones like a first tooth or her first word — which he already has no doubts it will likely be 'mommy' because, with a mom like Donna, he can't expect anything else.

He texts Ray to pick him up at Donna's tomorrow, thankful that the driver brought more than just one change of clothes to Donna's apartment this morning, and figures that tonight is as good a day to use his key as any.

The apartment is silent and dark when he gets there; a quick look around the living room tells him Donna is most likely asleep. He opens the bedroom door quietly, smiling to himself as he sees her, eyes closed, on her side just like she slept last night. He walks slowly to her side of the bed, crouching down until he's on her level, and reaches out to touch her hand softly. He squeezes it, and she holds his hand back.

"Hey," Donna says, opening her eyes slowly, blinking heavily. A slow smile forms on her lips. "You said you wouldn't be able to come over because you're working late."

"I worked late," he shrugs. "Decided to come over anyway."

"Good," Donna says, snuggling closer to her pillow and closing her eyes. "Come to bed."

"In a minute," he says, standing up — but not before pressing his lips against hers for a second.

He takes a quick trip to the bathroom and sheds his clothes before taking a quick shower. By the time he's back, she's moved to lie on her other side, facing him — he supposes he has a side now, and he can't be bothered with it at all. He slips in quietly, her sheets cool against his skin, and Donna may be close to sleep but she reaches out to him anyway, hands over his chest and around his torso as he comes closer to her.

Donna relaxes against him, her breaths coming out deeply, and he brushes his lips against her forehead, their legs intertwining under the sheets. For two people who spent the better part of the last decade avoiding touching each other at all times, these walls seem to have crumbled rather quickly.

They won't talk about _them _tonight but being here with her definitely clears his mind a little and gives him confidence that maybe she really wants the same things he does.

He falls asleep quickly after that.

* * *

He's got a split lip and he attempted to clean his brow off some blood but Harvey can't bring himself to be mad at Mike for doing this. Sure, it's not who he expected to see at his apartment after two days of being gone, but he and Donna didn't really set a specific hour for their so-called night together and Mike was there when Harvey arrived (how does anyone even manage to get into his apartment, he will never know).

"I'm sorry you had to take the fall, Mike," Harvey says after a moment.

The kid is sitting on the floor next to the couch, head down. Harvey gets it. He would have been found innocent. All of this could have been avoided if Mike had had more faith in himself.

"I'm not. You didn't force me to do this, Harvey," Mike lets out a deep breath. "In fact, I threatened you when you tried to fire me that first week."

Harvey smiles softly, though not much because his lip is still hurting.

"Still," he says. "You're gonna miss out on a lot with Rachel."

Mike nods. "Yeah. But she'll be there when I'm free. I'd never let you miss out on your child's first years."

He stands up; Harvey looks up at him and nods. "Thanks, Mike."

Mike shrugs. "I'm gonna get going. I need to ask Rachel to marry me."

Harvey frowns. "Haven't you done that yet?"

"Yeah, but… there's something I have to tell her first," the kid says, walking away. "I'll see you tomorrow, Harvey."

"See you, Mike."

Harvey takes out the paper that he's been holding against his lip and cringes at the sight of blood, listening as Mike opens the front door to leave. His attention is caught, however, when he hears a familiar voice.

"Hey, Mike," Donna says, and Harvey looks up.

"Donna, hey," Mike says, and if he's surprised to see her he doesn't let it out. "Before you say anything, I'm sorry about that, and I have to go."

Harvey watches as Donna walks in with a frown on her face, one hand holding her bag and the other holding the key to his front door. At least she has a normal way of getting in. Mike closes the door behind him and Donna slowly walks towards Harvey, mouth agape as she takes him in.

"Oh, my God, what happened to you?" Donna says instantly, steps quickening as she lets bag and keys on the kitchen counter and goes to him. "Did Mike do this? Let me see."

He shifts just enough that she can sit on the settee next to him. She's shaking her head as she does so, then stands up and goes to the kitchen.

"Mike had a right to do it," Harvey tells her as he watches her move away.

"No, he didn't," Donna retorts instantly as she rummages through his cabinet until she finds the first aid kit. "He really didn't have to pull this male ego thing just because _you_ _both_ decided he could work as a fake lawyer."

She takes off her heels by the counter and moves towards him again, with the kit in hand. He thinks she looks so good like this at his condo — with the burgundy dress and bare feet against the wood floor. But she's angry, he can tell. He loves this protective side of her.

"Men," she mumbles, reaching for his face. The first bruise she goes for is the eyebrow. He grimaces. "If I know you well you probably gloated until Mike couldn't take it anymore."

Harvey smirks. "You do know me well."

A ghost of a smile appears on Donna's lips as she cleans the bruise. He can't help it but notice how snug the dress looks when she's sitting down like this — the way it hugs the swell of her belly and rides up a little over her thighs. He moistens his lips and has to grimace again at the touch against his split bottom lip.

"I had to take those shoes off. They were killing me," she admits after a moment.

"It's fine. How are your feet?" Harvey asks, leaning a little to look at them.

_Perfect_, he thinks but doesn't say it.

"A little swollen, I think," Donna confesses. "Doctor said it's normal, remember?"

He nods. Of course, he remembers. He's been catching up on the pregnancy and reading everything he can about each aspect for weeks. Sure, the trial made his time a little limited, but he's still managed to add some reading every day. Once she's taken care of his brow, she moves to his split lip, and as he leans closer Harvey can't help it but reach out for her, his hands settling on her hips softly.

Donna tries to hide a grin but fails. He tries not to grin too because she's looking after his lip but also fails.

"Don't distract me," Donna says softly.

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes, you are."

He stops himself from saying anything because it's not like he can defend himself. Still, it doesn't take long until she's satisfied with her work — after a rather scrutinized look on his face, she decides it's as well as he's gonna get and closes down the kit and puts it on the floor. Harvey watches her as she does so, feels how calm she is tonight, despite everything. Because she knows he won't go away.

Harvey meets her gaze and arches an eyebrow.

"Lean back," he says and is met with a frown on her face. "It's time for me to look after you."

She does so and understands when he reaches for her feet, putting them on his lap. He hasn't had much experience with foot rubs if he's honest, but Donna relaxes at his touch. Her skin is soft, more so than he imagined after being on her feet all day, but then he knows all too well that she uses lunch breaks (and usually more time than those can offer) to get a pedicure or have a quick massage. He's not surprised.

"Oh, you're good at this," she moans slightly. "Keep this up and I'm definitely keeping you."

Harvey smirks. She rests both hands on her baby bump and caresses it softly, with her eyes closed. He thinks she's been doing this more and more lately. He's pretty sure it's not even on purpose. He loves the sight all the same.

"I may have brought us some dinner."

Donna's eyes open. "You may have?"

"You couldn't stand it in the first trimester, so I took a chance," he offers.

Her face lightens up. "Thai food?"

"Yep."

"From the shitty Thai place?"

"You know it is."

"Ugh. I'd kiss you, but I'm too comfortable here," Donna jokes.

Harvey laughs. "It's okay, we'll have time for that later."

Her eyes soften. "Yeah, we will."

He really could get lost in her eyes when she looks at him like that. Like he holds her words.

"So," he starts, "why did you never make me fire Mike in the first place?"

Donna shrugs. "You wouldn't have fired him. Remember when Jessica made you and you couldn't do it?"

"You mean that day when you couldn't listen to that conversation?" He smirks. She merely raises her eyebrows. "We both know that if anyone could have brought some sense into me, that would have been you."

Her eyes soften.

"Even back then?"

"Even back then."

She bites her lower lip, deep in thought.

"I guess that, in a way, I thought if you had an associate you would see there was more to life than the job," she confesses. "That an associate would bring you some responsibility."

Harvey chuckles. "It wasn't really like that."

"No," Donna agrees. "It was more than that, Harvey. Despite everything, I don't regret it."

Harvey nods. "Me neither."

He replaces one foot for the other, meeting Donna's gaze as he does so. It's silent for a few seconds, then he clears his throat. They said they'd talk tonight. They're talking, but he needs more than that.

"Do you remember that other time?" Harvey asks tentatively, looking up at her.

Donna's eyes are closed, but there's a smile on her lips. "Yeah."

"You asked me to put it out of our minds when we agreed to work together," Harvey says slowly. That day is deeply ingrained in his memory. She opens her eyes and nods. "Well, I tried to. But it never worked."

Donna says nothing. He can tell she's holding her breath.

"I can never go back, Donna," he says at last. "I've run away for too long. From you, from how I feel. I'm glad we got interrupted the other morning," he says softly, "because it's made me realize I have more to tell you."

"Like about you almost turning yourself in?" She asks, and her voice is quiet in the silence of his apartment.

Harvey shakes his head. "I was ready to do that, but I had to see you. And I realized that at the end of all things, it was you I'd always want to see. It's you, Donna," he lets go of her foot and reaches for her hand. "It's always been you. Baby or no baby."

She sits upright in her seat. He tries to find the right words to say.

"Months ago I went to you," he confesses. "You made me feel like I could do anything. But you made me scared, Donna. My biggest fear was that I'd lose you, and I ended up driving you away anyway."

"Harvey," Donna starts.

He shakes his head. "Please, Donna," he pleads. "When I'm with you, I feel like I'm can do anything. You do that to me. I'm a better man because of you," he takes a deep breath. "But I was too afraid of losing you to act on it last time. I'm not that man anymore. If anything these months has taught me is that you deserve the best. And I'm not the best," Harvey confesses. "But I want to try."

"You're gonna make me cry," Donna says softly.

Harvey smiles. "I'm just getting started."

His hands hold her tightly. "Once it hit me that we should be together, I felt like we've always been together," he tells her. "What I'm trying to say is, that night, everything made sense. I'm finally where I'm supposed to be."

"We both are," Donna says, and she smiles even through the tears that are threatening to spill over her cheeks.

"I'm not saying this because we're having a baby together," he continues, letting go of her hand to splay his palm over the swell of her belly. "I'm saying this because that's how I feel. You're the best part of me, Donna. You've always been. It just took me a few years to figure that out."

She sniffs. "Finally you realize I know better. All the time."

Harvey smirks. "Better late than never."

Donna grins, pulling him closer. "Damn right, Specter."

Their lips meet in a kiss and her hands bring him close by his shoulders, and he truly feels lighter at this moment, even if he climbs on top of her to get closer.

He lets himself get lost in her, and it truly feels like that's where he should be for the rest of his life.

* * *

"I don't know what to say," Donna admits, and she's hurting for her friend.

She can't help but put herself in the position Rachel is in. Left at the altar with her fiancé in jail for the next two years. She has nothing to do, except move on. Not from Mike, but with her life. Things are as bad as it is, with the firm virtually empty, and yet Rachel endures, much like Donna thinks she'd have done.

It would have been a beautiful wedding, but she's confident it will be even more beautiful when Mike gets out. Even if it takes some time.

Rachel clutches Donna's hand, and her eyes soften. "You always know what to say."

Donna shakes her head. "Not this time."

Rachel purses her lips, and they understand each other, Donna thinks. Because if it was the other way around, and if it was Harvey who had gone to prison instead of Mike, Donna isn't even sure if she would have been at the firm right now. But she knows that Rachel would be there for her, no matter what.

Still, she hasn't said a word to her friend about being with Harvey. It's not that she doesn't want it out — she does want everyone to know it, in a way she's ready to yell that they're together — but she can't do that when Rachel is hurting so much. It doesn't feel fair.

Donna makes a face, however, when she feels the familiar movements in her lower belly. The baby is awake and ready to play.

Rachel frowns at her face.

"Sorry, she's just been kicking a lot today," Donna says. "I think she can tell things are happening."

Rachel sniffs but lets out a chuckle. "Can I feel it?"

Donna arches her eyebrows. "Oh, of course. Yeah, come here."

Rachel stands from her seat and sits by Donna's side, reaching out and hesitant hand. The blue dress is flowy enough that her figure isn't really different, but when she's sitting down there's no use in pretending she isn't halfway through her pregnancy. She guides Rachel's hands to where she's felt more kicks, and after a moment Rachel laughs.

"There she is, huh?" She says happily. "Oh, Donna. Thank you."

Donna smiles. "What for?"

"I know we both said some things during the trial, about Harvey and Mike, that we shouldn't have said," Rachel starts. "But thank you for supporting me at church today. And for being here tonight. You could be brainstorming with Harvey, Jessica, and Louis, but you're here even if I'm being such a downer."

"Come on, Rach," Donna replies. "That's what friends do, right?"

Rachel laughs. "Yeah. I mean, if there's any good side here, it's because we'll see Baby Paulsen-Specter as my flower girl when I do get married."

Donna laughs too. After a few moments, the baby decided she's had enough of playing with Aunt Rachel and the kicks stop. Rachel takes a deep breath and looks around the file room, and Donna can sense the sadness within her. They've promised each other they won't keep things between them, and Donna decides she might as well say it.

"Harvey and I are together."

It's the first time she says it out loud.

Rachel raises her eyes to meet her friend's, mouth agape.

"_Together_, together?" Rachel asks.

Donna nods. "We are in a relationship, yes."

"Donna, that's amazing!" Rachel says, clutching her friend's hand again. "When?"

"Two days ago," Donna says. "Before the deal happened. Harvey came over and he wanted to turn himself in. Rachel, I can't begin to understand what you're going through," she says, "but know that I thought I'd be in your place now, two days ago. And I don't know how I would have survived."

The thought of losing Harvey so soon after getting him is unfathomable.

Rachel shakes her head. "Mike did it for all of us. And he told me he doesn't regret it," she tells her. "Your baby needs her parents, Donna. Both of them. Harvey won't give up on Mike, I know it."

Donna sniffs quietly. "He won't. Even if those three thought marijuana would do the trick."

Rachel laughs. "Well, Mike would have supported it, so I do too."

They share a smile.

"I'm so happy for you, Donna," Rachel says, moving to hug Donna.

Donna accepts the hug with open arms and a lighter heart for sharing her news with her best friend.

They have a long way to go, but one step at a time seems like the best option right now.

* * *

She catches Harvey in his office late into the evening, leaning against his desk and staring at his mother's painting. He doesn't see her at first, and she appreciates the moment to really look at him. Without his jacket, his arms crossed, looking a little obstinate and less lost than he was three hours ago.

She walks ahead and knocks softly against the glass door.

"Is it safe for me to get in, or am I gonna get high just by breathing the same air as you?" Donna jokes.

Harvey turns, smiling softly as she walks in. "It's safe."

She takes a look at the painting, wondering what he was thinking at this moment. Their first crisis has been solved; in between losing associates, partners, being hacked and being threatened, Donna thinks some good has come out of this evening. They have a plan, and that's better than nothing.

The ones who stayed, those are the ones they should remain close to. As for the others, they can all burn in hell.

"How was your screening of _Breakfast_ _Club_?" She jokes as she comes closer.

Harvey laughs and shakes his head.

Donna frowns, amused. "What?"

"I mentioned that movie before, and Louis told me to stop with the references," he tells her, standing up straight and stepping closer. "That's what I love about you, you get me."

Her breath catches. "Love about me?"

Harvey nods. "Love about you."

Catching her by surprise, he pulls her close, and she doesn't even mind if he smells a little because he tastes amazing when he kisses her. She grasps onto his shoulders once she recovers and feels his hands low on her back, and all she can think of is that this is the two of them now. This is _them_.

She doesn't even care that they're at the office until she hears someone clearing their throat.

"I hate to interrupt," Rachel's voice makes them pull apart. Donna turns to see her friend by the doorway, a grin on her face. "Jessica and Louis will be here in a second."

Donna feels Harvey's chuckle against her ear and hides her face on his shoulder, just for a moment, just to come down from that high that had nothing to do with marijuana and a lot to do with him. Then she pulls away, leaving his embrace, and joins her friend on the couch.

"You told her?" Harvey asks with a smirk.

"Mm-hm."

"Mike would have killed to see this," Rachel comments with a sigh.

"He knew," Harvey shrugs. Both women frown at his words. "I told him when I left him this afternoon."

Donna meets Harvey's soft gaze. Mike has been rooting for them for so long — he's the one person who's close enough to know it, she's sure of it. She wishes things were different.

"I'm sure he loved that," Rachel chuckles. "Everyone has been seeing the two of you for years. I'm glad you guys finally saw it too."

Harvey winks at her and moves to the scorch, offering Rachel a drink but giving Donna some water first. Just as Rachel predicted, Jessica and Louis arrive soon afterward. The plan is in motion, and once they're all seated Harvey joins them, deliberately sitting next to Donna. They didn't really talk about telling people that they're together, but she supposes that this is all there's left of the firm — their friends.

It's not a bother at all.

Rachel gets a text from Mike — leave it to him to get someone to give him a phone to text his girlfriend — and they're all relieved that he's doing okay in prison, all things considered. They all toast to trouble, no doubt an allusion to Mike, and things definitely look better now than they did this morning or even this afternoon.

Donna's tired though. Between her time with Harvey two nights ago and the two of them spending last night and this morning together, she hasn't had a proper rest yet. She longs for calmer days between them, but they're all still talking as she leans her head back against the couch — only to be met by Harvey's arm.

That's when she notices he slipped his arm over the back of the couch and near her own shoulders. No one else has noticed it, and even they did they never mentioned it.

"I should get going," Rachel announces softly. "I feel better knowing Mike is okay now, and it's been a long day."

Harvey speaks first. "We can share a ride. Ray isn't around but Donna and I can share a cab with you on the other to her place."

Donna rests her head more firmly against Harvey's arm, near his neck. Her hand reaches out to his, near her shoulder.

"Ir really has been a long day. Even the baby has stopped kicking," she comments. "Which is news because whenever I'm awake it's like I'm her ballroom."

They laugh, and she doesn't miss the glint in Jessica's eyes. Louis, however, remains serious.

"I think I'm still high," he announces.

Harvey arches an eyebrow. "Louis, it's been hours."

"I think I'm hallucinating," Louis continues.

Donna sits up straight. "Louis…"

"You guys are touching," he states. "You never touch."

Donna widens her eyes. "We touch."

"We have been touching," Harvey completes. "How do you think we made this baby?"

Louis rolls his eyes. "Please, Harvey, there are ways to make a baby that don't involve touching."

Harvey is amused. "There are?"

Before Louis can elaborate, Donna beats him. "We touch each other, Louis. You're not hallucinating."

"Oh, my God," Louis says, watching them both closely. It's only then that Donna notices her hand is on Harvey's thigh. "You are lovers."

Harvey makes a face. "We are together if that's what you mean."

"Oh, my God!" Louis says again, this time standing up and nearly throwing himself in the middle of Harvey and Donna for a hug.

Harvey looks downright uncomfortable and too quick to snap at Louis because of Donna, but a simple look from her is enough to make him say nothing. Their friend is happy for them, and so are Rachel and Jessica, and that's all that matters.

She laces their fingers together on Louis's back and shares an amused look with Harvey.

Things could have been much worse, all considered.

* * *

When Harvey tells Donna he feels as if they've always been together, he means it.

It's not just about sex, even if sex with Donna is the best he's ever had (and if he told her this she'd reply with an unsurprised raised eyebrow). It's about being comfortable together, and being able to talk about stuff. There are no secrets between them, she truly knows him better than anyone, and the fact that she still chose to stay constantly baffles him.

They're both mature enough and know enough of each other to get that this isn't about the two of them having a child together; in a way, Harvey thinks the baby made them realize this sooner rather than later. Sure, they are bound together because of the baby, but the truth is that they were bound long before she entered their lives. Maybe she advanced things a little. Maybe she came because they need to make up for all the years they've been together but weren't actually together.

That's how Harvey feels, anyway, and he tells Donna this one evening at her place. He's staying there more and more these days; in fact, since getting together, they have yet to spend a night apart. Even with the late nights, the running against the clock on cases, him still trying to find a way to get Mike out, they find each other each evening. Sometimes she's already in bed, other times she's waiting for him, other times they go home together. But their nights always end the same way.

Today they've managed a somewhat early evening. He had to after Stemple took his painting — he just couldn't stay at the office and look at that empty spot on his wall. Donna understood it. She always does.

So they met at her place — he had to take a quick detour to his apartment for more clothes, and she got started on dinner. Now, seated on the couch together, he marvels at how much the baby has grown; they've had a doctor appointment this week and everything remains normal. They have yet to decide on a name, but their baby girl is growing stronger and Donna's baby bump is bigger — and more adorable — than ever.

And she looks so beautiful today — he's so appreciative of her in casual clothes, especially when they're alone in their newfound intimacy. Her hair is up in a ponytail and she's wearing jeans shorts and a white tank top that's stretching around her middle in the most beautiful way. Things he used to struggle within the few relationships he's had, such as making time for each other or sharing intimate, domestic time together, these things are effortless with her.

With her shirt bunched up, he's spent the last few minutes talking to the baby, because they've read that she can hear their voices now, even if she can't discern words. Donna lets him have some time like this, he thinks, because he knows she does it enough of her own. It's like she's giving him time to bond with the baby already.

He presses his lips against her belly, near her belly button, and smiles up at her.

"Maybe she did speed up the process," Donna agrees as he tells her his theory.

"Or maybe we should have been together for longer anyway," he retorts, sitting up.

"You have any doubt about that?" she chuckles as she leans her head against his arm that's been on the back of the couch. "But no. I think this is just the right time. We both had some growing up to do in the last twelve years."

He moves his head a little, pondering her own take on them. As usual, she's probably right.

"Are you okay?" Donna asks after a moment, her hand slowly caressing his jaw, turning his head towards her. "I know how important the painting was."

Harvey nods. "I'll be okay."

"Are you gonna tell me what that brochure you brought is about, then?" She asks softly, eyeing the album on her coffee table. "I doubt it's a brochure about nursery decorating."

He chuckles at her teasing, lets go of her just enough so that he can reach for the album then resumes his previous position. Donna has an expectant look on her face, and he thanks her silently for not asking about this before. He needed his own time to deal with it. The loss of the painting is still immense, but the fact that he's reached out to his mom before makes it a little more bearable. Needless to say, he still hates Stemple for it. He'll never forget what a low blow that was.

"I got this when my dad died," he starts. "I never really looked at it. It's an old photo album, but for some reason he wanted me to have it."

Donna is silent, and her hand squeezes his shoulder softly, urging him to go on.

"I mean, I opened it when I got it," Harvey continues. "I couldn't do it alone."

"You're not alone anymore," she tells him quietly.

He nods because he knows it. He feels it in his gut. "So… shall we?"

"I hope I'll finally see some baby pictures of you," Donna jokes before he finally opens it.

They both when right there, on the first page, there's undoubtedly a black and white picture of Harvey as a baby.

"I knew your dad wouldn't disappoint," she comments, leaning over to look at the picture closely. "You were adorable. Look at these eyes."

Harvey smiles as she looks at the pictures, with more excitement than he expected. Her hand is spread on top of her belly, and he has no doubt she's wondering if their daughter will look a little like him as a baby. Maybe she will. He knows for a fact Donna was a prettier baby, though; he has no problem admitting so to himself, even if he was cute.

"Is this your mom?" She asks when she turns the page.

Sure enough, the first photo is now a colorful one of his mom, him as a young child, and Marcus as baby, laughing at the camera. He nods.

"Yeah, that's her."

"I've never actually seen her face before," Donna comments. "She's beautiful. Marcus has her eyes."

He clears his throat. "Yeah, he does."

He's never realized Donna had never actually seen his mom. To be fair, he hasn't seen her in years, but he doubts she's changed much from a couple of years ago. The memories aren't as painful as they were when his dad died, and he's glad he decided to do this. There's more to his mom than just a painting, and seeing the photo album makes him realize she was there for him way more than his dad, for the most part. There are more than a few pictures of him as a boy playing baseball and he remembers his mom being there rather than his dad.

He hopes he can do the same for his child, whether she likes baseball or theater or ballet or basketball.

Perhaps, in a way, his dad hoped Harvey would finally see it this way.

Things are still raw within him, but he's not a kid anymore. He knows life isn't as black and white as he used to see it.

They go through the photos until the end when they reach Harvey's graduation at Harvard. Only his father and brother attended, as per his own request.

"We met a couple of years after this," Donna notes. "You still had this haircut."

"You had bangs," he remembers. "I loved it."

She laughs. "You just wanted to sleep with me."

"Well, yes," he admits. "But I also loved your bangs," he smirks her way, tries not to make a big deal out of it because he can feel that this kind of information gets to her. "To be fair, I want to sleep with you all the time, but I also love stuff about you."

She chuckles lowly. "Nice save."

Her head rests against his shoulder once more and he presses a kiss against her hair before turning his attention to the last page again. He finds himself wondering how hurt his mother must have been when he announced he didn't want her at his graduation ceremony. His child isn't even born yet and he can't fathom losing anything important to her.

"You should call her," Donna says softly. "It's been a few weeks since you talked."

"It's kinda late," he replies.

"It's not even ten yet," she retorts. "Just give her a call. I'm sure she'll like it."

Harvey takes a deep breath. "Yeah. Okay."

"I'm gonna load the dishwasher," Donna says, moving their comfortable positions on the couch. "It's only fair since you saved dinner by arriving before I could prepare more than a salad."

He shakes his head and chuckles as she leaves the living room. He hears her shuffling plates on the table behind him and reaches for his phone on the coffee table. Taking a deep breath, he doesn't think too much before dialing, and the call gets picked up only after two rings.

"_Hello, Harvey_," his mom greets. "_What a nice surprise._"

He hears the joy in her voice and lowers his head a little, emotions bubbling in his chest since he saw the painting leaving his office.

"Hey, Mom," he says after a moment. "I was just looking over some old photos with Donna and I thought I'd give you a call."

"_I'm glad you did. Did you have some baby pictures to show her?_" his mom asks softly. "_I'm sure those were the ones she was most excited about._"

Harvey smiles, looking over his shoulder to meet Donna's eyes — he doesn't mind that she's listening to his side of the conversation. There's a strange look on her face as if she's bracing herself for something that she can't quite grasp. He winks at her, hoping she'll stop worrying he'll snap at his mother for past issues.

He thinks he's finally coming past that.

"She loved the baby pictures," he tells his mom. "We both agreed I was cuter than Marcus."

His mother laughs, and he hears Donna chuckle behind him before her steps grow silent in the kitchen.

"Hey, Mom," Harvey starts slowly. "You remember my first Little League game?"

"_Of course I do, Harvey,_" his mother replies. "_You fell right after you pitched the ball, but it worked. Got up fast and ran all the way to third base._"

Harvey laughs, tears forming around his eyes. "Yeah."

"_It was funny and very cute_," his mom says. "_Your father complained I didn't record it, but I was too busy yelling._"

"I remember Dad saying that afterwards," he says softly, shaking his head.

As great as his dad had been, he missed out on a lot of moments in both his and Marcus's lives. Harvey can see that now.

"_Is everything okay, Harvey?_" His mom asks after he goes silent.

"Yeah. Just some trouble at work," he says, recovering quickly. "Look, Mom, I was thinking that… once things are calmer around here, Donna and I could visit."

There's silence on the other side for an entire second. He holds his breath.

"_I would love that, Harvey,_" his mom says, and he can hear the emotion in her voice. _"I gather you and Donna are working things out. I'd love to meet her._"

He smiles, enjoying the slight tease in his mother's voice. He feels Donna's hand on his hair and turns his head around to see her behind the couch with a soft smile on her face.

"Tell her I can't wait to meet her," Donna mouths.

"She'd love to meet you too, Mom," Harvey says. "And yeah, we're together now."

"_I'm glad you are, Harvey,_" his mom says fondly. Harvey follows Donna as she leaves for the bedroom to give him some privacy. "_I've been rooting for you two to get together for years._"

Harvey frowns. "What?"

"_Your dad and Marcus always talked about her_," his mom goes on. "_I have to admit I've been a fan of hers since she started working for you._"

He looks at Donna's retreating form and a soft smile forms on his lips.

"That makes two of us, then."

* * *

Donna's putting some folders on Harvey's desk for tomorrow when she feels two strong arms embrace her from behind and pull her closer.

"Did I tell you you look hot today?" Harvey says against her ear.

Against her better judgment, a shiver runs through her body. "I think that was yesterday."

"Well, you look hot today," he says.

She can't help but laugh at the admission; at twenty-seven weeks, she's bigger than ever and has needed to shop for some new dresses, including this pink dress she's wearing for the first time. It's shorter than her usual dresses but loose enough around the middle. She thinks she'll have use for it once she's given birth. It's not a color she normally wears, in truth, but maybe expecting a baby girl has made her change her fashion style just a little.

She pulls away from Harvey, though.

"We're at work, Harvey," she reminds him as she steps away and rounds his desk, effectively putting some distance between them.

"So? Almost everyone is gone," he shrugs. "It's been a long day and we've barely seen each other."

"So let's go home," she offers, even if she still planned on doing some other tasks.

"No, let's celebrate," Harvey offers, walking towards her once more, tentative hands slipping around her waist. When she doesn't pull away, he steps closer.

"Celebrate what?"

"Cahill took Mike's deal," he tells her with a grin.

Donna grasps onto his shoulder. "You're kidding."

He shakes his head. "Nope. Mike could be out in a few weeks."

Harvey grins and Donna doesn't resist it when he kisses her; their lips meet and he takes her breath away, just like that. He tastes of scotch, most likely the result of his last meeting with Jessica, and she can still smell the cologne he put on before they left her apartment together this morning.

There was a reason they agreed on no PDA at work, though. They get carried away very quickly. Donna blames her hormones. Harvey blames her.

Well, that discussion is neither here nor there.

So she pulls away from him a little breathlessly, but he continues to kiss her neck in a way that makes her eyelids flutter.

Perhaps wearing this shorter-than-usual dress was a mistake because she suddenly remembers they've got a bunch of tenants on their floor right now.

"What do you say we break out the can opener, huh?" He whispers against her ear, just as his palms touch the skin of her thighs.

That wakes her up alright. "Whoa. That's a pretrial thing, not a we-might-save-Mike thing."

Harvey pulls away with a frown. "Who says it can't be both?"

Donna gasps in indignation. "The can opener says it can't be both. You can't argue with the can opener."

He chuckles at her words.

"Hey, I'm not the bad guy here," she points out jokingly.

"Fine. The can opener remains sacred," he agrees. Her hands move from his shoulders to his chest. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Let's go home and celebrate."

She nods, and he reaches for one of her hands to lace their fingers together.

"We could go to your place," she suggests. "I left a tub of Chunky Monkey there."

Harvey bristles. "Not the kind of celebrating I had in mind."

"Oh, but it could be," Donna adds, arching her eyebrows at him.

He frowns. "It has chocolate and bananas. What would we even do with it?"

She gives him a face. It's enough to make his neck blush a little. He laughs.

"I'm in," he says after a moment. "Glad to know you've overruled that no food in the bedroom thing."

"Well, it's your condo, and you're the one who will have some explaining to do to your cleaning lady," Donna shrugs.

"We share the same cleaning lady and she knows we're together."

"Eh," she retorts as they reach the elevator. "Doesn't matter, we can do it in the kitchen."

He laughs again and stands just close enough that she feels hot all over.

Maybe it's just hormones, but she's blaming him anyway. First, he impregnates her, and then wears her favorite suits and her favorite cologne and tells her stuff he loves about her.

She's in the best kind of trouble there is with Harvey, and she's happy for it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a Valentine's Day fic planned but I figured an update would be better than nothing. Let me know your thoughts! This chapter is a long one, and without giving much away I'll just say the next one is gonna be a crucial one. Will try to update again before the month ends. Hope you'll like it!

He's spent the last minutes of therapy worrying about the firm, Mike's deal, and Frank Gallo. Dr. Reisman listens patiently, asking some questions but never diving into the technical stuff, reminding Harvey that this is therapy, after all. The deal should work, or at least he's confident they'll win this and Mike will be freed after only a few weeks in jail. It's what Harvey needs to do to feel less guilty, even if he's been working nonstop for it to happen. There are a lot of things being handled at once.

"How's Donna?" Dr. Reisman asks when they've reached a pause.

An inadvertent smile forms on his lips. "She's good. We've only got a few weeks to go now. Finishing up the nursery."

The doctor smiles. "That's good to know. But I meant how's Donna about all this?" she asks again. "I'm sure you have all been working a lot on this and haven't focused on personal matters much."

Harvey purses his lips and nods. "We're making the most of the time we have together," he says at last. "I hope all this can be done before the baby is here. Donna is taking six months off, I'll take one."

Dr. Reisman leans forward in her seat. "Do you think you'll miss work once the baby is here?"

He snickers. "What? No," he answers automatically. "I'm sure I'll miss some aspects of it, but I'm eager to have some time off. Especially with the baby. And it's bad enough that I'll get a temporary secretary to fill up for Donna while she's gone too," he sighs. "No, I won't be looking forward to going back to work."

She nods. "From what I've gathered, you're not the type to go on vacation, either."

"You got that right," he admits. "If things weren't so hectic right now, I'd go somewhere with Donna. Not too far away, of course. Maybe just for a weekend."

"You can do that once Mike is freed," the doctor suggests.

Harvey nods. "And if the baby hasn't arrived by then," he jokes. "It's like Donna says, though. There's always something holding us back at the firm."

Dr. Reisman purses her lips. "I assume that will change when the baby is here."

"I guess so," he sighs. "I'm, uh, thinking of going to Boston, though. Once Mike is freed. Hopefully, Donna won't have given birth yet, but even if she has, I figured my mom should meet her grandchild."

"You should work on that Boston trip, Harvey," the doctor advises. "Before or after the baby arrives."

"Yeah," he agrees. "I'm sure a lot of our priorities will change once she's here."

"I think they're already changing," Dr. Reisman replies. "In a way, I think Donna is changing your priorities herself, or you're changing with her. That's normal in a relationship, especially when you've known each other for so long. The romantic aspect may be new, but everything else isn't."

He frowns. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you're changing, Harvey. And that's normal," the doctor says patiently. "Perhaps this is just who you're meant to be. Work may fade into the background. You should know that that's okay, too."

Harvey snickers. "Not sure Jessica would agree with you."

She tilts her head. "Maybe she would. There's more to life than work, and there's more to life than a relationship. It's the balance that is hard to find. You and Donna seem to be navigating calmly through it, but it'll change once your daughter is here," she says patiently. "Life might feel off-balanced for a while. Maybe it has already started feeling that way."

He nods; he gets it. Even with all the hours he's been putting into work — because he wants Mike to be freed and because he owes the kid that much — he doesn't long for work anymore. He's not anxious to go to the firm or to take on new cases. He'd much rather be home with Donna, going to doctor appointments, decorating that nursery. He's pretty sure that if he wasn't so focused on Mike's case, he'd be skipping work mornings for mornings in bed with Donna. Truth be told, he hasn't even bothered with the actual firm in a while. He knows Donna has been doing her best with the tenants and handling other clients with Louis, but it seems that none of the others have been focused on it either. Jessica and Rachel have taken that _pro bono_ case, and even Louis himself has been focusing on his love life more than the firm.

Perhaps they can all agree that there's more to life than Pearson Specter Litt, after all. Perhaps, in a way, they're all looking for it.

He arches his eyebrows. "I think it already has, yes."

"It's okay to put your own needs above others," Dr. Reisman continues. "Even if your child gets here before Mike is freed. You don't have to be the hero all the time."

He chuckles. "That's what Donna told me when we got together."

Dr. Reisman smiles. "Donna is a very wise woman."

Harvey smiles. "She is, but don't tell her that. It'll go straight to her head."

Things are changing, and the balance is off, he knows that.

He just has to fix everything before the baby is here. He can do it; he's not the best closer in the city for nothing.

* * *

"Anyway, by the time the guy gets back, Donna has already drunk her flute of champagne, and mine," Harvey tells them.

Donna laughs at the story; she barely remembers it, really, because the only way she survived that event was with alcohol, and she doesn't even care if it's ridiculous. The things she has attended for the good of the firm — and Harvey's — are too long to even be part of a list, after all.

"I can't even remember how many of those I drank that night," she admits while running a hand through the back of Harvey's hair softly. "I remember getting home, very vaguely."

It feels good to have a night like this, though — Mike has been free for just about four days, and while things have been a little awkward between him and Harvey since the kid declined that job offer, Donna's glad they can overcome that and have a nice meal together. It's the first time they're having dinner like this, the two couples — Donna is aware that Rachel is more than giddy at that thought — and it just feels right to be together like this at Mike and Rachel's apartment and not having to talk about work.

"I got you home," Harvey says indignantly. "She even made me an indecent proposal."

It's a joke and she rolls her eyes, but Mike and Rachel laugh. Harvey's arm is over the back of her chair, and they sit close together. She's full of dinner and dessert and the baby has been quiet and she's grateful to not be feeling what are now stretches of limbs around her belly; she's sure there's not enough space down there for kicks anymore.

"Since you're such a gentleman, I'm sure it wasn't hard to decline it," Donna replies.

"It was very hard, even for a gentleman," Harvey winks at her.

She laughs out loud then, shaking her head at him. Mike seems to find the two of them to be such a rare, surreal thing, that she's not surprised to see the awe in his eyes as he watches them.

"When was this?" Mike asks.

Harvey looks at Donna; of course, he has no idea. She tilts her head, making the math quickly. "I think that was around nine years ago."

Rachel chuckles, but Mike only shakes his head in disbelief. "Man, if I had known me going to prison would make you get together, I'd have let myself get caught earlier."

"Mike, please," Rachel rolls her eyes.

"Don't give yourself so much credit, kid," Harvey says as he takes a sip of his beer.

"Pretty sure she's helped too," Donna continues, pointedly looking at her belly.

Mike laughs. "Yeah. Guess you guys were always inevitable," he shrugs, then looks at Rachel and takes her hand. "Which brings us to why we've called you here."

Donna frowns slightly, sharing a look with Harvey before focusing on the couple across the table.

"Yeah, we wanted to let you know first," Rachel says. "We're getting married!"

Both Harvey and Donna are silent until Donna speaks. "Wait. Didn't we have this conversation before?"

Rachel gives her a playful glare.

Donna makes a face. "Too soon?"

"Well, now it's happening for real," Rachel goes on, pointedly ignoring Donna, "and we were hoping you'd still be up for being our maid of honor and best man."

"Oh, of course, we are!" Donna says.

"You don't even have to ask," Harvey says softly.

"And since it's gonna be a few months until it happens," Mike says, "we want to extend the invitation to the baby too."

"I think I can speak for her when I say yes, please," Donna answers immediately. "She's gonna be so cute at the wedding."

Harvey laughs, probably thinking that they haven't even seen her yet, but she knows; she's her mother, after all. Everyone loves flower girls because they're adorable, but she's sure their baby will come to be the best flower girl. Even if she might not yet be walking then.

It's late when they leave Mike and Rachel's apartment, and Donna is more than happy to snuggle into Harvey's warmth as they get into the cab to take them home. Out of habit, he gives her address, and not his; they haven't spent one night apart since that night, weeks ago, and she's not sorry for it. While they have yet to talk about living arrangements, the nursery is nearly decorated at her apartment, not his, and Harvey has been spending more and more time there. Even if her closet might be ready to collapse.

They'd have to talk about this soon, she knows; while sharing both apartments isn't something she minds, she thinks his condo might have been fit for the both of them just fine (while her own apartment is struggling with space). For three, however, both their apartments are not practical. They'll need one more bedroom — maybe not now, maybe not in a few months, but they'll have to think of it soon.

While she loves her apartment and she knows Harvey loves his too, she likes the idea of them getting a place together, with all their current needs in mind. There won't be time for that now or even in a few months, but she knows they'll have to discuss this soon. It's funny because with past relationships she always worried about things happening too fast, or she always hit the brakes before something crazy like living together happened.

It's different with Harvey.

"You're very quiet," Donna notes as they approach her apartment building.

Harvey looks at her with a soft smile on his face. "I'm just happy Mike is free, and we can focus on our baby girl getting here in a few weeks."

Donna laughs. "I sure can't wait to not feel like a walking watermelon," she snorts, "but I also can't wait for her to get bigger, so…"

She feels him pressing a kiss on her temple and sighs.

"You're beautiful," he whispers softly in the back of the cab. "The most beautiful watermelon I've seen."

She laughs and smacks his arm playfully.

Wherever they go, it doesn't matter. Home is wherever he is, anyway.

* * *

Jessica leaves on a Friday.

In a way, Harvey feels like an orphan.

He has never walked into that firm with it not being run by Jessica. Even when he had just started and she had just gotten her name on the wall, Jessica was the firm to Harvey. She had been right to say they've all been distracted with their lives to put their work into the firm and as a result of that, she did realize there is more to life than just work.

So Dr. Reisman was right about Jessica agreeing with her, after all.

He's not sure what life will be like from now on. Mike's not at the firm anymore, Donna will give birth in a few weeks, they've got tenants and Louis is too busy pursuing a pregnant woman on his own (and no, Harvey won't open that can of worms). He feels lost and he doesn't really know what today will bring.

He's just glad he has Donna now — that she was there for him as Jessica's loss sunk in last night, and that she's there for him this morning, thankfully not mentioning their now former boss upon waking up; instead, she got up before he could barely say anything, and told him she has a surprise for him.

He's excited about that. Being with Donna makes all other thoughts go away; he may worry about life at the firm but when he's with her he can forget all that (when she lets him, anyway).

"Hey, if it's gonna be much longer, I could just get some on the way," he calls from his spot in her bed.

It takes less than two seconds for Donna to show up on the doorway.

"Hold your horses, mister," she says, walking in with two steaming cups in her hands.

He watches her from his spot, sitting up in bed, and takes a nice admiring look of her silhouette. She's wearing a pink nightgown that's riding a little high on her thighs because of the now thirty-weeks-pregnancy. She's so beautiful most people wouldn't believe she has just woken up. Lately, she's been complaining about her nose, because she thinks it's swelling with pregnancy. Harvey sees no difference; in fact, he thinks she has never been so beautiful, and that's saying something, because, well… she's Donna.

He holds the cup she's offering and takes a sip. It's perfect, as usual; he lets the caffeine in and takes in the splash of vanilla she has added and grins at her over the cup. She's taking a sip herself, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. He's especially happy because it's clearly the caffeinated kind, the one that's been missing from her apartment for weeks and they keep forgetting to buy since she's only drinking decaf now.

The sunlight hits her face and she sighs contently, but not before raising an eyebrow at him.

"This is a good surprise," he tells her.

Donna laughs. "I knew you'd like that. I know I would like that," she adds. "This isn't that bad, really."

Harvey makes a face. "It is kinda bad."

She immediately raises her eyebrows. "Really? You're gonna tell that to the mother of your child?"

He leans in, resting his hand on her growing belly. "No. Decaf is definitely not that bad."

She shrugs. "Okay, that's better."

He grins, spreading his palm open over the baby bump, moving here and there to feel the baby. He knows it's becoming uncomfortable for her — the frequent trips to the bathroom and the sleep positions. And he's grateful, above all, because somehow she's still managing to wear high heels to work and look absolutely sexy as she runs the firm. He finds a sharp movement after a few seconds and rests his hand above it. It's close to Donna's stomach, and they know the baby is already upside-down, so he's guessing that might be a little foot.

"Are you okay?" Donna asks quietly.

He raises his eyes to meet hers.

"I will be," he tells her honestly.

She rests her hand on top of his, fingers caressing his softly. "It's gonna be a long day."

He nods. "Yeah, it will be."

"I was thinking," she says a little tentatively. "Maybe we could schedule that trip to Boston now. In two or three weeks."

Harvey ponders the suggestion. Months ago he would have fled at the very thought. Half of him waits for the panic that will undoubtedly set in, but the moment is not now. Maybe later, maybe when this trip actually happens. Today, the suggestion makes sense to him. They've both lost a lot in Jessica, him even more so than Donna, and this might just be what he needs.

"We could drive," he suggests too. "Maybe stop by your parents' on the way. Make it a long weekend."

She smiles, a little more relaxed. "That would be great. We still have some time before this one gets here," she pats her belly a few times. "I think it would be nice if we went there before our lives get really crazy."

"Yeah. Let's do that," he decides. "You wanna book us a hotel?"

Donna gives him a look. "As if I'd let you do that. Itineraries are my things."

He laughs and agrees.

"Oh, Louis has called four times," she says, and despite everything, he's glad for the change of subject.

Harvey rolls his eyes. "What did he want? It's not even nine yet."

"I don't know. Told him we're too busy having sex to answer him," Donna says matter-of-factly.

He snorts. "That must have shut him up."

She shakes her head. "On the contrary. He asked about your style," Harvey makes a face; Donna laughs. "That's right, _that _style."

"Jesus. What did you say?"

"Nothing because we're too busy having sex, apparently, but I'm gonna ignore that for as long as I can," Donna replies. "I think he's been wanting to ask that for weeks."

They both cringe and go on with their coffees; for a few minutes, they are entertained by the baby moving here and there. Donna jokes that she's waking up as well, probably stretching and getting comfortable for the day. It's been months but he's still in awe that she's growing their baby and that soon this human being will be in their lives. It's weird because, in a way, they don't know each other at all — and yet he already loves that baby more than he loves himself.

He puts his cup on the nightstand and does the same to Donna's.

"That was the best cup of coffee I've ever had," Harvey tells her.

Donna smiles. "I told you it was worth the wait."

He smiles too, leaning closer to her until their lips touch in a soft, proper good morning kiss. He can taste vanilla in her tongue as well and breathes in her scent as she snuggles closer too. When they pull away, it's only for a few inches.

"That was nice," she says with a sigh, and his eyes get lost in hers quickly.

"It was," Harvey says softly. "And as much as I'd like to spend all day doing it, we should get going."

Donna groans and he kisses her again just for it.

It won't matter if they are half an hour late to work today.

* * *

Three weeks later, they arrive in Boston. It's late when they get there, after spending a night and most of the day in Hartford with Donna's parents.

Harvey's still recovering from Jim's incessant stares. Apparently it's one thing to impregnate his daughter, and another altogether to be in a relationship with her (and having a baby at some time). For his part, Harvey tries to keep an open mind. He's gonna have a daughter soon too, after all. Maybe she'll be as much trouble as Donna is.

He hopes she won't be as troublesome as he was, anyway.

It occurs to both of them that it's the first time they've gone on a road trip together, and it's wholesome in a certain way. It's hard to not talk about work sometimes, so they make it a rule to keep work out of their minds. Their first attempts at conversation aren't brilliant, but they make it. It turns out they're getting good at this relationship thing.

Still, it's late when they arrive and Harvey decides to give Marcus a call tomorrow after he's spoken with their mom. Their first evening there is just for the two of them; they have dinner at a fancy French restaurant — Donna's pick and he definitely won't complain about it — and then they go back to the hotel.

This morning, however, things are different.

He feels the anxiety in his skin as he wakes up, and it would be so easy to just stay in with Donna, but he gets up and takes a shower and orders room service, enough to feed a small army. He puts on casual clothes and has breakfast in the sitting room adjacent to their suite; when he gets ready to leave, Donna is still snuggled into the pillows, but heavy eyes look at him.

"You ready?" Her voice is raspy with sleep.

He thinks it's rather sexy.

He sits on the edge of the bed, and she shifts closer to him.

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna be okay?" She asks softly.

Harvey smiles. "Yeah. I need to do this myself."

He leans down to give her a peck on the lips and she stretches in bed, looking very much content.

"I ordered breakfast," he tells her, "and I'll let you know if we get to the lunch part."

"Sounds good," Donna replies, "but I think I'm gonna stay in and sleep for now. Who knows when I'll have the opportunity to do this when she gets here."

He snickers and nods, feeling reluctant to leave but knowing he must.

"Harvey," Donna calls, and he turns back to look at her. "Try to keep an open mind there."

"I will," he says, smiling at her.

And so he leaves.

He finds his mom thirty minutes later at her art studio, where they planned to meet, surrounded by her paintings — paintings the same style his now lost one. She looks just about the same as the last time he saw her, at his father's funeral. But this time she smiles more openly, looks more relaxed, and back then it had less to do with mourning and more to do with how estranged the two of them had been.

Hesitantly, as they see each other for the first time in years, Harvey moves to hug her. He doesn't remember the last time he hugged his mom — many years ago, for sure. Decades, even. He can't help but feel emotional as she hugs him back. So much has changed. They both made mistakes, he realizes that now, even if for too many years he blamed only her. The hug lasts more than a simple hug would; he knows this is as emotional for her as it is for him. He can't imagine how she must have felt with a child that wouldn't even want to look at her.

His daughter isn't even born yet and he already can't fathom the very thought of not being able to be a part of her life, no matter her age.

They pull away and look at each other again. There are tears in his mother's eyes, and he feels them on his own too. She smiles.

"This… this feels strange, doesn't it?" Harvey asks with a frown.

Lily laughs. "Yeah, a little bit. It feels right too."

"Yeah, it does," He nods, looking around the studio. "This place is nice."

His mother beams. "Thank you. It's better than that little room I had in our old house."

Harvey snickers, wondering how his mom managed to work with him and Marcus running around all the time. Things have changed for them too — the move from Riverside to Boston, his mom teaching, remarrying, Marcus opening a restaurant. A life that went on without him. It hurt a lot over the years; it still hurts now.

But then his life went on too.

"When did you get here? Was the trip okay?" his mom asks.

"Last night," he replies. "We drove, so we spent the day in Connecticut with Donna's parents."

His mom's eyes lighten up. "So Donna is here too."

"Yeah," Harvey smiles. "She's still sleeping after tossing and turning until she found the perfect position. I don't think she'll move for hours."

"I remember that part, and I don't miss it," his mom sighs. "Not much left to go, right?"

He shakes his head. "Her due date is on October 28."

"Not that long to go," Lily notes with a smile.

There's a pause in which neither of them knows what to say. Harvey thinks back to all the things he used to share with his father, all the news he's shared over the years and all the things he wished he had someone to share with.

Sure, he's always had Donna, but it was different with her. It was always different.

"So… where do we start?" His mom asks a little nervously.

Harvey purses his lips. "I guess we start with me telling you that I'm ready to forgive you."

His mom sighs. "Why now, Harvey? After all these years."

"Someone very special convinced me that I needed to," Harvey tells her. "Rather, two special someones," he jokes. "I started therapy after Donna stopped working for me. It's a long story," he continues. "And then with the baby… I think it forced me to do some growing up."

"Well, whatever happened, I'm glad it did," his mom says honestly. "And I want you to know that I forgive you, too."

Harvey nods. "Last time wasn't good."

His mom agrees. "It wasn't. And you being gone all those years…"

"I had my reasons to be gone," Harvey replies. "But it takes two. I know that now."

Lily nods. "I never should have put you in that position twenty years ago."

"I never should have let it come between us for so long," Harvey says

"Not a day goes by that I don't understand why you hate me," her voice breaks. "I was your mother. I was supposed to protect you, not scar you."

He knows that, he's known that for so long. And he realizes that they've never actually talked about it — he never really let his mom say these words to him. He cut her off before she could say a word because he was hurting, but he never thought that she might have been hurting too.

"I'm sorry, Harvey. I'm so sorry."

Harvey sniffs, trying to contain his own emotions. "I'm sorry too, Mom," his voice breaks too. "I don't hate you. I hate what you did, and I probably always will, but I don't hate you."

Lily smiles through her tears. "I'll take that."

They hug once more. It does feel right — too right. As they pull away, his eyes focus on a picture on the wall — the picture of him looking at his mom paint the same painting that used to be on his wall. His heart skips a beat. It's like he's finally coming full circle.

"What is it?" His mom asks.

He points at the picture. "It's… It's just that I had your painting on my wall for the longest time, and I just realized how much I missed it."

They share a smile.

"I love you, Harvey."

"I love you too, Mom."

* * *

Donna meets Lily in a way she never thought she would: dressed in leggings and a loose cream-colored sweater that, no matter how loose it is, it still shows off her baby bump. Their meeting happens in the lobby of the hotel she and Harvey are staying, and she's immediately taken by how easy Lily smiles at her, how grateful she looks to be having this moment.

Donna is grateful too. There was a time where she thought such a meeting would be impossible, either because Harvey would never make peace with his mom, or because Harvey was too distanced from her for her to even consider such a possibility. They have lunch together, and the conversation flows so easily that Donna wouldn't think Harvey has been estranged from her for so many years.

"I just want you to know, I've been rooting for you," Lily says at some point during dessert.

Donna snickers. Harvey rolls his eyes.

"I feel like my family is a Donna fan club," he mutters a little embarrassingly.

"It works if you're the club's president," Donna jokes.

They refrain from work talks, choosing safer topics like Marcus and his kids and even Donna's parents. Lily is excited about the baby and Donna is happy to show the pictures of little outfits and shoes and of the nursery that has yet to be finished. After lunch, they stroll on a park close to the hotel, and Donna is happy for the exercise because the baby has been restless since this morning and Donna thinks walking around helps somehow.

After a few minutes, Harvey's cell phone starts ringing.

"It's Louis," he says, making a face.

"Told you you should have turned off your phone," Donna says.

He gives her a sheepish look and lets go of her hand to answer the call without interrupting their current conversation. Donna just shakes her head at him, exchanging a look with Lily. She likes the woman — likes how Harvey took his grin from her, and the way she's been treating him since he decided to reach out. Donna takes in the park, the way it's all brown and orange and falling leaves. She thinks about bringing her daughter here in the future, just to see her play around the leaves, wondering if her hair will blonde or red or even brown.

"I'm so glad to have met you, Donna," Lily says. "I wanted to thank you, really."

Donna frowns slightly. "What for?"

"For not resenting me," she continues. "Harvey has his issues and I think I'm a big part of it. You had every right to want to keep your distance, and yet you're here."

Donna shakes her head. "No, I had no right. You're his family."

"I think you've been his family for longer," Lily says. "You were there for him when I couldn't be. I'm grateful."

"You've raised a wonderful man, Lily," Donna says softly. "It just took him some time to get that. Maybe things would have been easier for us, but maybe they wouldn't. It doesn't matter now."

"Still, I'm glad he reached out, and he tells me you're responsible for it," Lily tells her. "I'm glad you're here. I hope you'll let me be a part of your family."

"Of course you're a part of our family, Lily," Donna says immediately. "This baby needs more than one grandmother. If she's anything like Harvey, she's gonna want to be spoiled all the time."

Lily laughs. "Well, I can't wait to do that."

Donna reaches out for Lily's hand and squeezes it, hoping they've reached an agreement here.

They're both grateful for the right reasons, she thinks. Donna could never resent her for raising Harvey the way she has, even if her mistakes were deeply ingrained in him. Lily's son and the man Donna met all these years ago and fell for are the same man, and she could never resent him in any way.

He's more than just his trauma, but it's also part of him, and Donna never wanted him to change unless he wanted to change too.

They end up having dinner at Marcus's place tonight, and Donna is properly introduced to the rest of the family. She's glad Harvey refrained from speaking to Bobby much, deeming it better than an actual argument. One step at a time has been their motto for a while now, anyway.

But she has fun with Marcus and Katie and loves to see Harvey with Hailey and Joshua. The kids absolutely love him, that is plain to see, and she can't help but smile at the sight of him holding Joshua, who's just a little over a year old, and playing with Hailey on the floor of their living room. She tries to envision him holding their daughter like that, and meets Lily's eyes across the sofa.

He's gonna be such a good dad. She can't wait to see it.

* * *

For two people who have known each other very well, Harvey and Donna manage to find new things about each other since getting together almost every day. Some of them are good; some others, not so much. For example, Donna has too many shoes and bags. She'll say that a woman can never have too many shoes, but Harvey thinks she really does have too many, even he has a lot of suits as well. Honestly, his closet can't compare to hers. When he jokingly suggested they could use her bags as a baby bag, she didn't even laugh — and proceeded to buy three baby bags, because she needs options.

In addition to that, she's been trying new things in the kitchen. By new things, for Donna, it means actual cooking, and not take-out or frozen food. Some of her attempts are good. Some are terrifying. Thankfully she usually agrees when it's bad.

He's at fault too, he supposes — he has the terrible habit of taking off his shirt after boxing and leaving it anywhere that is not the laundry room. Donna is peeved about that constantly. He's trying to get better.

But aside from habits, there are little things here and there — like the fact that he watches Oprah occasionally in the morning (she will never let him forget that) and Survivor, and that he watches most baseball games, even if he's often at work. For her part, she usually sits next to him and endures a game or two, usually giving up after the first half an hour and getting a book to read next to him instead.

She's learned about Oprah and Survivor and his cooking skills, and he's learned that she's a voracious reader, likes to buy weird, random stuff online, and loves taking bubble baths.

Which is why he's not surprised when he gets home a little late and finds her in the bathtub, bubbles surrounding her, looking extremely relaxed.

"Hey," he says, a soft smile gracing his features. "I brought dinner."

"I'm too relaxed to stand up right now," Donna hums. Her hair is pulled up into a bun, and she doesn't even open her eyes to look at him.

"Well, then," he shrugs. "Can I join you?"

This time she opens her eyes and looks at him appreciatively. "I thought you'd never ask."

He sheds his clothes quickly — so quickly it makes Donna laugh. She moves forward a little, enough for him to enter the tub and sink behind her. The water is a little too hot for him personally, but he doesn't complain, especially not when Donna leans back and rests her head on his shoulder. She kisses him softly on the lips, a simple greeting, and he slides his hand around her waist to rest on her belly.

"How was today?" He asks as he relaxes too.

Things haven't been easy without Jessica, and with him now in the position of managing partner, it feels harder than usual. He doesn't pretend to be ready for the function — Donna would be a better managing partner than him, but he can't very well let Louis take the position when he clearly isn't in the right mind for it.

"It was fine. She's been kicking my ribs all afternoon, so I thought a bath might be a good idea," Donna sighs. "I think she may have damaged my kidney too."

Harvey chuckles. "Hey, we talked about that. No damaging Mommy."

"I think it's a little too late for that," Donna jokes. "I'm huge."

"You're beautiful," he says, pressing his lips repeatedly. "You know that, right?"

She shrugs. "It's good to hear it."

He laughs again. "You're rocking this pregnancy thing."

She shifts her head and meets his eyes, a mischievous grin on her face. "I am, right?"

His hand is wet when it touches her cheek, caressing her skin slowly. Her gaze moves to his lips and then his eyes, the grin never leaving her face.

"Yeah, you are."

The kiss is slower this time around, deeper. He can feel her hands digging into his thighs for support and her shallow breaths mixing with his.

Needless to say, they'll have to re-heat their dinner later.

* * *

With her due date approaching, Donna quickly decided not to take maternity leave until she absolutely had to, but she did not decline Harvey's offer for a spa day.

She could definitely use a spa day. She loves spa days — she's been missing spa days. So she takes a day off work and makes the most of it: she has her nails done, gets a facial, hydrates her hair and has more than one type of massage. By the time she's done, she's more than ready to face a quiet evening in, or maybe even an evening out with Harvey. When she leaves the clinic, feeling very much relaxed in her flip flops and leggings and sweater — her usual attire these days when she's not working — she doesn't see the familiar Lexus nearby.

It's only when she sees Ray leaving a rather big car that she recognizes that, maybe, that's their car now. She's confused.

"Harvey said you'd be surprised," Ray comments when she reaches him.

Of course, she's surprised. The car is much bigger than the old one — they're both Lexus and black, but otherwise, completely different.

"Harvey's never changed cars before consulting me," she comments, finding the whole thing a little odd. "Not that I know much about cars, really."

Ray frowns. "I remember you saying you were an expert once."

Donna laughs. "I was an expert once, yeah."

Ray shrugs, then opens the door for her. "Well, then. There's more inside."

She gives him a bewildered look, then enters the car.

The first thing she notices is how big the inside is. All black, very comfortable, very roomy.

The second thing she notices is the baby car seat on the other side of the passenger seats. It's black too, to match the car, and she sees that it's installed and ready to go. She examines this with her mouth agape, hands resting comfortably on her belly as she remembers that in a short time her baby will be sitting right there, looking at her.

Ray gives her a soft smile as he gets inside the car and starts driving away.

She notices other things too — window shades that had never been in a car owned by Harvey before, a tiny mirror next to the driver that looks straight to the baby seat, and there are even a few toys already stored in the back of the driver's seat.

It's overwhelming.

"Did Harvey do all this?" She asks, bewildered.

Ray nods. "I helped a bit, but he's the one who installed the car seat. I don't think he would have trusted anyone else."

Donna chuckles. "I think you're right about that, Ray."

So he finally found a car seat safe enough for their daughter.

She wonders what else he's been up to today, without her around to monitor him.

She's giddy by the time she reaches her apartment, unlocking the door with some care and tuning in for any sounds — the first thing she hears is jazz playing. Not her kind of jazz - his kind. His father's kind.

She follows the sound, going for the former guest room instead - the nursery now. She stops in her tracks when she looks inside the room.

There's Harvey, of course, turning around quickly from where he's standing, which is right beside the crib. The crib is exactly the one she wanted but couldn't find anywhere. And all the decorations they had chosen but not put into place are there too — the mirror is hanging on the wall, the dressing table, the soft white rug. Sure, the walls had been painted weeks ago, and some furniture was there before, but not like this. She walks in almost in a haze, eyes taking in everything — the bear plush rocker they had bought that day at Pottery Barn, the sheets, the little bookshelf filled with books they chose together.

It's all right here, just the way she wanted.

And Harvey, looking very much anxious to hear her thoughts.

"You like it?" He asks, unable to contain himself any longer.

"Like it? I love it," she says, now noticing the rocker chair next to the crib. "This is perfect."

"You wanna try it?" he points to the chair.

She nods silently, sitting on the chair and shifting to get comfortable. This isn't an item she chose, yet she loves it. She loves the fluffy cushions and she notices the breastfeeding pillow on the dresser too. It's perfect.

"We gotta find something for this wall, though," Harvey continues, pointing at the blank space above the crib. "You were right. It's missing something."

"I have something to put there," Donna says, leaning against the chair with a sigh. This is too comfortable. "I may have asked your mom to do a commission for me."

"You didn't."

She nods. "Yeah. She's not done with it yet, but as soon as it's here we can hang it."

Harvey takes one long stride before kissing her, and she can't stop smiling because this is truly perfect. She can already imagine their baby here with them, crying or needing to change her diaper or maybe just falling asleep. She can't wait for it to happen.

"You really like it?" he asks again once they pull away.

"Yeah," Donna tells him. "This is perfect. The entire nursery, that car seat… that car, Harvey!"

"Only the best for my girls," he grins, and she doesn't even care that she's crying.

She pulls him into another kiss and hopes their baby girl will be right on time to greet them soon because she really can't wait to meet her.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is one a lot of people have been waiting for and I'm sooooo nervous about your reactions hahaha so I hope everyone enjoys it and please let me know what you think! Have a nice weekend!

She's impatient.

It's not that she's having a hard time in pregnancy. In fact, she thinks she's had it easier than many women. Her skin has never been better and her hair feels amazing and, contrary to most women, she refrained from sex in the first months to have a lot of (good) sex until the end.

At least she thinks this is the end as she checks the calendar.

October 28th. Her due date.

It's a date like any other, really. She's still working because she feels fine, besides the constant bathroom breaks because the baby is pressing really hard into her bladder. So Harvey wakes her up with a kiss, and she meets his rather anxious gaze as he offers her a cup of tea in her kitchen.

"It's not happening today," Donna tells him softly.

Harvey fights a grin. "You can't know that for sure."

"I can and I know," she says with a grunt as she sits slowly on the chair. Mobility is so hard these days. She feels huge, really. She hasn't been able to see her own feet in months. She's sure she and Harvey could never be as intimate as this pregnancy let them be, and she's not talking about romantic stuff. "This baby isn't coming today."

Harvey chuckles. "You thought she was coming three weeks ago."

"_Those_ were Braxton-Hicks, and we're glad she wasn't early," Donna says pointedly while patting her baby bump. "I feel nothing today. Absolutely nothing. I don't want her to be late, Harvey."

"Relax, she'll be fine. If she's late, you said you're okay with the c-section," he reminds her. "You remember what the midwife said, right? We can't think of a perfect scenario because it's not our choice, it's hers. And yours, as long as you can choose it."

"I know that, but I want her here," Donna says with a groan. She doesn't care if she sounds like a spoiled child. It's been months. Over nine months, to be precise. "I want to be able to see some parts of my body without a mirror, Harvey."

He laughs. "Well, I can see it well and it looks damn fine to me."

She rolls her eyes. "You're an idiot."

"It's only seven in the morning," he points out. "A lot can change within a day."

She's skeptical, but takes the advice to heart and, maybe, she lets herself hope a little.

It turns out that she's right, as usual.

The day that marks the fortieth week of pregnancy completely turns out to be nothing, because their baby girl definitely shows no signs of want to get out, much to Donna's annoyance. Forty weeks is a lot of time to be growing someone, and while she's happy that everything has gone smoothly so far, she's anxious for the birth — anxious to meet her baby and nervous about the actual birth, even if she's planned it all. If the baby is late, well, chances of a c-section grow, and it adds to her worries that the baby might be in pain or too big or uncomfortable, or…

It's just a lot.

But there's no way to rush it, as the doctor has been reminding them every week. Not while the baby is okay and healthy, anyway. She'll come in her own time, Donna knows, and she shouldn't be surprised if she ends up being late.

"She probably takes after you," Donna says as she sits in bed, her phone resting on her belly. She's just talked to her mom, who seems to be as anxious as she's feeling. "Always leaving people to wait for you."

"Hey," Harvey complains all the way from the bathroom. She hears his steps and leans back against the headboard of the bed to look at him when he walks into the bedroom. His mouth is full of toothpaste and toothbrush and she arches her eyebrows amusedly. He mumbles something that she can't catch, and then he takes the toothbrush out of his mouth to speak again. "You're late plenty of times."

"No, I'm not."

"You're always late to events," he points out, walking back to the bedroom.

Donna huffs. The baby moves inside her, so abruptly that it takes the balance off her phone. She puts the phone on the nightstand just in case.

She's pouting by the time Harvey gets back. He fights a grin as he makes his way to his side of the bed.

"I'm fashionably late," she argues. He doesn't slip under the covers — instead, he lies on his stomach on top of them, close to her belly, looking up at her. She lets out a sigh and rests a hand on the spot where the baby is moving. That's definitely one of the little feet that keep kicking her internal organs and malfunctioning her digestion lately. Harvey is still staring. "What?"

"You know you'll probably miss this," he says eventually, chancing a look at her belly.

"Yeah," she admits, letting out a long breath. "I'm just worried things won't go like they're supposed to go."

There it is. The thought that is really on her mind today. She knows the doctor has said her due date is only approximate and they can never be sure, but today meant something. She really had thought that she'd at least have her baby in her arms by today. The fact that that's not happening — and it's almost midnight — is the worst to her. She keeps thinking about a c-section going wrong, or herself passing out and being unable to remember the birth afterward. This is so important. She can't miss this, even if it'll hurt like hell.

This is what she has been preparing for. The Lamaze classes and birth plans and that bag that has been in the nursery for a month now, waiting to be used. And that back-up bag inside the car's truck as well. Nine months of planning culminate into today.

And today ended up not being that day.

"We don't know how it'll happen, but what I do know is," he starts, "if anyone can do this, that's you."

"Well, I am the one carrying a fully formed baby in my uterus," Donna retorts.

He shakes his head. "You know what I mean. We're all here because a woman could do this, and if they can…"

"I can do it better," Donna finishes his thought. Harvey grins. "Well, I am pretty awesome. Not everyone can do things as well as I can, even pregnant."

"_Especially_ pregnant," he urges.

Donna chuckles, slowly sliding to lie down. She turns to face him with a sigh, and he takes her hand in his own.

"You're gonna be a pro. And so will she," he continues. "Not so sure about myself, though."

"Don't you go passing out on me, Specter," she threatens him, only half-joking.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world," Harvey says.

Their eyes meet and they share a soft smile. Donna grasps his hand more firmly.

"Thank you," she says. "I feel like I'm going a little crazy with this waiting. And driving you a little crazy in the process."

He arches his eyebrows. "A little?"

Donna frowns, and he chuckles, slipping his hand on her rather large waist to bring her closer. Not very close, not with the baby between them, but close enough that he leans forward and gives her a kiss on the lips.

"Be honest," he says softly, "you're sad that if the baby is late she won't get to wear that pumpkin onesie we bought for Halloween, aren't you?"

Donna pouts. "It's so cute and she might miss it."

He laughs out loud, and she lets herself laugh too because they've got an appointment in two days and maybe things will have changed by then. Who knows, maybe today will be the day — the clock has just hit midnight, after all.

* * *

Harvey finds her in the en-suite bathroom of the nursery.

It's been days and the situation hasn't changed as far as he knows; they went to the doctor's appointment yesterday and according to the doctor they'll want another week and monitor the baby — if nothing happens until then, the labor will be induced. He knows Donna doesn't want that particularly, but she seems fine with the decision. He thinks the pregnancy is finally taking its toll on her.

Still, the days are long and the nights are longer when you're carrying a baby that's almost ready to be born, so he hopes he can surprise her with something nice this time around — they deserve some downtime before the baby is born, or so everyone says.

"Hey," he says jovially. Donna is washing her hands in the sink. "Everything alright?"

He asks because she went home alone today, and a little earlier than usual for that matter. She told him everything was fine and he believed her, but he remained a little anxious until he finally got home.

She's already changed from her work dress to more comfortable attire — sweatpants and a Harvard T-shirt of his. Her hair is pulled into a ponytail.

"Yeah," Donna answers. "I did some yoga. My back has been killing me today."

"So I was thinking," he starts, leaning against the doorway as she dries her hands. "Tomorrow is Halloween."

Donna smirks at him through the mirror. "You finally checked your calendar on your own, huh?"

"You have the day off, as usual," Harvey continues, pointedly ignoring her.

Donna sighs. "Yeah, but I was thinking I could go in. It's not like I have much planned."

"No, no, I was thinking maybe I could take the day off too?" He suggests, hoping it would cheer her up.

He hasn't mentioned to her yet but he may have invited people over — just Mike and Rachel, Louis, Gretchen, Katrina. He'd even dress up if she wanted him to — he knows she's bought candies to give away to the kids that come knocking. Donna usually has some grand party planned for Halloween or a big event she'd attend, but understandably that was forgotten this year, mainly because they both had thought she'd be on maternity leave then and they'd have a newborn on their hands.

Definitely not the case. He really doesn't want her favorite day of the year ruined.

"Okay," Donna says slowly, sounding a little out of breath as she turns around to properly look at him. "Why?"

"I thought we could have a small Halloween get together here," he says softly. "You know, just so the day won't simply pass by."

She bristles then. "I don't think the day will simply pass by."

Harvey frowns. "Why? Do you have anything planned?"

"Not me," Donna answers, walking past him into the nursery, "but your daughter may have."

His heart skips a beat. "Donna?"

She sits down on the rocking chair with some difficulty. He walks slowly towards her, offering a hand for support. She holds it, but she squeezes a little too hard.

"I've been having contractions," Donna answers once she's comfortable. "Very far apart but they're definitely there."

"You're having contractions," he repeats, eyes widening. "You're having— Donna!"

She purses her lips and smiles a little too forcefully. "Mm-hm. She's coming."

"Why didn't you call me? We need to go to the hospital," he states. "We need the bag. I'm calling Ray. No, we're taking a cab. Is the bag ready? I think our bag here is better than the one in the car. What— Donna?"

She's holding tightly onto his hand, face blushing and a pained frown on her forehead as she holds her breath. Harvey holds his breath with her, unsure of what to do or what to say. Books and classes didn't prepare him for this. He's nervous and excited and anxious and worried, all at once.

"That was one," Donna says as she breathes out, a hand on her belly. "They're like twenty minutes apart, we've got a way to go. I figured I might as well be productive."

"_What_?" Harvey says, shaking his head and helping her get up. "So you did yoga? Donna, we need to call your doctor, we need to go to the hospital."

She shakes her head. "I'm gonna change first. I won't be seen at the hospital wearing this."

"Why are you so calm? The baby is coming," Harvey tells her, and just then the words are absorbed by himself. "Shit. The baby is coming."

Donna lets out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, she is."

His eyes widen, and this time he's the one who sits down on the rocking chair. He feels a little dizzy and overwhelmed and shit, he's about to become a father and he has no idea how he'll be able to do it; all his fears seem to be there, all flourished and raw for him to see. It's happening and there's no way to stop it and Donna will be in pain and he won't be able to do a damn thing to help them…

"Harvey," Donna's voice calls for his attention and he looks up and focuses on her, even if it's hard for him to do so. "Just breathe, okay? I really want you more relaxed than this."

He nods but remains silent. He remembers the instructions. Breathe in, hold it, breathe out through his mouth slowly. He does that three times. His heartbeat slows down. Donna still looks worried.

"It's fine. We prepared for this," she says calmly. "I told Ray to not drive away once he left you here. He's still downstairs, so I'm just gonna change and then we'll go. Maybe you should take a shower too."

He shakes his head. "Donna, we need to go _now_."

"Harvey, the contractions are too far apart and we have time," she says patiently. "Let's just… go calmly about this. No need to panic just yet."

"But Donna…"

"I'm telling you I'm fine and I'm asking you to trust me to know what's best for me and for our daughter," she interrupts him. "We have time. There's no need to rush, believe me. Okay?"

He nods, defeated, leaning back against the chair. "Alright. You need any help?"

"I'm gonna take a shower too," she says softly. "Things are gonna be different tomorrow. I want to enjoy some peace and quiet."

Harvey smiles softly. She's right. She's always right.

"Come with me?" She asks tentatively.

He takes her hand.

* * *

She's lying on her side, her thighs brushing against her belly as she bites her lower lip and grasps onto Harvey's hands. It's been hours since they left her apartment, too many in her opinion — the contractions aren't as far apart as they used to be and she's scared and in pain and overwhelmed, but at least not for much longer.

Well, she can't do much about being scared and overwhelmed, but at least the pain will stop soon, now that she was finally deemed suitable for an epidural. Harvey's eyes watch her and the anesthesiologist with guarded caution, and she's heard so many stories and has seen so many movies about women yelling at their baby's fathers because of the pain and all she feels for him is gratitude and companionship and… love.

It's not easy for him, she knows.

Well, it's even harder for her.

"There you go," the doctor behind her says. "It should settle in a few minutes. You can get more comfortable now, Ms. Paulsen, but no walking or standing from now on."

Donna nods, shifting onto her back with Harvey's help and then sitting up. She's wearing a hideous white gown that's filled with small polka dots and her hair is pulled up and she hates that Harvey was right about her choosing that cute pair of leggings and sweater to go because she had to take those off soon afterward.

The anesthesiologist leaves and a nurse checks Donna's fluids and vitals before leaving too; Donna sighs as she leans her head back and winces at what is once more a contraction. There's a pressure on her midsection and she'd worry her baby is in pain if the doctors hadn't assured her she's fine and labor is progressing accordingly.

Gradually, the pain stops. Her lower limbs are tingling a little, and there's an echo of discomfort in her body, in the way her muscles tighten, but she feels tingly and not in pain anymore. It's weird and fuzzy but she'll take it over pain any day now.

"Better?" Harvey asks, his hand still on hers.

She closes her eyes and nods. "God, yes. You think we could have that in the house?"

He chuckles. "Pretty sure that's illegal."

"We hired a guy with no law degree to be a lawyer," she retorts. "We've done worse," when he doesn't reply, she opens one eye. "What, too soon?"

Harvey only shakes his head, chuckling, and she sighs.

"I'm having doubts about the names," she states anxiously. "What if they don't fit her?"

He shrugs. "We have two options. If they don't work, we'll find something else."

She nods. "Right. Jesus, Harvey, she's really coming."

"Think it's my turn to tell you to relax now," he mumbles.

"_Really_? You're gonna tell me to relax?" Donna exclaims. "I'm literally in labor, Harvey."

She's gonna have to take back her thoughts about him helping. If he keeps this up she'll totally understand women who curse their partner's fertility.

"I know, sorry, sorry," he stands up and cups her cheeks. "Bet you're glad I packed that pumpkin onesie yesterday, though."

Her eyes soften and she rests a hand on his. "You did? Really?"

"Yep. She's gonna be all ready for her first Halloween, no matter when she comes," he says as he looks over her phone on the nightstand. "It's Halloween already, so she can't really take another twenty-four hours to come."

"I hope not," she lets out a laugh, breathing out slowly. "I hope this is over by the time my parents arrive."

Harvey chuckles. "I'm pretty sure they're already on their way."

Donna makes a face. "I told my mom they should come in the morning only."

"It's her first grandchild," Harvey defends. "Can you blame her?"

"No," she huffs. "But she'll fuss. You know she will."

"We've got the waiting room full as it is," he tells her.

She nods. They've already spoken to Rachel and Mike and Louis; she had to have Harvey drag Louis away. They have some time yet, she knows, but this is what she planned for. She's always known she wouldn't have all of her daughter's birth planned but she could choose some things and Harvey in the room with her was always the number one choice; with her parents in another state, she's never counted on her mother. If all things failed, there was Rachel. But even before she and Harvey got together, he was the number one choice.

She's glad he didn't disappoint her.

They stay silent for a few minutes as she tries to find a better position, opting to stay seated but leaning forward on the bed, legs dangling in front of her — legs that she can't really feel right now. It's weird and right now it doesn't feel very beautiful, to be naked under this gown and have the doctor check down under every fifteen minutes, with IVs on her arms and beeping machines all around. She checks the baby's monitor. Everything seems fine.

She turns to look at Harvey, standing in front of her, watching everything as well. She can feel his anticipation as well as her own. Their lives are gonna change dramatically in the next few hours.

Their eyes meet and their lips firm into soft, tentative smiles. It's a weird situation they're in, but she's glad they're in it together. She's glad he's the one with her because she's scared to death.

"I called my mom too," Harvey comments.

She arches her eyebrows. "Did you really?"

He nods. "Yeah. She mentioned she might visit next week."

Donna smiles. "That would be nice, Harvey."

"She can stay at my place," he offers. "That's where I'm putting your parents too. Unless you want your mom close, of course."

"Ah, that's close enough," she shrugs, running her palm over her belly tiredly. "She'll be able to help us during the day. Besides, we're gonna have to handle this baby on our own sooner rather than later."

She sighs; she's still not comfortable.

"Here," Harvey says, stepping closer to her, standing between her legs. She instinctively loops her arms around his neck, the same as they had been doing before the anesthesia settled in. This time it's less about pain and more about support. She leans her head against his shoulder and breathes out slowly.

"Thank you," she says softly.

"Just doing the bare minimum," he jokes.

Donna laughs. "Yes, you are. But I mean about this," she looks up at him. "I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else, you know."

"Me neither," Harvey says. "You told me once you'd take a bullet for you. This seems close enough."

"It certainly feels close enough," she chuckles.

"For the record, I'd do this in your place if I could," he notes.

"You can't," she complains. "Although, let's be honest, you probably couldn't handle it."

"Hey!"

"I'm just way stronger," she jokes.

It's a joke that turns out to be completely true, in Donna's humble opinion, when the doctor proclaims her to be fully dilated and she feels the need to push. It's unlike anything she's ever felt, really — it's uncomfortable even through the anesthesia and it's scary as hell and why do all the movies show one push and then the baby is out? It takes hours and minutes and she's all sweaty and tired and exposed.

"This hurts like a bitch," she mumbles to Harvey, chest moving rapidly with her breathing.

She's half sitting on the bed with him behind her and she's clutching this metal bar in front of her like her life depends on it. She's been pushing for at least fifteen minutes, and she feels as if she's trying to fit a watermelon through a very tiny hole.

That's what her baby feels like, anyway.

"You can do it," Harvey urges her.

"Come on, Donna," Dr. Lewis says from his position at the foot of the table. "Just focus and push long and hard. I can see her head."

"Her head is huge," Donna complains to Harvey. "She definitely takes after you."

He presses his lips against her damp temple and she leans forward, pushing as long and as hard as she can until she can't breathe anymore. Maybe she screams or yells, she's not sure because everything is painful and so damn slow and she can't imagine how people knowingly choose to have more kids because she's so closing her factory after this one. She's so not having another one of this.

"That's it, one more time," the doctor urges, and Donna does so.

She has no idea where she's found the strength to push once more because it hurts like hell and she can't breathe and it's too much until…

It goes away.

It all happens within seconds, really — this time she knows she yells and she feels it all, it's too much and too sensitive and she can't even think about herself because all she wants is to see her baby, hear her baby, and…

There's a cry.

Donna lets go and breathes out with some difficulty, leaning all her weight against Harvey. The baby is crying — _her_ _baby_ is crying.

"Here she is," Dr. Lewis says with a smile. "You have a beautiful baby girl."

Everything fades away at this moment, with the doctor showing them the tiny baby — she felt much bigger than she looks. Donna hears Harvey gasp, maybe, but she's not so sure because she's stretching her arms towards her — she's all pink and angry and the first thing Donna notes is that she's got a full head of hair and a very good pair of lungs. The nurse places her on Donna's chest and the baby is squirming and still crying.

Until Donna speaks.

"Hey, baby. Hey," she says softly, and that's when she realizes she's crying. "I'm your mama. Hello."

As if on cue, their baby girl stops crying.

"That's a right scare, huh?" Donna says. "You're good now. We've got you."

Harvey is kissing her hair and the baby is opening her dark eyes and she can't believe this little person really was inside her for so long and now she's here with them, finally. A little person they made together. A new little person they're gonna get to know and learn all the little things about her because they know nothing so far, and yet… she's so loved.

Their eyes meet for the first time and Donna's world stops. Her eyes are a dark blue, a weird color that's not quite yet it, she knows, and there's vulnerability and surrender and calm in those eyes, she just falls in love instantly. Donna loved her before, and now that she's here she can't even find words to describe how she's feeling. It's overwhelming and amazing and she doesn't even care about pain and childbirth anymore because she's here, their baby is finally here.

"I love you," she hears Harvey whisper, and she doesn't need to ask if it's for her or for the baby because she _knows_.

It's for them both.

* * *

He's transfixed.

She's been with them for a total of three hours, and he's completely transfixed.

He just can't look away.

Right now, she's in Donna's arms, nursing. They struggled a little at first, but it seems they're figuring each other out. It's beautiful to see, he thinks — the way the baby is quiet and gentle in Donna's arms, the way Donna's eyes soften every time she looks at her daughter and she's looking back. They both know she can't see much besides shapes and colors, but she sees them, and she's right there.

Donna looks up and meets his eyes. He's sitting beside the bed, one elbow on the cushion supporting his head as he watches. He's content to watch this; he could watch this forever. He's tired and he has no idea how Donna is still awake. He took the baby for their friends to see and told them Donna would see them in the morning, as she requested. Tonight it's just for the three of them.

It feels like this is their first moment alone, actually. Without nurses and doctors. The room doesn't smell of birth anymore, the baby is actually wearing a white little romper they've brought and no beanie. She's got a full head of hair — the dark blondish kind. She's not a redhead, at least not yet, and she's perfect just the way she is. Pink and wrinkly, ten fingers and ten toes, nineteen inches and eight point seven pounds.

"I asked for the birth forms," he says softly.

Donna tosses him a sly look. "Think you can handle filling those out on our own?"

He smiles. "It's my pleasure and privilege," he says and she chuckles. The only sounds they hear are of their daughter nursing at Donna's breast. He realizes this is their new normal. "So we're good on the name?"

"Mm, yeah. She looks like a Mia to me," Donna says. As if on cue, the baby moves her arms a little. She's a little thing, really, legs close to her body and hands clutching Donna when she's near. She offers her little finger and the baby grasps it instantly. Donna chuckles. "Yes, you are."

"It fits her," Harvey agrees, leaning back on his chair. It's close to five am and he's bone-tired but he doesn't want to sleep, not when he can watch them. "Mia Elise Paulsen-Specter."

Donna smiles; their moment is interrupted by the baby letting go of her nipple. He stands to help, although he's a little unsure of what to do when the baby is scrunching up her face like that, looking unhappy. Donna fixes her gown and he takes Mia from her — they've always managed to communicate without speaking and this is no different. They can read each other just as well in this as in every other area in their lives.

Mia is a different weight from any he's ever carried, probably because she holds his entire life in such a tiny, frail body. At least that's how she looks when he takes her. She squirms a little, but settles in his arms as he props her up, head on his shoulder, just the way they've been taught because she's just eaten and that's how you're supposed to do it — or so he thinks.

Donna rests her head more comfortably against the pillows and blinks heavily. He has no idea how she's still awake.

"I was thinking we could just use Specter," she suggests. "Paulsen-Specter seems too much of a mouthful for such a tiny person."

"Though she be but little, she is fierce," he recites.

Donna laughs. "Are you quoting Shakespeare on me? Really?"

"That was Shakespeare?"

She lightly smacks his free arm and he takes advantage of it to grasp her hand and lace their fingers together.

"I'm fine with her being Specter, or Paulsen-Specter or Specter-Paulsen," he continues. "Your call."

Her thumb caresses the back of his hand softly. "Just Specter."

His eyes are serious. "You sure?"

She nods. "Yep."

"Mia Elise Specter it is," he announces. Mia lets out a burp on his shoulder. He and Donna laugh. "Think that means she likes it."

He shifts the baby on his chest so she's in his arms. Her lips are pouting a little and he takes note of all the tiny details about her. The eyes are dark blue and there's a pointy little nose that he thinks will end up being just like Donna's. She's got chubby little cheeks and tiny little eyebrows. He loves her so much. He can't believe he gets to be her father — he gets to share this with Donna, of all people.

"You know," he says, watching as the baby's eyelids are dropping slowly. She seems to like him too. Not just a mommy's girl, then. "You're gonna be the only one in the house without Specter on your name."

Donna snorts and he looks up. Her eyes are closed too, but there's serenity on her like this, IV on her arm and her hair loose around her shoulders, sans makeup, and he thinks she's got to be the most beautiful woman on earth because she's just given birth and she looks like an angel.

"We're not doing this, Harvey," she says softly, not even opening her eyes.

"Doing what?"

"You're not proposing when I've just given birth to your child," she continues. "We don't do this until we're sure, and especially not now."

"Maybe I'm sure," he jokes.

"Not now, Harvey."

He chuckles and kisses the back of her hand — she pulls at him softly and opens her eyes as he gets closer, lips meeting in a soft, slow kiss.

"You were amazing today, Don," he whispers.

Donna smiles sleepily. "I know."

"You should rest," he tells her. "I've got her."

She nods but frowns all the same. "You should rest too."

Harvey shakes his head. "I wanna watch you girls for a while. You rest."

"You big softy," Donna teases him. "Alright. I'll just close my eyes for a bit."

She does so; Harvey chuckles and kisses her forehead before she gets more comfortable. He adjusts the blanket over her and walks slowly to the windows, minding the baby in his arms. Mia is staring at him with big, dark blue eyes, and he wonders if she'll change colors to his own brown or maybe Donna's hazel. She opens her lips and her tongue is out, nose scrunching up with her eyes. Then she yawns, and he smiles. She's adorable — he falls in love again for the countless time today. With her, with Donna.

He doesn't even look at the New York skyline when Mia is in his arms.

* * *

The wallpaper of Harvey's phone is of Donna holding Mia and Mia is wearing the pumpkin onesie on her birthday and he declares it's the cutest picture he's ever taken. Donna thinks he'll end up changing that soon because he won't quit taking pictures.

She doesn't mind at all.

Mia is picky about who she likes right from the start. Mike makes her squirmy, she cries in Louis's arms and Rachel gets to hold her for a full five minutes before she cries and is only settled with Donna holding her. She's a mommy's girl alright and Donna thinks that's fitting because she's absolutely taken by her daughter too.

It's weird to see your baby like that, being her own person, because she feels like an extension of her own body. In a way, Donna thinks Mia is still an extension of her; they've been through so much together, the two of them. Those first few months of doubt and uncertainty then months filled with good food (but zero caffeine and alcohol) and drama at the firm and getting together with Harvey. Things have changed so much, and Mia was there with her every step of the way and she would still be but now she's her own little person and they don't really know her yet. It leaves Donna feeling raw and vulnerable but it also makes her feel so loved when this little person looks at her in this particular way.

No one has ever looked at her the way Mia does, and she's in love with every second they spend together.

Interestingly enough, Mia is as taken by her grandparents as they are with her. Donna's parents get there near noon and after some time Donna manages to convince Harvey to go home and shower and eat something. He ends up agreeing and even takes her parents' bags to his place, to make sure everything is settled for them. Donna feels weird without the baby, but she's also so happy to share her with the world now — seeing her daughter with her parents makes her heart tingle in all the right ways.

When Harvey gets back and invites her dad to get a coffee, she's especially grateful. She wants them to get on well, not just for her sake but for Mia's too, and to see him trying means the world to her.

Plus, she could use some girl time with her mom as well. She has questions and she wants some peace and there's something about her mom being there for her that makes her feel really supported. It's not that Harvey doesn't make her feel that way, but they're learning together, and her mom is… her mom.

They do say mothers and grandmothers are born with a child, after all.

And Mia is quiet in her mother's arms, content to be held, and her mom is so taken with her — it's such a sight to see.

She hopes Harvey gets to see that with his mom soon too.

"She looks a lot like you," her mother says as she sways with the baby. "Except for the hair, of course."

"I think she looks like Harvey," Donna replies. "It's all in the jaw."

Her mother chuckles.

"Can you believe that earlier today he was talking about me being the only person without his surname in the house?" She shakes her head. "What a dork."

"He loves you," Clara says softly.

"I know," Donna laughs. "I love that dork."

"Well, did you agree?" Her mother prods.

Donna frowns. "No. I'm gonna need a better proposal," she jokes. "I don't want something in the spur of the moment, you know? She just got here. We're all vulnerable."

Her mother shakes her head. "Honey, he's not gonna change his mind."

"It's not that," Donna says. "It's just… it's all too raw, you know?"

Clara nods. "I know. But he's not gonna change his mind," she repeats, but Donna shrugs. Her mother looks down at the baby. "Mommy and Daddy are very blind. Yes, they are. You won't be like that, will you?"

Donna rolls her eyes and her mother laughs at the way Mia moves her legs. She's wearing the orange romper and Donna has to say orange does fit her, which is a given because orange has never fit her well. Another proof that Mia is truly her own person. But Donna thinks her baby girl can rock any color and still look the cutest.

Mia lets out a whimper after a few minutes — Donna thinks it's her hungry cry, but she's not sure yet. Her mother proclaims she's still clean, so that must be it; she's handed back the baby, who moves her head around a little — definitely hungry. Before long, she's latched onto Donna's nipple and having her own lunch. Her meals seem to be hourly so far.

It's an adjustment, Donna won't lie, but she really feels as if Mia is a part of her. They settle into position quietly and Donna relaxes a little as Mia nurses, running a hand over her hair and then her cheek. There's such a vulnerability to her — they need each other. Donna gets that.

"She's so beautiful," Donna mutters. "She's better than anything I hoped for."

Her mother sits on the bed with a smile. "They usually are. And then they grow up and leave to New York City to become actresses."

Donna looks up at her with a glare, but her mom is arching one eyebrow, daring her to say anything. She remains quiet. Her parents have always wondered if she let go of her dream for Harvey; she's stopped explaining a long time ago.

"I've always said that as long as you're happy I'm happy," her mother says softly. "I'm very happy, Donna. And I'll support this one if she wants to be an actress too."

Donna chuckles. "Maybe she'll go into law willingly."

"Maybe she won't," Clara points out.

Donna nods, holding Mia's little hand in hers and kissing her knuckles. Her eyes flutter and Donna thinks that might mean that she likes it. Her mom comments on the baby's eye color and asks about the nursery and when they're going to leave the hospital. They make plans for the next few days — her dad is going back to Connecticut tomorrow but her mom is staying until the weekend. Donna is glad for the help and support — she's still exhausted as it is, feels a little drained even, but she perks up when Harvey returns with a decaf coffee — the good kind, not the hospital kind — and her parents leave to have lunch while Harvey burps Mia.

"I've been calling her peanut this entire time," he mumbles. "She ends up being a pumpkin."

Donna laughs as she takes him in, in his casual clothes and running on little sleep with the orange-clad baby in his arms.

It's a different Halloween this year around. Donna thinks it's her best yet.

* * *

Mia is two days old when they take her home.

It's chilly and Donna worries that she's not bundled up enough. In the car, both she and Harvey worry that she's too fragile — Ray is enchanted by her and promises them he'll drive as carefully as possible. She sleeps through it all, unfazed, but Donna knows Harvey is tense just from the way he's sitting. She reaches across Mia's seat to grasp his hand and he relaxes.

Being a parent isn't simple, they're finally learning.

It's weird to think that they left her apartment two days ago and are coming back with a new inhabitant.

Harvey thankfully takes the car seat and Mia's bag while Donna has the keys and a pillow. It's been two days of learning and little sleep and a lot of love. When she unlocks the door she gives them a tired but excited smile and Harvey follows her inside.

It's all the same as when they left, but oh, so very different.

Donna takes herself straight to the kitchen to get a glass of water and watches as Harvey leaves the baby bag on the table and starts showing Mia the place.

"Hey, this is your home," he says excitedly. "You've got two of those so far, but we're gonna make it just one. This is home, though."

Donna laughs. "I'm not sure she cares about the specifics."

"Shh, I'm giving her the tour," Harvey jokes. "This is the living room. It's where you're gonna have all your toys scattered around. It's also where Mommy kissed Daddy the night we made you."

She snorts. "I kissed you? More like you kissed me."

"Maybe I did," he confesses, grinning. "Or _maybe_ we simply kissed each other."

She shakes her head, amused at his antics. He keeps up the tour and she hears him describe everything to their daughter, who appears to be listening. She sits on the couch then, wincing a little, and sighs. It's as if she's relaxing for the first time since giving birth. It feels good to be home.

She hears a disgruntled cry and keeps alert, just in case; Harvey left in the direction of the nursery so maybe he's got a dirty diaper to take care of and she doesn't have to deal with that right now.

Home is a little different now, she thinks with a smile.

Harvey comes back five minutes later, and Mia seems to be dozing off on her car seat.

"She liked her seat," Donna notes brightly.

Harvey's eyes lighten up. "Yeah, she did," he looks so proud and Donna feels her heart burst with happiness. "I've got her so you can take that shower now if you want to."

Donna makes a face. "I've been dying about that."

He chuckles. "Really? I didn't notice after the dozen times you complained about the hospital's shower."

She rolls her eyes, leaning down to check on Mia before accepting Harvey's hand to help her stand up.

She takes her time showering because she's dead tired and her body has changed and she's been a little afraid to check her situation down there but it appears she'll survive (she did push a baby out of her body not that long ago, after all) and she keeps her ears alert in case the baby wants to eat but nothing happens. She dries her hair a little hastily and puts on a pair of shorts and a loose button-down shirt from Harvey when she goes looking for them. Truth be told, she still looks pregnant and twenty minutes away without her baby seem like an eternity suddenly.

She exits the bedroom quietly but finds the living room and kitchen empty — the car seat is empty as well. She hears soft voices and follows them down the hall, bare feet sliding quietly on the floor.

Her heart stops as she takes in the scene before her.

Harvey is in the nursery, right by the window, holding the baby close to his chest — he's got his back on her and she can only see the top of Mia's head from her spot on the doorway. The baby is quiet, but Harvey is talking.

"So technically, I did want to make babies with mommy when we met," he goes on. "Maybe practice making them is a better word for it. And you're here now, so it's all full circle."

She can't help but laugh at the words, and Harvey turns at the sound. He smiles softly at her.

"I hope you're not telling our daughter about how you wanted to sleep with me the moment we met," she chastises him, entering the room fully. Mia is squirming a little in his arms.

"She was a little fussy but I managed to stop her from crying," Harvey says proudly. "I think she might be hungry."

Donna nods, checking the clock. She's been eating a little every hour, and it's normal, according to the doctor, even if it's exhausting. Still, it's a schedule and Donna knows they must be grateful if they get one. It's been a little over an hour since her last feeding, so it makes sense.

Harvey passes Mia to Donna and she sits on the rocking chair. He unbuttons her shirt as she tries to soothe the baby, and they both laugh a little at the way Mia impatiently moves her head in search for food. Once she's eating, Harvey gets the pillow and puts it under the baby to help hold her, and Donna takes a deep breath, taking in the baby's room now that the baby is actually in it.

It fits her, she decides.

"I wanted a lot of things with you when we met," Harvey says quietly. "Sleeping with you was one of them, yeah, but not all."

Donna grins at him. "Like what?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Dating you, taking you to the movies. Going to parties with you," he lists, a smile forming on his lips. "Maybe having a baby or two. Taking you to meet my dad."

"That sounds so very serious," she teases him.

"Well, you made a good impression," Harvey notes slyly. "I remember thinking I wanted to keep you close when I left the bar that night."

Donna arches her eyebrows, her lips stretching into a smile. "You kept me pretty close."

He smirks. "I did," he turns serious, eyes watching the baby for a moment and then looking back at her. "I love you, Donna. You once asked me how, and this is how. In every possible way."

Tears well up at her eyes of their own accord, and she lets out a laugh when he manages to dry one with the back of his hand.

"I love you too, Harvey," she replies with honesty, and it's the first time they've both said these words without threats looming over their heads.

He presses his lips against her head. "I'm in love with you too, by the way. Just to make it clear."

Donna chuckles. "The feeling is very mutual."

"I'm glad," he says, and she can hear his smile in his voice. Mia pulls away, grunting a little before going back at it. Harvey laughs. "I think she agrees too."

"I think she's just a little uncoordinated," Donna jokes. "She's getting the hang of it."

Harvey kisses her smile and watches them both with glinting eyes before announcing he'll make them some sandwiches and she thinks they're getting the hang of this as well.

She pets Mia's diaper-clad bottom and admires the baby in her arms. Before she can resist it, she takes her phone out of her pocket and snaps a picture.

She's gonna change her wallpaper too.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to end and I'm so glad for the feedback after last chapter. Not gonna lie, I was worried about that birth scene and the baby's name and everything else haha so thanks for all the kind messages, and I hope you'll enjoy this one! We're on our way to the final chapters and I just wanted to thank everyone for their support. Writing is hard work but one I enjoy doing, even more so when I receive your comments and reviews. As for the end of this chapter, I ask you to trust me to make things right, don't worry just yet. As always, let me know your thoughts!

Mia is a good baby, Harvey thinks.

She cries a little, but not for long. Loves being held, especially by Donna — it's like they're the same person, really. She likes it when Harvey walks her around the apartment too, her little eyes wide and alert as she takes it all in. They've found that she likes being entertained and talked to, but that most of the time what she really wants is to sleep. She sleeps a lot, but then she also wakes up a lot, which means he and Donna's sleep are a little compromised.

They are handling it, though.

Clara leaves on Saturday night, amid a tearful goodbye to her granddaughter, who is asleep when this happens and completely unfazed by it all. She's been a good help, and Donna doesn't even complain about it — besides spending time with Mia, the moral support is good. Plus, she remembered to get groceries, which hadn't even crossed their minds yet.

Still, Sunday comes and it ends up being their worst night yet, because Mia takes short naps and long feedings and ends up awake and when she's awake, one of them must be too. She's not fussy, particularly, but she's still sleeping in their room and she likes to keep at least one of them in her line of vision. Harvey doesn't think that's too bad, considering she's only six days old.

And, even when she's asleep, he and Donna are anxious. He supposes it's something people talk about but don't understand until it happens to them. But she's so small and tiny and dependent and perfect that whenever she's asleep they just… stare.

"Look at her pout," Harvey whispers to Donna, who chuckles.

Mia is indeed pouting in her sleep, having just been fed and burped. They've installed a co-sleeper on Donna's side of the bed because the feedings are constant and Mia is too small — they both can't bear to think of her sleeping on her own down the hall yet. Maybe in a few weeks they can try it out.

She's a sturdy little thing, all cheeks and chubby little hands. The hair is still going strong and looks just like his hair color. He sees so much of Donna in her, though — now that she's past that wrinkly new baby phase, she looks more like herself. Not that she wasn't cute before, she was, but she looks so different and so much cuter anyway. She's wearing a white little onesie with small flowers on it, lying on her side with her legs close to her little body, much like he imagines she was when she was still in Donna's belly.

"I think she's dreaming of my breasts," Donna jokes. "You know, since I stopped being your secretary to be her milkmaid now."

Harvey laughs, pressing his lips against Donna's neck. He's hugging her from behind, arms around her waist, and he knows they should sleep when the baby is sleeping but it's really hard to sleep when Mia is so perfect and so terrifying at the same time. He has no doubt admitting he's checked she's breathing more than once in the last few days. He knows Donna has done the same.

New parents. That's who they are now.

"What can I say? We have good taste," he tells her softly.

She laughs softly and settles against him, lacing her fingers with his.

"We should sleep," she says. "She'll wake up in two hours and we have a big day tomorrow."

It would be a big day, sort of. His mom is coming to meet Mia. He's trying not to make it a big deal and he's grateful Donna acts the same way, but it is big. Especially when you consider that six months ago he wasn't speaking to his mom at all.

He nods and Donna shifts to face him, pressing her lips softly against his. She sighs and he breathes her in, moving to press a kiss against her hair as she settles against him more comfortably. She falls asleep after just a few moments. He can sense the rise and fall of her chest against his and the way she's relaxed in his arms. It appears parenthood has already changed Donna's sleeping habits, he thinks with a smirk. It's not surprising that she's settling in well.

He pulls away a little, just enough to watch her. His eyes go from her to Mia, still dreaming away in her crib, and the sight of them is the last he sees before he falls asleep too.

* * *

Donna opens her eyes slowly, her eyes adjusting to the darkness of the bedroom. There's only silence, so she's relaxed and closes her eyes again, letting herself snuggle deeper into the pillows until she stretches out an arm, lazily, and is met only with sheets. Still, the room is silent. Too silent.

She opens her eyes again, this time more alert, and looks straight to the co-sleeper.

Empty.

Her heart thunders against her chest as she looks at the other side of the bed; also empty.

"Harvey?" Her voice might be a little edgy.

She's ready to slip off the bed when the door opens and he appears, though — one arm supporting Mia and the other holding a cup, presumably for her. She relaxes instantly because her baby is right there and apparently she's quite well. Donna sits up and stretches her arms — for the baby rather than the coffee. Things change, after all.

With a chuckle, Harvey gets her immediately, putting the coffee on the bedside table and then moving Mia to Donna. She's happy to see that she's awake, and brings her knees up to put Mia against her legs to see her properly. It's something the two of them do a lot, really — just watch each other. Mia's little hand grips Donna's index finger and she moves her arm a little, kind of like a handshake.

"Good morning," Donna coos as she feels Harvey's lips against her hair. "Were you being good for Daddy?"

"She didn't want to sleep after I burped her," he tells her. "So I decided we might as well have some time on our own. I was gonna give her a bath, but settled with making breakfast while she watched."

Donna chuckles. They both are a little afraid of bath time and usually rely on each other for help. It's a weird dance, but they work through it while they're not quite confident in that area. Mia is still so small, even if she's changed so much since birth, and she's constantly afraid of hurting her in any way. She still laughs when she remembers Harvey trying to cut the baby's tiny nails a few days before. What a nightmare.

Mia is a trooper, though. She seems pretty content with the parents she's got so far.

Donna reaches for the cup and takes a sip of the now very familiar decaf, today with a splash of vanilla, just the way she likes it. Harvey moves to open the curtains a little and Mia blinks rapidly as she gets used to the light, still gripping Donna's free hand.

"I'll be right back," Harvey tells them.

Donna smiles. "Is this finally the day where I get breakfast in bed?"

He winks at her and exits the bedroom.

Donna sighs and looks at Mia, who's staring at her with interest. She puts the cup back on the nightstand and can't resist touching the baby's tiny feet, leaning down to press a kiss on each of them. Mia moves her legs a little in reflex, gurgling. Both Donna and Harvey think this is her happy sound, so Donna laughs a little. She moves Mia's legs up and down a little, and Mia moves her arms rapidly, enjoying playtime.

"You're very happy this morning," Donna notes softly. "I love you. I love you so much."

Mia gurgles again. Her little sounds are mesmerizing, and they know for a fact they are simply made out of reflex, but they're cute all the same. Donna picks her up then, resting the baby's head against her shoulder and pressing her lips repeatedly on her forehead in noisy little kisses. She feels Mia kick her legs a little and thinks about all the times she felt these little moves these past few months. She leans back against the headboard and chuckles, repeating the kisses.

Harvey enters the room again, this time with a tray of breakfast.

"Hey, she smiled!" he notes immediately.

Donna looks down on Mia. "Did you smile? Did you like Mommy's kisses?"

But Mia merely shifted her head a little and kept looking at the room with attention.

"Of course she did," Harvey tells her. "You're a pretty good kisser."

Donna gapes at him as he puts the tray in front of her. Whoever thought Harvey Specter didn't do romance (and Donna herself was one of those people for quite some time) was wrong, because when he does, man, does he get it right. He made her pancakes and she has to bite her lower lip not to giggle at the strawberries and whipped cream. He even added a small pink rose to the tray, no doubt from the bouquet he gave her the evening after Mia's birth. Six days and the bouquet has endured.

"Excuse me," she says softly. "I'm the _best _kisser."

"I didn't say it because I didn't want it to go over your head," Harvey retorts, making his way to his side of the bed.

"Too late for that," she shrugs comically. Mia gurgles too. "See, she agrees."

Harvey laughs and reaches for the baby so Donna can eat comfortably. If Mia doesn't like being moved around, she doesn't look like it. Donna can't help but watch Harvey as he holds Mia in his arms, looking every bit in awe as she feels. She loves that Mia enjoys being held by him too (she's been very selective about who's worthy of holding her) and loves how quiet the baby is whenever Harvey speaks.

"This looks delicious," Donna comments as she takes in the food. "Have you eaten?"

He nods. "We watched Oprah together while I had my breakfast."

She shakes her head. "You're giving our daughter bad habits."

"Oprah is very good at relationship advice, I'll have you know," Harvey retorts as she takes the first bite of the pancakes. Donna moans a little at the taste of it, making Harvey grin. "Good?"

"Amazing," she says honestly. "Try it."

She puts another generous amount of food on her fork and offers it to him, who promptly opens his mouth for the food. She takes another sip of her coffee and notices he's still chewing but already grinning wide.

"What?" Donna asks, smiling too.

"This is the second time we're having strawberries and whipped cream in this bed," he says.

"This is a new mattress," Donna snorts, looking pointedly at Mia in his arms. "And this is an _entirely _different situation."

"Yeah, it is," Harvey laughs, looking down at the baby too. "You know, the only time I actually regretted the night _she _happened," at this Donna chuckles, "was when you stopped working for me."

Donna frowns slightly, thinking it over. She supposes she regretted it too at first. For the hurt and the pain and the lack of self-love she felt then. She didn't feel played, not by Harvey. She always knew he had his issues, but she hated how she read him wrong, hated the way she let herself hope. It's not something she likes to remember, the weeks immediately following that night. So she remains quiet and waits for him to elaborate.

"I just… regretted leaving at first," he continues. "Then you said it wasn't working anymore and left to work for Louis. That's when I knew I had fucked up. I guess I regretted not facing this. But I never regretted it, not even when you first told me you were pregnant."

"Me neither," she agrees softly.

"Even if I had a panic attack that day," he adds, way too nonchalantly. Donna stills; this is new information. He shrugs. "I started having them when you said you were going to Louis. I've been going to therapy ever since."

"Harvey…"

She starts, unsure of what to say; she's always known he was hurting like she was, but he was the one doing it to himself and her attitude certainly couldn't have helped. She doesn't regret the way she acted, because it was something she had needed to do for ages. It had been weird to act selfishly, but it had been needed, especially when she found out she was pregnant.

But to know what it did to him physically… it hurt her too.

"I choose to see it as a good thing nowadays," he shrugs. "It was a wake-up call."

She reaches for his free hand and caresses it softly.

"Hey, maybe it was preparing me for her," he jokes. "So thank you. She's perfect, and you were amazing. This past week, you were awesome."

He presses a kiss on the back of her hand. She knows better than to make a big deal out of this — she knows him and she's grateful she's shared this with her, but she knows he won't want her to make a fuss, especially now that it's been resolved. She remembers how anxious he had been last week when she told him about the contractions, and thinks of how badly it must have been to feel that way — to feel even worse than that — and have no support.

They've come such a long way in these past months.

"You were awesome too," she says honestly. "She loves you so much."

Harvey lets out a chuckle.

"I think you're her favorite, though," he confesses.

"I told you, I'm her milkmaid," Donna jokes. "You're her daddy. Whenever you speak, she's so interested. She follows your voice, she's so enthralled by you."

"I can be pretty enthralling," he agrees.

Donna laughs, pulling him close softly so they can kiss.

"Yes, you can," she whispers softly. "She loves you. She takes after me."

Mia gurgles in agreement, and her attention is taken by the baby they made together once more, marveling in how perfect and cute she is in all of her seven days of life. Through the trials they had, both figurative and literal, it's fitting that something so pure and full of love came out of it.

In truth, Mia has made Donna love Harvey even more.

* * *

His life feels so surreal sometimes. It's not just because of the baby, it's the newness of being with Donna and feeling the happiness of sharing his life with her. They've always shared so much, but not so deeply. They share a child now, but it's bigger than that. It's about trust and companionship and love and he's not afraid of the word anymore. Not now that he's told her exactly how he feels about her.

But today feels especially surreal, seeing his mom meet Mia. A year ago, he never would have guessed this could have happened — that he would have the balls to love Donna openly, be a father, and on top of it all rekindle his relationship with his mom. He can't help but grin at the sight of her holding his baby girl, the way Mia is comfortable and happy in her grandmother's arms. It turns out she's a grandmother's girl alright after all — but he thinks it helps that she's just eaten and is feeling very sleepy.

Lily took it upon herself to lure Mia to sleep after they had their lunch — Mia's first time at Le Bernardin because he and Donna agreed the baby should get used to the places they liked quickly. It was her first outing and all in all it was a good one, without any issues. She spent the entire time sleeping in her stroller; he joked that she'd like Del Posto better, but they'll have to wait out on that one.

Afterwards, they went back to Donna's apartment since Mia was getting fussy, and after nursing and being burped, she's ready for playtime, or perhaps another nap. He thinks being outside tired her out.

"She's so precious," his mom says as she rocks the baby. "She looks like you, Donna."

"She looks like Harvey when she cries," Donna jokes.

He gives her a playful look, and both his mom and Donna laugh. Donna rests her head against his arm for a moment, on the back of the couch, and gives him a tired smile. He winks at her. His mom is too mesmerized by the baby to notice anything else.

"Hey, you should rest," he suggests to Donna. "I think between me and Mom, we got her."

"Really, Donna," his mom adds. "Don't mind me. And I know the rules, when she sleeps you sleep."

"She's not asleep yet," Donna protests. Harvey gives her a pointed look. "But she will be."

"You know she will," he says.

She nods. "Alright. You know where to find me."

His mom snickers and Harvey gently squeezes Donna's hand as she stands up, watching her until she reaches the hallway and winking at her when she looks at him over her shoulder. Once she's out of his view, he turns his attention towards his mom, who is watching him with amused eyes. He feels his cheeks blush a little.

"She's lovely," his mom comments.

"Yeah, she is," Harvey agrees, looking at Mia. She's being lured to sleep by her grandmother and seems to be enjoying it.

"I meant Donna," his mom chuckles, "but it works for Mia too."

He snickers. "Yeah, it does."

Silence settles as his mom rocks his daughter to sleep and he watches with tired but content eyes how Mia closes her fist around his mom's little finger, the way her eyelids flutter and how she sighs softly. His mom looks happy too — Marcus gave her grandchildren far earlier than he did, but he guesses it feels a little different because Mia helped almost as much as Donna (and therapy) did in bringing them together. Never in his dreams, he thought this would happen — that the silence between them would be comfortable and not laced with regret.

It's even more surreal with Donna napping a few feet from them and the baby in his mother's arms being his.

Life changes. This time it's for the best.

"Harvey?" His mom asks, effectively pulling him from his thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Can you get something from my bag?" She says. "I brought you something."

Harvey rolls his eyes and stands up. "Mom, I think the presents and the painting were more than enough."

It's a wonder his mom even finished the painting in time for the birth, but he suspected she and Donna might have been plotting this sooner. He likes the painting — loves it, even, especially after losing the previous one. This one is also of a doll but featured a rabbit. He thinks it'll fit Mia's room very well. Donna's excitement upon seeing it was certainly amusing, and he couldn't help but feel a little emotional at the whole thing.

As for the presents, well, they had said Mia wouldn't need clothes for her first year of life, probably, and his mom brought many toys instead. Blocks and plush toys and books — Mia would certainly not be bored in the future. He thinks his mom and Clara have bought her more toys than he and Donna bought her clothes.

"Those were for Mia," his mom retorts. "This one's for you. It's an envelope in the front pocket."

He spots his mom's bag on the settee and checks the front pocket. Surely, there's an envelope there. He frowns but takes it, arching his eyebrows towards her as he goes back to his spot on the couch. The envelope doesn't seem to have much weight to it; he can't imagine his mom gifting with a card or much less money. They both know he's not in need of any.

"Go on," his mom urges him, not looking away from her granddaughter. "Open it."

He does as he's told, expecting a paper inside, but as he turns the envelope upside down, what falls on his hand isn't a letter or a card. It's a ring — a ring he hasn't seen in decades, a ring he never even thought about. He gapes at it, unsure of what to make of it at first, and then looks up at his mom. This time she's looking at him with a soft smile on her face.

"After your visit, I was afraid I'd miss my chance," his mom says, "but from what I gather, you haven't asked Donna any important question yet."

"I tried," he jokes.

"That thing you tried to pull in the hospital doesn't count," Lily retorts. He's surprised she knows about that. "Donna told me. We talk, you know."

Harvey chuckles softly. "I know."

"Your grandmother would have loved her," his mom continues. "Just like I do."

He nods, looking at the ring. He feels a wave of emotion run through him. His mom is putting Mia on her baby carrier, right next to the couch. "I thought this was given to Marcus. I had no idea you still had it."

"I saved for my eldest," his mom tells him, sitting next to him. Mia is peacefully asleep beside them. "I'm glad I did because I think it fits Donna."

He nods. "It does," he looks from the ring to his mom. "She's the one, Mom. She's always been."

His mom smiles. "We've all known that, Harvey. I'm glad you finally do."

He chuckles and moves to hug her, letting the reality of it all sink in. He's been thinking of making things official for a few weeks now, before Mia's birth, even; but things kept happening and they were always so busy and with the baby, time is cut short every day. He knows he will ask her someday soon, though he has no idea how yet, and the first logical step would be to find a ring but he hasn't had time to do that. Donna deserves a special ring — Donna deserves the best ring he could ring, and he hadn't been sure he would find it in New York.

Turns out it was in Boston all along.

"Now I just have to figure out the perfect way to ask her," Harvey laughs.

His mom pats his cheek affectionately. "I think whatever way you ask her will be perfect in her eyes."

He grins. "Maybe. But Donna's had a few proposals in her life, I need this to be the best one."

Lily chuckles. "I don't doubt any of that, but I know for a fact it'll be the best one, no matter how you ask."

"Why's that?"

"You're the one who's asking her for real this time around," his mom says simply.

They share a smile.

He knows she's right.

* * *

He finds Donna in the shower, letting the warm water run through her. The bathroom is filled with steam and she doesn't see him until he's opening the stall and joining her. To her credit, she doesn't jump at the sight of him, is only surprised.

"Where's Mia?" She asks instantly.

"Asleep in the living room," he replies as she steps away from the water to give him some room. "Mom is reading a book and watching her. I mentioned we haven't spent much time alone and she basically ordered me to leave."

Donna chuckles as he puts some soap on his hands and reaches for her. Her body has changed since pregnancy, since giving birth. He thinks she's beautiful, she always has been and always will be, but he knows she's feeling a little insecure — which is unlike Donna. He starts scrubbing the soap on her hips and then her waist and she sighs, holding him loosely as well.

"No funny business for five more weeks," she reminds him.

Harvey groans. "Don't remind me."

She chuckles. He's mindful of tender areas in her body — breasts are out of question — and he keeps scrubbing the soap slowly on her back until they've fallen into an embrace they can't escape from. Donna relaxes against him and he lets himself relax too. It's the first time they've been alone without the baby and it's weird but feels good too.

The water on his back is soothing and he feels Donna press a kiss against his neck. They've changed so much in the last week, going through this together. It's changed them forever, he realizes, and it's a scary and interesting thought at the same time.

He wants to marry her. More than ever before.

He's crazy about her. He's known all this before but now that he has the ring — and it's safely hidden amongst his shoes — he's sure of it. He wants to marry her. He wants Donna to be his wife.

Marriage had always been a strange concept to him but with Donna… it sounds so simple.

But today is not the right time for it, he knows. She sighs against him and he hopes she feels as relaxed as he does in this steamy but PG-13 shared shower.

"You okay?" He asks, his voice sounding a little rough.

Donna nods against him. "Thanks for this. I've missed you."

Harvey chuckles, bringing her body a little closer. "You see me every day. Naked, even."

Donna laughs and pulls away enough to look at him. "You know what I mean. It's been a while since we did this. The most intimacy we get is when I'm breastfeeding Mia and you watch, and that's not sexual at all."

Harvey grins. "It's still beautiful," he says, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. "Just like you are."

Her eyes soften and she kisses him again, more deeply this time, just enough to let him know how much she means it. A few weeks ago this shower could have turned into very funny business for them both, but they can't right now and honestly, Harvey isn't sure if they'd have been up to it. They're both knackered and enjoy time off, even if it's just for an hour.

He helps wash Donna's hair and they get dressed together; it takes another ten minutes for her to blow dry her hair and for him to check on his mom and daughter to make sure Mia is still asleep. Then they hit the bed.

They're awake enough to settle into familiar, comfortable positions, with him spooning Donna. The room is dark enough that he can hear her fall asleep within five minutes and he follows soon afterward.

He wants to marry her and he'll make sure she knows it. Soon.

* * *

It's funny how, a year ago, if someone had told her she'd be walking in a park holding hands with Harvey and have their very own baby in a baby carrier attached to her chest, Donna would have accused them of being completely, utterly, absolutely crazy.

And yet that's exactly how they are right now.

Mia seems to be unfazed by the view, only scrunching her eyes when the sunlight reaches her as they walk, but she's otherwise still asleep. It's a little cold and she's all bundled up; Harvey is quietly watching them both, drinking his coffee. Donna opted for some salted caramel hot chocolate — she figures she's earned it after pushing a baby outside her body a few weeks ago.

"What's going on with you?" Donna asks after a moment.

Silence has been comfortable, but she's known Harvey for too long to not know something has been nagging him.

"Just stuff at the firm," he notes simply, sipping on his coffee. "Mike called me earlier when you were doing yoga."

She arches her eyebrows in understanding. She's been meaning to go back to pilates, actually, but she'll do with yoga while Mia is still little and she doesn't feel yet healed from the birth. It's only been two weeks and yoga relaxes her and she thinks it relaxes Mia when she's relaxed as well. She's grateful Harvey has been managing to entertain the baby well.

"Do you want to go back to work already?" Donna asks.

Harvey immediately shakes his head. "On the contrary. I don't think about the firm," he shrugs. "I knew she'd change things, but not this much."

Donna nods. She understands where he's coming from completely — the way this tiny human being has them wrapped around her fingers is astonishing. She had expected it, in a way, but not this much, not so fast.

"Does that surprise you?" Donna asks.

"I think so," Harvey admits. "I just wonder if I'll be ready for the firm at all. They need us."

"I know," she agrees.

"There's more to life than work, apparently," he smirks.

The sun creeps through the clouds and reaches them once more. This time Mia opens her eyes, looking thoroughly annoyed, but snuggles further into Donna's sweater, yawning. Harvey chuckles, his knuckle caressing Mia's cheek as her eyes focus on him. Donna's heart could burst, honestly, at the softness in Harvey's eyes. He's changed so much these past few months, but in these weeks with Mia, she's seeing a side of him she's never seen before. She suspects even he didn't know about it.

"I have a session in two weeks," he says brightly. "When I go back to work. I'll bring it up then."

Donna smiles softly. "That sounds like a good idea. I may need a session for that myself."

Harvey chuckles and they resume walking.

She understands his fears about going back to work, and she doesn't say much because she has doubts herself.

More doubts than she's willing to communicate right now.

* * *

Mike and Harvey laugh at the way Mia is scrunching her face at Rachel, clearly annoyed at whatever the woman is doing to her — which, in truth, doesn't seem like much. But Mia is often quick to show exactly how she's feeling in every moment, and she seems settled when Rachel changes sides while holding her.

The women are talking animatedly on the couch, and Rachel is in love with Mia and won't let her go — even if Mia sometimes settles only for Donna. But they've had dinner and talked and the baby seems more used to them now than before. Harvey and Mike are sitting in the dining chairs, talking over beers, and the women must be sharing all sorts of terrifying stories about birth and baby's first month. The sort of thing he's now been a part of.

So he takes a swig of his beer and arches his eyebrow at Mike.

"You thinking about having one of those?" He can't resist asking.

Mike chuckles. "I think we'll take some time before thinking of that," his eyes soften at Rachel holding the baby, though. "But in the future… yeah. We've talked about it."

It's what couples usually do, he realizes. Plan for a baby, prepare for a pregnancy. He and Donna didn't have that — it was thrown at them.

He wouldn't change a thing about it, not really.

"Donna looks great," Mike notes. "Not that I'm surprised."

"Mia treats us well," Harvey says. "We're getting used to the nights yet. But she wakes up a few times and that's exhausting. I think we sleep more nowadays than before, though. Without work."

"You thinking of retiring, old man?" Mike jokes. "Buy a brownstone, get married, having a few more babies?"

Harvey chuckles. "Not that you need to know it, but no. And one thing at a time."

"You saying that about retiring, more babies, the brownstone, or getting married?"

"Retiring," Harvey retorts, "and more babies. That one is a handful, and from what we've seen she's an easy one."

Mike leans forward. "Have you asked her?"

"Mind your business," Harvey whispers. "But no."

"Well, do you know how you'll do it?" Mike asks curiously.

"What part of mind your business don't you understand?"

Mike opens his mouth to reply, but the conversation is cut short when they hear a cry from the couch. He knows that kind of cry and makes a face.

Donna meets his gaze immediately. "Yep, she needs a change. We usually give her a bath around this time."

"Oh, we can do that," Rachel offers. "I mean, I'd love to help."

Donna chuckles and looks from Harvey to her. "You'll dispose the diaper."

Mia is still fussy so Donna takes her and Harvey is glad Rachel follows her out of the room he doesn't have to face a dirty diaper now — possibly the last one of the day. The night is still young, but he's escaped once and that seems okay for now.

Mike is looking at him expectantly though.

"So?"

"I don't know how I'll do it," Harvey confesses. "She's asked me to not do it with Mia so small because we're all vulnerable, apparently. So I was thinking next month."

"Okay," Mike nods. "Wait, so you've asked her?"

"That's not the point," Harvey dismisses. "The point is that it needs to be perfect. The setting, the situation, you know."

"I asked Rachel at home," Mike shrugs. "She was waiting for me with some wine and I knew that was the perfect time."

Harvey makes a face. "That's a pretty lame proposal story."

"No, it's not."

"It kinda is."

"It isn't. She loved it."

"She'd say that to you," Harvey notes.

Mike's eyes widen. "Did she complain to Donna?"

Harvey laughs. It's too easy to tease Mike and Louis — he may not be missing work, but he's missed the laughs.

Maybe they can invite Louis over sometime soon, too.

* * *

"I'm gonna miss these moments," Harvey comments.

Donna laughs at the remark. He's going back to work tomorrow after a little over a month away, Mia is happily being bathed, little hands slapping against the water as Harvey turns her, holding her belly so he can wash her back. The tub is only a few inches full, but it's enough that they're both cautious about it.

"You're so dramatic," she grins.

"You say that because you're staying with her," Harvey retorts.

Mia has gotten her weight back and some more since birth, looking chubbier every day. Donna thinks she's the cutest baby she's ever seen, but she only confides that opinion to Harvey. He wholeheartedly agrees.

"You won't miss seeing her get any more shots," Donna comments, shuddering as she thinks about the shot Mia got at the hospital and the second shot she got just two days ago. It's for her safety, they know, but she was cranky the entire day and Donna still wasn't sure who cried more — herself or Mia. Poor Harvey.

"I'll still go with you next time," he assures her. "I just meant seeing her less. I'm used to her now."

It's a joke but she gets it. Mia has consumed their lives since she was born. Of course it won't always be like this, but she's still small and so reliant on them. She gets what he's feeling, deeply. She can't even bear to think of being away from her for more than a few hours — like three days ago, when she decided it was time to get a mani and Harvey happily sent her her way while he took Mia to the park.

They'll still have their time together with work, but the firm is so consuming that she can't help but be afraid that it will mean babysitters and nannies and daycare for Mia. She doesn't want to be a strange to her own daughter.

Harvey finishes her bath and Donna takes out the baby's towel to dry her — it's a soft material, complete with a hood that has two bear ears on it.

She wraps their little bear in a practiced motion; after a month of daily baths with Harvey they're a well-oiled machine. Mia is content through it all — she loves bath time. She enjoys the warm water and it makes her content and relaxed for the night — she usually has one more feeding and then she'll be asleep within minutes on Donna's chest.

Donna takes her back to the nursery while Harvey cleans up the bathroom. Donna dries Mia slowly, smiling at the gurgles and holding out a one-sided conversation — but it's probably a full one on Mia's little mind, though she lets out an adorable yawn at some point.

"What a day, huh?" Donna asks as she's putting on a diaper on Mia. "We went to the diner, then the park. You vomited over Daddy's shirt because you had too much milk. I'd be tired too."

Mia widens her eyes, her lips pouting as she gurgles, obviously agreeing with her mommy.

"I don't wanna miss any milestones," Harvey sighs as he goes back to the room. "Even vomit ones."

"That wasn't a milestone," Donna gives him a sly look. "And you could lose the vomit. Admit it."

"Fine, I could," he relents. "And maybe I could have lost the umbilical cord thing."

Donna laughs, tickling Mia's belly as the baby squirms and moves her arms excitedly, eyes going from mommy to daddy.

"You freaked out that day," she remembers. "But she's got a cute belly button in the process. Don't you, my little bear? Yes, you do."

She can't resist blowing a raspberry to the baby's belly, and Mia gurgles in response. Harvey is chuckling through it all, and she catches his gaze on the mirror above the changing table. He hands her Mia's romper chosen for tonight and she dresses the baby while Mia coos and Harvey coos back. She gives Mia noisy little kisses on her head and breathes in the nice baby smell before handing her over to Harvey.

He snuggles to her as well, quietly following Donna out of the nursery to their bedroom. She goes into their bathroom to finish her evening routine and hears Harvey talking to the baby himself, keeping her entertained until she will most definitely want her little stomach full. She lets him have this moment, because he knows he will likely be on edge the entire day tomorrow wanting to be with them but having to deal with Louis and Mike and clients.

This time without her as his secretary. That will be an adjustment — one she's very anxious about.

She goes back to the bedroom and leans against the doorway, smiling at the way Harvey is holding Mia in front of him and pressing his forehead to hers. Mia pats his cheeks, a little uncoordinated, legs moving up and down as he holds her. It's a precious sight. It makes her heart ache a little that life outside of their little world of three is still going on and duty calls.

Over the past month, they've managed a routine of sorts. They're still adjusting to Mia and she's adjusting to them but they have reached an agreement, she thinks. They all adapt and have been adapting, and it feels as if things are now normal… only it's about to change once more.

"I'll send you lots of pictures," Donna says, walking to her side of the bed, adjusting the co-sleeper in the meantime. "And I was thinking I could go to the firm and we could have lunch together this week."

"I'd love that," Harvey says softly. "I'll ask whatever temp they send my way to handle it. Hopefully, they won't screw up your color-coded system."

Donna chuckles as he offers her Mia once more, the baby already squirming and grunting her hunger. At this point, they figure out what she wants quickly and she hasn't been a big crier. Donna's grateful for it. It's funny because however hard breastfeeding was at first, it's definitely practical now. She can actually feel a tingle down her breast near the feeding times — it's like her own body is scheduled with Mia's.

"I think I'll ask Gretchen to fill in," Harvey continues, settling against the headboard to watch Mia as she nurses. "I mean, five months will pass by quickly. We have to figure out her daycare, though."

"One day at a time," Donna reminds him, caressing Mia's hand before turning her attention towards Harvey. "First we get used to you being back at work."

Harvey chuckles, pressing his lips against her shoulder and lying down.

"That seems fair," he says tiredly, making himself comfortable, but not before pressing a kiss against Mia's sock-clad feet.

Donna watches as the baby nurses, sighing as she thinks of what life might have ahead for them. Being without Harvey will definitely be an adjustment not only for her but for Mia as well; and him being without her, well…

It was nearly his ruin once.

She doesn't think he's ready to hear that she doesn't want to go back to work at all.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set during season 6B, I’m sure you’ll catch the references. We’re near the end and I wanna know all your theories for their grand finale, don’t forget to share your thoughts! As always, thank you for all the comments and support!

It’s only his third day back at the firm and Harvey’s in a mood.

It’s the third day he didn’t get to see his baby girl awake before leaving for work and it’s the third day he failed to have breakfast with Donna because even though he knows she’s wanted to get up, they’re parents to a one-month-old baby girl who is still up at least three times a night. It’s funny and weird, because he’s never been one for vacations, and now he’s truly entertaining the idea of one.

It doesn’t need to be a long one. An extended weekend in Boston or Connecticut. Or maybe a week off somewhere sunny. Very sunny, because winter isn’t even here yet and he’s done with the cold. Sunny and warm so they don’t have to worry about Mia catching a cold. Yeah, that would be great, he thinks. That would be just perfect.

Instead, he’s at the office, it’s past eight pm, and the words are getting blurry in his vision because he’s read these pages over and over again. It doesn’t help that he’s sharing Gretchen with Louis (who has managed not to burn the firm down while being managing partner for Harvey’s paternity leave). He misses Donna, misses seeing her sitting at her desk. Misses talking to Mia and being with them during the day.

Life has changed and Harvey knew this would happen, but the bottom line is that he has changed too.

With a sigh, he leans back in his chair. They’ve all been working their asses off for Mike’s hearing at the bar. They’ve managed to get Rachel in, and getting Mike there with her would be great — it could change the kid’s entire future, give him a proper position at the firm, and Harvey thinks he deserves it. He also thinks it’s the least he can do after Mike went to jail for them all.

But it’s exhausting work, especially when he thinks back to Donna and Mia at home.

He gets up and makes a decision; he knows he needs to rest. More than anything, he wants to get home in time to see his daughter awake and to have dinner with his girlfriend.

_ Girlfriend _ . What a lame term for Donna. It doesn’t work, just like secretary never did, assistant never quite made sense, friend was always too little and anything else was too foreign. Months in, he still doesn’t have a label for her. He supposes that whatever her title is, she will always be bigger than that. 

As he settles into a cab — he’s let Ray on standby for Donna, in case she and Mia need anything — he thinks about the ring his mother has given him, the ring that is still hidden among his shoes because he knows Donna has too much on her mind to worry about how stuffed her closet currently is. He will ask her, he has no doubt about that, but he wants it to be perfect for them, he wants to look at her and feel that it’s the right time, that she won’t think this is about rushing into anything because they’ve just had a baby and he wants to make things right. They’re not that traditional anyway.

But there’s no doubt in his mind that Donna should be his wife in the future. She might as well be it now — she’s the mother of his child and they all live together and he misses her nearly every second she’s not around. He’s in love with her, he sees it so clearly now. He’s always been in love with her, he just never accessed this information. Once it hit him, there was no turning back. And he knows he doesn’t deserve her love, not after all these years and everything he’s done, but she’s still here and he’s so fucking glad for it. 

The ride to Donna’s apartment feels longer than usual; he spends most of it scrolling through the latest pictures Donna has sent him. The one from this morning is particularly cute — Mia, all dressed up from her morning walk with Mommy at the park, exhausted and sleeping soundly on the sheets of their own bed. He hopes he’s able to catch his daughter awake, at least, even if it might be too late for dinner with Donna.

He feels even more tired as he unlocks the door to the apartment; the silence of the hallway almost too much for him to handle. As soon as he’s inside, however, he hears music — Jazz, to be more precise. The kind of Jazz he finds in his dad’s old albums. He puts his keys on the table at the end of the hall and slowly walks into the living room. He feels the knots on his muscles loosen as he takes in the sight before him: Donna, wearing one of her satin pajama sets, rocking Mia, listening to his dad’s music. She has her back to him, so he sees nothing but a wisp of hair on Donna’s shoulder, but it’s enough to confirm his daughter’s presence. Her steps are light and slow, most of the room’s light is low so clearly she’s trying to put the baby to sleep.

He’s missed this.

“Is there room for one more?” Harvey asks, stepping ahead and taking off his suit jacket slowly.

This makes Donna turn around, a bright smile on her lips.

“I don’t know,” she jokes, lowering her head so her lips are close to Mia’s ear. “Do we want Daddy in on this dance?”

He smiles as he hears the word on her lips. He’s more than a lawyer or New York’s best closer. He’s Mia’s father, and that title doesn’t erase any of the others but feels completely different at the same time.

Mia kicks her leg against Donna and they both laugh as he gets closer. Before he takes the baby, however, he can’t resist giving Donna a kiss, a proper one; her tongue is a little cold, he thinks she has probably just drunk some water, and she tastes of toothpaste and herself. She smells like baby powder and of her own shampoo, the one that he loves. He’s missed her.

She’s chuckling as she pulls away before passing Mia to him. She squirms a little, groaning a complaint as he settles her on his shoulder, but then grows quiet. It’s around her sleep time, anyway.

“You’re just in time for dinner,” Donna says softly.

Harvey frowns. “You made dinner?”

“Well, no,” she confesses, “but I asked Ray to pick something for us before sending him home. It’s from one of your favorite restaurants.”

He gently rocks Mia, looking at Donna with amusement.

“Not Del Posto,” he says, and she shakes her head, arching her eyebrows. “Surely not Carbone, either.”

“Why not?” Donna asks innocently.

“But they don’t do take out,” he doesn’t hide his surprise.

“Not for everyone. But I’m Donna,” she shrugs, “and I thought you could use some good food tonight.”

Harvey frowns but can’t hide the grin anymore. “You know, aren’t dads supposed to help moms when they’re on maternity leave? Anticipate their needs and give them time without the baby?”

Donna gives him a look. “Please. I’m Donna.”

He chuckles because she looks absolutely great — now that they’ve got Mia’s schedule properly, sleep isn’t so bad and time off work gives Donna enough to rest her mind, at least. He knows for a fact she managed to do yoga with Mia watching her, and went out to lunch with the baby as well. The two of them get each other, and he knows how privileged he is to be a part of it.

“Thanks,” he says softly. “I’ve missed you. Both of you.”

“I know,” Donna says, stepping closer once more. Her hand finds Mia’s back and rests there before moving to Harvey’s hand on the baby’s head. “We’ve missed you too. That’s why we’re going to the firm tomorrow and we’ll have lunch with you.”

His eyes brighten. “Really?”

“Yep,” she smiles. “We’ll go up there to introduce her and then we’ll steal you away so we can have some peace and quiet. I’m not answering any phones yet.”

He chuckles. “You won’t, I promise.”

“Good,” she decides, pressing her lips against him once more. “I’ll heat up the food for us.”

“Sounds good. I have to say I’m starving,” he admits, earning a chuckle from Donna and a gurgle from Mia. He looks down at the baby and meets her eyes. “You look like you’re not starving.”

Mia blinks slowly, a true sign that she’s fighting sleep, and brushes her face against the fabric of his shirt. He presses a kiss against her forehead.

“Do you like this song?” He asks her softly. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Donna is setting up the table across from him and he settles his gaze on her as he whispers to the baby. She looks like she knows exactly what he’s talking about and simply smiles. It’s easy and simple, and he smiles back to her because he’s so grateful for everything, but most of all he’s grateful for this — to have them to go home to. 

* * *

“I guess it’s just different now,” Harvey concludes. “I’m still getting used to it.”

It’s only his second session since Mia was born, but he feels much lighter and in a way, it’s like life is simpler now — so much so that Dr. Reisman was the first to suggest they skip the weekly sessions to once every two weeks. It works better for Harvey, it gives him time with the baby and more time at work, both of which have been hard to balance and the main topic of today’s session.

The therapist nods and writes something down, then goes back to watching him. After months of this, Harvey is more than used to it. He just doesn’t like it.

“How does Donna feel about that?”

Harvey frowns. “About what?”

“Going back to work can be very complicated for new mothers,” Dr. Reisman tells him. “You’re finding it complicated yourself. How does she feel about all that?”

He shrugs. “It’s what we need to do, we both know that. She’s been trying to make the transition easier for me. We’ve had lunch together a couple of times, she’s taken Mia to the firm so people can meet her.”

Dr. Reisman nods. “But you mentioned you still haven’t talked about nannies or finding a nursery for Mia.”

“We’re still adjusting,” he defends, although he’s unsure of what he’s defending. “We’ve both changed since Mia was born and reality is finally coming to check on us.”

The doctor smiles softly. “Yes, you have changed. But it feels different, doesn’t it? Work. Life.”

He lets out a long breath. “Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

“You’re not sure about the firm anymore,” the doctor deduces. “You have doubts.”

Harvey rubs his eyes for a moment. It’s hard to admit it — in a way, he hasn’t even admitted this to himself. The last few months were a period of huge changes for him, for Donna, for the entire firm. He doesn’t want to add more to that, but the firm is just… not enough anymore. He’s got it all, he’s finally got it all — his name on the wall, the fame, and money that come with success in the most important city of the country, but it’s not enough anymore. Being on top doesn’t matter anymore.

“I think it’s because Donna isn’t back yet,” he concludes. “I think that I’ll feel better once she returns. I mean, her leaving is what brought me here.”

“She didn’t leave you now,” Dr. Reisman points out. “You know it. She’s just on maternity leave.”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Well,” the doctor starts again, “our time is up, but I’d like to continue this line of thought next time. I was thinking that, maybe, you could ask Donna to join us.”

Harvey’s eyebrows shoot up. “Join us? In therapy?”

Dr. Reisman nods. “I’ve wanted to invite her here for a while and this seems like a good time for it. If she wants to, of course. I believe it would be beneficial for both of you.”

Harvey frowns but nods. “I’ll talk to her. I’m sure we can arrange for someone to stay with Mia.”

“You can bring her along, no worries,” the therapist says with a smile. “I’ll see you in two weeks, Harvey.”

He agrees and leaves bewildered.

This time therapy has given me more questions than answers.

* * *

It’s the quiet that she notices and it gives her pause.

She’s been sitting on her desk for the most part of the last hour, reading over some material that could or could not help Mike’s case against the Bar, and it might be a Saturday and she might be on maternity leave but if she can help, she will. Especially with Harvey home spending some much needed bonding time with their baby girl.

But the silence that meets her ears is loud when she notices it, especially when all she had been hearing before was cooing and Harvey’s soft words as he plays with Mia.

So she stands up to check, just in case — perhaps he took her to the nursery and went for a run and Donna was just too busy with work to notice anything else. As soon as she rounds the corner and looks into the living room, however, she sees them.

Harvey lying on his back, on the floor, with Mia on his chest. Both asleep.

She smiles softly at the sight of them, at Mia’s toys scattered all over the rug and her playmat empty right next to them. Her daddy’s arms holding her in place and the way her little fingers are grasping the fabric of his shirt. Both their mouths are open a little, and Mia may be small but she looks so much like Harvey when she’s sleeping. It’s just too much for Donna to handle.

She gets her phone from her desk and snaps a picture before it’s too late, then she sits quietly on the floor next to them, cross-legged. She runs a hand through Harvey hair and his eyelids flutter a little before opening them — it hurts her to do so, because there’s no doubt he must be tired, but he’ll thank her for not letting him sleep on the floor like this. Even if he was younger, it wouldn’t do his back any good.

“Donna,” he breathes out slowly.

“Harvey,” she says with some humor. “Gotcha.”

He scowls jokingly, then sits up as slowly as he can without waking the baby. “We were having a staring contest. I think she won and I slept first.”

Donna chuckles; however clumsy he was at first with the baby, he’s a pro now, shifting her in his arms without so much as a grunt from Mia. She watches them, the way he looks down at her and how small and vulnerable she looks. She’s grown, yes, but she’s still so small and she holds so much of their world in her little heart.

“It scares me sometimes,” Donna admits. Harvey looks up at her. “Just how much I love her.”

His eyes soften. “Me, too.”

They share a smile that’s full of love and understanding and complicity. They’ve always been like that, but sharing a child, raising their baby, it’s just different from everything else they’ve ever been through.

“Who would have thought, huh?” Donna jokes. “The two of us with the cutest little baby.”

Harvey snickers. “I think a lot of people have thought that.”

She makes a face. “You’re right. There’s my mom, my dad, even if he never mentioned it…”

“My brother, everyone at the firm.”

“Your father, all those years ago.”

“My mom, without even seeing us together.”

Harvey cringes and Donna laughs at him - the sound is enough to make Mia whimper a little, clearly unhappy with being bothered, and Donna can’t help but pout a little at her daughter’s own pout and she reaches for her as soon as the little eyes open.

“Come here, Mommy is sorry,” Donna says softly as Mia continues to make a face. “Mommy didn’t mean to laugh out loud at Daddy’s face and wake you up,” she goes on. Mia opens her eyes more fully and kicks her legs when her gaze meets Donna’s. “See, all good now. You’re such a good girl when you wake up. Yes, you are.”

“She didn’t take that from you,” Harvey says.

“And now he’s making fun of Mommy,” Donna says pointedly. “Tell Daddy you don’t like that.”

As if to prove her wrong, Mia gurgles and smiles a little, but to Donna’s dismay and Harvey’s delight.

“I’ve lost her already,” Donna jokes, hugging the baby close and pressing her lips against Mia’s soft hair.

Harvey only smiles at them. “Nah, I think she likes us both.”

Donna pets Mia’s diaper clad bottom and smiles at him over the baby’s shoulder. Work is all but forgotten from her mind — she doesn’t need any of that when she has this. 

* * *

Donna feels his breath on her neck, his lips on her shoulder. There’s nothing but sweat between them, bodies moving together in a way that could be described as familiar but it’s not that familiar yet — not because they haven’t been doing this for a while but because, well, for the last few months she was pregnant.

So, technically, this is only their third time with her not pregnant. And it’s so good because it’s been weeks and she’s missed him so much and she just wants to be closer.

She moans his name, because he’s moving within her in just the right way, and she runs her fingers through his hair, then his shoulders, settling her hands low on his back, wanting to feel all of him. Closer.

Harvey pushes back from her neck, and they share a look full of dark eyes and emotion and lust and he grins at her, that awful grin she loves. She lets out a laugh and pulls him close, lips moving and tongues touching amid heavy breaths. He thrusts a little harder then, and she interrupts the kiss to let out a moan. He isn’t grinning anymore — he supports himself in one hand while the other hand brushes over her body, almost in silent worship: first her breasts, then her nipples, her belly button, and then lower, close to where they’re joined.

There’s a look in his eyes, a look of complete trust and surrender; he touches her just where she wants him to, his hips relentless in their thrusting, and she feels overwhelmed and overstimulated, physically and emotionally.

She lets go.

It’s not really romantic, how it started — just that basic need and the feeling that she’s ready for this again after the birth. Sure, it’s not like they didn’t have fun in the six weeks without sex, but it feels different and more intimate than before. She’s still confident within herself (Harvey seems to love her breasts even more now) but it’s just different after all they’ve been through, that raw intimacy during and after the birth of their child, the changes within her body.

She’s relieved now, not just because she was a little sexually frustrated after so long, but also because it was even better than she imagined it would be. However fast they were, anyway — it’s different to have sex when your baby is down the hall and could cry any minute.

Afterward, she cherishes how they hold each other and just how satisfied she feels because, well, she’s been needing this.

“Hey,” Harvey calls her out of her reverie. 

Donna opens her eyes to meet his and mirrors his soft smile. He looks sleepy, and she knows he must be struggling to keep awake for her just a bit longer. She doesn’t fault him for being a man and especially not for being an exhausted new parent — and a great one at that.

“Hi,” she replies.

“You do realize we’ve got a fifty percent chance of having just made a baby according to our records, right?” Harvey jokes.

“Tell that to my new implant,” she snorts as he presses his lips against her neck. “I hope you know we’re not having another one of those until we really decide we want another one of those.”

Harvey grins. “Works for me. No more sudden surprises, just surprises.”

She nods. “Just surprises.”

She presses her lips on his before pulling away to use the bathroom.

It’s so different this time around, even from the night they conceived Mia. Harvey stayed too, at first — but not for long. And even in her then confidence that he was there to stay, part of her had doubted. She doesn’t doubt today.

Instead, she slips her nightgown on the way back to the bedroom and finds him asleep, occupying half her pillow. He looks so at home in her apartment — it’s kind of theirs now, but not for long, not now that they’ve decided to start looking for another place and sell his condo and rent her apartment. She shakes her head at the sight of him, sheets covering his hips but leaving his feet and torso bare for her to admire. She loosely ties her robe and marches out of the bedroom.

It’s only Mia’s third night in her nursery and while she didn’t have a problem sleeping in her crib Donna ended up letting her sleep with them after her three am feeding — mainly because she’s too exhausted to walk her back to her own bedroom. Harvey hasn’t complained so far.

So she has to check on the baby, because it shouldn’t be long until she awakes, and because she’s still getting used to being apart from them. Donna has a feeling she’s enjoyed waking up to them as well.

The baby monitor had shown her Mia was asleep when she checked just a few minutes ago, but she needs to make sure — so she slips inside the nursery, the soft glow from the lamp in the corner adjusting to her eyes. Everything’s just as it’s supposed to be — baby monitor on and baby asleep in her crib. Donna can’t help but smile at Mia, pouting in her sleep, looking perfectly peaceful and content. It won’t be long — maybe an hour, an hour and a half — until she wakes up but she’s happy now and that’s all that matters. She’s put on some healthy weight in the last month and she’s changing so much already. Donna has always heard that time goes by too fast when you have a baby and she understands it now. Mia is still a little baby, but she’s grown a lot in her nearly two months of life.

Mia frowns a little in her sleep and Donna can’t resist adjusting the baby’s pajama romper and slowly running her index finger on the baby’s temple; Mia relaxes instantly and Donna lets out a smile as her heart just bursts with love for this little human being.

The baby moves her arms a little, almost as if stretching and remains asleep. Satisfied, Donna goes back to her bedroom.

Harvey hasn’t moved much since she last saw him but he shifts to give her room next to him, slipping his arms around her waist and sighing in content but not quite opening his eyes.

“She asleep?” his voice is rough and part of her wonders if he’s even conscious or if this is just reflex.

“Yeah, I just wanted to check on her,” Donna says softly, pressing her lips against his cheek and closing her eyes.

It’s so different from that last time — she felt like she and Harvey had been in a bubble that burst in the middle of the night as he realized what they had just done. They could never go back to that, they both knew it then — they were always inevitable. But today she realizes no bubble could hold them anyway. They were always meant to burst that. It’s freeing now, not to have any doubts. She has even more love for him now. She has so much love for their baby that it’s overwhelming sometimes.

She falls asleep knowing she’ll be up in a few hours, not to Harvey leaving but to him bringing Mia for her feeding. He will try to stay up and watch them, and maybe he’ll be able to stay awake or maybe he won’t, but she doesn’t mind because there’s no bubble surrounding the three of them.

They’re out in the open and it has never felt so good.

* * *

“She’s really rolling,” Harvey says amusedly.

Donna looks up from her book and smiles as he grins at Mia, who’s just rolled from her back to her side, most likely. He’s sitting in front of the baby on the floor, and Mia is lying on he playmat, curious little eyes following Harvey’s voice and darting to the jingling toys above her.

Donna smiles. “Yes, she is. Or trying to, anyway.”

“Can’t believe I missed this,” Harvey shakes his head.

Mia rolls back again, although Donna thinks this time it’s more about gravity than she doing it on purpose, judging by the momentary wide eyes. She lets out a chuckle and closes her book, more interested in watching them together. It’s something of a tradition between them — when Harvey gets home from work at a reasonable time, he’s the one who cares for Mia. He’ll give her a bath, rock her to sleep, sometimes even play with her. Donna thinks they both enjoy this time together a lot.

“She hasn’t mastered it yet,” Donna tells him. 

They’ve had a few busy weeks, what with Christmas and New Year. Her parents came down for Christmas and then for New Year the three of them went to Boston. It was Mia’s first time there, meeting Harvey’s entire family, and she seemed to have enjoyed it all so much — but with the new year, it came her two-month check-up and a whole new list of shots for the baby to take, much to Donna’s dismay, even if they are a necessary evil. That was yesterday and the baby spent the rest of the day cranky, but it seems that today she’s in a decidedly good mood. Mia is totally over it — Donna hasn’t recovered just yet. Seeing her baby cry like that isn’t something she’ll get used to anytime soon.

This busy time also meant Mike’s hearing at the Bar, and they all worked like crazy for it to happen — even Donna helped and took Mia with her to the firm a few times. In the end, it all worked out — mainly because Jessica decided to fly back and help them. She met Mia too, and Donna is sure the baby has conquered yet another heart. They’re all crazy about her.

She loved her Aunt Jessica too. Donna supposes a trip to Chicago is in check as well.

Today Mia feels content and adventurous. Each new morning it’s as if she’s developing something. Now, she’s all about gurgles and coos and trying to put everything in her mouth. 

She relaxes on the couch, pulling her knees close to her body and supporting her head with her head on the arm of the couch. Harvey is still grinning as he offers the little plush lamb — the baby’s first gift — to Mia, and she takes it instantly. He chuckles as he takes it from her when she tries to put it on her mouth instantly and then is content to hold it and simply pull at its soft fur.

“Melissa called about us seeing some houses,” Harvey tells her. “I was thinking we could check some of them after therapy tomorrow.”

“Won’t you be needed at the firm?” Donna frowns.

“Louis was so grateful that we agreed Rachel could watch Mia there that he told me he’ll cover for me,” Harvey snickers. “Did we make the right decision agreeing to that?”

Donna makes a face. “We would have had to face Louis’s wrath. You know Rachel can handle her for a couple of hours. Plus Louis entertains Mia.”

Harvey rolls his eyes at this, but it’s the truth — their baby girl loves Uncle Louis and she’s always gurgling and making tiny little noises that resemble giggles with him. Harvey is annoyed by it and doesn’t try to hide it, but Donna knows he finds it endearing at the same time — just like almost everything about Mia, anyway. Not about Louis. Definitely not about Louis.

“Maybe we could check that daycare he mentioned,” Harvey continues. “How does he even have daycare to recommend?”

Donna straightens up her posture at the words. “When he was with Tara, and there was the possibility… you know, with her pregnancy. It’s Louis. You know.”

Harvey makes a face. “I know. So… what do you think?”

“I’ve wanted to talk to you about that, actually,” Donna says, this time sitting up.

Harvey tickles Mia’s belly and she squirms and smiles at him. “You don’t want daycare? We can interview some nannies, I guess.”

“No,” Donna says slowly. “I want neither of those, Harvey.”

That makes him pause. She stops breathing for a moment, waiting for his reaction, but Harvey is just frowning, quiet, his eyes moving from Mia to her. He stands up then — Mia is entertained by the lamb toy and seemingly content. He sits down on the couch, close to her, and she likes this better than the distance she had been expecting. She’s put this off for too long, but with the new year and Mia’s reaching two months old, she can’t put this off much longer. She’s sure now — she’s been sure for a while, even.

“What are you saying?” Harvey asks finally.

Donna reaches for his hand slowly, lacing her fingers with his. “I don’t want to go back to work, Harvey.”

His fingers tense against hers, eyes narrowing slightly. There’s slight panic in his eyes and she squeezes his hands softly until he takes a deep breath, then exhales.

“Are you sure?” He asks simply.

Donna nods. “I’ve had this feeling for a while. Before Mia was born, even. I’ve been a secretary for so long, Harvey,” she shakes her head, the emotions bubbling at her chest for saying it finally. “Too long. I want… I want something more. And I never said it out loud, but I can’t pretend it’s not true anymore.”

This isn’t just because of Mia and she wants him to know that. She has been his secretary for so long and she’s so used to it — she definitely doesn’t want to throw her professional life away but it’s simply more than that. She needs to feel challenged and she hasn’t felt this way since she started at Pearson Hardman. Now that she and Harvey are together, being at the firm feels too simple and too little for her. 

“What do you mean more?” Harvey asks slowly.

Donna sniffs, tears escaping her eyes as she looks down. It’s relief to say this out loud, but she feels even more confused than before. She doesn’t think it’s hormones or anything of the sort — it’s an internal turmoil of hers that will finally be external, and the reality of that is finally checking in. “I don’t know yet. I guess I’ll have to figure it out.”

He reaches for her then, his thumb wiping the tears off her face. She looks up at him and she can see he’s shaken by the news but he’s taking it as well as she could have expected him — even better, after all.

“We’ll figure it out together,” Harvey tells her softly. “Okay?”

His words trigger new tears, only this time is of happiness — she’s emotional because he’s there for her, relieved because he hasn’t panicked, happy because he’ll support her and that’s all she needs right now. The main thing she will need, even. 

“Okay,” Donna says softly, and when Harvey pulls her on an embrace she doesn’t fight it. She lets his warmth fills her and already feels more certain in her decision, certain that he’ll be there for her no matter what. 

“I love you,” he whispers against her ear. “We’ll figure this out.”

She nods against his neck because she can’t find words right now, but he soothes her in that way that only he knows how. For a while, the only sounds in the room come from Mia trying to reach the toys above her head, and Donna takes advantage of the quiet to take deep breaths and calm herself down. It’s incredibly easy to do so when Harvey is doing the same next to her.

“How is it that you always make it feel like everything is gonna be okay?” Donna ponders out loud as she pulls away.

Harvey gives her a grin. “Because I’m Superman.”

“No, you’re supposed to say ‘I was just thinking the same thing about you,’” Donna rolls her eyes.

“Superman wouldn’t say something like that,” Harvey reasons. “He’d expect Lana Lang to get it.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not Lana Lang. I’m Lois Lane,” Donna smirks.

“You’re the best of both because Lana was a redhead,” he points out, and just like she knows she’s done for. Just then, Mia lets out a whine — she’s clearly bothered and wants somebody’s attention again. “Is that mushy enough for you? Because I’ve gotta go save Metropolis.”

Donna laughs as he points to the baby and stands up. She shakes her head as he picks the baby up and Mia stops crying instantly, content in her father’s arms. Donna takes a deep breath and feels more confident that everything will be fine, especially now that she’s admitted things to Harvey and herself. 

He may not know his own phone number but yeah, she can’t trust him to save Metropolis and everything else.

* * *

It’s weird to be sitting here with Donna; he’s used to facing Dr. Reisman alone. He thought that he’d be able to see the therapist scrutinizing someone else, for once, but it seems like today is once again about him. It’s bad enough that this is their first time without Mia and he knows Donna is reticent about that. He decides he might as well be quick about it — if Reisman called Donna here, it’s because it must help somehow.

Even if he’s not sure what it means.

So, when the doctor asks Donna about her feelings towards the firm, he knows what to expect — they talked about it at length last night and he thinks he dealt with it as way as he could, all things considered. He’s not happy about it, no, but he knows this isn’t about him — it’s about her, and if she’s not happy, then… he can only try to do his best to change that.

“Actually, I told Harvey last night that I won’t be returning to work,” Donna tells the doctor softly. “It wasn’t an easy decision, but it’s something that’s been on my mind for a while,” she says softly. “You’re not surprised about that.”

He watches the exchange with interest.

“It’s not unusual for new mothers to feel this way,” Dr. Reisman says. “I did think that you might be interested in new horizons long before all this, however. Like when you decided to work for Louis.”

Donna nods quietly. 

“How do you feel about that, Harvey?” Dr. Reisman says, looking straight at him.

He shrugs. “I want her to be happy. And if that’s not working for me, then… well. I’ll support her.”

“I’ll always want to work with you,” Donna says with a frown. “You know that.”

“Yeah, sorry. Wrong choice of words,” he snickers. 

“We talked about the firm last time you were here, Harvey,” Dr. Reisman says interestedly. “Do you remember that?”

He nods. “Yeah, of course.”

“And how’s that going? Better?”

He lets out a breath. “It’s… complicated,” at Donna’s frown, he feels the need to explain. “Just the long hours away from you and Mia. It’s not the same anymore.”

Donna’s eyes soften. “Because I’m not there anymore?”

He snickers. “That, too. But it’s different. I don’t want to be the dad who only sees his kid when she’s in bed every night.”

“Do you still have doubts about the firm?” Dr. Reisman points out.

Harvey leans back on his seat. “I guess it’s not about doubting the firm. I know where it stands. I know where I stand. I reached the top,” he looks at Donna. “We both did.”

“You don’t want to stay there either,” Donna concludes.

It’s not him who says it, or even Reisman — it’s her, and of course, it’s her. Dr. Reisman might have seen this possibility within himself a few times, but he never let himself think it through, and with Donna leaving he’s tried hard to keep this… thing buried deep within himself. But she sees right through him, as usual. 

She does know him better than he knows himself.

“No,” Harvey admits. “I’ve seen where parents went wrong with me and Marcus. I know I won’t be a perfect dad,” he adds. “But I know what to avoid. I want to be there for Mia. I want to be there for you, Donna.”

“You are a present father, Harvey,” Donna argues, but it’s a weak argument. Her voice breaks as she says so. It hurts him too, in a way.

“For now,” he retorts. “And even so, the cases are too consuming. You know that as well as I do,” he shakes his head. “We’ve done it, Donna. We made partner, then we got my name on that wall. We freed Mike and we got him his license.”

Donna smiles. “We did do all that.”

“I didn’t want to admit it,” he says, looking at Dr. Reisman, “but I think I’m ready to move on too. You knew that.”

“I had a feeling,” Dr. Reisman admits, shrugging slightly. “I didn’t have to do much work, though.”

“So can I leave now?” Harvey jokes.

Dr. Reisman laughs — it’s one of the first times he’s seen her do that, slip slightly away from her usually stoic expression. 

“We just started,” she points out. “Look how much progress we’ve made already, though.”

“After nearly a year of therapy,” Donna adds, slipping her hand in his. “I’m very grateful, by the way.”

“It’s a joint effort, but it’s mainly Harvey’s, we all know that,” Dr. Reisman says. “Well, then. It seems like there’s a lot of change coming for you as a family.”

Harvey nods slowly. “I guess so. I don’t even know where to start.”

“Being honest with yourself is a good start,” the doctor says. “Where you go from here is your choice. I think I’m not wrong when I say the two of you are a unit no matter what to do or where you are. I have no doubt you’ll figure it out.”

He remembers his words from the night before and smiles at Donna. “Yeah, we will.”

* * *

After the session, they stop by the firm to get Mia, who behaved very well to Aunt Rachel and Uncle Louis — going so far as giving Uncle Louis a full smile, which makes Harvey annoyed because those are still kinda rare and apparently Mia thinks Louis is very funny. Harvey will give in and say that Louis does have a funny appearance, so he’s willing to think that’s why the kid laughs so easily with him.

It’s not like she keeps the smiles away from Daddy, anyway.

They both agree to stop at Harvey’s condo to get some papers they’ll most likely need now that they’re selling the place. While it’s not Mia’s first time in the condo, she’s more alert now, taking it all in, and Harvey goes to his study while Donna is pointing out the snow outside to the baby.

Dr. Reisman was right to say there’s a lot of change coming their way. Sure, Mia was a surprise for them both but this is different. They can plan for this. Maybe the first order of business would be to take a vacation, and then think of what they can do next. Yeah, a vacation sounds really good.

His first vacation with Donna sounds even better. It’ll be their first trip as a family too — if you don’t count the car trip to Boston for the New Year.

He finds what he’s looking for and looks up to see Donna holding Mia — the baby’s back to her chest — as she looks outside. Donna is wearing leggings and a sweater and Mia is in a cute little snow outfit, with a lilac coat and a gray hat that has actual ears on it, so she looks like a little bear. He’s not sure if it’s the snow outside or the natural light in the room or if he’s just missed his condo, but he realizes this is his world. They are his world. And it doesn’t matter if they work at the firm or anywhere else, because they’ll be together and that’s all he can care about.

He puts the papers on the kitchen counter and watches them. Just watches them.

Donna presses her lips against the baby’s head and Mia moves her legs excitedly at the touch. Donna is oblivious to his attention, focused on the baby — she shifts Mia to look at her face and smiles brightly at the baby, showering her with kisses.

His hand goes to his pocket and finds the familiar weight of the ring around his fingers. He’s been carrying it around for weeks, and now…

Now’s the right time.

He walks towards them slowly, just as Mia is doing her own version of hugging — she mainly just holds Donna’s sweater and presses her face against her mother’s neck — and he’s sure that this is it.

“Did you find the papers?” Donna asks as he stands in front of her.

He kneels down and can’t help but grin when her eyes go wide and she takes him in. He’s already holding the ring and she knows — he knows she knows — this is serious. This isn’t some jokes or part of their banter.

This is it.

“Oh, my God.”

She’s covering her mouth with her hand, in shock, and she’s holding Mia with her back to her chest and the baby’s eyes are on him, and damn, he loves them both so much.

“This didn’t work out the first time around because you didn’t take me seriously,” he starts. “I’m serious now.”

“What are you saying?” her voice trembles.

“I’m saying I love you, and whether I knew it or not I’ve wanted to marry you from the second I met you,” he says softly. “So… Donna Roberta Paulsen,” he states, and she’s smiling and crying, and he has to admit he’s close to doing all that too, “will you marry me?”

Donna lets out a laugh and tries to recompose herself, but his eyes are watery and so are his. Mia is kicking her little legs in Donna’s arms as if reminding her she needs to give him an answer.

“Of course I’ll marry you, Harvey,” she says softly, running her free hand through his hair slowly. “Of course.”

He slips the ring on her finger and it fits so well that he lets out an incredulous laugh, standing up and kissing her before she can even check out the ring. Mia is gurgling between them, little tiny hands already reaching for her father, but Donna kisses him once, twice, three times before pulling away. He caresses her face with his thumbs and catches the tears that have fallen and he wonders if he’s ever seen her so happy. They share a smile and then Mia is gurgling again and they pull away so Harvey can get her.

“When did you get this?” Donna asks as he slips his free hand around her waist and settles Mia in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder.

“When Mom came to visit after Mia was born. It was my grandmother’s,” Harvey tells her. She’s surprised he’s had it for so long, he knows, and he can’t help but grin. “I was always serious about you being the only one with a different surname.”

Donna lets out a carefree laugh, apparently in disbelief. He’s so glad he’s managed to surprise her.

“Why now?”

Harvey shrugs. “I looked up and you were right here with Mia, and I just… no matter what uncertainties lie ahead of us, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, because I’ve got you. I’ve loved you for so long, and I know it doesn’t matter if we’re married or not but I want to be your husband, and I want you to be my wife. It’s as simple as that.”

Donna smiles softly at him, her eyes still watery as she blinks. “Simple, huh? This is anything but simple.”

She mentions the ring as she admires it and she doesn’t even have to say she likes it — he’s sure she loves it. Their eyes meet and she rests her head on his free shoulder, hugging him close.

“I love you,” she whispers against his neck. “I feel like I’ve loved you forever.”

He breathes her in, and he watches as Donna presses her lips against Mia’s little hands and he’s sure they’re making the right decision. It feels even more right as he holds both his girls in his arms.

“I guess I’ll settle with being a Paulsen-Specter then,” Donna adds as an afterthought.

He lets out a laugh and presses his lips against her hair. Her surname doesn’t matter and they both know it. What matters is that he’ll call her his wife and that has always seemed like the only possible label for her in his life.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, the final chapter! There will be an epilogue if people care to know more of this universe, but we've reached the end of the road. I want to thank everyone who has sent a message, reviewed, commented, retweeted and liked anything to do with the fics. To the people who reached out to me in every chapter - you know who you are - thank you! It means the world to me and inspired me to do better and write more. I think with each work we write we should get better and criticize ourselves. This fic was a joy to plan and to write and an exercise to my patience because sometimes I wanted to move things along but knew I had to wait hahahaha it's hard work, but it's been worth it and I hope everyone enjoyed this too! Would love to know your thoughts on the ending and what you hope for the epilogue.

Donna smiles at the way Harvey is crouching down holding Mia, her back to his chest, and he holds snow for her to touch. Of course, the baby's first action is to try to put it to her mouth — it's something babies her age seem to be prone to do, or so she's read — but it's cute all the same. Mia laughs at the way Harvey bounces her, then kicks her little legs when Lily's dog, Bud, runs towards her. Harvey is quick to protect her, and Bud is more than used to little ones, with Hailey chasing after him and Joshua standing on wobbly legs next to Marcus.

It's weird, but this is her family now. Never in her wildest fantasies had she thought about this — that she and Harvey would bring their baby to Boston and would be having fun with Marcus and his kids and Lily's dog. It's surreal, but it is what it is.

Mia giggles at the way Bud sniffs her feet and then his attention is caught by Joshua, who's now trying to catch the dog unsuccessfully. Donna rubs her gloved hands together for some warmth, laughing at the way Marcus holds Joshua and chases after Bud and Hailey. Her ring is hidden by the gloves but still so present to her. It's still unusual, even a month into their engagement, but it feels so right.

She's engaged. To her baby's father. To Harvey.

All through her pregnancy, she worried about the kind of family life her daughter would have, and it seems like she's getting a traditional one now.

Mia sneezes adorably and Donna is a little alert at the way her cheeks are rosy, but Harvey is standing up and she hears him telling Marcus they'll get going because the baby is too small and it's too cold outside. She thinks it may have a little to do with the way Harvey's nose is reddish too.

It's adorable. It's even more adorable when she sees these little things on their daughter too — Mia may be looking a lot like her, but she has a lot of her father and Donna loves getting to know these tiny little details that make them who they are, with Mia being a perfect mix of the two of them.

Harvey reaches her with a smile, and Mia greets her with one of her own when her eyes are set on her. Donna's heart bursts with love for their baby — she's growing too much, too fast, but she's still little and adorable and she has no idea how much of themselves she holds in her little heart. Donna reaches for her, laughing at the way Mia is bouncing slightly in her father's arms, excited to see her mommy once again.

"She's so into you," Harvey jokes as Donna stands up and takes the baby from him.

"She just missed me," Donna replies. "Did you miss Mommy? I missed you too. I missed you so much. You're gonna have to tell me all about chasing that big dog."

Mia coos, clearly trying to communicate, then throws herself on Donna's shoulder, snuggling into her hair. It's only a short walk from the park to Lily's and they refrained against bringing the stroller, although Harvey had the baby Bjorn attached to his chest. He offers to take her, but Mia seems too comfortable in her arms and she's not cold, so Donna shakes her head as they begin their walk towards Lily's house.

"We should get one of those," Harvey comments as he waves to Hailey and they leave the park.

Donna smirks. "A dog?"

"Yeah," he shrugs. "Mia likes him."

Her smile softens — there's nothing Harvey wouldn't do for their baby girl. She may not speak yet, but he understands what she wants — or perhaps he's anticipating what she'll eventually want.

"He's a bit big for an apartment," Donna comments. "We would need a house."

"We get a house, then," Harvey says promptly. "She'll need a backyard. We could give her her dollhouse."

Donna laughs. "Easy there. She's only three months old."

"Come on, you know she'll ask for a dog every time she visits my mom or your parents," he adds. It's true, Mia is transfixed by her parents' dog — thankfully he's a small Scottish Terrier instead of Lily's Lab.

"We could adopt one," she suggests. "You know, from a shelter. I've always liked that better than buying one."

"Yeah, we could do that," Harvey agrees.

There's silence as they cross the street; Donna has one hand holding Mia's feet and she seems extra active today, with the way she's kicking her legs against Donna. It seems as if she's almost used to the cold, and she looks so adorable in her little suits that Donna certainly won't compare. Her own little chubby bear, with giggles and clinginess. She wouldn't change a thing.

"Now we have a reason to look for houses instead of condos," Donna notes, a smirk on her face.

Harvey looks sheepish. "We haven't liked any of the condos."

He's not wrong; it's been a nightmare to look for a new place in New York. Nothing feels right — it's either too small, or too far from midtown, or the schools are terrible, or it's Brooklyn and Harvey will never live in Brooklyn. In truth, they're still unsure of what will happen with their jobs. There's nothing settled yet — but they've both agreed that they need something lighter, something that will give them more time as a family, especially while Mia is still so small. Perhaps when she's older they can go back to corporate law but Harvey was the one to say that was out of the question at the moment.

Their priorities have changed.

"Maybe the problem isn't with the condos," Donna suggests softly.

Harvey scoffs. "I think we just agreed we need a house if we get a dog in the future."

"That, too," she agrees. "I just meant that… maybe the reason why we haven't been able to find anything is that we're looking at the wrong city."

Harvey stops walking. Donna stops too, just a few steps ahead of him, and adjusts Mia in her arms. She's getting heavy.

"Give her here," Harvey asks, and Donna acquiesces. Mia doesn't protest as Donna fixes her into the baby sling, far too used to it with their morning walks for coffee while Daddy is at work. "I hope you don't mean we should be in New Jersey."

He's joking, but there's a seriousness in his voice. They've both thought of this, she knows. They've just never voiced it.

Donna smirks as she straps Mia securely against Harvey's chest, his jacket warming her as well.

"You never know," she jokes. Mia looks up at her father and gives him a gummy smile that both parents reciprocate. "I don't mean New Jersey. You know that."

"We're too used to New York," Harvey points out, reaching for Donna's hand as they walk. "The late-night deliveries, the stuff you can find any hour of the day…"

Donna frowns. "When did we ever do that? We were always working. Come on, when was the last time you went to Central Park?" she asks. Harvey remains tight-lipped. "I thought so."

"Fine. It's just… I haven't wanted to think about that," he admits. "I'll miss bagels. And the burgers."

"Your burgers are superior anyway," Donna retorts. "There are bagels everywhere. You'd miss your car club."

"Yeah, I will," Harvey says.

"Note that you're using simple future as you're talking," she points out.

Harvey gives her a look. "Are you pulling your English major on me now?"

"What do you think?" she arches her eyebrows.

Harvey laughs. "Fine. I just… I can't see myself in New York and not worrying about corporate law. There will always be a case. There will always be someone. I can handle it if it's just me, but…"

"Now she's here," Donna concludes softly.

But Harvey shakes his head. "It's not just for her. You know that."

"Harvey…"

"I know you'll say you can handle yourself," he continues. "I can't handle a repeat of last time, Donna. I won't."

She nods, squeezing his hand softly.

"Well, we got her as a result," she jokes, pointing her chin at Mia, who's content to be carried. "I'd say we need some time before any of that again."

Harvey snickers. "Yeah. Now we need to figure out where we'll go. I haven't done that since before college."

They've finally reached Lily's house, walking slowly towards the front door.

Donna lets out a deep breath. "Me neither. Although I did once say I'd follow you wherever you'd go."

"Would you?" Harvey asks, his voice soft and tentative.

She gives him a smile and a gentle tug at his hand, making him step just a bit closer. She brushes her lips against his.

"It's not about the place, Harvey. It's about the person. And you're mine," she says simply. "I meant it when I said that, and I still do."

There's a silly look on his face as she says this and she can't help but kiss him, this time fully on the lips, mindful of the baby between them. She loves it when he looks at her like that — like she means the entire world.

"For the record," she whispers against his mouth, "I really like it here."

His eyes widen as he understands her words, and he gives her a smirk before kissing her again.

"We've got time," he says. "This is a start, though."

She nods. "It's definitely a start."

She'd follow him anywhere, but Boston seems like an easy route to follow for now.

* * *

When he gets back to the living room, Donna is putting toys away. They've had a full day — he, at work, and she, at home with the baby. Now that Mia is asleep and they've had dinner, he's eager to open a bottle of wine and enjoy it with Donna on the couch. She looks at him over her shoulder and smiles at him.

"I've chosen the wine," she says softly, head tilting towards the dining table.

Harvey is more than happy to comply. By the time he's filled their glasses she's done with the toys, and they clink their glasses together and sit down with sighs and intertwined hands. Life has changed so much since Mia was born, but he's glad they still have moments like this. Just the two of them, and nothing else. Well, the two of them and the baby monitor on the coffee table. But still.

"You know, I could complain about her being messy," Donna comments. "But the truth is that I'm the one who brings all these toys to entertain her when she'd be just as happy with her little lamb only."

Harvey chuckles. "She loves that toy."

"I told you she would," Donna says with a sigh. She's been timing her wine glasses with Mia's feeding but he knows she misses wine a lot. He gets it — he hasn't been able to get off scotch, after all. "It was her first toy."

"Well, our mothers are certainly giving her more every day," he mentions. The other day a package from Connecticut arrived and, no surprise, it was for Mia. "Maybe the toys are to keep you from being bored."

"Hey," she gives him a look. "For your information, your daughter and I have very busy days. We went to the Met yesterday."

"Never too early to get them started on museums."

"And to coffee with Ruby, that friend of mine from the theater," she continues.

"Socializing is important too."

"We have very full days together. I'm not bored," Donna announces, bringing the glass to her lips and taking a sip. "Okay, maybe I am a little bored."

"It's okay to miss work, Donna," Harvey says softly.

She nods. "I know, but it's not work. It's just… an occupation, I guess. Other than, you know, being her mother."

"So you still don't miss the firm?"

It's not that he's hopeful she's changed her mind. He doubts that she has. But they're still figuring out her more. There are options for them in Boston — a small practice there, maybe focusing on something other than corporate law. God knows he's had his full of it — he's made his money and he's right there at the top but it's not what moves him anymore. And the truth of the matter is that he's not into _pro bono's _still, not even with Mike's influence. No, his future doesn't lie with legal clinics or corporate law. But it still lies with the law.

He's not sure about where Donna's future lies, though.

He just desperately wants it to be with his.

"No," she shakes her head. "Being a secretary… it's just not it for me. Maybe I'll just be a mom."

Harvey bristles. "Now that's not you."

"That's definitely not me," she shudders.

There's a moment of silence. It's comfortable but filled with nervousness from him, the kind of nervousness that Donna doesn't seem to catch on. Maybe because she's got a lot on her mind as well. He doesn't know what to expect from now on — he's asked her about her going back to acting but she dismissed the idea. They've agreed on Boston being the place for them, but they need a solid plan before moving.

"I've thought of something today," he announces finally.

Donna looks at him over her glass. "Did it hurt?"

"Very funny," he glares at her.

She laughs and puts the glass on the coffee table. "Well, then. Shoot."

"I want you to be my COO."

Donna frowns. "What?"

"When we move to Boston," Harvey starts, "I don't want to join a firm. I don't want corporate law. I don't know what it is I'll do but I want my own thing. My rules. Our rules, Donna," he clarifies. "You don't want to be a secretary and I don't want that for you either. I want you as my partner."

Her eyes are slow, calculating, absorbing every word. He's holding his breath, hoping she'll be there with him, just like she has been for the past decade. She's always been by his side, but to everyone else, she was behind him. He wants it to be different now.

"Chief Operating Officer," she repeats.

"I'm gonna need some associates to do the dirty work," Harvey tells her. "Surely we won't be doing all of it."

"We're past that," she agrees.

"It's a partnership, Donna," he offers. "Half mine, half yours."

"Like our second child," she concludes.

He has to laugh. "Kind of. What do you say?"

"I say yes. Of course!" She says.

He can't help but smile as he offers his hand to her. "We're gonna have to shake on it."

"I'll do you one better and kiss on it instead," Donna says softly, quickly bringing her lips to his. He's laughing through the kiss, relieved that she's accepted his offer, feeling a little more confident in the future now. "You had me at COO, you know that."

"I think I had you a long time before that," he jokes.

"Now you're just being cocky," she makes a face but kisses him again.

The wine is forgotten. He doesn't complain about that at all.

* * *

Donna bounces Mia against her hip as she looks over a possible wedding venue on her laptop, perched on the breakfast bar. The baby is too interested in the little plush lamb in her arms to actually care about the screen and Donna is just impatient.

They've been engaged for two months, they _know _what kind of wedding they want. They know the number of guests and the type of party they'll have but the venue… it's a pain. Mainly because they're not traditional. Honestly, she's pretty sure she and Harvey would marry at a courthouse without much issue.

The problem lies elsewhere. Because this isn't _just _their wedding. It's their farewell party. Sure, the guests don't know it yet but they will. This isn't just about celebrating their wedding, it's about celebrating their team and their family. It's more than just a wedding. And she wants it to be perfect.

But she can't see it being perfect if it's in a hotel in Manhattan. The Plaza is a good venue, sure, but it's too traditional, too normal, too… Mike and Rachel. It's not _Donna and Harvey._ They need a place that fits them and their life in New York and what they'll have from now on.

She closes the tab and sits back on the stall, pushing the laptop aside and sitting Mia carefully on the table, arms holding her up. The baby looks up at her and gives her a gummy smile. Donna smiles back and presses her index finger against the tip of Mia's nose.

She's almost four months old and her hair looks the same shade as Harvey's and her eyes are still a dark blue that seems to be turning a little green — perhaps. She's chubby and loves cuddles and her little plush lamb — she smiles at almost everyone and has the cutest little hands.

Donna falls a little more in love with her every day, even like this — wearing her little pajamas (a green romper filled with giraffes) with her hair a little messed up from sleep and that grin that tells her she's content and happy as she is right now.

"Maybe we should just go to the courthouse," Donna sighs. Mia is watching her intently. "Don't you judge me for that. Aunt Rachel can carry you while we get married."

Mia coos, unintelligible words that aren't yet part of any vocabulary but hers.

"I know it's not ideal, but it doesn't matter," Donna reasons. "You won't remember any of it anyway."

At this, Mia throws the little lamb on the floor, looking a little moody all of a sudden. Donna arches her eyebrows.

"I'm not sure I like your attitude," she jokes, taking Mia back into her arms. The baby kicks her little legs impatiently and groans. "I'm getting the lamb, don't worry your pretty little head. I swear you're as patient as your father."

She crouched down to get the toy and laughs at the way Mia hugs it close to her body and sighs contently.

"You're as cute as your father too," Donna comments fondly. "Don't tell him I said that."

"I heard that," Harvey's voice interrupts them and Donna turns around to see him on the doorway, taking off his sweatshirt. Mia lets out a squeal at the sight of her father. "Did my little peanut miss me?"

"She did, but she doesn't want to get too close right now," Donna jokes, accepting his kiss anyway. On Saturdays he usually ran — sometimes they even jogged together and took Mia with them. Today Donna just wanted a few more minutes in bed and Mia certainly did not complain. "We were looking at wedding venues. Your daughter has very solid opinions."

Harvey grins as he presses a kiss on Mia's foot and leaves on the way to the kitchen for some water.

"She does, huh?" He says. "Did you find anything yet?"

"We don't want the Plaza or Brooklyn," Donna says. "She especially hated Brooklyn. The lamb suffered two falls from it."

"She knows what's good," Harvey shrugs. "Hey, someone went to see the condo earlier. They've put on an offer."

"And?"

"It's more than we expected," he says. "I think we should take it. I'm already living here anyway, and maybe this will make us get a move on on the houses in Mass."

"It's your condo, you should do what you think it's best," Donna says neutrally. They may be living together but that place was never hers. Sure, they've spent some good times there, and it's poignant because it's where they got engaged, it's where she told Harvey she was pregnant and where she told him she was coming back. Mia loved the view and she enjoyed the fireplace when they took her there. But it's part of a different life.

Harvey merely shakes his head at her. Donna puts Mia on her playmat in the living room and crouches down to play with her. The baby reaches for some blocks and rolls over. She's a little hurricane these days — rolling fearlessly and moving arms and legs actively. No doubt a future yoga lover.

"You know it's not just my condo," Harvey says as he drinks his water and walks into the living room. "You helped me choose it."

"It was ultimately your choice," Donna says.

Harvey gives her a pointed look; Donna ignores it and tickles Mia's belly, making the baby squirm and laugh.

"Still," Harvey goes on. "You gave me a list of places from the realtor, remember? That one was on top of it."

Donna smiles as she pretends to bite Mia's foot.

"Why did you put it on top?"

"Because I'm Donna," she says simply, throwing him a quick look before looking at Mia again. "I knew you'd like it. Come on, that view screams Harvey Specter. That terrace is great too. And few bedrooms and not enough closet space for two people. Perfect for a bachelor who's afraid of commitment."

She smirks through the last comment and he only laughs. They both know she's not wrong.

"I'm gonna miss the view when we're in Boston," he sighs. "Are you sure about that, by the way? We've got time to change our minds."

"Are you not sure about me being COO of your firm?" Donna retorts.

His eyes turn serious.

"You know I've never been more certain of anything."

Even if she is sure, it's never bad to have some assurance. She smiles.

"Good. Me too," she says simply, sitting back and letting the baby play on her own. "It's not every day I get an offer like that, after all. And I mean, look at her. She's _clearly _the daughter of a COO."

Mia is too busy trying to catch one of the animals above her on the playmat to care about the conversation.

Harvey laughs, nonetheless. He stops by the windows and looks out. The view here isn't as nice as the one in his condo, but it's full of life and city all the same. Maybe even more so.

They've had time to think things through — Boston feels like a natural choice for them. It's as close to Donna's parents as New York, it's near Harvey's family, and close enough that they can visit friends or even work on a case with the firm if necessary. Maybe their paths will all converge again, but for now, it feels right to leave. Opening a smaller practice in Boston makes perfect sense; it'll give them time as a family and they'll be able to do things their own way. The matter of the job was one they spent weeks thinking about but once Harvey signed with two Red Sox players it fell right on their lap. Sports law it is.

And when he came up with the idea of Donna being the COO, well…

It just fits.

"We'll have a different view there," Donna says as she stands up. "Maybe more green than gray. It'll be good for her."

"It'll be good for us," he continues, and she slips her arms around his waist from behind. "Thought you didn't want to get too close."

She grins. "I need a shower anyway."

She rests her head against his back and thinks about New York and his empty condo; how they still need to find a place in Massachusetts even if they already have a place for their office there. Things are slow and different but they're coming together anyway, much like their relationship — even if it was limbo for so many years. So much has happened over the last few months.

She'll miss his place too.

"Don't sell your condo," she breathes, an idea coming to her mind.

"What?"

"Don't sell it. Not just yet, anyway," Donna says as Harvey turns around, a frown on his face. "Let's get married there."

He arches his eyebrows. "In the condo?"

She nods. "Yes. It's perfect. We have the view, the furniture is going anyway. We can get ready there, it's not too big and it's us. It's perfect."

"Are you sure?" Harvey asks. "I mean, the other day Rachel took Robert there and he said it was terrible for a wedding."

"Robert Zane has got nothing on Donna Paulsen when it comes to weddings," she announces. "Believe me, it'll be perfect."

He lets out a laugh. "Okay. I'll see if they can hold the offer for two more months."

"I won't let you down," Donna teases, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"You've never let me down," he says. "Quite the opposite."

She snorts as she crouches down next to Mia again. "You're an idiot."

"Your idiot," he jokes, running a hand through her hair quickly. "I'll go grab a shower."

"We'll be waiting," she retorts, laughing as Mia tries to reach for the lamb again. "Here it is, baby."

She holds the toy and looks up at Donna, then smiles.

"Got what you wanted, huh?" Donna jokes. "Don't worry, you'll have a stellar role in the wedding. You'll love it."

Mia gurgles.

Enough of approval for Donna.

* * *

He's in the middle of reviewing some files for a case when his phone rings; it's funny because, in the past, he never worried about phone calls. Donna would arrange them for him or if there was an emergency at the firm he'd be alert and waiting for them. With Mia, it has changed. He's often checking his phone for messages from Donna's or pictures of his baby girl. It's not Donna who's calling, however — but the caller makes him smile nonetheless.

"Hey, Mom," Harvey says, turning around in his chair, his back to his desk.

"Harvey, hi," his mom says on the other side of the line. "How's my little granddaughter?"

"She's great," he tells her. "Rolling around like crazy. Donna thinks we should tie her up before she's crawling all over the place."

"You should tell her she can come here and crawl all over the place, we don't care," his mom jokes. "I'm calling because I got some interesting mail today."

"Did you now?"

"You didn't tell me you were planning on getting married so soon," his mother says softly. "Donna said she wanted Mia to be a little older."

"It's our anniversary," Harvey explains. "Donna decided this year would be better than the next. Mia won't be a flower girl anyway, and she won't remember any of it, so…"

"That's great, Harvey," he hears the smile in his mother's voice. "I can't wait to see you again."

"So you're coming?" He asks hopefully.

"Of course I am," Lily says. "I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world. You know that."

Harvey smiles softly. "Thanks, Mom. And, uh, you know the invitation extends to Bobby."

"I noticed it," his mom notes. "Thank you, Harvey. And thank Donna for me, too."

"Will do, Mom," Harvey says, noticing Mike entering his office. "Mom, I'll give you a call tonight, okay?"

"I'll wait for it," Lily says. "Maybe I could FaceTime my granddaughter."

He frowns. "FaceTime?"

"Donna does it all the time, just ask her," Lily says dismissively.

So his mom is better at technology than he is. He's not surprised. Donna is probably teaching her.

He swivels around in his chair, looking at Mike — who is wearing an entirely too smug expression on his face.

He gives him a look. "Don't even start."

Mike grins. "Maybe Mia can teach you how to use your phone in two years or so."

"I'm not even gonna say anything because Mia probably will teach us all," Harvey says smugly. "I hope you're aware she's way smarter than you."

"I don't doubt that," Mike says. "You know, last week during lunch I swear she was reading my thoughts.

"Although we can agree that Mia is very wise for her age, I don't think your thoughts were that hard to read," Harvey rolls his eyes. "What's up?"

"I just have some papers for you to sign," Mike says, pointing his head to the new pile of files on his desk. "Gretchen wasn't around so I just let myself in."

Harvey gives him a look as he takes the files. "Of course you did."

"Isn't Donna supposed to be back already?" Mike asks. It's a redundant question. They both know it. "If Rachel is getting as much maternity leave as Donna, we should keep working here."

Harvey looks up. "You thinking about leaving?"

"No, it was just a comment," Mike frowns. "So? When is she coming back?"

"Donna being Donna, she had her maternity leave all mapped out by the time she was five months pregnant. We weren't even together then," Harvey tells him. "Jessica agreed on six months then."

"Six months? Damn," Mike nods, visibly impressed. "And Jessica?"

"I don't know what Donna said to get her to agree, but she agreed," Harvey says proudly. "To be honest, I don't think I want to know what Donna used against Jessica."

"Me neither," Mike agrees instantly. "So, Mia is four months old. A little over a month and she'll be back, then. Bet you can't wait."

Harvey snickers. "Right."

"Everybody else misses her," Mike continues. "Plus, you're the worst when she's not around. You're either mad at someone or swooning at your phone these days."

"Mike…"

"I mean it, man. You gotta figure out how to use FaceTime," Mike says, taking the recently signed files from Harvey. "That way we can all have some peace and quiet at the office while you grin at your baby and make heart eyes at Donna."

The kid winks at him and leaves without Harvey having any chance to say anything else. He shakes his head and goes back to the case he had been working on before his mother called; it's better this way. Everyone is getting used to Donna being away, and now…

Soon he will be going away too.

They've got time before they tell everyone, and it has to be gradual and specific at the same time. Some people are more sensitive than others. He thinks about Louis and Rachel and even Gretchen; hell, Mike pretends he's tough but Harvey already knows he'll have to come back now and then to help on a case.

Luckily Boston isn't that far away.

His phone dings then and it's a message from Donna — no text, just a selfie of her and Mia at the park today. Mia is busy looking at something behind the camera, eyes wide and bright, full of curiosity, while Donna grins.

A text message soon follows.

_She just saw a squirrel for the first time._

Harvey chuckles.

It won't be easy to leave New York but Boston has something to offer that he would never be able to turn away.

* * *

It's the middle of the night when Donna wakes up.

She's tired, exhausted even, but it's the coldness next to her that rouses her. The baby monitor is turned off in her bedside table, and Harvey is nowhere to be seen. She hasn't heard any crying but maybe he beat her to it for the first time.

With a sigh, she sits up and decides to check that everything and everyone is fine. Mia had a fever the previous night and she and Harvey had taken turns with her — it's not something they're used to anymore, not since their baby girl started sleeping for hours at a time. Sure, she still wakes up twice or three times a night, but she's growing and starting to amuse herself on her own now. Little miss independent, on occasion.

Donna blinks slowly as she walks out of the bedroom, but there's no need to check the nursery because there's a light coming from the living room so she follows it; even in the late hour (or early, depending on the point of view), she has to smile at the sound she hears first. It's not a cry, and it's not Harvey's voice.

"Bababababababa," Mia mumbles from some point in the living room Donna can't see yet.

She stops by the doorway, and it's just dark enough that she knows they can't see her, but Harvey is on her desk, his laptop open and working, holding Mia on his lap. She's got a teething ring in her hand and is seemingly very interested in it, judging by the drool all around it. The laptop is far enough that she can't reach it, and the screen is lowly lit because Harvey knows how she feels about Mia and screen time. They're careful enough not to be on their phones much around the baby, but her eyes are attracted by screens naturally.

"I like this one too," Harvey comments. "We could have a swimming pool there. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Abababa," Mia says back.

It's her only syllable as of now; Donna has been wanting to hear her say mama soon but both she and Harvey are aware she's only imitating them and still can't coordinate anything. But she's focused, Donna will give her that — she has mastered rolling and can sit on her own for maybe five seconds before falling. That's a lot in Donna's book.

"The master bedroom is pretty big," Harvey continues. "Let's see if Mama will like the closet. Oh, she'll love that," he says, more to himself than to Mia. Donna is itching to get closer and take a look at whatever it is they're seeing. "What do you think? Enough for all those Prada and Valentino dresses?"

He tickles Mia and she lets out a giggle — far too loud for five in the morning. Donna is surprised she's not hungry yet. She loves seeing them like this: Mia in her little romper, Harvey in a white t-shirt and sleeping pants. Mia's dark blonde hair is almost identical to her father's, both slightly unruled from sleep. They have matching grins too — Donna loves those and is sure she'll roll her eyes at them a lot in the future.

Although she's always known he would be a good father, it's completely different to actually witness it. Through the highs and lows, through Mia giggling at him and the two of them playing together to Mia crying and Harvey completely frustrated and tired. It's not easy, being a parent, but Donna is sure he makes it far easier. The way he acts with her, however, never ceases to amaze Donna: the softness with which he cares for their baby girl, how protective he is of her, how he loves her. How he loves them both.

"I remember the first dress I bought for your mommy," Harvey continues wistfully. "It was a green dress for an office part that caught us unprepared one day. She didn't know that guy just yet."

Mia responds by putting the teething ring back in her mouth and looking at him with attention as if she's really understanding all that he's saying. Donna leans more comfortably against the doorway.

"Anyway, we went to Fifth Avenue and she chose a green dress. I thought I'd hate shopping with her because going shopping with my mom when I was younger was very boring," he says with a chuckle. "Turns out Donna chose the dress within five minutes. And you know what else?"

Mia's eyes are still on him, hanging on every word.

"She looked amazing in it," Harvey whispers loudly, touching his forehead against Mia's. "Just like she looks amazing in that pink nightgown she wore to bed today."

At this, Donna laughs, walking forward — she's been found.

"How long have you known I was there?" She asks, coming closer.

Harvey grins at her and Mia turns her head at the sound of her voice, the teething ring falling on the floor as she stretches her arms for her mommy.

"Just now," he says, letting her pick up Mia. "I noticed your shadow on the doorway. How long have you been there?"

"Since you were talking about some house," Donna replies, bouncing Mia in her arms. "Good morning, baby. Is it a good morning?"

Mia gurgles and smiles brightly at her.

"It's very early," Donna notes. "Did she cry?"

"I woke up and thought I'd check on her, just in case," Harvey tells her. "She was awake in her crib, playing with her feet. I couldn't leave her there on her own, so we came here," he explains.

"You're such a softie. I'm glad for it," Donna says, pressing her lips against his forehead, leaning against his shoulder. He sneaks his arm around her back, hand moving down until it's resting on the back of her knee. "So you liked the green dress, huh?"

He looks up at her with a glint in his eyes. "You remember it?"

Donna hums her assent, letting Mia play with her hair a little. "Versace. I still have it. I know you love me in green."

"I love you in anything," he retorts. "I love you in nothing, too."

Donna chuckles. "Down, Romeo. Tiny ears present. Ow, honey," she says, turning her attention to Mia when she inadvertently pulls at a strand of her hair. "That hurts. You're not gonna make Mommy cut her hair just because of your grabby hands, are you?"

"Now who's the dramatic one?" Harvey smirks, pressing a kiss to Donna's bare shoulder and turning his attention to the laptop once more. "Mia and I found a good house, though."

"Did you now?" Donna arches her eyebrows, clicking her tongue to the baby, who giggles. "Well, let me see it."

Instead of standing up and letting her sit down, however, he merely pushes a little from the desk and smirks at her. Rolling her eyes, she sits on his thigh slowly, mindful of the baby in her arms. He wheels the chair closer to the desk again and there's an excited glint in his eyes that tells her he really likes this place. They've been taking online tours of houses in Boston because there's not enough time to go there during the week and they're picky people with a lot of belongings and wishes.

She can't help but smile at him, enjoying the peace of this early morning that, yes, she could be spending asleep in bed, but she's holding her baby and sitting on her fiancé's lap while checking their possible future house online.

Whoever said home wasn't a place was a wise, wise person.

* * *

When the day comes, Harvey isn't nervous.

Anxious, maybe, but not nervous. Not a doubt crosses his mind about doing this. Today of all days. They've spent thirteen years celebrating their anniversary, and last year had been so tentative. The two of them, Donna pregnant, their relationship being rebuilt. She had still been working for Louis and he hadn't even reconciled with his mother.

It seems surreal that a year later, this is where they are. He, wearing a three-piece gray suit, the afternoon sun illuminating what was once his living room. Now there's a huge table and chairs and flowers and crystals. Outside on the terrace, lounge chairs are replaced by regular chairs. More flowers. His old bedroom is closed behind him, though he's heard some commotion from those walls. He's talking to Mike when the door opens and he looks over his shoulder, only to see his mom exit the room with a smirk on her face. Mike steps away with a knowing look, ready to take his place as best man outside.

"How's everything in there?" He asks anxiously. The door remains closed behind them.

"Wonderful," his mother says softly. "I was just spending some much needed time with my granddaughter before the ceremony. She looks so precious."

"She is," Harvey smiles. "I mean, I haven't seen her outfit, but I'm sure she looks adorable."

His mom beams. "She really does. I feel like she's growing too fast. I'm very glad you'll be closer to us soon."

"We're glad too, Mom," he says, and his eyes light up hopefully. "And Donna? Is she alright back there?"

His mother pats him on the shoulder. "You'll see."

It's their anniversary and now it'll be their wedding too. He knows it's bittersweet to some — like Louis and Mike and Rachel — because they've only recently learned of their decision to go to Boston, but it's also an event many had been waiting for, like Donna's parents and Jessica.

Things are in place soon after; they aren't religious people and they always agreed that this should be a celebration with only close friends and family — this there's his mom, Bobby, Marcus and his family, Donna's parents, and their partners and friends from the firm. It's enough. It's what _matters_.

Better yet, what matters is he and Donna. Their family.

So he takes his place on the terrace once everyone is seated and waits as Louis walks down the aisle to officiate of the ceremony — it's not something that needs an entrance but he insisted and Donna made Harvey agree to it (of all their friends, he's the one who took the worst way of their leaving, unsurprisingly), and then as Mike and Rachel walk down the aisle as best man and maid of honor; he gets more and more anxious because he can't wait to see Donna, and he's finding it weird that his baby girl isn't a part of the ceremony so far.

That is until he sees her. Or, rather, them.

They're a vision in white, and his mouth hangs open because damn, that's his woman right there. And he's her man, and they're finally making it official today.

Only instead of the usual bouquet, she's carrying Mia.

His throat tightens.

Donna's hair is wavy and on her side, over her shoulder — her dress has no lace at all, but a beautiful v-neck cut that fits her well and then flows down her waist perfectly, in tune with the long sleeves that are almost a cape on itself. Mia, for her part, seems to be wearing a dress of the same fabric, puffy and adorable, with a white bow on her head and white little shoes.

He takes it all in in a matter of seconds, and then his eyes zero on Donna and he only sees her; her tears are his own and he thinks about last year and all the years before that, and how their paths were interwoven together and now they're finally making the decision to keep them together forever.

Mia takes it all in with wide eyes and then her eyes are on his too — the same hazel eyes as her mother, the same eyes he's fallen in love with every day for the last thirteen years and the last seven months — and she lets out a giggle and clasps her hands together. More than a few people aw at the scene; he's proud and anxious and so goddamn happy that he grins and doesn't mind to stretch his arms towards the baby to get her. Donna laces her fingers through his as they stand in front of Louis for the official act of their marriage but Harvey only has eyes for her.

"You look beautiful," he mouths.

She only smiles beside herself.

For so long he's only wanted to see this look of happiness on her, and now he knows he's the cause of it. He's proud of himself, of what they've done and accomplished, and more than anything he's proud of her, of the woman and the mother that she is. He's proud of their family.

_This_ is their family.

It's surreal but it's right and damn, it's one of the happiest moments of his life.

He has to give Mia away at some point because she gets fussy and Donna's mom takes her; they say their _I do's _as the sun sets over Manhattan and his old condo. Now theirs, for just a little longer.

They share their first dance as husband and wife to one of his father's songs — which just so happens to be Donna's favorite, the one she puts to Mia nearly every day. He breathes her in — his _wife — _and looks over to the party guests and see that his mom is now swaying gently with Mia. It seems fitting that his mom has her for this moment. It's a small moment, sure, but he thinks his father would have liked that. His mom inspired the song, which just so happens to be very precious to their young granddaughter. His eyes moisten and he presses a kiss to Donna's hair. She pulls away to look at him, nose close to his, and he's not sure if she's ever been this beautiful.

"What is it?" Donna asks softly.

He grins, despite the tears in his eyes. It's from happiness more than anything else.

"Happy anniversary, Mrs. Paulsen-Specter."

She grins too.

"Happy anniversary, husband."

"You've been waiting to use that one on me, haven't you?" He asks stoically in a whisper.

She arches her eyebrows. "As if you haven't felt the same way about Paulsen-Specter."

"Maybe I have," he admits as the song reaches its chorus. "You ready for a twirl?"

"You know I am," she challenges him.

He smirks and goes on with it, smiles belonging just to her and the same goes for her own. They're too used to sharing dances — in the galas they've had to attend, and many years without any touching because that felt too dangerous and now, recently, living room dances with a baby right between them.

Their first dance as husband and wife feels like the proper evolution to it all.

There are toasts and more dancing and then it's time for dinner and he sure as hell never imagined his condo could become this: their families sitting together along with their work colleagues (who turned out to become family as well), a high chair between him and Donna for Mia to share dinner with them too, because Donna is adamant she be included in everything, despite being the only baby present (although Joshua is two years old and his nephew _is_ a toddler, but it's hard for Harvey to imagine that will be Mia in eighteen months). He watches as Louis argues with Mike for some ridiculous nonsense while Jessica rolls her eyes and he sees Jim and Bobby talking and he can only be glad he's not a part of that conversation.

All in all, it's peaceful chaos.

It's not ideal, he's not yet overall his issues, but he's got Donna and her faith with him and that finally feels enough to move his own faith as well.

His reverie is interrupted by a hand sneaking over his dessert and stealing a piece of chocolate cake with a fork — he gives Donna a side-eyed glance as she pretends not to notice him and takes the piece of chocolate with a hum; her other hand is holding a spoon of fruits for Mia, who's happily munching through them. Her hairband has fallen off due to her activities playing with her cousins earlier, but her dress is intact so far. He has no idea how that was manageable. Probably the watchful eyes of the baby's grandmothers and Rachel being around her the entire time.

"It's not our anniversary if I don't steal your dessert," Donna says innocently. "You said so last year."

He smirks. "I did say that."

Donna sneaks her fork forth and takes another piece of cake, and just as she brings the fork to her mouth a little hand tries to reach for hers. She luckier in pushing it away than he is with her stolen pieces.

"No chocolate for you yet," Donna tells Mia, who frowns deeply. "I'm sorry about it too, but this is too sugary. You know the drill."

He smirks as Donna speaks to their daughter as if she's a little grown-up, and he decides the best option to avoid a tantrum is a distraction, so he takes the spoon and bowl of fruit and offers it to Mia. Not surprisingly, she's in a mood suddenly and tries to take the spoon from him — normally he and Donna indulge her because she should get to know food on her own too, but not wearing this dress when the mess would be inevitable. He insists a little more and she opens her mouth and eats the fruits happily, little feet dangling under the high chair.

They could have asked their parents to look after her, but it doesn't make the ceremony less enjoyable. They'll have the entire night for themselves later and spending today with her simply makes sense. Maybe without her, it would have taken them longer to get here, after all.

He's by the bar later, watching Donna talk to Rachel and Louis (he's not about to get any closer to the girl talk that is probably happening) when Mike reaches him. The kid orders some scotch as well and follows Harvey's gaze to the terrace. Rachel is holding Mia and Louis seems to be very focused on what he's saying. Probably making plans with Donna to visit them in Boston soon.

"Did you come here to cry about Robin without Batman?" Harvey jokes.

Mike purses his lips. "Oh, you didn't hear? Batman has been replaced."

"I don't see a Ross on the firm's wall just yet," Harvey teases, even if Specter has been taken off already. They're working on a merger with Robert, and so Specter Litt becomes Zane Litt for the time being. Harvey isn't sure it'll stay that way for long. It never does. "Congratulations on making senior partner, kid. You and Rachel deserve it. Maybe you're next on the wall."

Mike shrugs. "Well, Alex is the next name considered but I hear Robert is bringing his own bulldog to the fight. It's gonna be a thing to see."

Harvey takes a sip of his scotch. "It sure will."

The kid gives him a look. "Sure you won't miss it?"

"Nah," Harvey says honestly. "Plus you'll inevitably call me for help and I'll end up knowing the entire situation through Rachel from Donna."

"Inevitably? Now that's a stretch."

Harvey arches his eyebrows. "Is it?" He downs the rest of his scotch and looks at Mike over his shoulder. "I should rescue my wife from Louis."

"And I should do the same. Don't worry, we'll keep an eye on Mia," Mike laughs. "Don't forget you have best man duties in two months here."

"I won't," he smirks.

Donna sees him coming before he's even close and he doesn't care that Louis is in the middle of conjecturing future playdates with Mia and his not yet conceived baby to lace his fingers through Donna's and bring her close. She pretends to protest, giving him a pointed look, but goes to him willingly.

"Come on," he whispers to her ear. "I wanna dance with my wife."

She's got the brightest smile on her face and she looks so beautiful and he can't believe she's his and he's hers. Maybe to some their relationship is too fast, too much too soon, but to him, it's thirteen years in the making and as he said in his vows earlier, without her he's empty.

She fills his arms and his mind and he wouldn't want it any other way.

* * *

The good thing about afternoon weddings is that they don't go on through the night and Donna and Harvey get to leave pretty early for their own private celebration.

With Mia staying with Donna's parents, they plan on making the most of their time alone tonight, especially considering their honeymoon will be more of a family vacation. Maybe when Mia is a little older and not still breastfeeding they can leave for a few days on their own, but they don't mind it right now. It's what life gave them, and in truth, they wouldn't change a thing.

Still, Donna feels particularly good sitting on the curved sofa of their suite overlooking Central Park while Harvey opens a bottle of champagne. She's wearing only a satin robe and he's in his boxers and it feels like the perfect time to relax and properly start their married life — not they hadn't yet celebrated that in the bedroom and later in the shared shower.

She watches appreciatively as he brings two flutes of champagne forth and laughs when she notices one strawberry inside each flute.

"Nice touch," she comments.

Harvey looks at her sheepishly, offering her a flute. "I try my best."

"This is different from last year and all the years before that," she notes as he sits down next to her. She scoots closer, bringing her legs to rest over his. His free hand caresses her thigh slowly. They clink their glasses together. "Next year will be different too. I'll expect two presents now, you know. For two anniversaries."

Harvey snorts. "As if you don't buy more than one present every year."

She takes a sip from her champagne and sighs. "I didn't buy any last year."

"Yeah," he nods, his hand moving from her thigh to caress her face. "We should fix that."

"Oh, I already have. Months ago," Donna tells him expertly. Harvey snickers. She loves this look on him. She'll always appreciate seeing him shirtless, of course, but she likes how carefree he is now. How his eyes crinkle when he smiles and that she's responsible for it and they both know it. No more hiding. No more pretending. "We've come a long way, huh?"

"We always have," he agrees. "I only wish I had come to my senses sooner."

Donna smiles. "Don't. Things turned out the way they were supposed to," she concludes. "No matter how early we got together, I don't think all the time left in the world would be enough for me, with you."

His eyes light up as she drinks the rest of her flute. "You said that in your vows."

Donna shifts, moving to straddle his lap while taking care of the now nearly empty champagne flute in her hand.

"It's true."

"I don't know about a hundred years but maybe we can handle fifty more," he offers, palms resting on her thighs and sliding up, under her robe.

She takes the strawberry from her flute and takes a bite as Harvey watches her with hooded eyes.

"I'll take it," she says, offering him the rest of the strawberry and he opens his mouth willingly. He takes the strawberry, munching on it while pressing his lips to her palm. "You do know next year will be crazy with our own firm."

"Right."

"Our second baby," she goes on.

His eyes widen. "_What_?"

Donna smirks his way. "Our firm, silly."

"You kill me," he complains, untying her robe and slipping his hands on her waist. She laughs as his lips reach for her neck, holding him close. "Not that it would be so bad. The opposite, in fact."

"Let's not have this conversation for another year at least, okay?" Donna laughs. "We've got much to think about right now."

His hands cup her breasts and he grins at her. "Much to do, too."

She nods and lets his lips find hers and she tastes strawberry and champagne and it's different from thirteen years ago because it's much, _much_ better. Just like the next years will be too. She feels as if she's dreaming sometimes — today, especially has felt straight out of her imagination and her heart could burst with happiness and love and just so much for him, for their little family and their future.

She knows this isn't a dream because not even her dreams were ever this good.


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's no surprise that I struggled with this. I contemplated not posting anything and just leaving this story be because the ending felt complete enough but many people asked for the epilogue and it's just a little thing but I hope everyone likes it. I'm not sure if I'll be writing Darvey again but I'm glad that I wrote this story. Even though it was hard work, here we are, some 100k words later, and this is really the ending this time around! Posting this today to wish a happy birthday to Bianca, my most faithful reader, and such a good friend who was there for me from the very beginning of this story. Happy birthday!

One thing that Donna figures out soon after moving to Massachusetts is that she loves fall there.

It's different from New York. The tree leaves are more colorful, there are pumpkins everywhere, everyone seems to get the Halloween mood. Not that New York didn't have it — she supposes that the suburbs feel that atmosphere properly, and people with kids too. Well, she lives in the suburbs now, even if it's close to Boston and not the big apple, and she has a child too, so that helps.

Mia doesn't care if it's kind of chilly as she laughs and runs over the tree leaves in the park. Donna laughs with her too, and they spend a good hour playing with the leaves as they walk. It's the little girl's second birthday, and even though she doesn't fully grasp that concept yet — she's still a baby, Donna reminds herself when time feels as if it's going too fast — she likes presents and costumes and Halloween.

Donna and Harvey had the day prepared just for her: they let her sleep in and skip daycare, chocolate pancakes for breakfast, many, many presents, they all watched a round of Moana with her (hew newest obsession), lunch with grandma at Uncle Marcus's restaurant, and Harvey had to leave in the afternoon for some meetings he couldn't get out of. Still, Mia got an afternoon with her mother, because the COO managed to get some time off too.

"Come here, baby," Donna calls mid-laughter as Mia runs to her, a mischievous grin on her face.

She's just had a haircut — courtesy of taking after her mother with the big hair — and her hair is just around her ears, but it's enough that the leaves gather around it. Mia stands quietly as Donna picks them out patiently.

"Look at that," she says, taking a yellow leave out. "This one is just like your hair!"

Mia giggles and takes the leave from her, admiring it as if it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Her curious little eyes wander over the ground, crouching down carefully to get a red leave.

"For you, Mama!"

"Oh, thank you very much," Donna laughs. "You wanna take one for Daddy?"

Mia nods, holding onto the yellow leave. "I take this to Daddy," she decides.

Donna smiles. "I'm sure he will just love it, honey."

She picks her baby up and Mia giggles brightly — she's an energetic little thing today, even more than usual. Last year for her first birthday they settled for a small family reunion and it included a precious costume for the baby — a pumpkin to continue their tradition from the day she was born. This year, however, Donna was excited to approach Halloween differently. There will be trick or treating around Lily's neighborhood, and even though Donna knows they'll probably just walk around the block before Mia is tired she knows it'll be worth it.

It's always been her favorite holiday, and now it's her favorite day ever.

They approach the building, Donna holding Mia, and she smiles at the security guard and how he waves at Mia, who is bouncing against her mother in anticipation of seeing Daddy.

It doesn't take long to go to their office. It's nothing compared to their old firm in New York; here, Harvey and Donna are free to do what they want in their terms. The birthday girl herself is far too used to their firm, all smiles and waves at their receptionist and going as far as blowing a kiss to Harvey and Donna's shared secretary when the young woman wishes her a happy birthday. She's still holding the tree leaf diligently in her hands, and when Donna receives confirmation that Harvey is indeed alone, she enters his office.

The balls are still there by the window, even if it's a smaller window — still good, but Donna is the one who got the corner office of their firm, something she would never complain about. Harvey's on a phone call, but his serious expression turns into a smile the moment he sees them, and Mia is already wriggling in Donna's arms, wanting to be put down. She does so, closing the door behind them, and their baby girl runs to Harvey's desk just as he's finishing the call.

"For you, Daddy!" She announces, throwing the leaf his way. Mia is as flamboyant as a vivacious two-year-old should be. Harvey thanks her profusely before picking her up and sitting her on his lap, curious little fingers already itching for Harvey's pens — her favorite past time as of late. Also the reason why pens are forbidden in their house until they figure out a way to make Mia stop coloring the walls.

"How's your birthday going, baby girl?" Harvey asks, planting a kiss on top of Mia's head as she clumsily picks the pen. "Did you have fun with Mommy?"

Mia nods happily as Harvey hands her a paper that she can use before she paints his desk. Donna sits on one of the chairs in front of his desk, watching them with a satisfied smile on her lips.

"We had chocolate ice cream with strawberries," Donna tells him. "Someone even managed to eat without getting ice cream on her clothes."

Harvey laughs, but then a pained expression takes over his face. "She's growing up, Donna."

Donna chuckles. "Time does that, yes."

"It's going too fast," Harvey says resolutely. "Remember when she was just a peanut?"

Donna laughs and nods, feeling a pang in her chest as she remembers finding out about Mia, growing her, growing her relationship with Harvey. She reminisces on it now and then — not always because having a toddler at home means there's little free time, but it's a part of their story and she wouldn't change a single thing. Not a word. Even through the bad times and the hurt… they found each other in the end.

And they're hardly at the end now.

"She's still a baby, though," Donna says, trying to make things a little better.

Mia's first birthday was a milestone to them both as well, and that first year went by so fast that between marriage, moving, raising the baby, it felt like a success — they all survived the first year of parenthood with shining stars, and that had to be celebrated even if Mia didn't get it yet. Now it's different, they're more settled, she's a little spitfire of personality and wit and charms. Today is about her, and she kind of gets it, and next year she'll want specific presents and a party but this year… kind of feels like she's not a baby anymore.

As if sensing her thoughts, Mia sends her a cheeky, bright-eyed smile.

Still a baby, though.

"She'll always be our baby," Harvey huffs. "Won't you, Mia?"

He tickles her, and Mia giggles and squirms, turning on Harvey's lap to throw herself against his chest, something she's done ever since she was a (much smaller) baby. Donna smiles through it all — she loves the way he raises their daughter. Loves how patient and loving he is, how he watches Moana nearly every evening with their baby, how he cooks for them both and takes care of them both. He's a great father, not that that fact ever surprised her. But he's even better than she let herself imagine he would be, in all these years that they've known each other.

Father and daughter enjoy the tickling game a little longer before Harvey announces he's done for the day, and they can continue the rest of their celebration of Mia's second birthday. They leave the office holding hands, with Mia in her father's arms, much like they've been doing often since moving here.

The evening is spent with trick or treating, albeit just around the block of Lily's house, with Hailey and Joshua also joining in. Mia doesn't really get the entire thing but likes chocolate and understands soon that she'll get chocolate if they keep doing this; Halloween is still a big project for Donna, and so she was more than happy to organize two outfits for the occasion this year — one for their trick or treating, and the other for Mia's party on Saturday.

Today, their little Rapunzel gets tired soon and ends up asleep by the time they get home from trick or treating. It's not like Donna's wild and flamboyant old Halloween days, but it's better somehow. She and Harvey dressed to the nines as king and queen, albeit in simpler versions than Donna would have liked. Well, he did agree to dress as Batman for the birthday party.

Donna can't wait to see Mike's face when he realizes Donna managed to get Harvey to wear a superhero costume. But well, if Mia is Supergirl and she's Wonder Woman, he might as well pretend to be Batman for a few hours.

It's Harvey who takes Rapunzel to her nursery and Donna changes her costume for pajamas without the baby girl even waking up — a full day of playing and having all that she likes would do that to a toddler. They leave the nursery quietly and go downstairs, taking the baby monitor with them, and when Harvey asks if she wants pizza, she promptly agrees.

"The usual? Yellow tomatoes?" Harvey asks distractedly as he picks up the phone.

Donna nods, sitting on the couch with a sigh. "Yeah. Oh, don't forget the olives."

He nods. "I won't."

She picks her phone and scrolls through the pictures taken today — their breakfast together, the FaceTime with her parents, Mia in the playground, the ice cream the two of them shared, her second Halloween. Today was about the three of them and their immediate family, and in two days they'll get to celebrate with all their friends much like the old days. Donna forwards a picture of the three of them dressed up for trick or treating to Rachel and smiles as Harvey sits down next to her. She turns the phone towards him and he chuckles.

"So… you asked for olives," he says after a moment, chancing a look at her.

Donna hums her assent.

"You haven't had olives on pizza in like two years," he continues.

That makes her look up, lips parting in surprise. He's got an innocent look on his face. The same expression Mia has sometimes. The mockery of these two.

"We don't know yet."

"But the test is right there," he points out.

"It's supposed to be more precise in the morning," she counters.

"You said you took it in the evening when it was Mia," Harvey says.

Damn her for falling in love with a lawyer.

"I mean, I know when I bought the test during lunch it was a bit complicated with Mia around," he says softly, his hand finding hers. "But Mia is asleep now."

Her eyes meet his unwavering gaze. She can see the nervousness in them, the excitement, and a little bit of fear at the same time. She knows this because she feels the same. They have just started trying, maybe it's too early, maybe it's too fast, but the signs are all there and…

This time they can share it, no matter the outcome.

So she nods.

Harvey grins and kisses her lips.

"Let's do it," Donna announces.

It's different from the first time. The test is done in their shared en-suite bathroom with their baby girl sleeping down the hall, in a different city than the other time, and she waits for the results sitting beside Harvey on their bed, discussing work stuff as if she takes a pregnancy test every other day but she knows he's doing this because he just wants to distract her. She remembers the first time, remembers being so afraid to look at the result but bringing herself to do it at the same time.

When his phone beeps, signaling them that the test is ready, they don't need to talk — Harvey just stands up and takes the little plastic stick from the bedside cabinet, and Donna braces herself for his reaction.

Her answer is a bright smile on his face, one that she shares immediately. She sees the two lines on the test and he's hugging her so tight that she feels tears stinging her eyes, out of pure happiness. It's different than the first time, not only because those uncertainties don't cross her mind now but because now… they're together for it all. They're complete, just the two of them and their daughter and a new baby and maybe even more to come.

Not even her wildest dreams were this good.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know your thoughts!


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